The Guarded Heart (11 page)

Chapter 28

December 2013/January 2014

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out with me?” Clint asked and Ryder shook his head as he laid out his snacks for the evening.

“I have no desire to spend my evening fighting for a few inches of personal space or start my new year with ringing ears and a pounding headache,” he said and Clint pushed his lip out as he slid his arms around Ryder’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“It’s New Year’s Eve,” he murmured as his lips teased Ryder’s ear and he shrugged.

“Are you going to kiss me at midnight?” He asked and he felt Clint tense behind him.

“I don’t kiss anyone on New Year’s Eve if I’m out,” he argued. “People start speculating because it’s so symbolic and I don’t want everyone talking about my personal life,” Clint said and Ryder rolled his eyes. He lost track of how many times he heard that explanation. He plastered a smile on his face and turned in Clint’s arms.

“Then there is literally no reason for me to be there. I’ll wait until you come home and kiss me to start my new year,” he said and Clint groaned.

“But I won’t get in until early in the morning,” he complained. “You’ll be asleep,” Clint said and Ryder laughed.

“You can wake me up,” he said and Clint slouched and pouted.

“I’ll miss you and it sucks that we’re not celebrating together,” he grumbled and Ryder shrugged again.

“You have to work. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve spent New Year’s alone,” he said and Clint sighed as he pulled Ryder close.

“Fine. I’ll be home by 3:00,” he promised and Ryder nodded and grinned.

“My lips will be ready,” he said and Clint chuckled against Ryder’s neck.

“Your body better be ready,” he growled and Ryder moaned as Clint’s teeth dug into his neck.

The couch felt significantly more comfortable when Ryder drifted off to sleep just before midnight. He frowned as he squinted at the clock on the mantle. 6:42 a.m.. He felt a rush of panic as he reached for his phone then snorted and shook his head as he read the messages.

Clint

I’m going to be a little later. One of my favorite DJs just walked in and I haven’t seen him in almost two years. I’ll take off in an hour but you probably won’t see this because you’re asleep.

Clint

Things got a little out of hand. I’m at a party in a hotel. I don’t know what I drank but I can’t feel my face. Please don’t be mad when you wake up.

Clint

I called a car. I’ll be home soon.

Ryder checked the time. The last message was sent almost an hour earlier. He put his phone down and made his way to the kitchen and did his best to be cool about the whole thing. He did his share of partying and knew what it was like to lose track of time and get carried away. It’s not like he had anything planned after Clint got home. They could fuck at 7:00 or 8:00 as well as they could at 3:00. Ryder nodded as he turned on the coffee maker then went back to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He heard the front door open just as he was hanging the towel on the rack and prepared his best “Young man, you’re grounded,” expression as he walked into the hall. It became very real as he took in Clint’s disheveled appearance.

“Some party,” he murmured as Clint stumbled toward him. He looked slightly disoriented and exhausted as he reached for Ryder’s arm.

“It was… I don’t know…,” he muttered and Ryder frowned as Clint avoided his eyes and stepped past him. “Can we talk about it later? I need to sleep,” Clint said before he staggered into the room and crashed onto the bed.

“Happy New Year to you too,” Ryder said under his breath as he leaned against the door. A soft snore slipped from Clint and Ryder frowned as he looked at Clint’s twisted body then threw up his hands as he approached the bed. “So glad I get to start it feeling like your mom,” he complained as he pulled off Clint’s shoes.

Ryder rolled Clint onto his back and reached into his pocket for his phone and his brows pulled together when his fingers closed around a wad of fabric. He pulled it out and his heart dropped into his stomach as a chill spread though his chest. His eyes watered as he stared at a jockstrap. It was definitely Clint’s and Ryder couldn’t think of a single legitimate reason it could have come off at a hotel party or why it would be damp. He told himself over and over not to panic as he undressed Clint and covered him with a blanket.

The six hours that followed were the longest of Ryder’s life. He spent the first two hours pacing and drinking four cups of coffee in the kitchen as he silently chewed Clint out. Then, he spent a good hour begging every deity he could think of. If there was some way all of it could be perfectly harmless and just a really stupid turn of events, he would never ask for another divine favor again. The rest of the afternoon was spent sitting at the foot of the bed watching Clint sleep.

“How are you feeling?” Ryder asked softly as Clint raised his head and groaned.

“Like a sledgehammer to the skull would be better than this,” he whispered hoarsely as he rolled over and Ryder nodded as he held a bottle of water out to Clint. A deep, rasping whimper slipped from Clint as he sat up and reached for the bottle. Ryder pulled a bottle of Tylenol from the pocket of his hoodie and handed it to him.

“Tell me it wasn’t as bad as I’m imagining,” Ryder said and Clint’s eyes were red and shimmered as they met Ryder’s.

“How bad do you imagine it was?” He asked as he twisted the lid off the bottle. His hands shook as he tapped two tablets onto his palm. Ryder pulled the jockstrap out of his pocket and tossed it on the bed and Clint’s head fell.

“Unless you were hired as the entertainment, I can’t think of any scenario where you were naked and we’re not in trouble,” he said and Clint released a wavering breath.

“I started to feel like shit and I had to lay down. When I woke up David was sucking my cock and I totally lost my mind,” he said anxiously and Ryder felt all the air leave his lungs. He shook his head wildly as he turned and stood. He had to hold on to the footboard as the floor tilted. “I swear,” Clint cried as he crawled toward Ryder. “I was alone when I got in that bed and I did nothing to make him think I wanted that,” he promised and Ryder couldn’t stop shaking his head as the chill that began in his chest hours earlier spread through his body and acid burned the back of his throat. “I don’t know what happened. My pants were wadded up in the corner of the room and my jock was in an ice bucket. I was wearing them when I passed out. I promise, I thought I was going to be sick and I just wanted to shut my eyes for a moment. I didn’t want it,” he insisted and Ryder felt his lip curl as rage swelled within him.

“Did you beat the shit out of him or call the police?” He asked and Clint shook his head.

“No. I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could,” Clint said and Ryder could barely see straight. He wanted to find this David and break every bone in his face and he felt betrayed by Clint because he didn’t do anything.

“This guy assaulted you and you just ran away?” He asked in disbelief and Clint’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he let his head fall again.

“I don’t know what happened, Ryder. I don’t know if I just lost track of how much I drank or if I accidentally took something but he told me I said yes. I don’t remember it and I wouldn’t have unless I thought it was you,” he said and Ryder had to pull in a slow, careful breath as nausea attacked his stomach.

“He took advantage of you! You should press charges,” he said and Clint shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“We’ve hooked up before,” he said as he studied the duvet. “I don’t know if he found me and decided to make a move or if he slipped me something but I don’t think the police would take it very seriously if I tried to press charges,” Clint confessed and Ryder pushed his hands through his hair as he began to pace.

“You went to a party at a hotel with someone you fucked…”

“He wasn’t there when I got there, he showed up later,” Clint explained and Ryder gave him a hard look.

“You
stayed
at a party with a guy you fucked and lost track of how much you were drinking until you weren’t able to stay on your feet. You decided to try and sleep it off and when you woke up, this guy you fucked was giving you a blow job that you might have consented to,” he clarified and Clint nodded faintly.

“I wouldn’t have if I knew it was anyone else but you,” Clint promised and Ryder laughed.

“That makes it ok, then,” he said as he stormed out of the room.

“Please, don’t go!” Clint begged as he tripped and hurried after him and Ryder shook his head as he went into the living room and swiped his phone off the table.

“I’m not leaving until we work this out, one way or another,” he said as he scrolled through Clint’s messages then held the phone toward Clint. “You knew it was getting out of hand and you didn’t call me to come and get you. All you had to do was tell me you needed me,” Ryder said and the muscles strained in Clint’s throat as he stared at Ryder’s phone.

“I don’t remember sending that,” he admitted and Ryder didn’t know what to do. He wanted to scream, cry, walk out and never come back, comfort Clint… Ryder didn’t know what to do but he could tell that Clint was genuinely remorseful and scared.

“What would you do if it was me?” He asked and Clint’s eyes watered and he shook his head.

“You would never do that to me,” Clint whispered and Ryder offered him a weak smile and Clint groaned as he pushed his palms into his eyes. “I’m so sorry!” He cried. “Everything was fine and suddenly it wasn’t. I should have been more careful. I should have come home when I said I would,” Clint said and Ryder didn’t feel angry anymore. He felt sad and tired and the only thing he wanted was for Clint to hold him. It was the dumbest thing Ryder could imagine and it made no sense. Clint hurt him but the only person that could make the pain go away was Clint. Ryder sighed as he reached for him and Clint jumped, he was so caught off guard. Then his arms locked around Ryder and his hands were pressing against his back as Clint whispered his name over and over.

“Let’s take a shower and a nap and see if we still need to talk about this after we’ve had some time to get over the shock and anger,” Ryder said and Clint nodded into the corner of his neck.

“I wish I came home and I won’t let anything like that happen ever again,” he promised and Ryder felt relieved. It didn’t do anything for the pain and disappointment but it made it a little easier to forgive Clint.

“Come on,” Ryder said as he leaned back. “Let’s try to put this behind us,” he said as he took Clint’s hand and towed him toward the bathroom. He needed to wash every trace of David and betrayal off Clint and he knew the water would hide his tears.

Chapter 29

Stepping into the shower felt like stepping into church. The steam and the hot water felt like a baptism and Ryder’s hands purged the regret and pain from Clint’s body. It was hard to gauge what Ryder was feeling as he spread soap over Clint’s skin, his eyes were always focused on his hands and rarely met Clint’s. He was gentle and soothing but also determined as he turned Clint’s body under the water and cleansed him of his grief. Clint felt lighter as Ryder dried him off and led him to the bed. He was completely drained and assumed Ryder was looking forward to a long nap as well.

All thoughts of napping fled as soon as Ryder’s body covered Clint’s. Ryder’s lips and hands sucked, bit, clawed and grasped at every inch of Clint’s body. Ryder was relentless as he forced pleasure on Clint and reclaimed his body. Helpless and delirious, Clint allowed Ryder anything he demanded as he branded Clint’s skin and soul with scorching kisses and searching caresses.

“Tell me you didn’t want him,” Ryder growled as his tongue glided down Clint’s spine and slipped into the cleft of his ass. “Tell me you want me,” he demanded as he pushed Clint’s knees toward his elbows, opening him.

“I didn’t want him,” Clint panted as he clung to the bed. “I wanted you,” he promised then gasped as Ryder’s tongue bathed his flinching hole. Ryder’s fingers dug into Clint’s flesh as his tongue laved and probed as need and remorse flooded Clint.

“He can’t do this to you,” Ryder urged as he rolled Clint onto his back and gripped his cock and Clint shook his head drunkenly.

“No. Only you,” he vowed and his shoulders came off the bed as the liquid heat of Ryder’s mouth engulfed Clint’s throbbing length. Lips and tongue swirled, lashed and sucked ravenously as Clint lolled and prayed on the bed. It was true, Clint realized. Only Ryder could dissolve every memory of every touch and leave Clint bare and new. Only Ryder could settle into Clint’s bones and claim him from the inside. Only Ryder could fill him with a need so overwhelming and complete that only he could sate. “Just you,” Clint moaned as he reached for Ryder’s shoulders and face, desperate to feel their lips lock and merge as he took shelter in Ryder’s body.

“Tell me this is mine,” Ryder commanded as his hand pushed up Clint’s chest and he nodded frantically as his lips rose to meet Ryder’s and hunger raged within him.

“All of me,” he breathed as his hands wrapped around Ryder’s face and something within Clint’s chest unfurled and strained to wrap itself around Ryder.

Clint groaned in protest as Ryder leaned and stretched for the bedside table. The room was too cold, bright and hard without Ryder shielding him. He trembled with impatience and lust as Ryder ripped open a condom and stretched it over the head of Clint’s cock and coated it with lube. Clint rose on an elbow and pushed his hand through Ryder’s hair and pulled him closer. He was starving and fragile as his tongue slipped between Ryder’s lips, seeking the warmth and peace only Ryder could give him. Clint hung on and moaned against Ryder’s tongue as tight, heavenly heat wrapped around Clint’s erection. Light and bliss slid through Clint’s veins as Ryder slowly lowered, taking more of Clint into his passage.

Words flooded Clint’s throat and he swallowed them, afraid to shatter the joy and peace that glowed and pulsed brighter with each moment as he slipped deeper and deeper into the perfect heat of Ryder’s body. He was pure, bright, electric magic and Clint knew he could break the spell by saying too much or the wrong thing so he choked back feelings and promises and sank further into Ryder.

He knew it was love. It was love when he sized Ryder up in that club the first night and it was love when their lips touched in a dirty bathroom stall. Every time Ryder pulled Clint into a blanket cocoon or showed up on his doorstep in his worn out red hoodie, love stretched and claimed a little more of Clint’s consciousness until it was everywhere within him. Clint just didn’t know what to do with it and he wasn’t ready to take it out and see how it worked and what it would do so he kept it covered and in the dark along with all the other random bits of feelings and hopes he didn’t want other people to touch.

“You can’t have this with anyone else,” Ryder whispered and it was such a delicate plea, it made Clint’s chest burn as he wrapped his arms around Ryder and held him tight.

“It’s never been this good with anyone else,” Clint murmured as his hips rolled and he filled Ryder with deep, steady strokes. “Only you,” he sighed as his hands glided over Ryder’s slick skin.

Ryder’s kiss became ravenous as he rode Clint and his hands gripped and pulled at Clint’s neck and shoulders frantically as his pace became impatient and strained. He was so close and Clint needed to see him come. His hand slipped between their bodies and wrapped around Ryder’s cock and he sobbed into Clint’s mouth. Clint pulled Ryder’s tongue between his lips and sucked as his hand tightened around Ryder’s shaft and stroked firmly. Heat burst beneath Ryder’s skin like a fever and his body bucked and trembled as his fingers clawed at Clint. They were so close, Clint could almost feel Ryder’s nerves twisting as he tightened around Clint. Ryder grunted and his eyes rolled as his body locked and he clenched mercilessly around Clint’s erection. His body jumped and a ragged cry shattered in his throat as he convulsed and Clint gasped as Ryder’s head snapped back. He was so beautiful and Clint would swear he glowed as he shook and chanted Clint’s name. How could he think Ryder wasn’t his type? He was everything and Clint couldn’t imagine anyone being right if they weren’t him.

The fire jumped from Ryder to Clint and heat and pressure pooled in Clint’s groin as pleasure flared and spread through his limbs. His nerves sparked and his body arched as he pushed deeper into Ryder’s core. Ryder screamed and there was a burst of molten come from his cock and Clint greedily gathered it with his fingers and pushed them into his mouth as their bodies shattered and fused as the taste of Ryder’s come saturated Clint.

They remained tangled and locked together as their chests pushed against each other and breaths mingled as their lips clung. Clint’s hands cruised over Ryder’s skin as it cooled, claiming the last traces of warmth as his eyes became heavy and dazed. The words tickled Clint’s tongue and lips but he ignored them, afraid they would be too big and loud in such a fragile moment.