The Alpha's Desire 5 (7 page)

When I came to a stop, Nira and Lex along with the others behind me following suit, Daniel turned and saw us. His smile fell away as he took a quick glance around figuring out his dire straits. I could smell the moment of fear, freezing him with his shock. The human in me wanted to speak, to hit him first with my words, threats, anger, to make him feel, something, anything, close to remorse; though it probably wasn’t possible, I wanted it anyway, for a brief second before my wolf’s instincts took control again, rallied for a kill.

It didn’t take Daniel long though to snap out of his momentary lapse into weakness. He leaped from the porch and started his horrible shift, bones cracking, cries of pain echoing through the night as skin tore and a wolf emerged. My sympathy for him didn’t come though this time, not in this form, or not after what I knew. Either way, once his shift was complete, he took off, and I after him without so much as a second thought. He ran and I ran, it seemed as simple as that as something inside me trembled to catch him.

By the time he got to the tree line, I’d jumped forward, pushing my muscles to their limits to position myself just in front of him enough to force him into a complete stop. I made him stumble as I gained more ground, blocking his way entirely. We did a dance like this, my moving, him retreating, as I kept him trapped just by engaging with him consistently so that he could no longer run away without my jumping onto him in full attack mode. Thoughts didn’t run through my mind, I just acted, each movement of my legs, each snarl, instinctual.

When he turned, made a sudden move as if to flee, I leaped onto his body, and my teeth sunk into his neck. The grisly crunch of hide being punctured by my teeth sent a faint shudder trickling down over my spine, giving me a chill even as warm blood filled my mouth. While the part of my brain still human sat silent in shock, my head shook until the snap of bone rang out in my ears. The blood tasted different than human blood, though I only had biting my lip and raw meat to compare to the flood of liquid now in my mouth. A sudden pulse, shooting another wave of it into my mouth made me drop him as the human in me began to gag if that was even possible. It was much more a mental reaction, not physical, but I slowly backed away from the body regardless.

Two steps back, and I stopped dead in my tracks, watching the motionless body of a wolf transforming back into a man whose head laid now at an odd angle to his body. I’d broken his spine in one shake of my head. The whole idea of it, all of the ramifications, settled in. The emotions waging war within me were not all my own, but at this moment, I’d no ability to decipher them. Pride and victory lingered over shock and disgust only to war with sadness and celebration.

Shaking, I let my hind legs crumble under me, taking me to a sitting position before I laid my belly on the ground, my head on my front paws by my victim. Looking back over my shoulder, the other vampires and wolves with me had animalistic grins on their faces. Well, as far as the wolves went, their mouths were open, with the sides of their mouths wrinkled up in what I’d come to know as a grin. On the other hand, both Lex and Nira had tense looks of concern on their faces. Both of their eyes had darkened as their mouths tensed into flat lines, both human and wolf.

A sudden bout of shame went through me like a hot flash from head to toe born of whatever blade had just sliced through my core. I lowered my head, looking only at my front paws rather than back at the dead body, worse somehow looking like a broken, frail man now. The red splatters on my brown fur turned even my wolf stomach suddenly. Taking off, not knowing what else to do, I raced back to the spot where we’d left our clothes balled up high in a tree.

I made a quick change back into my clothes, the night air even of summer making me cold, trembling, as tears wet my eyes. I couldn’t place an emotion on the raw ache in my chest, beyond guilt, something like sadness, with some sort of self-loathing mixed in. The last I’d known all too well at one point in my life being a big-boned woman, as the cruel boys liked to joke in high school, believing themselves somehow politically correct in their cruelness.

As the odd memory passed through my mind, I attempted to hold onto it, to step away from the memory of my killing a wolf, a man, just moments before. I needed a break from the image of flesh, bone, muscle and blood torn open at my feet. It didn’t stick though. I couldn’t maintain the distraction; instead I latched onto the word cruel. I wanted to blame my wolf, claim it instinct, but it didn’t feel right, or even justified. Maybe to some degree, but not entirely.

I’d held guilt over not killing the man before now, taking every number of dead at his hands since onto my own weighted shoulders. Yet, killing him didn’t alleviate that even if others thought it warranted. It didn’t make me want to stand up straight, to pound on my chest, to celebrate in any way. Even the relief I felt at having gotten rid of the threat was short-lived and not enough to overshadow the intense insanity that plagued me now. I had no other terminology for it as none of it made sense.

Pulling up my jeans, buttoning them, I bent over the wave of nausea, letting what little I’d eaten come up as I fell to my knees. Hot tears burned and clouded my eyes. As I continued to dry heave, the burn of it ingratiating itself into my guilt-ridden brain, I felt the others behind me. Lex shifted, threw on his jeans I knew from the sounds I focused on intently just to have something, anything to draw my attention away from the turmoil taking me, making me want to curl into a fetal position and will the world away.

All I knew was I wheezed instead of breathed as my head hung there. I shivered, yet my body was sweating. The eyes of Lex and Nira behind me seemed to bore into my back and still I couldn’t manage to turn around and face them. Without the rough bark of the tree I’d thrown my forehead against after getting sick, I may not have managed to stay upright, well on all fours as a human at all.

A touch on my back made my neck whirl, bringing me face to face with Lex though my arms remained straight down, holding me up with my hands balled into fists so tight I expected blood to begin dripping down my palms at any minute to soak into the hard dirt. Still, he pulled me into his embrace, now seated himself on the ground and gave me a hard, quick kiss on the lips.

“I’m proud of you, my little wolf,” he said before placing a light kiss on my forehead. “You were very brave out there tonight.”

I only managed to shake my head in response, a sob stealing any breath I had, making words an impossibility which was fine given I had none of them to say.

“I am. I am very proud. You followed your wolf, did what had to be done.”

“I thought you were upset… with me,” I managed, even though I tripped over the light, shaky rush of words.

“No, not upset, just concerned. A first kill is a big deal, and I didn’t want you to suffer any more due to that man. It had to be done. Do I wish it hadn’t been you, that you wouldn’t have to deal with this right now? Yes. Am I proud of you for completing the mission? Yes. Whatever comes now, we will deal with it together. I just need you to make me one promise.”

“Yes. Whatever you want,” I choked out as fresh tears spilled from my eyes, and relief washed over me to some degree.

“Promise me that whatever you are feeling, that you will share it with me, no matter what you think of it or what you think I will think of it. I want to help, and I can only do that if you are one hundred percent honest with me. No holding back, not anything, not any time. I am here, always. And, I love you, more than words can say. You can tell me anything. I will always be here to help no matter what. My love for you my mate is truly unconditional, though in this situation it doesn’t matter as I could not be prouder of you.”

I’d appreciated every word of Lex’s lecture as I nuzzled into him.

“You must focus now,” he said, his hand running down over my hair as we continued to sit by the tree. “You need to see if you can connect to Josh again and bring him back. Try to let him know that Daniel is dead, and it is safe to come back to the SUVs, to lose the other wolves.” 

Chapter Seven

Still being held a little too tightly in Lex’s strong and concerned arms, I concentrated to connect with Josh. With him still out playing bait along with other werewolves and vampires, I attempted to let them all know it was safe to come back to the SUV’s before anyone else got hurt tonight. Everything was over. I’d killed the true werewolves’ alpha, and the pack had run off, so at least everything was over for tonight. Even a momentary thought of Daniel laying there broken, by the mouth of my wolf, gave my squeamish human stomach a jolt, causing it to contract and release, sending the threat of bile to my throat.

Forcing calm as Lex rubbed up and down my arms, or at least giving it my best go at it, the old Girl Scout try, I sent those faked emotions to Josh, or at best, hoped I did. If he sensed me at peace, he’d know we’d won the battle. Everything had been done and over so quick. He’d not be circling around any time soon to check out the progress my group had made. Right now, hunched under this tree, even with the man I loved, all I wanted was for everyone to be back at and secure in the safe house.

I wanted the night to be over in the worst way. To end it, I had to get back to the place we were staying, to be removed from these woods where I had taken another man’s life. Knowing I couldn’t manage what I had done on my own, I needed to let the others soothe me, to tell me that I’d done the right thing in killing that monster of a man.

I tried to picture the future in my head, to escape the present moment. The whole scene played out in sketchy clips, like my brain was getting a bad signal. I managed to get a glimpse of myself back in the house, surrounded by those I cared for, those who understood me. It took a concentrated effort, but I heard them tell me that my actions were warranted, necessary even.

They had been, of course they had. He’d have killed many more than he already had if he hadn’t been stopped. Still, I wasn’t yet believing my own brain when it came up with rationales for taking a life. Instead it answered back with other scenarios, after the fact claiming I could have taken him prisoner, though I didn’t know how, or where, or anything else about how I could have pulled off such a feat. Even back in human form, the metallic scent of his blood, the whiskey that had been on his last breath, came back to me, flooded my nose as if I stood over him still.

Maybe other people’s assurances could quiet my guilt and settle my stomach since I couldn’t. Those butterflies that had been in my stomach anxious and irritated before we’d gone after Daniel now seemed to war in there, fluttering and bouncing around in my core, sending vibrations that hinted of pain all throughout my body. My limbs ached something fierce already, and that didn’t help to soothe me at all. If anything, it did just the opposite, irritating an already distraught mind-body connection.

Turning off my brain by concentrating on listening, the sound of crickets chirping and air rustling leaves helped to lull me a tad. At least I didn’t hear the sounds of the chase, or the harrowing cries of war. As my breathing regulated to something close to normal, I took in the scent of Lex. Allowing that to finally slow my heartbeat, the frantic organ no longer thudded in my chest making me feel like I’d have a heart attack to top off the panic attack I’d been warding off with the grinding of my teeth and unstable internal dialogue.

What came through first were Josh’s emotions, the rush of being chased along with the thrill of darting around a tree, jumping a large stone, and hitting a new path in a game of cat and mouse. A boy thing I assumed much more than even a wolf thing. Some members of Daniel’s wolf pack obviously continued to chase them rather than getting lost in the woods. That had been the mission, to lure them away from their leader, leave Daniel unprotected, and then ditch his pack out in the middle of the woods. Apparently, they’d underestimated the skills of these other werewolves.

Adjusting my body, nestling more into Lex’s solid one for connection rather than warmth, as stress alone continued to heat me, I cleared my mind of everything but Josh. Bringing him to mind, the intricacies of his mix of grey and brown fur that capped his face, his image became crystal clear right down to the white, downy fur surrounding his black snout. Even in his wolf form, his eyes held a boyish charm that I’d only seen disappear when in attack mode during my training.

I attempted to connect with him anyway I could. It had never been so hard before between us, but then again, I’d never felt like this either. The rush of each feeling, the tornado-like swirl of them inside me was indescribable, like nothing I’d ever known before. If he was reading me, he probably wouldn’t know what to think either. I could only hope that brought him around. The sooner they all gathered, the sooner I could get home, well, back to the safe house, but out of these pine-scented woods of death. This place that had once held good, although now bittersweet memories of me and my mother, happy and alive, now emanated only destruction and the end of life, along with a strange mix of contrition and triumph.

Finally, after what seemed like forever to me but had only been a handful of minutes in reality, Josh started to come through better. Had he been in his human form I would have sworn I heard him laugh, felt the light pulse of it anyway. In his mind nothing but adrenaline-born emotions coursed, pressing him forward, causing him to play, and tease Daniel’s wolves as Josh continued to use himself as bait, enjoying the mission a little too much apparently.

Damn, young adrenaline junkies
, I hissed inside my head. I loved Josh, cherished our bond, but right now, anything standing in my way, thwarting my desperate need to get out of here irritated the hell out of me. I needed an escape from my thoughts, and it was never going to come in this part of nature’s paradise, sadly.

After a few more deep breaths, I began to see through Josh’s eyes. Their plan played out in what amounted to utter confusion in the trees, bodies moving every which way like dancing shadows around the paths shrouded with foliage and nightfall. Vampires and wolves appeared to leap around each other, free form, no choreographing, in a poorly orchestrated bump and grind to do nothing more than play a game of cat and mouse.

Where he was, probably only a mile away, no one fought except two wolves who wrestled only to have the royal werewolf throw the true werewolf off and join back in the chase immediately after. At least no blood had been shed. For that I found relief, a subtle trickling of relaxation throughout my weary body. It was as if I’d been hit by a truck and the heavy pain meds were finally kicking in. I needed others to get through this.

Nothing like a good murder to make one so selfish,
I thought bitterly, berating myself yet again, my urge for anger-laced remorse picking out anything it could get its claws into to make me feel worse.

The sensation didn’t last long though, as in my mind I watched as Josh came upon the cabin, probably checking up on me and the whole situation to see what he should do next. I saw the blur of the tree trunks as he rushed through them while he rounded the place, taking in the scene. He had another wolf several paces behind, the smell of him the only clue. The hole in the wall that looked into a living room in shambles popped into my mind, seeing it all again through his eyes this time. It didn’t make it any better, not time or distance, nor my displacement from the situation currently. The porch strewn with pieces of furniture, discarded food and broken glass, among other undistinguishable wreckage looked more like a tornado had hit the place while miraculously leaving most of the main structure standing.

Once he actually stopped, in a defensive maneuver to be able to attack anything that came at him, he moved to the side, positioning himself as close as he could to the house. He looked toward the true werewolves that came after him along with the vampires and other Royal werewolves who stopped short around the cabin, each of them positioning themselves in some sort of semi-circle around the front of the place. I could only assume that the scent of spilled blood had caused such a strange occurrence. Wolves knew by scent the state of their prey, alive, dying or dead. Each probably paused to see who that blood belonged to, and how bad the carnage was.

When the rest of the groups got to the clearing in front of the cabin, they came to a dead stop as well. One would have sworn a bell had been rung calling them there, but then I remembered how wolves used scent to track their prey, so Daniel’s spilled blood would have called them all, true or Royal werewolves, to the house.

Funny
, I thought though not in a laughing sort of way,
how a crisis can make one’s thoughts crazy, make you go through simple facts as if they were new knowledge.

I shook my head at myself as much as at the situation unfolding by the cabin. I held my breath watching the two lines across from each other form, yet rather than fight they stared at Daniel’s body on the ground. My stomach tightened up even more if possible, coiled at having to actually see his body again.

In his human form now with his neck broken, head to the side at an odd angle, Daniel appeared a sad little broken man, so far from the image of the psychotic, deranged, monster alpha in the black suit who had terrorized me for so long. I couldn’t reconcile the two Daniels, which only incited my guilt further at being the one who had placed that dead person upon the ground. I’d had a part in creating this horror story scene of blood and gore, and like watching a scary movie, now I tensed to see what would happen next. I couldn’t imagine who would make a move first, or what that would be. The balance of power out there still didn’t sit in my group’s favor. Daniel’s true werewolves outnumbered both the Royal werewolves and the vampires.

Call it wishful and hopeful thinking, but I played out a positive scenario in my mind, willed it into being praying to whatever powers that be that I could use my magic to do something, incite some action that would bring about a happy ever after resolution. When I wrote this and all the other events of my life over the past seven months as a story I wanted that fairy tale ending. Besides, I was more than ready now for the book to be done, right this minute. No more issues, no more fear, no more death beyond all else. Wrap it all up in one nice, fast ending. I wanted more than anything to have that and then fly off into the sunset, back to my too-good-to-be-true secret island with the man I loved.

When the burn of my lungs finally forced me to breathe, the lead wolf after a minute of standing there staring finally walked slowly to Daniel’s body, putting one paw after another on the ground, stepping gingerly as if all four of them hurt. As he lowered his head and sniffed, the final group of wolves and vampires arrived. Each of them came to dead stops as well, surely taking in and evaluating the situation, finding their place in it. They all came in seconds to fall in with the crowd, to stare at the wolf over Daniel.

I wondered if he was deciding how to handle things, seeing how the vampires and werewolves had all paused in defensive positions waiting to see if they’d fight. They awaited his decision, seemingly another alpha of the pack, the one that would take over now that their main alpha had died. My group, I knew, just waited to see if they would be called to fight, or if this night’s festivities would be over. I hoped until it hurt that these wolves hated Daniel’s ways, and would be somehow relieved to find this tyrant of a man dead, though the rational side of me doubted that possible.

Finally, the wolf over Daniel made a snorting sound, disturbing the very air around him, causing a cyclic reaction through the crowd. Once the reverberations of that singular act died down, he turned back to the group which had formed a nearly perfect semi-circle around him and the body now. He gave a shake of his head, his big ears making a clapping sound against his head, before he stood up taller and stretched his body though he remained on all fours still.

He appeared poised to howl at the moon, even if it still remained hidden by thick clouds, with his hind haunches down, and his front shoulders stretched upward, like a yoga position. Without a connection to the moon like the true werewolves had with their curse, even if he did howl at the thing, I couldn’t be sure of the meaning behind it. I’d still have to wait to see his next move.

I could feel the anxiousness churning within Josh, a combination of wanting to know what came next and wondering what had come before. He had to feel me, but he also had to wonder about the rest of my group, how they had faired. The present moment lingered on in a stalemate as silence reigned. Luckily, I maintained our connection, continued to watch through his eyes as the others stayed in their tense stances, poised to deal with whatever came next.

It seemed an eternity that no one moved. I blinked instinctively, as useless as my own eyes were at this minute, to see if I’d fallen asleep. As the vampires and werewolves by the cabin did, I waited with bated breath, hearing the hammering of my own heart, the deep thud of it within my chest, as this true werewolf mauled over the options of the pack he’d just assumed leadership of.