The Best of Down Goes Brown (9 page)
Read The Best of Down Goes Brown Online
Authors: Sean McIndoe
You Wanna Go?: A History of Hockey Brawls
Â
Â
Seen any good fights lately? Probably. While recent trends have shown a reduction in fighting, it's still part of the game. Usually it's just two players squaring off, settling their differences and moving on. But every now and then tempers boil over, everyone pairs off, and two teams get a little carried away.
Is fighting good for the game? Maybe not, but there's still nothing quite like a good old-fashioned hockey brawl to get a fan's attention. So join me in a nostalgic look back at some well-known hockey brawls. You know, or else I'll punch you in the head.
Â
The Senators and Flyers combine for a league record 419 PIM after a series of fights are touched off by an argument over which franchise will destroy the careers of the most goaltenders during the rest of the decade.
Â
After the fifth different altercation to feature a player viciously attacking Sean Avery, the Dallas Stars coaching staff decides to just cancel the rest of the practice and try again tomorrow.
Â
The Canadiens and Nordiques combine for over 250 penalty minutes and ten ejections in a game that comes to be known as
la bataille du Vendredi saint
or, in English, “actually pretty standard for a game between Quebec and Montreal.”
Â
An enraged Darcy Tucker dives into the Ottawa bench and remains there for several seconds, inadvertently becoming the third longest-serving coach in Senators history.
Â
In an extended incident that most hockey historians will later describe as “maybe a bit excessive,” every single player in the Norris Division is involved in a spirited fight with every single other player at all times for twelve straight years, with the exception of Steve Yzerman.
Â
Chris Pronger is ejected from the game after a rampage that leaves seven players injured, which is unfortunate since it was a spring-training game between the Baltimore Orioles and Kansas City Royals.
Â
A rare goalie fight during an intrasquad scrimmage leaves Andrew Raycroft and Vesa Toskala facing significant injuries and lengthy suspensions, every Leaf fan really wishes in hindsight.
Â
Towards the end of a wild bench-clearing brawl involving such noted enforcers as Rob Ray, Brad May, Gord Donnelly, Jay Wells, and Brad Miller, the Buffalo Sabres sheepishly begin to realize that the Hartford Whalers left two hours ago and they've all just been fighting each other.
Â
Mike Milbury climbs into the stands and beats a fan with his own shoe, in what everyone now agrees is probably the fifteenth or sixteenth dumbest thing he's ever done.
Â
Canada and Russia are disqualified from the World Junior tournament after a massive brawl that will be unanimously criticized by the media as “outrageous” and “shameful” and “totally going to screw up the âyou never see any brawls in international hockey' argument we make in all our anti-fighting columns.”
Â
After an increasingly out-of-control Ron Hextall viciously attacks Chris Chelios in the dying moments of the Wales Conference final, concerned government authorities finally agree to green-light the top-secret cyborg assassin program that will eventually lead to the creation of Felix Potvin.
Â
Red Wings and Avalanche players immediately engage in a half-dozen separate and bloody fights the moment the puck hits the ice, which really scares the crap out of the small disabled child doing the ceremonial puck drop.
From The Archives: The 1993 Leafs/Kings Game Six Live Blog
Â
Â
Author's note: This is a post from the DGB archives that was originally published in May 1993.
Â
Wait, what? A blog archive from almost twenty years ago? That's right. A lot of you kids don't know this, but sports blogging has been around for a long time.
Long before the Internet even existed, die-hard sports fans like me were posting our thoughts for the worldâit was just done a little bit differently than today. For example, back in the day we “blogged” by writing longhand in pen in a spiral notebook. If you wanted to add a photo, you cut one out of a magazine. When you were done, you “posted” your content by taping it to your front window. If other people liked your work, they would “link” to it by drawing an arrow pointing to your house and taping it to their own window.
Not many people noticed what you wrote, but occasionally somebody would wander by and read a few words. Then they'd usually roll their eyes, ring your doorbell, wait for you to open the door, and then drag you into the street to beat you up. So in that sense, not much has changed.
So let's travel back to one of the most famous games in NHL history. It's May 27, 1993, and the Toronto Maple Leafs are in Los Angeles to play the Kings in game six of the Western Conference final. The Leafs hold a 3â2 series lead and are one win away from meeting the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup final.
A young DGB, notebook in hand, was live blogging every moment. We'll pick up the action late in the third period, with the Leafs trailing 4â3.
Â
Wow, is it ever late. I guess that's what happens when you've got a west coast game that doesn't start until 11:00 p.m. in the east. If this game goes to overtime I'm going to be completely exhausted tomorrow. I hope I'm not too sleepy for football practice, given my role as the star quarterback. I'd hate to disappoint my loving and devoted girlfriend, every member of the cheerleading squad.
Hey, still, these late games are way better than playing in the middle of the afternoon, am I right? Man. I don't know why NBA fans put up with that.
OK, back to the game. The Kings are still holding on to their one-goal lead. The Leafs look exhausted, which I suppose is to be expected. After winning two consecutive seven-game series, they're now playing their twentieth game in thirty-nine nights. It's a stretch of games that's literally unprecedented in NHL history, and you have to figure they're running on fumes.
It would have been nice for them to get some rest during this run, but then again, what's the league supposed to doâstart taking a week off in the middle of the playoffs for no reason? Good luck sustaining any interest if you did that.
Leafs still trailing. I know I shouldn't look ahead, but I can't help but think we'd have a great chance against the Canadiens in the final. Don't get me wrong, the Habs are a great team and will no doubt be making regular appearances in the conference finals for years to come. But they've also been on an incredible streak of good luckâthey've won an amazing
seven
straight OT games this post-season. Seven! There's simply no way that can continue in the next round.
I guess what I'm saying is I don't see the Habs beating either one of these teams in the final unless something miraculous happens.
Hey, totally off-topic, but have you noticed how Marty McSorley never seems to get any air under his shots? I have a friend who works on the Kings' equipment staff; I'm going to call him up after this series and suggest Marty start using a bigger curve on his stick.
Two minutes left. It's now or never for the Leafs. If they're going to make history tonight, somebody has to step up right now.
Felix Potvin stops a Kings 3-on-2 with ninety seconds left. He quickly plays it up to Gilmour, then heads for the bench. The Leafs are pressing as Wendel Clark hits the ice as the sixth attacker. Dougie finds him with a seeing-eye pass ⦠and Wendel is all alone at the top of the circle!
Clark winds â¦
Clark shoots â¦
Â
(Author's note: The notebook's next few pages are stuck together. Skipping ahead a bit.)
Â
(Extinguishes cigarette.)
Wendel Clark is simply unstoppable tonight. That was his third goal, and they've all been beauties. This might be the greatest game of his career. It might be the greatest game of any Leaf's career, ever. He's single-handedly willing the Leafs into the final, and there's not a thing the Kings can do about it.
Mark my words: The Leafs are winning this game in overtime on their first even-strength shift.
Uh-oh. Glenn Anderson just drove Rob Blake headfirst into the end boards in the dying seconds of regulation. He got two minutes for boarding, and the Kings will start OT on the power play.
Now look, some Leaf fans are going to complain about a penalty being handed out this late in a crucial game. But I'm going to defend the referee, whoever that happens to be tonight. What Anderson did is a penalty. Period. It's right there in the rulebook. And you have to call it, even if it's an important game. Nay, you have to call it
because
it's an important game. The rules are the rules, and you can't ignore them just because you have to make an unpopular call.
Turns out the referee tonight is Kerry Fraser, by the way. Just making a note of it for the sake of completeness. I'm sure it won't end up being important.
And we're into the intermission.
Ugh. CBC is killing time before OT by showing us a bunch of Habs propaganda. They're doing features on some of their all-time greats. It's pretty standard stuff, although I did learn one thing: Did you know that former Habs tough guy John Ferguson has a son who took fifteen tries to graduate junior kindergarten? Inspiring story. I wish them all the best.
So nervous ⦠We're one goal away from a trip to the Stanley Cup final. We just need to kill this penalty. Here goes nothing.
My God. Wayne Gretzky just high-sticked Doug Gilmour right in the face! Dougie is bleeding all over the ice. I don't have to tell you what that means: It's going to be five minutes and a game, since that's what the rulebook says and is how it's been called every single other time it's happened all year.
I mean, I really can't overstate how incredible this turn of events is. Wayne Gretzky is going to get kicked out of this game. They'll play four-on-four for a few more seconds, and then the Leafs will have an extended power play.
Look, not to get ahead of myself here, but good God almighty, the Leafs are going to score on this power play. There's no doubt in my mind. Wendel is unstoppable tonight. He's going to score, the Leafs are going to win the game, and then they're going to play the Montreal Canadiens for the Stanley Cup. I am literally seconds away from experiencing what will no doubt stand as the greatest moment of my young life.
Hmm, it's taking a lot longer than usual to call this penalty.
One more thought while they clear up whatever minor procedural matter is causing this delay. This high-sticking major on Wayne Gretzky, the announcement of which is no doubt a mere formality, is going to go down as one of the most stunning calls in NHL history. It will be discussed for decades. And Kerry Fraser is going to be the one to make it.
Imagine how he feels right now. With 20,000 fans in the building and millions more watching on TV, he's been handed a chance to make one of the toughest calls in league history. This is the moment that every official in every sport dreams of. This
exact moment
is why you pick up that whistle in the first place.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: For the rest of hockey history, whenever you hear the phrase “Referee who stares down the biggest call of his career and chokes on his whistle,” you will immediately think, “The exact opposite of Kerry Fraser.”
Um, why is Wayne Gretzky taking the face-off?
WHY IS WAYNE GRETZKY TAKING THE FACE-OFF???
Oh God, he didn't call it. He didn't call it he didn't call it he didn't call it he didn't call it â¦
Â
(Author's note: That goes on for several dozen pages. I'm just going to skip ahead.)
Â
Hockey gods, can we talk?
Look, I understand what's happening here. Kerry Fraser just refused to call an obvious penalty that could have helped send the Leafs to a historic showdown with the Canadiens for the Stanley Cup. I see what you're doing, and I know where this is going. I know the Leafs are going to lose this game now. Every Leaf fan knows it. In fact, there's really no reason to string us along. You might as well just have the goal happen right now.
But first, just one request: Have it be somebody other than Gretzky who scores, OK? Anyone but the guy who still has Dougie's blood on his stick. That's not too much to ask, is it?
I'm so young and full of hope right now. My whole life as a hockey fan is spread out before me. So much optimism. So much possibility. And I can't help but feel like this could be a turning point, hockey gods. If you let Gretzky score right here, I'm going to have to go ahead and assume that you hate Leaf fans and want us to suffer forever. And I don't know if I could handle that.
But I do know this: I really don't want to turn into some bitter, burnt-out Leaf fan who rants about things that happened a generation ago in a way that starts off funny but gradually just makes everyone around him uncomfortable. Don't let that happen to me, hockey gods. Please.
Just not Gretzky. Anyone but Gretzky.
Of course.
I will not cry. You will not get that satisfaction, hockey gods. Not tonight.
Â
(Author's note: The next few entries are hard to read. I must have spilled a glass of water on them or something.)
Â
You know what? This isn't the end of this series. Sure, it's a terrible way to lose. Sure, it will probably cost Kerry Fraser his career because even the zero-accountability NHL wouldn't try to defend this level of incompetence and will no doubt fire him first thing tomorrow morning.
But I'm not going to let this get me down. After all, I still have a lot going for me. The Blue Jays continue to dominate against smaller markets like Boston. Letterman's new show will debut soon and wipe Leno off the air for good. And
Chinese Democracy
should be out by the end of the year.
And most important of all: There's still game seven, Saturday night at the Gardens. The Leafs still have a shot. They may win. They may lose. But they still have a shot.
And I'll tell you this much: Wayne Gretzky just used up a lifetime's worth of luck tonight. If he's going to be a factor in game seven, he better be ready to play the best game of his career. Because if there's any justice left in the hockey world, his days of fluke goals are over.
Leafs in seven, baby. They're winning this series, and then they're beating the Habs. The dynasty begins now. The Maple Leafs are winning the Stanley Cup.
Because, man ⦠God help me if they don't.
