Smother (14 page)

When he didn’t go, she sighed and focused her gaze on him. “Yes?”

“You walk a lot.”

She twisted around on the couch to face him. “Yes. That’s how I get places. I walk.”

“Do you ever look at anything?”

Reese turned and let her head drop back. A headache wanted to start. “I’m walking. What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?”

Leo walked around the couch and looked out the window. He squinted his eyes at the sun that shone through the glass, showing her his hawkish profile. “I watch you. You’re always struggling. Can’t enjoy anything when you’re always fighting yourself.”

Her eyes trailed over his features, liking the strength she saw in them, hating the words leaving his mouth. “I walk to get where I need to be. It isn’t about enjoying things. And don’t worry about whether or not I’m enjoying life—it’s mine to enjoy or not.”

“Walk with me.”

She crossed her arms. “No.”

Leo bent down so that their eyes were close enough to note the misshapen silver stars in his. “I’m not asking.”

A shiver went through her. “Have I told you you’re a bully?”

Half of his mouth lifted before it fell back into its usual straight line. “Probably.”

“It’s cold out.”

One eyebrow lifted.

She stared into eyes that should be dull but were instead fascinating. Gray wasn’t even really a color, it was some blend of two non-colors. But when he looked at her, and when she looked at him, she saw something greater than shades of nothingness. She saw beauty and brilliant light. Reese swallowed and looked away. She could get dizzy from looking at him for too long.

What else was she going to do? Drink a bottle of booze, find some random guy to screw? Mope around and dwell on her shitty, shitty life? Walk to the coffee shop and get harassed from Liz? Her selection of activities was dreadful and slim.

Reese shrugged. “Why not?”

She watched him as she stood, purposely stretching her arms in a way that pulled her top tight against her breasts and caused the shirt to ride up on her abdomen. His eyes were locked on hers, but she saw his jaw tighten. She saw the way his chest lifted and fell, as though he fought to steady breaths that wanted to careen out of control. He’d seen her naked, and he was remembering it.

Satisfaction trickled through her, but shame followed close by. She’d had months to observe Leo, enough time to understand him without really knowing him. He tried to be a good person, and here she was, trying to unravel his self-control because she couldn’t leave anything alone.

He didn’t deserve the shit she gave him, but she’d keep giving it anyway.

Reese glared at him as she stalked toward the closet, wondering why none of her warnings worked on him. She slid the necklace into her pocket when he wasn’t looking.
What happened to giving it back?
She yanked her coat off a hanger.

How many times, and in how many different ways, could she tell him to run? Whatever happened, however he ended up hurt, it was his own fault for not getting rid of her sooner, or for helping her to begin with. She tugged on her coat and left the apartment with him behind her.

The air stung her face, all of Farrow’s Point frosted over by winter. Brick and stone buildings in alternating tones of tan, red, and brown lined the streets. There was a barber shop, two salons, two bars, one restaurant, and an insurance place on their side of the street. People bustled by, on a mission to get where they needed to go, and others meandered down the street like their most important thing to do today was walk on the sidewalk. Reese didn’t get the latter group, which she thought she and Leo presently fell under.

She glanced at him, noticed how the forest green stocking cap he put on changed his eyes from gray to grayish-green. Reese told herself she wasn’t going to say anything to him. They could walk in silence for years and she wouldn’t be the first to utter words. But she was, and it only took five minutes of walking down the streets in quiet to bring them spewing forth.

“What do your tattoos mean?”

He gave her a sideways glance.

“On your body. You’re covered in ink.”

“Am I?”

“Drop your pants and I’ll let you know for sure,” she said coyly, laughing when his face darkened. It was a mocking laugh—the only kind she knew.

They crossed the street heading toward Liz’s.

“Are you going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer.

“You’re the most annoying person I have ever known,” she grumbled, stamping her boots in a mound of snow as they crossed the street.

“Ditto.”

Reese paused in the street to better glower at him, but he kept walking.

He backtracked when a horn blared, roughly grabbing her arm and tugging her onto the sidewalk and out of traffic. “Are you trying to get hit?” he growled, eyes flashing down at her.

His heat and ire blanketed her in a constricting, angry way. Reese tilted her head, studying him, and without taking her eyes from him, she stepped back into the road. She was on a collision course that had to end sometime, somehow. Air swept across her back as a vehicle sped by, the horn one long stream of noise. She felt invincible, fated to endlessly live this wreck of a life. Why not make it interesting?

Leo seized the front of her jacket and slammed her to him, her front colliding with his. He pulled her to the sidewalk, out of harm, away from the fun.

“You’re going to get killed,” he barked, shaking her. He was the storm that would destroy her, for better or worse. His voice was thunder, his eyes lightning, and the words that left his mouth rain.

She smiled, staring into an unforgiving face that always forgave her. “Come on, Leo, live a little.” Her voice was faint even as blood pounded in her ears. So many highs, so many lows—that’s what she was. Up and down, wildly spinning out of control, never able to rest.

“That’s not living. That’s suicide.”

Reese blinked her instantly watering eyes.
Morgan.
Just like that the gray in the sky fell down on her.

Leo released her, stepped back, and showed her his back. He immediately turned around to say, “Don’t make your life a pointless existence.”

“What do you know about my life? You’re just some . . . some guy that draws and does tattoos. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she seethed in a trembling voice.

His jaw shifted. “Those tattoos on my body? They’re from a pointless existence. They mean nothing, because I was less than nothing when I got them. They’re a reminder. You have the same tattoos all over you. You can’t see them, but I can.”

She couldn’t breathe, each inhalation of air stolen and stricken. Reese looked down, and when the closeness of him still confined her, she walked away.

He didn’t follow.

I watch her fall. I watch the darkness consume her until her eyes are black with pain. I stay away. I have to. If I give her one inch of me, she’ll have all of me. You can’t protect someone from the bad parts of you when they know all of you. It’s impossible. ~ Leo

Mick was an easy conquest. He wasn’t aware of her nature, and when she began showing up in the laundry room at the same time he did, he didn’t think anything of it. Nothing bad anyway. Had he only asked Leo, maybe things would have played out differently. But he didn’t.

The first time, he smiled and she returned it. “You’re not feeling sick, are you?” he joked.

Reese shut the lid of the washer and looked at him. His black hair was cropped short with sideburns and a goatee framed his tanned features. “Not at the moment, no. Get a little booze in me and anything is possible.”

“Yeah. I remember.”

“You grew facial hair.”

He rubbed his jaw. “That I did.”

“Sideburns too.”

“I’m surprised you remember anything about me. You were pretty drunk that night.”

“Unfortunately, I have the uncanny ability to remember everything, whether I want to or not.” She didn’t add that she’d been at the birthday party he’d thrown, the one she’d humiliated Leo at, although she was sure he had to know, even if he hadn’t witnessed it.

“Seems like a good thing.”

Reese tilted her head. “Not always.”

Mick didn’t say anything to that.

She crossed her arms and watched as he folded a shirt. “Anyway, if not for me, who would you have saved? I was doing you a favor, really, keeping you in superhero shape.”

“Was that what that was? Thanks for looking out for me then. I especially liked the vomiting, nice added touch.”

“I’m all about improvising.” They shared a grin. “Have you known Leo long?”

Shadows darkened his previously twinkling eyes. “Long enough.”

“That sounds ominous.”

Mick shrugged and grabbed the laundry basket now full of folded, clean clothes. “Can’t help how it sounds. See ya around.”

“Yes you will,” Reese said, smiling.

He paused to look back at her. “Leo told me to stay away from you.”

She straightened, all coyness gone from her demeanor. “Really? Why’s that?”

“Something about trouble.”

“For you, or me?”

“I’m pretty sure he meant me.”

“All the more reason to not stay away, right?”

His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Maybe.”

Mick left, and her smile went with him. She felt bad about using him, but told herself if he was stupid enough to fall for her act, then he deserved what he got. Especially when Leo, his good friend, warned him about her.

It seemed like Leo should know what she was up to, even though she never spoke a word of it. She went to work when she was supposed to and she did her duties, all of her strung taut with the need to confess her sins so that he could halt her before she went too far. The tension was on her end, but even so, how could he not feel it? Suspect? Know?

“I get this feeling you’re trying to be here the same time I am,” Mick told her the fourth time they ended up in the laundry room together.

“Maybe you’re trying to be here the same time I am.” She winked at him and dumped a load of whites into the washer, adding detergent, softener, and bleach.

He grinned and rubbed his jaw. “Maybe.”

“You shaved.”

“Yes. I did.”

Reese turned and leaned her elbows on the washing machine. “You haven’t told me what you do for work.”

“That’s correct.” He folded a black towel and put it on a pile with the others.

She studied him, careful to keep her expression unassuming. He was keeping secrets too, and she was betting they correlated with Leo’s. “What do you do for work?”

Mick glanced at her. “Work.”

Reese went back to one of her first questions. “How do you know Leo again?”

“Again? Never told you the first time.” He grinned, but there was sharpness to it.

She opened her mouth, but he lifted a hand, halting her words. “Listen, if you’re just talking to me to dig up dirt on Leo, it isn’t going to happen. But if you want to learn about me, because you’re interested in me, I’m all for it.”

Mick was nice to her and seemed to be an honestly sweet guy. She wasn’t sure how to respond to his frankness, now doubting her intentions. Reese wanted to eradicate whatever was between her and Leo. Mick was the easy way of doing it. She had to remember that.

She smiled. “Sure. I’m always up for a good time.”

His eyes flickered behind her and uneasiness crept into his expression.

Reese turned to see Leo stood in the doorway. He looked at Mick and Mick had somewhere to be, grabbing the laundry basket and leaving them. His and Leo’s eyes were locked as he walked by, silently communicating. Both wore grimness like an irremovable cloak.

Leo turned to her and aimed that laser gaze on her, effectively making it hard for her to draw air into her lungs. “You’re playing games.”

He did know then. Where she should feel guilty about such a thing, her twisted brain rejoiced in the knowledge that he understood her, even when she was destroying everything in her wake.

“I like games.” Her tone was carefree, but inside she shook.

“Why?” He entered the room, taking in her empty laundry basket. He knew her washer and dryer worked perfectly fine. The look Leo gave her told her that.

“Because they’re fun?” She moved back, needing distance from him.

“Don’t drag him into this.”

“Into what?”

“You. Me.”

Guilt waved down her back in a caress of wrongdoing. “I’m not dragging anyone into anything. This is me, totally drama free. And there is no you and me.” She put the table between them, but there still wasn’t enough space.

“You’re using him to get at me.”

“No,” she denied quickly.

“You keep pushing me because you want to see me lose control. You think you need a reaction from me.” His words weren’t accusatory. They were firm, and correct.

“No,” Reese lied. That was part of it, but that wasn’t all of it. Most of the time, she didn’t even know why she did things. It was instinctual, without thought, without looking at the consequences or how she would feel afterward.

She was drowning, one lungful of water at a time.

Leo blocked the doorway with his arms crossed, drawing all the air from the room. Her mouth was dry, longing streaming through her veins instead of the blood that should be there. This man, this being standing before her, was the epitome of all she’d never had and coveted. She needed to get away from him. She moved forward, right for him, and brushed past him when he wouldn’t move.