The Best of Down Goes Brown (16 page)

 

The annual announcement of the latest Hall of Fame inductees is one of the most anticipated dates of the year. Within minutes of the official announcement, fans around the world are debating the choices and arguing for their favorite candidates. Who was snubbed? Who got the call but didn't deserve it? Who should have been in years before?

The actual selection process is shrouded in mystery, relying on a secretive committee that prefers its discussions remain confidential. But as you might expect, certain details always leak out. For example, did you know that the entire process actually begins with a basic application form?

It's true. And DGB spies were able to get their hands on a copy of the 2012 application.

As a player who has been retired for three years or more, you are eligible for inclusion in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Congratulations! However, induction to the Hall of Fame is reserved for only the sport's greatest legends. In order to help us determine whether you meet the Hall's strict standards, please fill out this application form outlining your case.

First name:
_____

Last name:
_____

Nickname the media called you in print:
_____

Nickname the media called you behind your back:
_____

 

1.
The teams that you played for can, in some cases, influence your chances of being inducted. Do any of the following situations apply to you?

Played for a team in a major media market, which may provide me with a slight advantage.

Played almost my entire career for a team everybody claims to watch but nobody ever does, and am hoping I can get in under the Federko Exemption.

Played for the Maple Leafs for a few weeks when I was in my forties, and am assuming we can just fast-track this whole thing.

Played most of my career for the Vancouver Canucks, so come to think of it I'm probably wasting my time here, aren't I?

 

2.
Offensive totals are an important part of any Hall of Fame case. If your numbers are not as high as other players', explain why you feel you should still be considered.

Played in an era when scoring was lower than it was at other points in history.

Shifted into a more defensive style of play later in my career.

Was injured for a few games against Andrew Raycroft back in 2007, so probably missed out on thirty or forty more goals.

Saw how much trouble Adam Oates was having getting in; just assumed you guys thought that scoring a ton of points was somehow a bad thing.

 

3.
Hall of Fame rules limit us to four player inductions per year. Are there any high-profile 2012 candidates that you think we should pass on this time?

Mats Sundin, since it would probably take him six months to decide whether or not he wants to attend the induction ceremony.

Eric Lindros, since it would just be awkward for everyone when his plaque completely forgets that he once played for the Dallas Stars.

Pavel Bure, since it would be fun to see how Canucks fans would figure out a way to blame it on the Bruins.

Pat Burns, since he was obviously inducted unanimously when he was first eligible two years ago, and only appears on this year's ballot because of a typo, right?

 

4.
Winning one or more championships can certainly bolster your case. Do you have your name on the Stanley Cup?

Sorry, am having trouble checking an option since my hand is so weighed down by all these giant rings.

Was a dedicated team player completely focused on reaching the ultimate goal of winning a championship, and finally achieved that late in my career by demanding that my loser franchise trade me to a way better team.

Um, you saw the part up above where I mentioned playing for the Canucks, right?

Didn't have my name on the Cup when I first came by the Hall of Fame to drop off my application, but thanks to an inattentive security guard and a Sharpie, I do now.