Sweet: (Intermix) (True Believers) (5 page)

I laughed, appreciating his compliment and the fact that he seemed to get it. “I don’t chew with my mouth open!”

“I never said you did. But you can if you want to.”

It seemed to be an invitation, so I picked up his piece of pizza and took a healthy bite. God, that was good. It was like a rush of forbidden fat, and my taste buds stood up and did a happy dance. I chewed and flashed Riley a healthy mouthful, sticking my tongue out to make sure he got a full view.

“Nice,” he said in approval. “Fuck this eating like a bird shit. You’re hungry, own it. Round it out with a burp and I’ll think you’re basically the perfect woman.”

I hadn’t burped out loud since . . . ever. My mother would have melted in mortification, then managed to piece herself back together just to punish me, usually by donating my favorite outfits to charity. My father would have forced me to scrub the kitchen floor. For some reason, that had been his favorite form of discipline, and it hadn’t escaped my notice as I grew up that it was a subservient position, on my knees.

Public belching was not a freedom I had embraced since I’d come to college because it wasn’t about rebellion to me, it was about doing what I wanted, and frankly, I’d never had the desire to burp out loud. But why not? If I was going to with anyone, Riley seemed the perfect candidate. We weren’t exactly friends, and we weren’t anything else. So I took a sip of his beer and tried to work one up. I swallowed hard and opened my mouth and held my hands out, but nothing happened.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked. “You look like you’re giving birth.”

“Shut up!” I laughed. “I’m concentrating.”

“Constipating is more like it.”

Gross. It was a good thing I was not trying to impress him. “You’re the one who wanted me to burp.”

“A burp should be spontaneous, natural.” He let one rip. “Like that.”

“I just don’t have your talent, what can I say?” I tried again and a feeble, forced belch dribbled up. “Ew.”

“Yeah, you’re going to need some work. But we’ve got all week.”

Why did that actually make me happy? I didn’t want to really think about it, but there was something totally different about being with him one on one. I didn’t feel as uncomfortable with his snarking as I had before, and there was something actually kind of liberating about not giving a shit what he thought. I could just be myself and it didn’t matter. When was I ever actually myself? I wasn’t even sure.

My phone rang on the coffee table. I glanced at the screen, and my amusement disappeared. “Oh, shit, that’s my mom. I have to answer this.” I picked up my phone and gave Riley a pleading look. “Please don’t say anything, okay? Just give me five minutes.”

His eyebrows went up. “Sure, no problem.”

I would have thought he would get up and leave the room, but he didn’t. Of course, it was his house and his pizza, so there was no reason for him to move to the kitchen. Heart hammering in my chest, I answered the phone, standing up so I could pace the room. “Hello?”

“Oh, Jessica! I’m surprised I was able to catch you. I was expecting your voice mail.”

Somehow my mother always made it sound like an accusation that I had picked up her phone call. Yet if I didn’t answer, she was equally annoyed. No way to win, ever.

“Yeah, well, we’re on the bus.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” I asked blankly.

“Yes, not yeah. That is not a word.”

Damn it. I clenched my hand into a fist and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Yes, we are on the bus. This may be my last chance for decent reception.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I only have a minute. I just wanted to let you know that we got a ticket for you and a guest to the fund-raiser in three weeks for the new wing at Daddy’s church. It’s important for you to be there.”

Ugh. I would rather get a Brazilian wax than spend five minutes at one of those horrible events where everyone sucked up to my dad and he charmed them out of cash. “Mom, I can’t go to that. How am I supposed to get back?”

“I’m sure you know someone who can help you out. This is very important, Jessica. We’ve been working toward this for two years. The congregation essentially pays for your education, so the very least you can do is put on a dress and smile for an hour.”

Ah, of course. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. My parents were giving me financial support, and they could take it away at any minute, and my mother loved to remind me of that on a regular basis.

“I understand that, but if I’m in West Virginia. I can’t just buzz up to Troy for the night. People are counting on me.” Which was bullshit, and I hated lying, but I hated being manipulated even more.

“Your father will be very disappointed.” There was a sniff of disapproval, then she added, “Well, let me know as soon as you can.”

I kind of already had let her know. But whatever. “Fine. I’ll try to call you next week. By the way, Kylie is bringing my stuff over to the house tomorrow.”

“Fine, fine,” my mother said, clearly done with the conversation now that she had gotten her guilt trip in. “The housekeeper can let her in. Behave yourself, Jessica.”

“I always do.” It just depended on your definition of behave. “Bye, Mom.”

There was no response. My mother was notorious for just ending the call without a good-bye. Usually she handed the phone to her assistant to tuck back inside her Louis Vuitton purse.

I sighed and crammed my phone in the pocket of my shorts. Riley was eyeing me. “Yes?” I asked defensively, even though I knew what he was thinking.

“You’re in West Virginia, huh?” he asked, looking amused. “And what, pray tell, are you doing in West Virginia?”

Biting my nail, I eyed him defiantly, daring him to criticize me. “Building houses for poor people.”

Riley let out a choked laugh, and he thumped his fist on his chest, his eyes watering. “Holy shit, are you kidding me?”

“No. It was the only way I could get out of going home for the summer. I know it’s an awful lie, but it couldn’t be helped.”

“So that’s why you don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“Yes.” I went over to the coffee table and took another bite of pizza and chewed hard, annoyed. “You don’t understand. My parents’ house is like prison.”

“Somehow I highly doubt that. But maybe we could ask Tyler to compare them.”

Shit. I immediately felt bad. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure it was awful for Tyler to be in real prison, and there’s no comparison, I know. But at home, I can’t be me. I have to be what their version of me is.” And I just sounded like a whiny, spoiled princess. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”

But Riley just shook his head. “I’m not judging you, Jess. If you don’t want to go home, you don’t want to go home. And I give you props for picking the one thing nobody can argue with, though why your parents actually believe you’re hanging drywall and grouting tile is beyond me.”

“I could do that stuff. If someone showed me.” I wasn’t completely useless. Just a product of my environment.

He snorted. “I’m sure you could. But forgive me if I don’t hand you a nail gun anytime soon.”

“Is that for painting your nails?” I asked in a fake Valley Girl voice, tilting my head and blinking my eyelashes. “Like, is it chip-free?”

Riley grinned. “What are you studying in college, acting?”

I flopped down on the couch and took another sip of his beer. “No.” Like my parents would pay for that. But I wasn’t about to tell him what I was really majoring in.

“There is more beer in the fridge, you know.”

“Why get my own when I can drink yours?”

“Thus establishing why I am not in a relationship,” he said. “We dudes can’t hold our own against the wily ways of women.”

Wily ways? I couldn’t help it. He did make me laugh. “I feel really sorry for you. Not.” Kicking off my flip-flops, I pulled my feet up onto the couch and leaned against Riley’s arm, wanting a headrest. “Doesn’t it smell better in here already?”

“Christ,” he muttered. “I’m going to play video games. You can either play with me or you can go away. It’s too hot for you to be touching me.”

“You sure know how to flatter a girl.”

“I already called you hot and gorgeous tonight. I’ve met my quota.” He nudged me with his bare shoulder so my head flopped a little.

“Stop it.”

“Get off me.” He nudged me again, lifting his arm to get further momentum.

I caught a whiff of his sweat and deodorant mingling together and I coughed. “You stink.”

“Oh, I stink, do I?” He grabbed me in a headlock, catching me off guard. “I’ll give you stink.”

I squawked and tried to maneuver away, but he had a firm grip on my hair and the back of my neck, and he lifted his arm, burying my face in his hairy and smelly armpit. “Stop, I’m going to pass out!” I said, laughing, trying to scoot backward on the couch.

When he suddenly let me go with a heave I ended up falling on my back, giggling, making a point of coughing and breathing deeply. “You’re gross.”

But then he leaned over me and my amusement completely died out. He was smiling, but there was something else in his expression. His gaze dropped to my lips, his fingers lacing through mine. I was sure he was going to kiss me and I opened my mouth in anticipation reflexively, and because well, for whatever reason I wanted him to kiss me. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t smart, yet I was arching my back and tilting my head and wetting my lips in anticipation . . .

And instead he made the sound of gathering a hocker in the back of his throat. Oh, hell no.

“Don’t you dare,” I warned him, my finger coming up to point in his face.

He laughed. “This is awesome. I get to fuck with you like the little sister I never had.”

Little sister. He just wanted to mess with me like you would a little sister.

I had been expecting, or maybe more accurately,
hoping
for a kiss, and he just wanted to dangle saliva over my face to hear my scream.

I suddenly realized that was why I always hated Riley—without even being conscious of it, I had known that I thought he was hot, while he thought of me as an annoying little sister.

It wasn’t a label I was familiar with.

And I didn’t exactly like it.

“If you spit in my face, I will knee your nuts,” I warned him.

He rubbed my head like I was a dog. “I wasn’t going to spit on you. Chill out, princess.”

It was the last thing I wanted him to do or say. And maybe I was just tired, or maybe I was lonely, but I heard myself saying in a peevish, snotty, bitch-face voice, “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Thanks for the public service announcement,” he said, sitting back up and reaching for the TV remote. “Close your mouth in there or you’ll drown. Your jaw could use the rest, I’m sure.”

For once, I was blank on an appropriately scathing comeback. Was he saying I talked too much or had my jaw open often for a totally different reason?

I decided not to touch it, because truthfully, I didn’t want to hear his opinion. Making sure my phone wasn’t popping out of my pocket, I just walked past him. The air freshener misted over my thigh as I headed to the kitchen for a drink.

Riley laughed.

Chapter Four

I didn’t see Riley for a few days. When I got up the next morning, he was gone, and I left before he came home. By the time I was back from work, he was in bed. But evidence of our odd cohabitation came in the form of our pissing match over the windows and the air freshener. After work, I would fling open the windows in the living room and kitchen. When I stumbled to the kitchen in the morning for coffee, they’d already be closed. I started to think that Riley was sneaking out of his room like a window ninja minutes after I opened them to close them again because the house always felt stale, a permanent odor that reminded me of the area in front of the airport parking garage elevator. The yuck factor was high.

Maybe if he didn’t keep hiding the air freshener the results would have been more positive. But after realizing it was gone I found the stupid thing in the coat closet, and then tucked away in the bathroom vanity, so while he was at work I put it back in the living room, front and center on the coffee table. And he always re-hid it. The second morning I woke up because he opened my door and crept in, mister in hand, unholy grin on his face. Through slitted eyes, I watched him tiptoe barefoot across the room toward me, unaware I had woken up when he turned the doorknob. Closing my eyes quickly, I heard him deposit the air freshener next to my cell phone on the chair next to the bed so that it would clearly spray me when I reached for my phone first thing.

Jerk-off.

An entertaining jerk-off.

It was hard not to smile, but I managed to keep it together until he left. Then I rolled toward the chair and pulled the sheet closer around me, totally amused. Next he’d be tying my shoelaces together or putting itching powder in my T-shirts. Or conducting a panty raid, like we were at sixth grade summer camp. Though speaking of panties, it struck me as ironic that I was well aware that I was only in my panties and a tank top as he had crept into my room, and he could clearly care less. He hadn’t even looked at me. In my experience, if you flirted, it wasn’t exactly hard to get a guy to want to at least hook up with you, but Riley didn’t seem to find me all that attractive. Sure, he’d complimented me, said I was hot, had a good bod. But he’d said it in the way you say your sister is pretty, not in the way you talk about a girl you want to bang.

It had been a long time since I’d felt unbangable.

Maybe that was a good thing.

Maybe, for the first time ever in the history of my post-puberty life, I could actually be friends with a guy.

Doubtful. But hey, stranger things had happened.

It wasn’t like my brother and I were friends—totally the opposite. Paxton had practically made it his life’s work to get me in trouble. If I was my mother’s disappointment, the daughter who could never quite be the perfect (in her opinion, anyway) woman she was, my brother was her precious perfect son. It was what it was, but it totally didn’t give us the kind of sibling relationship you saw on TV. I avoided him, and he posted asshole comments on my Facebook page. That was the extent of our interaction.

So I was going to try to enjoy the weird dynamic with Riley and stop analyzing it.

I didn’t have to work, so I read outside on the back deck, and after an hour of glancing up from my book to the ashtray posing as a yard I couldn’t take it any more. I didn’t think of myself as OCD or anything, but that was just seriously gross. Going into the garage, which was even hotter than outside and smelled like motor oil, I found a pathetic old broom and a dustpan. Sweeping like it was my job, I managed to collect about a hundred cigarette butts into a pile and push them on the dustpan. Then I tossed them into the garbage can, feeling a whole lot better about my view. There were still random butts scattered here and there but short of a fire hose or picking them up by hand, there was no way to get them all. Hey, it was an improvement.

Then, because I was nosy, I decided I was too hot to sit in the sun anymore, and I went into the house and started opening kitchen cabinets. There was an assortment of plastic tableware, gas station soft drink tumblers, and chipped coffee mugs. I had already discovered that the flatware was in a drawer next to the sink and that the spoons I used to eat my yogurt would bend if you were even at all aggressive with your scooping. I figured this was definitely an education in how to live on the cheap, and I might actually need the knowledge someday.

Welcome to the real word, Jessica Sweet.

Though I couldn’t claim that seeing how real people make ends meet had anything to do with my going down the hall and peeking in to Riley’s bedroom. That was just pure curiosity. I’m not sure what I was expecting. Porn scattered all around? Some sort of visual insight into Riley Mann? All I saw was a dark room with a towel draped over the window, the bed frame an eighties black lacquer monstrosity that looked like all the members of a hair band should be sprawled on it in leather pants making metal horns. It so didn’t look like anything that Riley would actually buy, and it was borderline creepy. But then I spotted the framed picture on the dresser, an eighties prom portrait, the aqua blue dress with poofy sleeves swallowing the petite brunette with the balloon arch behind her, and I realized this must have been Riley’s mom’s room.

Feeling guilty for spying, I retreated, heart pounding in fear that I would get caught and something else I couldn’t quite interpret.

There were lighter squares on the paint down the hallway, showing that at one time pictures had hung on the walls, and I wondered what it had been like in the house twenty-some years ago, when Riley’s parents had been young and in love, wanting a place to raise their family. What had happened? Or were they ever in love? Were my parents in love? Did love even exist?

I wasn’t sure. It just seemed like lust led to love, which led to unhappiness.

Unable to be alone anymore in a space that wasn’t my own, I texted Bill.

What are you doing?

Then I immediately hated myself for poking. What was so hard about being in my own thoughts? And why did I need reassurance that Bill still liked me even though he didn’t want me to stay in his apartment?

It also reminded me that Riley was actually being pretty damn nice to let me stay with him.

I decided I needed to do something to say thanks. There wasn’t a lot I could offer him that he would accept. If I offered money, he would say no. He was too proud for that. If I offered him payment in beer, he might say yes, but that was a guy gift. I wanted to do something that was girly, that he would remember had come from me. And okay, maybe it was just a compulsion to improve the grossness of the house, but I wanted to de-gross it. Or at least one room. The living room looked a little overwhelming since there was no way I could replace the dirty furniture or the carpet. But a peek under the corner of the carpet showed hardwood floors under there. The kitchen seemed easier to tackle. It basically just needed some paint and accessories. A nice masculine update. Fresh paint alone would kill some of the smoke smell.

The kitchen table was an old oak rectangle, and I had noticed on day one that at some point, the boys had started writing on it with a Sharpie. There were random notes to each other like “Buy milk,” and brotherly slurs such as “Tyler sucks dick.” There were doodles of faces and animals, and there was even a recipe for cheesecake, written in Rory’s handwriting. I envied her for belonging here with them, a weird little camaraderie, and I envied them for having the freedom to write on a piece of furniture in permanent marker if they wanted to. Not that they hadn’t paid the price for it—I knew that. But there was something about their brotherhood that made me feel left out.

Made me want to put a big old “Jessica was here” across the room.

I texted my friend Robin, the only one of our girlfriends who was spending the summer in Cincy.
Want to go to the hardware store with me?

Is that a new club?

I snorted.
No. I mean for real hardware store. For paint and stuff.

Oh. Sure I guess.

An hour later we were strolling down the aisles of the hardware store, looking very out of place among the shuffling elderly couples and workmen dressed in grubby clothes eyeing us with naked curiosity. It might have been Robin’s skintight bright blue tube dress. It didn’t exactly scream home improvement. Personally I felt like I should be wearing steel-toed boots instead of flip-flops, but I was going to make the best of it. I just wanted paint samples for the kitchen and a brush to test them on the wall.

“So why are you doing this exactly?” Robin asked, her earrings jingling as she leaned over to pull a hot-pink paint chip card out of the shelf.

“I just want to do something nice for Riley since he’s letting me stay there.”

“You could have sex with him. It would be easier and more fun.”

I had no doubt of that. “It would also put me right on the edge of being a whore. Sex should never be as a favor or a thank-you. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

“That’s a shame,” she teased, going for another paint chip. “Look, this one matches my nails. You’re picking all the boring colors.”

I was staying in the steel gray and blue-gray family, wanting to do something modern and chic and masculine without veering into man-cave territory. “It’s a house of four guys. I can’t do a lemon yellow kitchen.”

“I don’t see why not. Yellow is a happy color. Are you going to put this in your design portfolio?”

“I probably should.” I hadn’t thought about it, but it was the perfect before-and-after design on a dime. “But I’m not planning to spend more than like seventy-five bucks so I’m not sure how much impact it will have.”

“Think of it as a design challenge. Let me know if you want some art. I can do something for you.” Robin was also in the design school with me, though she was focusing on visual arts. Her love was painting, but she was being practical by getting a dual degree in graphic design and art.

Nothing about my double-major was practical unless you asked my mother. I was getting degrees in both Religious Studies and Interior Design. So basically I was majoring in Future Preacher’s Wife. Their vision for me was that after graduation, I could stencil Scripture passages on the wall of my husband’s dining room for fund-raising dinner parties. But agreeing to their course of study was the only way they had been willing to let me attend a state school instead of a private Christian college.

I did love design, both interior and fashion. But it made me feel guilty because it seemed so freaking frivolous. Kylie wanted to teach grade school. Rory wanted to be a doctor. And there was me, wanting to rid the world of shit-brown carpet and spandex. Not exactly life changing. Then again, in some cases it arguably could be.

“That would be awesome,” I told her. “Something with typography. Maybe food related . . . just like a big piece that says ‘EAT,’ or ‘YUM YUM,’ that sort of thing.”

“You want me to paint YUM YUM for the kitchen wall of the Mann brothers? Now that is singularly amazing.”

I laughed. That did seem a little creeper. “Maybe EAT is a safer bet.”

“Oh, hell no. Where is the fun in that? Just let me know what colors you want and I can do it in like an hour.”

“Cool. Okay, I’m going to get these samples and then we can go.”

***

The reaction when Riley came home was not what I was expecting. I had painted four squares on the blank kitchen wall and was studying them as they dried, trying to decide which I liked best. Frankly, any would be better than the yellowed and dingy white walls with dozens of scuffs and stains on them.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Riley asked me, by way of greeting.

He looked sweaty and hot and tired, his nose sunburned. He was wearing a white T-shirt that was about as filthy as the kitchen walls, his tool belt in his hand. I’d never seen myself as a girl who dug a man with power tools, but there was some kind of just automatic response my body was having to the belt and the work boots. It was like an animal instinct that I knew in a zombie apocalypse I would have a better chance of survival with Riley than a marketing major.

“I’m choosing a paint color. Which one do you like best?”

“They all look the same to me. But there is no way you’re painting this kitchen. It’s fucking pointless.” He dropped his belt on the table and went to the fridge, dried mud crumbling off his boots as he walked.

“Why? It’s a very cheap way to refresh a room.”

“Thanks, Martha Stewart, but I’m not spending a dime on this house. Another six months the bank will be kicking us out. It’s a waste of money.” He pulled a beer out and popped the tab.

“Oh, and you never waste money?” I asked, looking pointedly at the beer in his hand.

His eyes narrowed before he took a long swallow. He let out a lip-smacking sound of satisfaction. “Ah, that tastes awesome. And did we get married when I wasn’t looking? Because you sound a hell of a lot like the nagging wife I swore never to have.”

He might have a point. But so did I. “Look, it’s simple psychology. Our environment affects our mood. This is a depressing environment. An investment of seventy-five dollars spread out over the six months you may still be living here is barely three dollars a week and it can have a huge impact on attitude.”

“Are you for real right now?” He shook his head. “If this is such a depressing environment you don’t have to stay here, you know. You can go climb on Nerd Boy and talk him into putting up with you.”

That stung. Wounded, I lashed back at him. “Don’t be an asshole. I’m trying to do something nice. And for the record, I wasn’t expecting you to pay for the paint, it was supposed to be a gift.”

“I don’t need your damn charity and I don’t need this kitchen painted.” Riley put down his beer, and he went over to the one blank wall where my fresh paint squares were drying. I jumped when he kicked the wall with his heel, denting the drywall. “This house should be burned to the ground. It’s a fucking cesspool, and before the bank kicks us out I’m taking a sledgehammer to everything in it.” He kicked twice more, finally succeeding in putting his heel into the wall. “This is me not giving a shit about this house.”