Take Me Under (24 page)

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. But please tell me it’s Mike who’s coming over and not Alex.”

He slid her a shuttered look from under his brows. “You don’t like Alex?”

“I don’t really know him, but to be bluntly honest, he’s always made me nervous.”

He frowned. “He’s pretty self-contained these days, but he’s a good guy.”

“I’m sure he is,” she said, rubbing her hands over her chilled arms. “But he still looks like he could kill without batting an eyelash.”

“So could I, if it meant keeping you alive,” he muttered under his breath.

His phone started ringing again, and he went back into his office to take the call. It sounded like he was busy getting things coordinated for the investigation, so Reese went into the living room, curling up in a corner of the sofa as she waited for him to finish. She didn’t think more than fifteen minutes had passed when she heard a vehicle pulling into the driveway.

“That’ll be Mike,” Ben said, stopping in the doorway to the living room. “Just give me a minute to talk to him, and then I’ll say good-bye before heading out.”

* * *

B
EN WATCHED
R
EESE’S LIPS FORM SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE
I
’LL
be right here
, but his pulse was roaring in his ears too loudly for him to be sure of her exact words. He didn’t know what his fucking problem was, but he hated the idea of leaving her here. This wasn’t just fear. It was like a goddamn poison burning through his veins, and he didn’t know how to deal with it—how to care this much about another person, to the point that it felt like steel bars were squeezing in around his chest.

If this was what getting twisted up over a woman was all about, then he sure as shit didn’t know how to wear the emotion. It didn’t fit, too fucking tight, too confining, making it impossible to breathe. He felt like he was coming out of his skin, everything shrinking in on him. He was half tempted to call Brit and talk it out with her, but knew he probably wouldn’t like whatever she had to say. He rarely did. The woman had a way of seeing into him and digging out things he preferred to keep buried.

Standing at the end of his front walkway, he watched Mike climb down from the cab of his Ford F-150. Coming around the front of the truck, his brother asked, “Where’s Reese?”

He jerked his head toward the house. “She’s inside.”

Looking curious, Mike lowered his voice and said, “I talked to Alex. He told me she’s living here now.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “You gonna give me shit about it, as well?”

Mike gave a low laugh as he held up his hands. “Not at all, man. Alex can be as doom and gloom as he likes. But I think it’s great.”

Ah, Christ. All he needed was Mike trying to play fucking Cupid. “I like spending time with her, and she needs protection right now,” he said. “But her being here doesn’t mean anything more than that.”

Mike looked vaguely surprised. “Doesn’t it?”

“Look. I had an itch. So did she. For the moment, we’re having fun scratching them. End of story,” he growled, the shitty words shocking him as much as they did his brother.

Shaggy hair fell over Mike’s brow as he shook his head. “So you’re just gonna walk away from her when this stalker shit is over?”

Those steel bars started to squeeze in tighter, his lungs about ready to explode. “I’m not even thinking about the future,” he bit out, sweating like he had a fucking fever. “What’s so wrong with just enjoying the moment?”

Mike came a little closer, his expression taking on a hard, determined cast. “I’m gonna say something, Ben, and you’re not gonna like it. But I’m doing it because I love you, so you’ll just have to live with it. And let it go on the record right now that if you punch me, I’ll punch you back.”

“You’re so fucking bat-shit,” he muttered, turning back toward the house. But Michael grabbed his arm, jerking him back around.

“Listen. Just because Mom and Dad were screwed up, and Alex and Judith were like the couple from hell, you
do
know that it happens, right? That two people can make it work, so long as they love each other?”

A muscle started to pulse in his jaw. His nostrils flared. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” he said flatly.

“Yeah?” Apparently deciding to try a different tactic, a slow smile started to kick up the corner of Mike’s mouth. “Then you won’t mind if I make a play for her after you’re done? ’Cause those sweet tits of hers get me every time. Are they freckled? Taste like peaches and cream?” Mike snapped his fingers. “I bet it’s coconut. She always smells like—”

Before Ben even knew he was moving, he had his hands fisted in the front of Mike’s T-shirt. “Keep your fucking mouth shut!” he snarled, lifting all six-feet-four of his baby brother off the ground and slamming him against the side of the truck.

“Why? What’s it to you?” Mike shouted in his face. “You’re gonna push her away, right? Send her off to have fun with some other guy. So what the hell? Might as well be me.”

“You little shit!” he growled, slamming him against the truck again, before forcing himself to let go and staggering back a step. Breathing hard, Ben wiped the back of his wrist over his mouth, and tried to get a grip on his temper before he started a fight he knew he would only feel like crap about later.

“You might not like hearing it,” Mike grunted, shoving his hair out of his eyes, “but you care about this woman.”

“I never said that,” Ben snarled, forcing the words through his gritted teeth.

Mike shook his head again. “I never figured you for a fucking coward.”

“What the hell do you know? You’ve never been in love!”

“I know you can’t turn your back on it just because you’ve seen some bad shit,” Mike argued, tossing his hands up. “Jesus, Ben. You want to end up like Alex? Be a miserable jackass for the rest of your life?”

“For the last time, Mike. I am
not
in love with her! So fucking drop it!” he roared, his deep voice thundering with rage.

Mike started to respond, but then he caught sight of something over Ben’s shoulder and his eyes went wide. Before his brother had managed to pull his hand down his face and mutter, “Shit,” Ben’s heart had already lodged itself in his throat.

He ground his jaw and braced himself as he turned around. But he still felt like he’d just been kicked in the gut. Reese stood in the front doorway, ghostly pale except for the twin splotches of vivid color burning under her freckles. He opened his mouth, but she was already turning, disappearing inside. Feeling like the bottom of his stomach had just dropped out, Ben followed after her as she walked straight through the house, heading for his bedroom. She didn’t stop until she’d made it all the way to the far side of the room. Then she just stood there in front of the window, staring out into the inky darkness of the evening.

Doing her best not to cry, Reese said, “I think it would probably be a good idea if I went to my sister’s. I can ask Mike to drive me, since my car’s still at the garage.”

“No.” His breath left his lungs in a sharp, frustrated burst. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Why?” she snapped, glaring at him over her shoulder. “So we can keep scratching those itches you were talking about?”

He went rigid, shoulders looking twice their size as his muscles hardened with tension. “It’s more than that and you know it.”

“Just . . . don’t. I can’t take any more of your mind games right now.” She looked back out the window, hoping she could just keep it together until he left. Then she could fall apart and cry like a baby, feeling like the biggest fool on the planet.

“What you overheard . . . that doesn’t mean anything. Mike was just pissing me off. He loves to push my buttons.”

Rubbing her stupid eyes, which were already leaking tears, she said, “Seriously, Ben. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Damn it, Reese.” His low voice shook with emotion. “Don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything!” She flung the words at him as she spun around, wondering what the hell he wanted from her. “I’m not the one pushing you away!”

He shoved a hand through his hair, looking haggard and pissed and so outrageously sexy she could have eaten him alive. “I’m not trying to push you away, either.”

She choked back a painful laugh, her throat burning with tears as he went on, saying, “Please, Reese. Just talk to me. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

It was the worry and the fear she could hear in his rough voice that got to her, more than the words themselves. When he was open like this, she couldn’t say no to him, no matter how much she knew that she should. “We can talk when you get back, okay? I just . . . I need some time to think.”

He took a deep, ragged breath. “What the fuck is there to think about?”

She was trying so hard to stay calm, but it was impossible, her voice cracking as all the pain and hurt inside her suddenly spilled out, impossible to control. “Gee, I don’t know, Ben. How about the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you?”

The instant she heard the words slipping from her lips, Reese knew he would react poorly. And she was right. His mouth went tight, lashes lowering to conceal the cold, panicked look in his eyes. But she couldn’t stop now. She needed to get the words bottled up inside her out in the open, no longer willing to hold them back. Needed to make sure he understood exactly where she was coming from.

She sniffed, determined not to cower with embarrassment as she lifted her chin. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you and I want to be with you.”

He pulled a shaky hand down his face, his breaths coming hard and fast. “I . . . damn it, Reese. I didn’t think you’d be ready for something like that.”

She took a step toward him, arms wrapped around her middle, trying to hold herself together as they barreled toward that brick wall she’d always known was coming, hoping like crazy that they could make it through to the other side. “I wouldn’t be—not with any other man,” she admitted, trying to make him understand. “But you . . . I think I must have at least loved you a little for a long time now, Ben, without even realizing it. Because now I love you so much that I can’t control it or hold it back. And I don’t . . . I don’t want just a part of you. I had that once, and I didn’t even love him. Not like this. Not like I love you. It’s . . . all over me. Inside me. In my heart and my mind. It’s like I’ve been cracked open, and now there’s room for so much more than there was before. More pleasure, more hunger, more love. So you need . . . you need to take the time to think about what you want.”

“What I want?” His voice was raw, the look in his eyes as terrified as someone facing a life or death situation.

She licked her trembling lips, and said, “I don’t expect you to say the words back to me. Not now. I mean, I know that’s not how you feel. But if you don’t think that it’s
ever
going to be something that could happen, then you need to let me know now so that we can end this before it goes any further.”

“Goddamn it. Don’t say that!” Ben paced from one side of the room to the other, his hands flexing and releasing at his sides. He couldn’t function like this, ripped wide open, his emotions in chaos. This wasn’t him. He didn’t even know how to wrap his head around it. Sliding her a sharp glare, he growled, “Why the fuck are you doing this? We had something great going, and you’re fucking it up!”

She looked confused, and hurt. “What’s so wrong with falling in love?”

He made a sharp, cutting motion with his hand, as if he could knock her infuriating question out of his way. “Love is fucking bullshit, Reese! All I ever heard growing up was how much my mother loved my father, which somehow seemed to just give her the right to treat him like shit. Screw any guy she wanted, while he sucked down his misery in bottle after bottle, waiting for her to come back and tell him how fucking sorry she was.” He gritted his teeth and tried to shut up, hating the devastated look on her beautiful, tear-stained face, but he couldn’t stop. The words were being torn from some dark, savage place he always kept under lockdown. But the locks had been blown, and now all this shit was spewing out of him. “Then I had to watch Alex go through the same fucking thing. Watch his damn stomach get pumped while he begged me just to let him die. And all because that bitch he’d married thought it was fun to screw with his head. Fuck that!”

There was nothing but a breath-filled silence when he was done with the guttural tirade. Just that awful, heavy weight of things that were still unsaid and unresolved pressing down on him. He knew he needed to wait it out and finish this with her now, but there wasn’t any time. He was already late as hell.

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Ben rubbed his hand over his mouth, then let it drop to his side. Forcing himself to look her in the eye, he said, “I need to get to the crime scene.”

She nodded as she swiped at her tears with her fingertips, her voice a small, tight whisper. “Yeah, okay. I understand.”

“I’ll be back,” he grunted. “Just . . . don’t fucking go anywhere.” Then he turned and got his ass out of there, barking at Mike to keep his eye on her and to lock the door behind him.

By the time Ben had driven the half mile to the parking lot where the body had been found, he’d managed to get a grip on his temper. But he was still pissed at himself for acting like such a world-class bastard. Pissed he’d let Mike’s taunting push him into saying things that had hurt her. Not to mention the things he’d said before he’d left.

He’d let his fear of one day ending up like his father or brother govern his behavior tonight. Not that he thought Reese would ever cheat on him the way his mother had cheated on his old man, or Judith had slept around on Alex. But there were other ways for a woman to fuck a man up. Love meant letting Reese have a kind of power over him. Meant letting her into every part of his life—not just as a fun accessory, but as the most important element. Meant opening himself up and keeping nothing from her, which was hardly his fucking strong point. But the alternative—watching her walk away from him—wasn’t something he could live with.

Which meant he needed to figure out what the fuck he was doing, and fast.