Authors: Riley Hart
“You know the answer to that, man.”
With that, Braden Roth walked away from him. It made Wes’s chest ache in a way it never had, a million times worse than with Alexander. No matter how much his legs twitched to run and his throat opened up to speak, he just stood where he was. It fucking killed him, but Wes did the...right thing. He gave Braden the freedom he deserved. He let him go.
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B
raden set the shot glass down on the bar with a loud clank. Manson...Mason...whatever his name was looked over at him with raised a brow. He picked up a towel and flung it over his shoulder, with his green eyes still on Braden.
“What?” Braden finally asked.
“Nothin’.” Mason wiped down the counter and handed a beer to another customer. Since it was a weeknight, the band wasn’t in. Music still filled the room, but without the heavy bass as it spilled from speakers hung on the walls.
Eh. Wasn’t like he wanted to talk to the man, anyway.
Braden spun the glass around. Wasn’t like he felt like getting shitfaced drunk, either. That wasn’t really his style. But sitting at home just made him too antsy. It made his mind run on too many things he didn’t want to think about.
“Want anything else?” Mason asked him.
“Coke?”
“Don’t sell drugs here.”
“Ha ha. Very funny.”
Mason smirked and filled up a glass of soda for him. It took Braden nearly an hour to suck it down. By the time he did, the bar was empty, except for him and Mason.
“Braden, right?” the man asked.
“Yep.”
“Wanna play a game?” He nodded toward the pool table.
Wasn’t like Braden had anything better to do, so he stood, and said, “Sure.”
Mason opened up the table and pulled the balls out.
“Perks of being the owner?” Braden chuckled.
“Yep.” He used the same word Braden had a minute before.
Mason racked the balls and Braden broke. He made stripes. Damn it. He always played better with solids.
“Mopey isn’t a good look on you,” Mason said, mid-game.
“Didn’t ask.” He definitely wasn’t in the mood for this. He didn’t even know this guy. It wasn’t like he wanted to talk to him about shit. “He doesn’t want me to go. I know he doesn’t. He’s freaked out but I don’t get why. I know he has issues, but we were getting past them.” So much for not talking.
“Sexy guy with the sad eyes you were dancing with the other night?” Mason leaned against the table.
“His eyes aren’t sad. Not all the time.”
“Not when he’s dancing with you, they aren’t.”
“Who are you again?” Braden aimed and took a shot.
“I’m the bartender. Everyone talks to the bartender, remember?” He laughed.
Braden couldn’t muster one up. “Not me. Your shot.”
Mason hit two balls in before he missed. “If you don’t want to talk, get laid. That always helps.”
He cleared the table before he spoke again. “I’m not looking to fuck.”
What the hell was Wes’s problem? Had Braden misread him? Did he not feel the same way about Braden that Braden felt about him?
Mason laughed. “You used to everyone wanting you, or what? You’re sexy, too, but I wasn’t offering. I don’t fuck guys who are in love with someone else. It’s messy, and I don’t do messy.”
Well that made him feel like an asshole. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just... I thought things were getting better. I don’t understand how he can walk away.”
“I thought we weren’t doing this? You don’t talk to bartenders, remember?”
He had to admit the man was funny, and if he wasn’t in such a shitty mood, he’d laugh. “We’re not.”
They played for a few minutes. It was Mason who spoke again. “So what happened?”
“Hell if I know. He freaked out. I told him I got a job offer, and he told me to go.”
Mason frowned. “Maybe it’s the right thing. Doesn’t sound like either of you fought much for each other.”
“No offense, but you don’t know shit. You don’t know us.” But a little voice inside his head knew Mason was right, but Braden felt like he fought for them their whole relationship. It was Wes who didn’t love him enough to do the same.
***
W
es looked at the envelope sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. He picked it up, then put it back where he’d set it about an hour before.
It had his name on it.
In Chelle’s handwriting.
Part of him wanted to shove it back into the chest. To put it away and not read it. But he knew he couldn’t. The bigger part of him wanted to know what it said.
He collapsed into the chair, grabbed the envelope, and opened it.
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W
es,
You know I’m sitting here wondering how long it took you to find this, right? I left it right on top of the trunk for easy access, but I also know it probably took you a while to open it. As soon as I thought about that, I started to get frustrated, but then I realized that’s just always been you, ya know? Even when you were a kid, you didn’t rush into anything. You’ve always guarded yourself, even before the bad things started to happen. You’ve always been cautious, making sure someone or something was worth your love or your time, before you devoted it. I’m not going to pretend there weren’t times I wanted to knock sense into you, or if I were still alive that I probably wouldn’t often want the same thing now, but do you know what I love about you? It may take you longer to put yourself out there, but when you do it, it’s with 100% of who you are. You’d probably be arguing with me about that, but it’s true, little brother. Maybe Alexander couldn’t see it, maybe you can’t see it, but I promise you, most of us do.
That’s why I wanted you to have Jessie. I knew no one would love her like you. No one would always put her first the way you will. I can go easier knowing she has you to love her.
Do me a favor, though, okay? Try and be happy. Realize how great a guy you are and that you’re worth love and happiness. It’s worth it to put yourself out there, even if you do get hurt. If you don’t risk your heart, you’ll never know what it’s like for it to fully be whole.
If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for me. I’m holding you to that, which is shitty of me, but what are sisters for? .
Love,
Chelle
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W
es held the letter in his hands, the words blurred, swimming in the wetness of his eyes. He wanted to be the person Chelle thought he was. He wanted to be the best he could be for Jessie. He wanted to prove to himself that he was worth it—even if things didn’t turn out the way he wanted. He wanted to be the guy who fought for the man he loved, and he sure as hell wasn’t doing that now.
Wes pushed to his feet, hoping it wasn’t too late.
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B
raden still couldn’t get Mason’s words out of his head. He just didn’t know what to do about them. The man couldn’t have been more right—he’d given up on Wes. But hell, how much could he keep pushing? How much could he try to be in Wes’s life before he got the message? If Wes wanted them there, he knew Braden would be, and the fact was, he wasn’t the type of guy to be in this alone, no matter how much Braden loved him.
He needed Wes to put himself out there for Braden, too.
Braden climbed into his truck after work, weariness taking root in his muscles.
He let his truck rumble to life and steered it toward his house, and Jock. It didn’t take long to get there. His body felt more drained with each step he took.
Braden fumbled with his keys and pushed the door. He knew something was wrong when Jock didn’t take him down when he stepped inside.
He let his eyes raise to the couch and—“Breaking and entering?”
Wes grinned at him from where he sat. “I figured you’re worth the risk of Jock trying to eat me.”
Braden laughed at that. Jock could never hurt a fly. “Glad you were willing to brave my killer dog for me.” He tossed his keys to the coffee table. When he tried to walk by the couch and to the kitchen, Wes reached out and grabbed his wrist.
“You’re worth more risk than that.”
Braden’s heart thundered, annoyance and hope colliding inside him. “You didn’t think so a few days or weeks ago.” He pulled his arm free, but then sat down.
“Not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
“Nah, but neither of us would want it that way.”
Even though Wes didn’t reply, Braden knew he agreed with him.
“I freaked. I know that’s not an excuse, but when I heard that story about Gavin...”
“I wasn’t in love with him. We dated, and then we were good friends, but I was never in love with him.”
“But you went with him. You left your family without much notice and uprooted your life because someone you didn’t love needed you. Jesus, that’s an incredible thing to do, Braden, but I didn’t want that for us.”
Braden shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Us. Me. We fucked the first night because I was lonely, and we got closer because I needed your help with Jess, with Chelle’s room. It was always me needing you. I don’t want you to make sacrifices because you’re honorable.”
Braden couldn’t help it, he laughed at that. “All of this happened because you think I don’t want to be with you?”
“Gavin—”
“Wasn’t you. I’ll admit shit with him started because—hell, I don’t know. Because I thought I could make things better for him, or get people to accept him. Maybe I do have some sort of hero complex. But me leaving with him had nothing to do with us. He was my excuse, Wesley. If I went because of him, I didn’t have to feel bad for leaving. We both had our reasons, his a whole lot more serious than mine, but I was young, and I wanted to see more of the world. Leaving with him just gave me a reason to go without feeling guilty. Gavin and I both knew that. It’s just my parents who didn’t.”
He grabbed the back of Wes’s neck and pulled him closer. “You dumb son of a bitch. I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I want to be with you. And I guess this is partially my fault for never telling you, but fuck, I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you, Wesley. I push and push my way into any situation because I’m used to getting what I want, and...I didn’t want it to be that way with you. I didn’t want to screw it up by going too fast or...” He shook his head, knowledge planting there.
“I guess I needed to know you really wanted to be with me, too. I’ve never worried about shit like that before, but with you...hell, Wesley, everything’s different with you.”
***
W
es’s whole body felt like it was overheating. He could hardly hear Braden over the bass in his ears, but somehow he still knew what the man was saying. “You’re stealing my thunder, Braden.”
Braden’s eyebrows pulled together. Wes didn’t answer his silent question, just stood and nodded his head at Braden for the man to follow him. He led the way to Braden’s room.
“You really took this breaking and entering thing seriously, didn’t you? What were you doing while I was at work?” Braden teased as they stood at the bedroom door. Again, Wes didn’t reply.
He opened the door to Braden’s room and stood there, waiting. Nerves increased the bass, but he ignored it. Ignored everything as Braden stepped into the room. As he silently walked away from Wes.
“You wanted me to paint you a picture, so I did. I didn’t have time to do anything more than that, but I figured that’s the most real thing I can give you. Even if you say no, I’d understand it. I’d still want you. We’d find a way to make it work—”
“Shut up, Wesley.” Braden stopped in front of the canvas resting on the wooden easel. “You’re really askin’ me this?”
“I am. Maybe it’s wrong of me and I’m being selfish. I understand if you have to say no, but I needed to do it. I needed to risk my heart, because you’re worth it. And I’m worth it, too.”
Wes’s legs tingled as though they’d fallen asleep. He walked toward Braden and looked down at the canvas with him, at the four red letters in the middle of it.
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STAY
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“O
r we can go if you want us to. I’ll talk to Jess—”
“I said shut up, Wesley.” Braden turned to face him. “I’ve had family but I’ve never had real roots before you. I’ve never had someone or something that made me want to stay until you. I’m crazy, fucking in love with you, Wesley. I’d rather be here with you and Jessie than anywhere else in the world. I
fit
with you. I’m settled for the first time in my life with you. With both of you. It’s more fun sitting around at night hanging out with you guys than any of the old shit I used to do.”
Fuck, he wanted that, too. Wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything else.
“I guess it’s good that I’m crazy, fucking in love with you, too. I watched other people walk in and out of my life and never felt enough to fight for them. I’ve never loved them enough. I’d take on anything for you.”
Wes stepped closer and pressed his mouth to Braden’s.
“I told you that you liked me,” Braden whispered. Wes smiled against Braden’s lips as he kissed him again.
“Not like.
Love
you. You’re crazy, and don’t know when to keep your mouth shut, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Still, are you sure you want to stay? I know you—”
“I don’t want to go. I never did. I just needed you to give me a reason to stay.”
“You have one now,” Wes told him.
Braden grinned and nodded at the painting. In one corner it has “For Braden,” because Wes had used the canvas Braden made out to himself.
“You signed it ‘Wesley,’ not Wes.”
“That’s because I want to be someone different for you, different than I am with anyone else. I’m only Wesley with you.”
Braden nodded, emotion in his eyes Wes had never seen. “You are. But you’re still painting me another picture.”
He laughed the way only Braden could make him. “I will. I’ll paint you a thousand of them if it makes you stay.”
“The only thing I need to make me want to stay is you....is our family. Come on. Let’s go get Jess.”
Wes had lost a lot in his life—parents, his sister, dreams—but what he often didn’t do was take the time to look at the things he had. Lydia, who would do anything for him. Jessie, who he loved more than anyone in this world. And Braden, the man who stole his heart. The man he gladly gave it to. The man who chose him the way Wes would always choose Braden, no matter how hard it was. He had everything he needed, and he couldn’t wait to start living—not just getting by, but
living
their life together.