The Fourth Sunrise (14 page)

July 1982 – Delta, Colorado - Motel Room, 2:12 a.m.

“I went back to my motel room and got ready. It was the most bizarre event of my life, preparing to see a woman alone in a motel room, a married woman who I had obsessed over for the last fourteen years. I thought that there was a chance that I had dreamt seeing her at the fair and that I had never left my room. My mind was playing pretty bad tricks on me as I agonized, waiting for her. Mainly, I was almost beside myself because my heart wanted this so desperately and if Christine stood me up, I had no idea how I would not break down completely. It was as if my longing for her for the last fourteen years willed this very moment to happen and I had to believe it would happen, with all of my heart.

“
I still didn’t know what she thought of me, not fully. Did she think of me as much as I thought of her? Did she cry for me like I had for her? Did she miss me as much as I did her? What if I was just a guy passing through one night just like I was fourteen years ago?

“
Like I said, my brain was playing pretty bad tricks on me.

“
I remember staring at a two-handed clock on the wall. You know the ones that don’t have the second hand twirling around constantly? And once a minute, that damn hand moved one tiny increment. I remember thinking how each of those minutes felt like an hour.

“
It was 2:12 in the morning. I remember because after that moment, the number 212 had become my lucky number. It seemed that I had seen that sequence of numbers everywhere. They resonated with magic, with destiny.

“
On that night, Christine Norquist came to my room and didn’t say a word, at first. Not one. She knocked softly and I tentatively opened the door. She looked at me, from the other side of the door and her eyes told me the story of her deep and faithful longing for me. She lunged forward and collapsed in my arms, kissing me passionately on the lips, her tongue and lips a gift stepped right out of my dreams and into reality.

“
I kicked the door closed, and stumbled backwards into the wall, holding her as she clung to me, as if wanting to drown me in her kisses. I held my balance and kissed Christine back. As our tongues touched one another’s, something ignited my soul as if it had been fourteen years before. I truly felt the energy of youth surge through me.

“
I tried to break my lips away to say something but Christine wouldn’t let me. Finally, I had to come up for air. She placed her right index finger on my mouth and gave me a look that said, ‘Let’s just experience this moment without words.’ Her eyes closed for a moment in a sad plea and I understood her need for no recriminations of what we were about to experience.

“
I nodded my head and led her by the hand to the king-size bed where I had pulled back the blankets and sheets. We collapsed on it and continued to kiss each other with an intensity of a thousand magic moments, all piled on top of one another. It was an explosion of love, passion, desire, and sensuality all rolled up in one.

“
Slowly, we removed each other’s clothes. I carefully unbuttoned her nurse’s uniform and pushed the fabric to the sides, then unhooked her bra in the front. As her breasts fell free, I covered them with my hands and softly caressed her. She unbuttoned my shirt, sighing deeply and soon our undergarments went by the side of the bed, her shoes and her stockings gently pulled off by me, one by one, the garter belt unhooked and laid aside. We were naked before each other and her eyes were shining with happiness. She opened her arms to me and I went into them. We were chest to breasts and she was utterly…
soft and yielding.

“
Two thoughts were echoing in my head. I couldn’t believe what I was experiencing with a woman who I had desired so immensely. I was in love with this woman. And I would accept all the consequences if any came my way, possibly more consequences than even her husband finding out. I knew one thing that was for sure. No one had ever loved her more than I had at that very instant. My love was close to worship, and I understood, finally, that I was at some beautiful door that had been opened to me, and within it, lived all that I had ever needed to survive, and thrive, as a man.

“‘
Christine,’ I said out loud. ‘I love you. I have always loved you. Every waking second since the moment we separated fourteen years ago, I have hungered to be with you. I have longed to be loved by you. I don’t know why I feel this way for a woman who has a husband. I can’t worry about that. My love for you is greater than my own purpose in my very own life.’

“
Christine looked up at me and with tears dripping from her eyes. She said, ‘I knew the moment I laid eyes on you fourteen years ago that you were the love of my life. I blew it, Joel. I am so sorry.’

“‘
You were ensuring yourself a family with a hometown boy who you’d known all of your life. It was all you knew to do when I had gone.’

“‘
I love my family very much.’

“‘
I know you do.’ I looked at Christine and my hammering heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest cavity. ‘What do we do with this?’

“‘
What do you mean, Joel?’

“‘
How do I love a woman who lives on the other side of the country and has a family of her own? How do I exist, knowing that someone else is receiving your love, the love that I have ached for, for so very long?’

“‘
You managed to do it for the last fourteen years,’ Christine said and it was hard to accept that statement, because it inferred that maybe it was survivable for another fourteen without her, too.

“‘
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,’ I said hoarsely.

“
Christine rolled on top of my stomach and she looked down on me. ‘I want you, Joel. Even if it’s only for tonight. I’m sorry that I can only promise you tonight.’

“‘
I’ll take any moment of time that you give me,’ I said as honestly as I could.

“‘
Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I’ll be able to promise you something else tomorrow. But tonight, I know I can promise you a hundred percent of my mind, soul, and body.’

“
I was speechless. It was the saddest, hottest, most painful, sexiest statement I had ever heard. With that, I allowed my body to speak to her on a level that was beyond my own consciousness. Every bit of me poured into her being. Not an inch of her body went unkissed. This was my moment, this was my time. This is where I separated myself from anyone else. I would pour my entire sexual being, my heart and my soul into this moment of time. I knew that tonight we would create memories that would last us for the rest of our lives. I fully expected that this might be our only time to be together, physically, so I wanted to express my love for her in such a tender way that she, too, would remember the night with joy, for the rest of her life.
I hoped so.

“
Resting most of my weight on my arms, I covered her with my 6-foot, 2-inch body frame. Her petite 5-foot, 3-inch body was claimed by me. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to love her. I wanted to be in one union with her. But first, I wanted to intimately know every inch of her.

“
I kissed her and tasted her from forehead to toes and everywhere in between. I turned her over and kissed the back of her neck, her arms, her spine, the curves of her legs and backs of her knees and trim ankles, until she was moaning softly and whispering, ‘yes.’

“
I turned her back over and eye to eye, we looked at each other. I kissed her breasts and tasted them until she arched her back into the caress of my mouth and lips. I touched her intimately with gentle fingers, to make her ready for me. She smiled sweetly and her eyes were on mine as if I held the vast secrets of the universe in them.

“
When she touched me back, she knew that I was ready, too. I flexed my arms and positioned myself between her legs, not breaking off the kisses. She needed them so much. I looked into her eyes, confirming that she still wanted me as much as I wanted her. Her passionate kisses were a strong indicator that she was fully engaged and willing, yet I didn’t want to rush her. I caressed all of the parts of her body that she arched toward me. She finally whispered, ‘Please!’ and that was a sign that it was time to become one with her.

“
I slid myself into her slowly, carefully, making sure not to hurt her. We truly fit as if we had been made for each other. As we made love, it was the single most incredible connection I had ever felt with another woman. Our bodies flowed and moved in unison, with a rhythm that felt like our heartbeats were even in synch. I know our breaths were synched. We were a perfect fit and if our bodies were a song, the notes carried a lovely harmony.

“
We made love all through the night. At times, our bodies were so heated and sweaty that I felt like we were running a marathon. The night was perfect, at times, even ethereal-like.

“
Then before I knew it, the sun was coming up. Just like Cinderella, and exactly what happened fourteen years before, she had to go away as morning hit.

“
Her voice had words now, instead of soft moans and gasps and the magical night began to be replaced by a feeling of urgency in her song of the morning, which was: ‘I have to catch a plane. It’s in Grand Junction. I have to get down there as soon as I can.”

‘“
Stay,’ I said. ‘Stay one more night. I’ll pay to change your ticket.’ I opened up the blinds as the morning sun began to come over the east horizon right above the mountains. ‘Look at that sunrise. Oh, Christine, just think of what we could do with a whole day to ourselves.’

“
I went back to the bed and crawled back underneath the covers. Christine hadn’t yet gotten up and was still fully naked underneath the covers with me.

“
I put my arm around her and pulled her soft warmth to me in a morning hug. I kissed her on the hair. ‘Morning!’ I said and smiled down at her.

“
She smiled up at me. “‘Make love to me one more time?’ Christine asked.

“‘
Right now?’ I asked.

‘
Yes, I need leave real soon. I’m sorry I can’t stay. But on the first sunrise you kissed me for the first time. This time, make love to me for the last time.’

“
I took a deep breath. She was really going to leave. ‘I will gladly make love to you, but on one condition.’

“‘
What would that be?’

“‘
We do not part until we exchange addresses.’

“
She hesitated and I could see her thinking hard. ‘I will give you a P.O. Box where you can mail me letters. It’s in Washington, D.C.’

“
I raised my eyebrows, not knowing what to make of this, except that she might have a job there and commute from her home in Virginia. I said, ‘I don’t care if it’s on Mars. This time I will be able to communicate with you. And I will. Expect letters.’

“‘
You got it, Joel. Right now, I want to feel you one more time. I want to experience all that you are because it might be...’ She stopped herself from speaking further.

“
I knew what she was going to say, but knowing that this could be possibly the last time I was ever going to be in her presence. I knew I needed to make it count. I needed to love her in my own way, so that she would remember us, the way we were.

“
Christine reclined on her back, and I held my body up by my arms, hovering strongly above her body. We had been in this position many times throughout the night, but this time it was different. It was less sexual and more romantic. Don’t get me wrong. My body reacted to her the way it was supposed to, but it reacted to her in love, not in hormones.

“
Our eyes locked together, neither one of us was able to look away.

“‘
Joel,’ Christine said. Her breath was sweet and her skin was glowing like the petals of flowers. Her eyes reflected my face back in them. ‘I have loved you and desired you for the last fourteen years, too. I just had other huge life things I have been dealing with, like running a family and being a wife to a man who has no clue who I really am at the end of the day, or at the beginning of the day, for that matter. I’m just his wife and the mother of his children. I’m like Donna Reed in my perfect little wife-y life where I do what I ought to do.’

“
I smiled grimly. ‘It sounds like a prison sentence.’

“
In regard to him, it is. In regard to my child, he is my own little piece of heaven. I see the world through my child’s beautiful eyes and suddenly, every day, the world is breathtaking and new, exciting and full of possibilities. But no matter how much I love my child, it doesn’t take away from the person I truly am—someone who Benjamin doesn’t even try to get to know. I don’t think he ever knew the real me. I was a pretty girl. I was a smart girl. I was a
good
girl. I was wife material, fiercely loyal and devoted and the one hometown girl who he trusted to wait for him through a terrible war. I supported him with letters, photos, and stories of home. I was his lifeline to the U.S. of A., and his idealistic vision of the American dream. We even have a white picket fence in the front yard. His idea.’