Sweet: (Intermix) (True Believers) (13 page)

I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to do post-college exactly, and that felt like such a failure. It made me feel guilty, too, that other people didn’t have the luxury of going through the motions of a degree. They had to pay bills and survive and here I was, getting a degree to placate Daddy.

The freedom I was working so hard to ensure wasn’t really all that freeing if I was going through the motions with my classes, and aimless otherwise. I was halfway done with college and knew less about my future than I had when I’d graduated high school. Scary shit.

Fortunately, Riley was not the kind of guy who wanted me to cough up all my personal details or my feelings. Probably because he didn’t want to do that in return.

There was a safety in spending time with him, laughing and eye-rolling and teasing, with occasional moments of serious conversation. But there was no prying, no judgment.

He hung the blind. Maybe because he knew that it would look a lot better than the sheet that was currently tacked to the wall. Or maybe he just wanted to get me to shut up. Either way, in ten minutes, he had the brackets mounted to the wall and the blind clicked in place.

I clapped. “It looks awesome in here.” I had thrown away the pillows on the couch when he wasn’t looking and had replaced them with two red pillows we had scored at the dollar store for five bucks a piece. Mostly my goal there was again to cut down on the lingering smoke smell.

“I have to admit, it does look a lot better. You are a genius, my friend.” But he swatted my hand when I tried to open the window. “Down, girl.”

“Argh! Your logic makes no sense! It’s boiling in here!”

“You’re cute when you’re annoyed,” he told me, and kissed the tip of my nose.

Damn him. I forgot about the window. “Kiss me,” I ordered.

“There we go with the bossy thing again.” But he obeyed, taking me into his arms and kissing me thoroughly.

Everything inside me melted, and I rubbed my breasts against his chest as his breathing grew slower, louder, our mouths colliding with a hot intensity, his fingers gripping my hair on the back of my head. I went for his zipper.

Riley stopped me. “Uh-uh. We’re just kissing. No skipping steps.”

What steps was I missing? Kissing led to naked, which led to sex. I wasn’t sure what else there was supposed to be, but I didn’t want to get into a breakdown on sexual dynamics and dating again. Those conversations were boring and annoying. So I just moved my hands to the small of his back and bit his bottom lip to show him what I thought of that.

“Ow.”

“Be quiet,” I said in response to his clearly fake complaining. “It wasn’t that hard.”

“You know, there is something else I’m afraid of,” he said, his brown eyes crinkling in amusement.

“What?”

“You.”

That earned him a smack on his chest.

He laughed, and that was the end of our romantic kiss. He pulled away and dug his phone out of his pocket. “I’m starving. I’m going to order Chinese food. What do you want?”

A magic pill that would allow me to eat as much food as he did. Jesus. “Steamed vegetables.”

“Gross.”

“Like your face.”

He laughed. “Touché, pussycat.”

Hell, if this was dating, I could do this, no problem. It wasn’t that much different than how we had been two days ago. I felt a little more relaxed about the weightiness of the word “relationship.” Obviously it meant different things depending on the people involved, and Riley and I were not moony-eyed, let’s carve each other’s names with knives on our forearms kind of people. Nor did we need to be constantly petting and grooming each other like Tyler and Rory, or using smoochie-woochie, fakie-wakie words like Kylie and Nathan.

We were awesome, as Riley had stated, and we ate Chinese food (well, he ate Chinese food, and I nibbled on broccoli) and played video games and made out, his Szechuan breath killing my desire to stick both my hands in the food containers and shovel scoops into my mouth.

Riley kissed me old school, his hands staying outside of clothes, on my waist. I have to admit, it was making me crazy, but in a good way. He was stirring my arousal, making it simmer low, and I knew if he kept this up, I would be boiling. I tried to arch my breasts as an enticement but he ignored me.

Then he smiled at me. “I need to go to bed. I have to get up at six tomorrow to be on site by seven.”

I blinked. “Are you serious? It’s only ten.” I knew that because I had been clock watching earlier for our war of the windows. I had just opened the living room one a half hour before.

“I know. But I want to get home early tomorrow and do something with the boys when they get back. Jayden loves the zoo, and I hate the zoo, so I need a good night’s sleep to have the patience for that. All that walking and animal shit and Jayden pointing out their balls in a voice that is way too loud for public.”

Nice. “That sounds fun. Sort of. I can’t say I’m that interested in giraffe testicles myself.” I realized I didn’t know what my role in any of this was. “I should probably pack up my stuff tonight. I’ll see if Robin can drive me to the apartment I’m subletting.” I was supposed to move out the next day, when the boys came home. That’s what we had agreed on. But now that seemed like a whole lot of no fun. I didn’t want to be in an apartment by myself with a strange roommate. I wanted to be here.

“Want to go to the zoo with us?”

“I have to work.”

“Bummer.”

It was a bummer. All of it. I didn’t expect him to offer for me to stay. Where would I? The only room I could stay in would be in Riley’s with him and that was like basically living together. Real living together. That was skipping steps, and maybe not appropriate for Easton’s impressionable mind. Of course, Rory stayed there all the time, so what the hell was I worried about? That wasn’t really the point. The point was you don’t move in for reals with someone you started dating five minutes earlier. Plus Riley knew I’d rented this apartment already. It would seem weird if he suggested I stay.

So why did I want him to suggest I stay?

He was turning me into a neurotic freak. Maybe it was better I was moving out.

“When will I see you again?” he asked.

“Wednesday is my first day off.” Hmm. That was a long time to not see each other. In a week I’d gotten used to him being around, and I felt a pout coming on.

“Text me your new address and I’ll pick you up after work, and we can do something. That cool?”

“Yep.” Sort of. I guess it would have to be.

“Good night.” He kissed my forehead. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

So apparently I was supposed to sleep in my room. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Actually, yes, I did. I thought it sucked.

I really hated it when he closed the door to his room and I realized how dark and quiet the house was. I got up and checked the front and back doors. The front had been locked already but the kitchen wasn’t, and I did a quick search of the closets and the pantry to make sure no one was lurking there, having snuck in while the door was unlocked all afternoon. Then I closed the living room window because really, anyone could just pop the screen out and climb in. It was huge, unlike the bedroom windows.

Trying to watch TV, I bit my fingernails and told myself there was no such thing as demons and that the weird scratching sound was the cat who came and went at random through the pet door. He must be back in the house, wandering around. My feet were on the coffee table and I was hot now that I’d closed the window, yet I shivered like something had touched the back of my neck. Spinning around, I expected to see the cat on the back of the couch, but nothing was there.

Suddenly the room had shadows everywhere, and the kitchen looked like a big yawning black hole, the back door glass giving off a weird reflective shimmer.

The scratching got louder, and I went from slightly unnerved to scared on a level of pure panic.

When the scratch was followed by what I swear was a sinister whisper, I shut off the TV, jumped off the couch, and went down the hall, my back sliding against the wall so nothing could attack me from behind. Reaching Riley’s room, my heart racing, I whispered, “Riley?”

He didn’t answer.

I lightly knocked. “Riley?” I had to keep it down. I didn’t want the demon to know where I was precisely. Or the serial killer. Whichever it was.

When he still didn’t answer, I turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. “Riley?”

“Yeah?”

Thank God. He wasn’t dead in his bed.

“I heard a noise. In the living room. Like a disembodied voice whispering.” I didn’t wait for his response. I was already moving into his room, closing the door behind me and locking it. “I think someone is in the house.”

He sighed. “No one is in the house.”

“How do you know?” I tripped over something in the dark and stumbled into the bed. “Fuck.” I crawled up onto it, accidentally putting my knee down on Riley’s shin.

“Ow, Jesus, what are you doing?”

“I’m scared.” I started climbing Riley, trying to get over him to the free side of the bed. We were a tangle of limbs, my balance off as we rocked slightly. “Why are we moving? OMG, is this a waterbed? Who the hell has waterbeds?”

“People whose mothers were fourteen in the eighties and in love with hair bands.” The light from his phone suddenly glowed in the dark. I could see his squinting eyes looking less than pleased.

My elbow went into his gut and he made an
oomph
sound as the air left his lungs. “Sorry. But there’s someone in the house.”

Riley helped me off of him, tucking me along his side. “There is no one in the house.”

“You keep saying that but you have no way of knowing if that’s true or not. I heard scratching.”

“That’s the cat.”

Pulling the sheet over me, I threw my leg over his, wanting the reassurance of his masculine body. He could probably beat the crap out of a serial killer. Or at least stall him so we could escape. A demon I wasn’t sure about, but I still felt a lot better being next to him. “Cats don’t whisper.”

Riley sighed. His phone went dark, and I could hear him set it down on the nightstand before sitting up. “I’m never taking you to see a horror movie ever again.”

Thank God. I grabbed his arm. “What are you doing?” I knew I was being insane, but I couldn’t help it. I was scared and I didn’t want him to be killed. Nor did I want to be left alone.

“I’m going to check the house to give you peace of mind and to give me sleep.”

I started to get up, too, but he added, “Just stay here.”

“That’s what they always tell the female protagonist to do in movies and that’s when she gets killed.”

“You’re not coming with me. Just lay down and I’ll be back in two minutes.”

I didn’t lay down, but I did obey him, despite my desperate urge to jump on his back like a baby monkey. That would hinder him from fighting off a killer though, so I cursed my stupidity for leaving my phone in the living room and rested on my knees, peering through the open doorway, trying to see and hear what was happening. I was wobbling from the waterbed, but Riley flicked the lights on as he went, which helped my state of mind.

In a minute, he was back, filling the door frame with his near naked sexiness before he flicked off the hall light. “There is nothing and no one in the house. The cat isn’t even here.”

“Oh. Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more positive of anything in my life.” Riley got into bed, further rocking me.

I held onto the headboard for balance. “Well, that’s good.”

“Come here, princess.” In the dark, his arms reached out for me.

Grateful, I tumbled back onto the bed with him, letting him pull me against him in a spooning position. His arm was heavy and comforting tucked under my breasts, his legs warm, the cotton of his boxer briefs soft against my thighs.

“You okay?” he asked, his breath a hot whisper above my ear. He sounded sleepy.

“Yes. Thanks.” I hadn’t been planning to go to bed this early, but I was reluctant to go back out there by myself. I knew if I heard another random noise, I’d flip out again.

Besides, it was nice being with him like this. The rhythm of the bed was soothing. I wished I could take my bra off but I didn’t want to disturb him, any more than I already had, that is. Feeling a little sheepish, but mostly relieved, I wrapped my arm around his and snuggled my ass into his crotch. It wasn’t meant to be a come-on and he didn’t respond in any way, his breathing light on the back of my neck. It was more that I wanted to be close to him.

“Night, Pita,” he murmured.

“Pita? How am I like a Middle Eastern flatbread?” Was that better than princess? I wasn’t sure.

“It stands for pain in the ass.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t even particularly insulted. I was a pain in the ass. I didn’t mean to be.

He kissed my bare shoulder.

And it felt more intimate than oral sex.

I shivered in the dark.

Chapter Eleven

When Riley climbed out of bed at some ungodly hour, his alarm having gone off with a vicious squawk, I vaguely responded with an “Mm,” when he said good-bye. Then I promptly fell back asleep and didn’t wake up until I heard shouting and door slamming and altogether too much freaking noise for anything earlier than noon.

It sounded like the boys were back from their jaunt in the suburbs.

I pried my eyes open and wished coffee would miraculously appear in my right hand. I’m not so much a morning person, but with caffeine, all things are possible. Yawning, I started when I realized there was a pair of eyes staring at me from the doorway.

Easton. The kid moved like smoke. It was freaky.

“Where’s Riley?” he asked, looking at me like I had swallowed his brother whole.

“He’s at work. How was Rory’s house?”

“Fine. Who are you?”

Yeah, I needed coffee. I sat up. “I’m Jessica, Rory’s roommate. We’ve met a couple of times.”

“Hm.” He sounded like he thought I was lying. About all of it. His brown eyes stared at me, unblinking.

I stared back, not sure what to say. I didn’t have Rory’s way with kids. It didn’t come naturally to me.

After a second, he turned on his heel and left. He must have narced on me, because Tyler appeared. “Hey.”

“Hey. How was the fresh air?”

“Chilly with the disapproval of Rory’s father. But I have to give the guy credit, he’s trying to ignore the fact that his daughter is dating a convicted felon.”

“Well, you are innocent.” I yawned and stretched my arms.

“I’m not sure how much that matters. So what the hell happened to the house? It looks almost nice.”

Jayden’s head popped up behind Tyler, his mouth split into a grin. “It’s fucking awesome!”

I laughed. “I’m glad you like it.”

Jayden disappeared again, probably back to the kitchen.

“You did this, obviously,” Tyler said. “Riley would never hang the word YUM anywhere except maybe off his dick.”

Rolling my eyes, I climbed out of bed. “Yes, the ideas were mine. Riley was the labor.”

Tyler coughed and lowered his voice. “So, uh, why are you sleeping in here? Your stuff is in the other room. Did you and Riley . . .” He made a gesture that was supposed to indicate sex, obviously, but it looked more like he was changing a tire.

“No. We didn’t.” I mimicked the gesture so he’d see how stupid it looked. “But we’re doing something. Just not that. Yet. And FYI, I had to tell him that
we
have, and he was none too happy about it. He didn’t know and I wasn’t going to hide it from him.”

Tyler winced. “Awkward.”

“Big time,” I agreed.

“So, you like him or whatever?” he asked, clearly curious. “He likes you?”

“I guess. You’d have to ask him. But yes, I do.” I felt more than a little defensive. “Is that okay?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, sure. Whatever makes you both happy. I just didn’t think that you two were going in that direction.”

“Me either,” I answered truthfully.

“Don’t break his heart, Jessica, that’s all I’m asking.”

I glared at him. “Shouldn’t you be worried about my heart being broken? I’m the girl here.”

“Yeah, but you’re not exactly sensitive. Riley doesn’t really get out much, you know. He’s not one to get involved with someone lightly.” Tyler scratched his tattoo, the one that read TRUE F
AMILY
, just like Riley’s. I wondered if he even realized he was doing it, a subconscious gesture as he worried that I might gut his brother emotionally.

“I think you’re giving me more power than I have.” Truly. “And why does everyone think I’m so hard-core? I have feelings, too.” I did. Buried deep down underneath a layer of self-tanner.

“You can handle yourself.”

“Thanks.” Not. “Now are you going to move out of the way, or am I trapped in here all day?”

“See? You’re not afraid to say what you think.”

I was so not flattered. “I’m not afraid to punch either.”

Tyler put his hands up in front of his face, boxer style, and bounced on his feet, grinning. “Give me what you got, Jess.”

“Weirdo. Now I need coffee before I kill someone.”

Jayden and Easton were in the kitchen, Jayden’s hand in the cookie jar. “Did you see this, Jessica?” he asked me. “Cookies!”

At least he remembered me. His amazement made me smile. “I know, cool, huh? I told Riley that when it’s empty, you should very nicely ask Rory to make some more.”

“Except Rory won’t be back until next month and there is no way these will last that long,” Jayden said earnestly.

Tyler laughed. “Those won’t last until tomorrow. Slow down, U.”

I still didn’t understand why sometimes Riley and Tyler called Jayden U, but I had given up trying to figure it out. “So you guys like the house? I’m glad. And I told Riley no smoking in the house anymore.” I directed this at Tyler. “The ashtrays are out on the picnic table.”

“What, you paint the kitchen and suddenly you’re the boss?” he asked.

“The social worker is coming tomorrow,” I told him, trying to sound casual. “Probably a good time to start keeping the secondhand smoke outside.”

He made a face. “Shit. Okay. You’re right. It seemed pointless to smoke outside before because my mom always smoked in the house. It just became a habit.”

“Well, with the carpet gone, the smell is almost gone, too, so this is a fresh start, as cliché as that is.”

“How come Riley didn’t tell me?” Tyler asked in a low voice, coming up close to me to ask as I pulled out a coffee filter.

We were both very much aware of Easton fingering the candy wrappers on the YUM art just a few feet away.

“I don’t know. He probably didn’t want to ruin your vacay.”

“Yeah, but I need to make it look like I don’t live here. You know, again, the whole convicted felon thing.” Tyler leaned on the fridge, his arms crossed, looking worried.

I hadn’t even thought of that. “Okay. We’ll just move all your clothes and stuff to Riley’s room and they’ll assume it’s his. We’ll make your room look empty. But don’t you have to give an address for your parole officer and stuff like that?” Though truthfully, I had no clue what I was talking about. That was just an assumption I was making based off TV.

“I gave them Nathan’s address. If they show up there, Nathan just says I’m at work and then texts me, though it’s only happened once.”

“That sounds illegal.”

“I’d rather violate my parole than have them deny custody to Riley.” He nodded his head in Easton’s direction. “He won’t do well in foster care.”

No, I didn’t imagine he would. I didn’t imagine any kid would, but Easton was quiet, thin. He would be an easy target without his brothers there to protect him. “Alright, let me drink this coffee and then I’ll help you move your stuff.” I dumped grounds in without measuring them in any way.

“Really?” Tyler sounded surprised.

“Sure. Rory is stuck out at her dad’s working her summer job, and I’m here. I can help.”

He was looking at me like I’d just parted the Nile.

“What?” I growled.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Nada.”

“Then stop looking at me like that.” I poured some water haphazardly into the coffeemaker. Truthfully, I had been surprised the Manns had a coffeemaker. But apparently it had been handy for hiding drugs, so their mother had bought it at a garage sale, according to Riley. I hoped there weren’t any lingering drug bits in there, though I was too naive to really know what she had been hiding and/or doing. Sure, I’d popped a Vicodin here and there and had smoked a blunt or two, but it wasn’t like I really had any clue about having a real drug habit other than what I had seen on intervention shows.

Ever since the funeral though, I had decided that getting an occasional itchy high from a pill or two wasn’t worth the risk of addiction. Who was to say when it might go too far, and I didn’t want to do that to myself or to my family. So not worth it.

“By the way, the pictures in the hall?” Tyler smiled at me. “Nice touch, Jess. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, feeling uncomfortable with his praise. I was used to compliments on my appearance, not on my actions.

He studied me as I reached for a mug, looking like he wanted to say more.

“Yes?” I snapped.

Tyler laughed. “God, you’re as big of an asshole as Riley.”

Now that I was more comfortable with. “Watch what you say or I’ll freeze your underwear when we’re cleaning out your room. One of the many skills I learned at Bible camp.”

“How do you freeze underwear?” Jayden wanted to know.

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Oh, great, Jess, thanks, way to give him an idea.”

I grinned. “You dunk them in water and put them in the freezer, Jayden.”

Jayden cackled at the thought. “Watch out, Tyler, or I’ll freeze your underwear, too.”

“If anyone freezes my underwear I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Though Tyler looked more amused than pissed.

Jayden’s response was to flip his brother off. I figured that was as good of a comeback as any, so I followed suit. Jayden and I met eyes and laughed.

“I like you,” he told me, expression honest and guileless.

I can’t even begin to say how much that wiggled inside my heart and pleased me. I’d never thought of myself as particularly sentimental, but Jayden’s open approval made me feel awesome. Normally I avoided hugs and casual contact at all costs, but I found myself reaching out and actually initiating a hug with Jayden, pulling him close. “I like you, too.”

It was a toss-up who was the most surprised—me, Jayden, or Tyler.

Easton wasn’t paying attention. He was resting his head on the table and tracing his finger over the cookie jar, speaking quietly to the Mystery Machine.

And maybe for the first time in my whole life I felt protective.

So I turned and poured myself a huge mug of coffee.

***

That night I sat in my sublet apartment and tried to concentrate on the TV. When I had seen the apartment, I had liked that two girls lived there and were clean, their furniture pretty and shabby chic, the dishes in the kitchen matching. But now with my suitcases tucked away in the one free bedroom, it felt frilly and too perfect, and empty.

Lonely.

The girl, Maggie, who lived in the other bedroom, was already in bed. It was midnight, and I was still keyed up from work, and worried about the social worker’s visit the next day. But I knew I couldn’t text Riley because he would be asleep. So I had nothing to do but sit there wide awake and stress out.

My phone buzzed with a text message. Riley.

U awake?

Yes. U ok?

No. Can’t sleep.

It’s going to b ok, promise.

Wish u were here Pita.

That made me inhale sharply, a giddy thrill. It was a new feeling. Usually if a guy said that, I laughed or rolled my eyes, knowing he was just talking about sex.

But this had nothing to do with sex.

Me too.

Then I shocked myself by adding,
Pick me up?

Just three little words that hung out there, making me feel as stripped down and vulnerable as I ever had. How selfish and stupid and pathetic was that request?

He had a social worker coming the next day. He didn’t need to be dealing with me. And why would he want to get out of bed, drive over to my place, and bring me back just to lay in bed together? I knew he wouldn’t want to have sex. It so wasn’t the right time for that, especially for our first time together.

Panicked, I was going to add a “haha” to make it seem like I was joking. But he responded before I could.

Be there in ten.

Huh.

K.

So I stuffed a change of clothes in my purse, along with my toothpaste and deodorant, and went downstairs to the lobby to wait for him. He was actually there in nine minutes and I pushed open the door to the building and climbed in. “Hey,” I said, a little breathless from running down the stairs and from nerves.

“Hey.” He leaned over and slid his hand to the back of my head before kissing me. “Thanks.” Resting his forehead on mine, he sighed.

“For what?”

“Coming back.”

I liked the sound of that, like my leaving had been a big deal. “You might change your mind when you see me in the morning without makeup.”

He gave a soft laugh and pulled away, putting the car in drive. “I doubt that. You’re beautiful, and I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe me.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I was down with that. “Twice on Sundays would be great.”

“Brat.”

For some weird reason, I reached out and rested my hand on the back of his neck, stroking up into his hair. I had no idea why I was having such a touchy-feely day, but he seemed to like it. “What time is the social worker coming?”

“Ten. I think I scared Easton. I was trying to prepare him, coach him, you know? I was giving him examples of questions she might ask him and how he should answer and he started crying. Then he denied it and locked himself in his room.”

“Well, you had to tell him what was going on. And of course he’s scared. You’re all scared. But he’ll tell the truth and it will be fine.” I massaged his neck, feeling the tension in his muscles. “I mean, it’s sad to say, but since your mom passed, there hasn’t been any drama in the house. What could he say that would damage your case?”

“I don’t know. What if he drops an F bomb or something?”

“I doubt that will be the first time a social worker hears a kid swearing.”

He sighed. “I guess I can speculate all fucking night. Nothing can be done about it. This paper pusher has me by the balls. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Riley reached for a cigarette from the half-empty pack by the gearshift.

I didn’t even consider complaining about the smoke. Let him have that. It was better than the whiskey escape of the other night.

“What do you want to talk about then? I can recite a poem for you if you’d like.”

“You do not know any poems by heart.”

He had a point. “You’re right. I don’t. But I do know Bible verses.”

“Oh, God.”

“Exactly.”