The Fourth Sunrise (13 page)

“‘
That look you’re giving me is what I have always remembered about you,’ Christine said.

“‘
What exactly is it that you remember?’

“‘
You looked at me with certainty.’

“‘
Certainty?’ I asked.

“‘
Yeah, you look at me with purpose. You are the first and last person to look at me that way.’

“‘
What about your husband?’ I asked.

“‘
He looks through me and over me. Maybe there was a time he took the time to see me as I am, but it’s been a long time since I felt that way.’ Christine paused and reflected. She then looked at me and said, ‘I can't believe you came back for me.’

“‘
I can’t believe you were already married.’

“‘
He pressured me.’

“‘
It’s marriage. It wouldn’t matter how much someone pressured me, I wouldn’t marry someone I wasn’t certain about.’ That statement might have come out harshly to her ears, but this was what I felt.

“‘
What you need to understand, Joel, is that I love my husband. He put in the time, and where I am from, you reward that.’

“‘
Reward him? He sounds like a Labrador. You’re rewarding him with your entire life?’ I stated coarsely.

“
Christine looked out toward the street where people were now packing up from another successful Deltarado Days. I had struck a nerve with Christine. The last thing I wanted was for her to be upset with something I said. ‘I'm sorry. That was not my place to say anything. I mean, you’re still married, so there must be a lot of good going on in your relationship.’

“‘
There’s a lot of routine that goes into a relationship. Our daily lives are mapped out in itineraries. Everything we do is predictable. Even our sex life is planned. My son is one of the few kids whose parents know exactly the night he was conceived.’

“‘
I don’t think I want to hear any more,’ I said. I couldn’t handle hearing about her and Captain Jack’s sex life. It was enough to make me ill. I decided to change the subject. ‘How old is your son now?’

“‘
Twelve. He’s back in Virginia with his dad.’

‘“
Why didn’t they make the trip?’

“‘
He really doesn't like to do much of anything. The war changed him. He was already distant, but when he came back, it was a whole other story. There’s no warmth left in him. He shuts me out, emotionally. That is a little bit of why I decided to take this trip alone.’

“‘
Okay, I wasn’t trying to insinuate...’

‘“
Insinuate all you want. Your assumptions aren’t far off from the truth.’

“‘
The truth being what?’ I asked.

“‘
That I’m in an emotionless marriage. There is love there, but not the kind of love…’

“‘
Kind of love that what?’

“‘
That two people should have. The kind I used to dream about when I was a little girl.’ Christine paused and sighed. She started to laugh and said, ‘I am so sorry to unload on you so fast.’

“‘
It’s okay. I’ve waited many years to hear these words. I’m not saying that I’m happy that your marriage is struggling. What I am saying is, I’m sure you made a mistake.’

“‘
I can’t call my son a mistake.’

“‘
Parts of it shouldn’t have happened. At least in my heart, I would like to think that to be true.’

“
Christine smiled at me and said, ‘I don't know what it is about you that makes me so comfortable. Again, I go back to your eyes.’

“‘
What did my eyes do this time?’

“‘
They allow me to feel safe. Just like that night. I don't think I ever felt safer in a man’s arms.’

“‘
That was an amazing night. It was a blessing and a curse.’

“‘
A curse?’ Christine laughed. ‘Wow, now you sound like my husband.’

“‘
Please don’t ever say that again.”

“‘
Say what again?’

“‘
The words “my husband.” What’s his name again?’ I knew his name, but she didn’t know that I spent six months with him in Vietnam.

“‘
His name is Benjamin.’

“‘
Well, let’s call him Benjamin if you don’t mind. Each time you say the word
husband,
I cringe.”

Present Day – Delta, Colorado - Deltarado Days stage, 2:30 a.m.

“Why did it bother you that she referred to the man as her husband?” Sharee asked.

“
It shouldn’t have. I mean, I met the man and he was a good person. I guess I just felt like I wanted to play make-believe with her and her saying words like ‘husband’ didn’t allow me to do that.”

“
How much make-believe did you two end up doing?”

“
My make-believe became my reality soon enough, which was probably not a good thing because I went there for closure. I needed closure, so that I could move on with my life.”

“
You must have known seeing her would ignite something in you.”

“
I just got to the point that I had to see her one more time. At least, that was what I felt before that night started.”

“
Well, Joel, you can’t take me this far and not give me the pay off.”

“
What pay off?”

“
The love scene.”

I paused, thinking. “You want to hear details of that part?”

“I am romance writer; that is the best part.”

I laughed. “It’s a pretty good part, but I’m going to need to keep it G-rated.”

“G-rated? Please don’t. Give me all the NC-17 details.”

I was quiet.

“Do me a favor? Only censor yourself because you want to. I have heard, seen, and written it all.”

Chapter Seventeen

July 1982 – Delta, Colorado - Nurse’s Station, 9:45 p.m.

“
I must have spent four hours with Christine just talking and continuing to get to know her more. It had been fourteen years. I wanted to know everything about her, except for her marriage. It was effortless when I talked to her. I had never felt that way with another human being before. I knew I didn’t want the night to end.

“‘
Do you want to go somewhere when your shift is over?’ I asked Christine.

“‘
We should go to the library again,’ Christine answered. ‘So I could slow dance in your arms all night and dream of a life with you.’

“
I looked at Christine. ‘Is that true? Were you really thinking that?’

“
Christine looked me in the eyes with a more determined expression than she normally used. It sort of threw me off. She said, ‘Of course I thought those things! You were going to be my savior. I had it all planned out that night and I held on to that fantasy...for about a month. Then the reality set in that I was probably never going to see you again. You were this great guy who swept into town but who I was never going to see again.’

“‘
I was still with my team for another month. I couldn’t have come before you gave up on me even if I had the means to.’

“‘
Joel, we never talked about a future. I didn’t know what was truly in your heart on that day. But I know that even if you would have come for me even on my wedding day, I would have left with you.’

“‘
What! Really?’

“‘
Joel, I was crazy about you! In many ways, I still am.’

“
I stood up and looked at Christine. I slowly whispered, ‘I fell in love with you on that night.’

“
Christine jumped up and collapsed in my arms and gave me a giant hug, nearly knocking me into the door. It took me by surprise to say the least.

“
I grabbed her body as she lunged into me. We both went back into the portable so we would have more privacy. Once through the door and out of sight of others, I leaned in and kissed her as passionately as I had dreamt of, on almost every night for the previous fourteen years. It was a slow, deep long kiss. My hands felt the fabric of her nurse’s uniform. I had imagined seeing her many times, but I had never imagined she would be looking like a nurse from World War II, dressed in a cute little red, white, and blue nurse’s outfit. More white than anything else.

“
Suddenly, Christine pulled away and quickly sat down in her chair. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not sure what came over me. Let me think about this for a moment.’

“‘
What came over you was a power bigger than anything I ever had wrapped my mind around. I met you one night and now I’m 34 and I am still not over you.’

“‘
Why Joel?’

“‘
Because when you meet the one, you can’t ever go back.’

“‘
I did.’

“‘
That’s where we are wired differently. I couldn’t. I have longed for you and I have wanted to see each moment of each day for the last fourteen years. Now that I’m here with you, I need to say everything that is in my heart because I don’t know if I will ever see you again.’ I struggled to talk. Somehow I muttered out the words, ‘All these years, you have been my heart.’

“‘
That is so beautiful. You have been in my heart, too, Joel. I’ve thought about you many times over the years and I have longed for you, too.’

“‘
You have?’ I asked.

“‘
Of course. You were the most outstanding gentleman that night in the library. I thought I had met the man of my dreams.’

“‘
You did,’ I stated simply. I wanted closure but all this did was open me wide up. However, I had gone this far and I needed to just say everything that was rising up from my deepest heart. ‘I want to tell you everything that is in my heart. Christine. I will never forgive myself if I don’t say all I need to say.’

“‘
Listen, Joel, I want to hear everything your heart yearns to tell, but not here. I get off at 1:30. There is a new place that I want to take you. It’s in the exact spot of the old place where the library used to be.’

‘“
It’s a motel,’ I said.

“
It sure is, Joel. I’m not scandalous, but I want you to go get a room there.’

“
I began to laugh. My laughter was pretty abrupt.

“‘
Why are you laughing?’ Christine asked.

‘“
I’m laughing because ever since they made that library into a motel, I have stayed there during this Deltarado Days week, in hopes I would see you again at that damn place.’

“
Wow. It’s been up for five years.”

“
I know. Trust me. I know.”

“
Christine smiled at me and said, ‘Well, write down your room number and at about 2:00 in the morning, you might get a visitor.’

“‘
I
might
get one?’ I asked.

“‘
You will definitely get one.’

Present Day – Delta, Colorado - Deltarado Days stage, 2:45 a.m.

“Wow, she was bold,” Sharee stated.

“
You’re telling me. She had a determination I hadn’t yet seen from her, so of course, I agreed.”

“
How did you see her?” Sharee asked.

“
The same way I have always seen her. Even until this day, I see her as a light shining in my life whenever she is in my presence.”

“
That is beautiful, Joel,” Sharee said with tears in her eyes.

I looked at the young lady and for a moment, I saw her as a woman. Tender and soft. But that was a lifetime ago to have a beautiful young woman like her interested in an old man like myself. Sharee was in her thirties, after all. I probably shouldn’t be too hard on myself being a little bit attracted to this young woman, but of course, with me in my sixties, it would have been inappropriate to pursue my mild attraction to her. However, there was a calm and a peace surrounding Sharee that was actually similar to Christine’s. I was an open book around her. All my life, I had been absolutely closed off, but Christine always got me to be the person I had always knew I was deep to the core of my heart. Somehow, Sharee earned my trust on this night, but I wasn’t sure why.

Chapter Eighteen