Simple Man (25 page)

“Hey! It’s not her fault,” Tucker said defensively.

“I’m so sorry,” Lisa cried. “I never would have said anything, but I swear, everything happened so quick. I’m not used to thinking we have to keep Logan a secret. I love that little boy. I’d never do anything to purposefully hurt him.”

She was really upset, but he was too overwhelmed by all of this to even process her emotions. “Well, what did she say? What happens now?”

Lisa frowned. “I talked to her today and…she told her brother. He was really upset when he found out about Noel. I don’t know what’ll happen now. All I know is that he’s supposed to be released tomorrow.”

They all sat silently for a few minutes. Sims finally said, “Maybe you could go somewhere and hide for a few days, until your court date. If he can’t contest the guardianship then you’ll be awarded custody and he’ll be too late. That’s if he’s going to try to take Logan.”

A queasy, sick sensation churned in Shane’s stomach. No one was taking Logan from him. No one! “It isn’t that easy. First, I can’t run. That would look terrible on my part. Second, it isn’t like I go into court next week and sign a paper saying Logan’s finally mine. It’s a process.” He ran his hands over his head. “Fuck. I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe this guy won’t care. Not everyone wants kids,” Tucker said.

“Maybe you should call your caseworker,” Duce suggested.

Yeah, Kate would probably know what to do. “We aren’t really speaking right now.”

The four of them frowned at him. “What do you mean? She’s gotta talk to you. She’s your advocate,” Lisa said.

“Holy shit,” Sims said and they all turned to look at him.

“What?” Duce asked.

Sims eyes were wide. “You banged the social worker!”

Four sets of eyes turned on him. “Dude, seriously?” Tucker barked.

Shane looked away, his face burning under their scrutiny.

“Holy fucking shit,” Tucker said. “I can’t believe you diddled the caseworker.”

“It isn’t like that,” Shane snapped. “I…like her.”

“Well I would hope so. Isn’t that completely unethical? What if her job finds out?” Duce asked.

“That’s why we didn’t tell anyone.”

“Well, she’s definitely gonna help you if she has feelings for you. I think you should call her,” Sims said.

Shane considered it. It wasn’t like he had a lot of time. He looked at the clock. It was after eight. “Fine. Give me some privacy.”

They all nodded and shuffled outside. He smelled cigarette smoke and knew Sims was still smoking. He dialed and hoped she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi.” She didn’t sound happy.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called.” She said nothing so he went on. “I, um, sort of have a situation. Could you come over?”

“Is everything okay with Logan?”

“Yeah, Logan’s fine. It’s something else.”

She hesitated. “Shane…you haven’t called me in days. I don’t understand what’s going on, but if you’re calling so I come over there and fuck you—”

“Fuck. No, Kate, it’s nothing like that.” Jesus, he’d never heard her curse. “I just…I have a problem. Could you please come here?”

A beat passed and she sighed. “Fine. But I’m still mad at you.”

“I understand.”

“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

He hung up the phone and invited the others back in. They waited on the couch as Shane paced by the door.

His mind was going a hundred miles a minute. What if this guy wanted Logan? He couldn’t give him back. There was no way. The courts had to give him some credit. He’d done everything he could to make Logan’s life easy and happy. It was wrong to separate them from each other.

All this time he’d thought the biggest threat to losing Logan was himself. He’d never expected a biological father to turn up out of the blue and take his boy.
Fuck!

Kate’s green bug pulled up and she climbed out. She was wearing a Thundercats T-shirt and gray stretch pants. He held the door for her and she stepped in and stilled the moment she saw everyone.

Tucker, Lisa, Sims, and Duce all waved and said, “Hi,” all at once. They sounded like an AA meeting.

She looked at Shane. “What’s going on?”

He took her hand and pulled her to the table. “Here, sit down.”

She hesitated, giving him an unsure look. “Shane,” she whispered. “What’s wrong? Where’s Logan?”

“Logan’s sleeping. He’s perfectly fine.”

“Then why am I here?”

He stepped close and she tensed, glancing quickly back at their audience. The four couch sitters all turned away and pretended great interest in the carpet.

Shane cupped her face. “They know. Please don’t be mad.”

Her lips pressed tight. She was mad.

“They just guessed,” he whispered.

“And you told them.”

“They’re my friends, Kate. They love me. They aren’t going to expose me or risk my situation with Logan in any way. Trust me.”

She pursed her lips, scowled, but nodded. Once she finally sat, Shane introduced her to everyone again and turned her attention to Lisa. Lisa retold the story he’d heard only a half hour before. He watched as Kate’s face paled.

“But no one knows for certain if he’s the father?”

Lisa shook her head. “No.”

Kate pressed her face in her hands and groaned. She looked apologetically at Shane. “I have to report this. If there’s any reason that I see why you couldn’t rightly be granted full guardianship of Logan, I’m obligated to let the court know immediately.”

“But what if he’s not the father?” Shane asked.

“But what if he is? Shane, he could contest your guardianship. That would be a nightmare for everyone involved. I think I need to talk to my supervisor and see what she says.”

“Tabitha?”

“Yes. She likes you. I’ve talked to her about what a great job you’ve been doing. She wants what’s best for Logan. I think she’ll know what’s best.”

He got quiet. They all did. He voiced his greatest fear. “But what if that’s not me?”

She placed her hand on his. “I think it is. Logan sees you as his father. You need to have faith in yourself.”

Easier said than done. Blood was blood and if this guy was Logan’s biological father, there wasn’t a court in the world that would choose Shane over him.

When everyone left Kate stood. “Are you leaving?” he asked nervously.

She looked at the floor. “Shane, everything just got ten times more complicated. I don’t know what’s happened over the past few days with us, but…you hurt my feelings.”

“I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Please stay.”

“I think in light of everything I should go. I need to think. It’s late and I have work tomorrow. I need to figure out how to handle this.”

“Do you think I’m going to lose him?” The words hurt to say.

Her expression was pained, but he knew she wouldn’t lie to him. Quietly, she admitted, “I don’t know. He may not even be related to Logan. Try not to worry about it until we have more information.”

He nodded, knowing that was an impossible request. When she left he gave her a brief kiss, but she turned away. He’d hurt her and for that he was sorry. Once again, he’d only been trying to do the right thing and somehow fucked it all up.

* * * *

The following day he waited for his phone to ring. When it didn’t, he called Kate. He couldn’t just sit around doing nothing. He held Logan more than usual, needing to feel his weight safely in his arms.

The call went to voicemail, but he left a message. “Kate, it’s me. Please call and let me know what’s going on. This is killing me. I can’t lose him. I just…can’t. He’s…he’s all I’ve got.”

He went to the Grill and checked his phone between every set, but she never called. When he got home a frantic panic struck him, nearly knocking him to his knees. Lisa’s car was gone and in its place sat Kate’s little green bug.

He walked in and she was sitting on the couch. He was disoriented and scared. “Where’s Logan?”

“Asleep. Hi.”

He put his keys on the table. “Hi.”

She took a steadying breath. Shit. This wasn’t going to be good. She was still in her work clothes.

He didn’t move, only waited for her to say something.

“I met William Erickson today.”

“And?”

“And he’s pretty sure Logan’s his son.”

“Fuck.” He rubbed his eyes. “Is he going to try for custody?”

Her expression was an image of professionalism, totally unreadable. “If the paternity test comes back positive, yes. I’m so sorry, Shane.”

His jaw locked. He swore even his organs were shaking. Logan was his boy! “What can I do?” His voice sounded strained.

“You can appeal. You know I’ll speak on your behalf.”

He stood, shoving the chair into the table and she flinched. “Doesn’t anyone care that this guy just got out of
prison
?”

She was quiet. “Our job is to advocate for the child in question. If we can prove that this is where Logan would be better off then you could win.”

“You and I both know the chances of them removing a child from his biological parent is something that hardly ever happens.”

“Will’s on probation. We don’t know where his head is. He could mess up—”

“And risk Logan’s safety? No way. I can’t hope for that.”

She folded her hands on her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“What happens now?” he asked.

“Tomorrow he’ll have the test. You’ll need to make an appointment with Logan’s pediatrician to have a swab done—”

“I’m not sitting in a doctor’s office with this guy!”

“No, you wouldn’t have to see him. The doctor will send the results to a lab. You don’t need to see him.”

“What was he like?” he whispered.

She gazed up at him from the couch. “He resembles Logan. He’s tall. He asked about your sister, about the hit and run. I think he cared for her.”

“Didn’t care enough to be there for her,” Shane mumbled snidely. “If he wasn’t off doing drugs he wouldn’t have been arrested. Noel wouldn’t have had to come to me for help and then she might not have run off to Jersey and gotten killed.”

His heart was racing and he didn’t know how to let out the nervous energy pumping through him. He was terrified. The helpless position he was suddenly in was intolerable. This fucking criminal was going to take his baby. No!

His hand swept across the table. Papers went flying through the air. “Goddamn it! This is so fucking unfair!”

Kate jumped. “Shane—”

He turned on her. “Don’t sit there and act like everything’s gonna be all right! You know it isn’t!”

“I don’t know anything! I’m not the judge. Custody hearings happen every day. There’s no set answer. Every case is different.”

She silently moved to the couch and eventually lowered herself. He got in her face, his arms on either side of her, boxing her in. “What am I going to do if they take him from me? I’ve changed my entire life for him. I don’t remember what I used to do, who I used to be, before I had him.” He was frantic.

“Shane, you’re scaring me. You need to calm down. You aren’t helping anyone like this. You need to keep your head.”

He searched her eyes and shook his head. “You don’t get it.” He grabbed her hand and held it to his chest. “Here, this is where he is. Taking him from me would be like ripping out my heart.”

With her other hand she cupped his jaw. Tears shimmered in her eyes. “I’m going to do everything I can to not let that happen. I promise.”

He was breathing heavily. Her hand filled his as he continued to press it to his chest. He shut his eyes and breathed in her smell, drawing comfort from her presence. Why did he lose everyone he loved?

He was losing everything, his parents, Noel, his job, Logan, Kate. His world was crumbling and every time he tried to grab onto a wall it turned to dust in his fingers. He needed to be a man and keep it together, but he had no one but himself to lean on.

When he opened his eyes Kate was watching him, a crease marring her brow. “Stay with me. Please. Please don’t go.”

She looked ready to turn him down, but she hesitated and said, “Okay.”

He kissed her. Their mouths sealed and he pulled her to into his arms, needing someone to hold him. His mind couldn’t cope with all of this. He was terrified, unable to imagine a world without Logan.

“Stay with me, Kate,” he whispered as he pushed her to her back.

“I’ll stay,” she assured him, kissing him in response.

He could tell she thought he was only asking for tonight, but he wanted so much more. Just once he wanted to know someone would be there forever, through all the bullshit, all the ups and downs. He needed to know there was at least one person who saw him as enough.

He unbuttoned her cardigan and slid it off her shoulders. His fingers shook as he unsnapped her pants. He should have been gentle, but he was too high strung. The most he could do was force himself to go slow.

When he filled her, he thrust hard. He moved as though he meant to punish her, his intensity borne of fear, because he knew, just like everyone else he loved, she’d eventually leave too.

His head pressed into her shoulder. His hips snapped forward with hard, measured thrusts. She held him and he wanted to weep with how good her touch felt. No one touched him anymore.

He missed his mother’s hugs, his father’s guidance, and his sister’s biased admiration. All he knew was that moment—Kate. Her touch was warm like sunshine. It heated him from the inside out, made him feel safe.

He was so scared.

He came without taking care of her pleasure. He was a selfish prick. Everything was wrong. Nothing made sense. He was losing ground in every aspect of his life and his fear made his common sense lock up. There were things he could have done to come off as less of a prick, but when the opportunities presented themselves, he lost his grip with reality and simply reacted, leaving him with more hollow regret in the end.

He felt like a scared little boy pretending to be a man. He wasn’t complicated, but life was and it was swallowing him whole.

Kate breathed beneath him. Her breasts bore the mark of his touch. He brushed a finger over her tender flesh and she winced. “Are you okay?” he asked, apologetically.