The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence (12 page)

Keroen helped him to his feet, and Darq had to hold onto the har’s arm all the way to Phade’s office. He couldn’t see properly. He wanted to be sick. ‘Stay with me,’ he said to Keroen. ‘Don’t leave me.’

Keroen uttered a soft sound. ‘He’ll dismiss me. You know he will.’

‘I’m afraid. I think he wanted to kill me.’

‘No, not that. Apologise. Keep weeping. He’s not that hard a har.’

Once Darq reached Phade’s office, the reason for Phade’s excessive anger was revealed. Thiede was already there. Darq could tell that Phade was frightened of this har, and now that his initial burst of fury was over, he was very concerned about Darq’s condition, not least, no doubt, because he would be blamed for it.

‘I’m sorry,’ Darq said. ‘I’m sorry, Phade. I didn’t…’

‘I know,’ Phade said. ‘I’ve been told.’

‘It is only the folly of youth,’ Thiede said. ‘He meant no wrong.’

‘He never does,’ Phade snapped. ‘Keroen, get out!’

Darq heard the door close behind him; his ally had gone.

Phade turned to Thiede. ‘He can’t stay here any longer. He’s your responsibility.’

Thiede gestured languidly with both hands. ‘It would be unwise to leave him here, yes. In the ethers, he was shrieking ‘Here I am!’ to all and sundry with half an ear to hear.’

Phade paced up and down the room, clearly in a state of extreme agitation. ‘Then take him and go. I did what I could. Don’t say that I didn’t.’

‘I can’t take him, Phade,’ Thiede said calmly. ‘I’ll arrange for somehar else to do it. You must be patient.’

Phade threw up his arms. ‘And what might come pouring out of the otherlanes in the meantime?’

‘We have time. I have made sure of it; for my own protection, if not for Darquiel’s.’

Darq listened numbly to this exchange. These hara were discussing his future, yet he could not care. He sat down on a chair, because otherwise he’d have fallen down. Phade didn’t even look at him.

Thiede stood up. ‘Have your hara care for Darq. He cannot yet travel, in any case.’

Now Phade glanced at Darq; it was clear that what he saw pained him. ‘He brought it on himself. What did he do? Butcher the girl? What am I to tell her people?’

‘Tell them she is undertaking training with the Kamagrian,’ Thiede said.

‘Will she live?’

Thiede shrugged. ‘Time will tell.’

Phade shook his head. ‘Darq, you are beyond me. If you didn’t butcher
her
, you nearly butchered yourself. You look half-dead!’

‘That isn’t butchering,’ Thiede said smoothly. ‘It seems events have precipitated a natural phenomenon.’

‘What do you mean?’ Phade asked sharply.

‘He has begun his feybraiha, that’s all.’

Chapter Seven

Phade took Darquiel to his room. He did not call for Zira, for which Darq was relieved. He didn’t feel capable of looking Zira in the eye, and he wondered whether Olivia and her family would believe the story about Amelza and the Kamagrian. They would certainly not be pleased.

‘Why
did you do that?’ Phade asked. ‘What possessed you?’

‘I was just sure it would work,’ Darq answered. ‘You wouldn’t listen to me.’

Phade shook his head in exasperation. ‘You’re too impatient. We only discussed the matter a short time ago.’

Darq pressed his fingers against his forehead, rubbed it. ‘You wouldn’t have done anything. You didn’t care.’

Phade sighed. ‘You’ve brought Thiede here. That’s the last thing I wanted.’

Darq sat down on his bed.  ‘Who is he? Is he Gelaming?’

‘In a way, yes,’ Phade replied. He seemed back to his usual self. There was a light of contrition in his eyes, which Darq sensed meant that Phade was uncomfortable with the fact he’d struck a harling.

‘He brought me here, didn’t he?’

Phade nodded. ‘He appointed me as your guardian, yes.’

‘He’s very powerful.’

‘And dangerous.’

Darq grimaced. ‘Must I go with some stranger he sends here? This feybraiha thing – must I take aruna with somehar? What’s going to happen to me?’ He began to weep again, unable to prevent it. Somehar else was living unlawfully in his body; he hoped this emotional interloper wouldn’t squat there permanently.

Phade sat down beside him, and put an arm round Darq’s shoulders. ‘I really can’t answer the first question yet, but all I can say is that Thiede brought you here for a reason: to keep you safe. When you called for the Gelaming, Thiede heard you, which means others could have heard you too. You are special, Darq. Your abilities, I think, are stronger than most hara’s.’

Darq wiped his face with his hands. His mouth felt full of salt. ‘I want to be normal again… I want to know who and what I am. I feel I can’t be until you and that Thiede tell me the truth.’

Phade sighed through his nose. ‘I can’t tell you. That issue is between you and Thiede. But as for your second question, is there any har you’d like to be with you for your feybraiha? I can deal with that at least.’

‘I don’t care,’ Darq said. ‘I have no interest in it. Pick anyhar.’ He pulled away from Phade and shook his head vigorously. ‘I nearly killed Amelza. I’m glad you struck me. I deserved it. I should take aruna with a
troll
as punishment.’

Phade laughed, then checked himself. ‘Darq, you are right. This isn’t you.’ He paused. ‘You seem to get on well with Keroen. How about him?’

‘If you want. I just want to get it over with.’

Phade squeezed one of Darq’s shoulders. ‘At this point, I should say that once you’re in the moment, you won’t feel like that, but somehow I don’t think I
can
say that to you. I’ll talk to Keroen. We’ll see.’ He stood up. ‘I shouldn’t have struck you. I’m sorry about that. I was just…’

Darq interrupted him. ‘I know. I don’t blame you.’

Phade smiled tentatively. ‘Things will work out Darq, I’m sure they will. Get some rest. I’ll be back later.’

After Phade left, Darq lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He kept seeing Amelza’s face, how she’d changed to become something hideous. He’d been so sure it would work. His whole world seemed shaken apart, because he could no longer trust his instincts.

Eventually, he drifted off to sleep and slept for most of the day. When he awoke, it was dusk and he saw that somehar had left a tray of cold food on the table by the door.  The last thing he felt like doing was eating. He felt wretched. Physical discomfort conspired with anger and self-loathing within him. He knew he couldn’t run away, because Phade’s hara would find him. Nothing in the future seemed remotely attractive. Olivia and Zira would hate him now. Keroen would probably feel sick having to touch a har every living creature in Samway thought was a freak. Normally, Darq wouldn’t care about such things. He hated what he was becoming. It was all too vile.

Darq groaned and turned onto his side. He put a pillow over his head. And in his mind was a small, silky voice that said,
Hello…

Darq sat up at once and held his breath. He didn’t recognise the voice. It was outside his experience, somehar he didn’t know. He shouldn’t reply. He should put up barriers right away… and yet…
Who are you?
he asked.

Who
are you?

Darq lied at once.
Phade
har Olopade.

Laughter in the mind is a strange thing to experience. It was like prickles of electricity in Darq’s head.
Look out of your window…

Darq couldn’t help himself. He had to see. He went to the window, drew aside the curtain, and looked. Around the outer walls of Phade’s domain he saw several riders on motionless horses. They were not hara; they were specters of the forest, clothed in dark apparel, the details of them indistinct. They seemed to be waiting for something.

If you go to them, they will bring you to me…

Darq could not respond, because at that moment the door to his room swung open and banged against the wall. A figure pushed past him and drew the curtains roughly over the window. Darq winced. He saw it was Thiede.

OUT!
Thiede’s psychic command was not to be disobeyed. Whatever had tried to communicate with Darq vanished at once from his head. Thiede’s mental shout echoed round Darq’s skull for some moments afterwards.

‘Darquiel,’ Thiede said. ‘This is what I feared would happen.’

‘Who was it?’ Darq asked.

‘Whoever it was, they weren’t known to you, so you should
not
communicate with them. It could be anyhar.’

‘You knew who it was. You knew what they said.’ Darq jerked his head in the direction of the window. ‘You closed the curtains. There were ghost riders out there.’

‘An illusion,’ Thiede said, ‘plucked from your mind. Whatever you think you saw, it was something else. You must now guard your thoughts at all times. I will show you how.’

‘I want to know about myself. Tell me.’

‘Now is not the time,’ Thiede said. ‘You remain in ignorance for your own protection, believe me. If you knew, it could be picked up. You were heard in the ethers, Darquiel, and recognised as unique. Some no doubt think you could be useful to them. They are many factions of Wraeththu, and within them small cabals of powerful individuals who are not to be trusted. You called to the Gelaming, but I don’t believe the Gelaming heard you. Others did. They must not know your heritage.’

‘I’m Gelaming, aren’t I?’

Thiede appeared to consider whether a truthful answer would be acceptable. Eventually he said, ‘Yes. I can see little point in dissembling over that; you have already made up your mind about it.’

‘Are my parents still alive?’

‘You must not think about them, because if you do, you’ll want to find them. That could be exploited. I will not answer your question.’

‘You
have
answered it,’ Darq said. ‘What will you do with me? Where will you send me?’

‘You must keep on the move for a while,’ Thiede said. ‘That would be best.’

Darq felt that all his life he had somehow been trying to escape Samway. Now that the reality was upon him, he was uncertain. Samway was home, Phade his virtual parent. ‘I’ll guard my thoughts,’ he said. ‘I’ll feel safer here.’

‘You can’t stay here,’ Thiede said. ‘I’m sorry. You will soon be har, not a child. You must be trained to protect yourself. I can see to this.’

‘And when will I find out about my history? After the training?’

Thiede considered again. ‘I’ll be honest with you; there might never be a time. Much as this irks you, you must accept it. Your pearl would have been destroyed, if it wasn’t for me. There is still a potential threat. If not death, then abduction. I’ll not risk either. You must disappear into the world, Darq. Become yourself, as you are, with your memories of Samway. Look upon Phade as your father or hostling. Trust nohar.’

‘Perhaps then I should remain with you.’

Thiede laughed. ‘Neither of us are safe, Darquiel. I can’t risk taking you to my domain, and I must return there soon. I have been out of this world for a while.’

‘Really? Where have you been?’

Thiede drew Darq back towards the bed and gently pushed him down to sit upon it. ‘There are many layers to what you see as reality, Darq, but then I suspect you already know that.’

‘I’ve felt it… sometimes.’

Thiede nodded. ‘Naturally. I am able to travel between these layers, as can many others. Because of certain conflicts in this realm, I have had to hide far beyond where I can be traced.’

Darq frowned. ‘How?’

‘You saw the animal I rode today? It is not a horse. It is a
sedu
, a creature that can travel the otherlanes, the spaces between the realms.’

‘Would I be safe in another realm?’

Thiede pulled a sour face. ‘Unfortunately, those who might have an interest in you are as mobile as I am in the otherlanes. Earthly reality is best for you, because you can blend in and hide yourself. This realm tends to hide ‘otherness’. Mundane reality holds sway here. It is not so in other places. In my domain, for example, your essence would shine like a beacon to anyhar trained to see it.’

‘Who is interested in me? And why?’ Darq felt overwhelmed by all this new information, but relieved too.

‘It’s a long story, and I hope one day you will hear it.’ Thiede drew in his breath and folded his hands together. ‘For now, we must concentrate on more physical matters: your feybraiha. This is a rite of passage, Darq, and although you are impatient with it, you should pay it the attention it deserves.’

Darq’s shoulders slumped. ‘Given what’s happened recently, I find that difficult. It’s just an inconvenience. I don’t think I have the urges other hara have.’

‘That is a possibility,’ Thiede said. ‘We shall have to see.’ He put his hands together and tapped his lips with steepled fingers, clearly deep in thought. Then he said aloud, ‘Hmm, there is no reason why not.’

It was nearly dark now, and Thiede’s looming presence was a strangely glowing flame in the room. Darquiel felt unnerved. It was the same feeling he had when the spectral hunters were near.

‘Very soon, a har will arrive in Samway who will take over your education,’ Thiede said. ‘I had thought he should be with you for your feybraiha, but now another idea occurs to me.’

‘Phade is going to ask Keroen,’ Darq said.

Thiede wrinkled his nose a little. ‘Whoever that is, he is unworthy of you. Phade is too parochial at times. No, it’s clear to me that I should be the one to guide you at this time.’

‘Yes!’ Darq said at once. He could see that Thiede was devoid of all the hot turbulent emotions that other hara seemed governed by. With him, aruna would be academic, like taking exercise for the body. To Darq, this
was preferable to any situation where he might be expected to react with pleasure or gratitude.

Thiede, however, appeared surprised by this immediate acceptance. He raised his eyebrows and did not smile. Darq presumed his response had not been that flattering. But he could not lie about himself. He could not pretend to yearn and desire, because it wasn’t in him.

‘Not yet,’ Thiede said. ‘We must give your body more time.’