Selby's Shemozzle (10 page)

Dr and Mrs Trifle stood in stunned silence, staring at the page. They turned to Selby and said all the things they said at the beginning of
the story. Then Mrs Trifle said, ‘Okay, Selby, now it's time to talk. Come on, say something.' (Just as she also did at the start of this story.)

Selby's mouth went dry and tears formed in his eyes and the rest of it, and then, just as he was about to speak, Aunt Jetty burst out laughing.

‘What's so funny?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘Don't you see?' Aunt Jetty said. ‘Willy and Billy were the ones who really wrote this. See the terrible handwriting? It
has
to be theirs.'

‘Do you really think so?' said Mrs Trifle.

‘Absolutely! And weren't they grown-up,' Aunt Jetty said. ‘They knew they shouldn't write the rude draft you found, so they threw it away and wrote this very clever piece pretending they were that … that stupid mutt of yours.'

‘You could be right,' Dr Trifle said. ‘Then the whole thing's a joke. And a good one, too. So I guess you broke the time capsule open for nothing.'

‘That's right,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Okay, put the boys' bit of comedy back in the capsule and I'll ring Killer-Koncrete and get another load delivered.'

‘Phew!' Selby thought. ‘That was a close one! But what a shemozzle! One second more and I'd have spilled the beans. Thank goodness my secret's still a secret. And thank goodness everyone's going to know the truth about me in one hundred years' time after all, because they won't think that Willy and Billy wrote it.'

‘Now wait a minute,' Aunt Jetty said, snatching the envelope. ‘Let me just write a note on it.'

And with this, Aunt Jetty wrote:

This is just a bit of comedy writing by Jetty's very clever sons, Willy and Billy.

And into the time capsule it went.

‘Oh, woe woe woe,' Selby thought. ‘I guess my secret will have to stay a secret forever.'

‘The Kwangdangi Box!' cried Ralpho the Magnificent, the Trifles' old friend and (hopeless) magician. ‘It's perfect! It looks just like the real one! It even looks old.'

Dr and Mrs Trifle and Selby had just arrived in the city. Selby followed as the Trifles grabbed the box from the back of their car and carried it into the back of the theatre. There, wearing his magician's cape and tall hat, was Ralpho, ready to do his act.

‘I followed those plans you gave me exactly,' Dr Trifle said.

‘Yes, I bought those old plans from Luigi Whodunni many years ago.'

‘Not the Great Whodunni?' Mrs Trifle said. ‘He was the most famous magician ever!'

‘This is
sooooooo
exciting!' Selby thought. ‘This trick is going to knock the socks off all those other magicians!'

Selby knew all about the Great Whodunni. He'd read a book about him over and over again.

‘That guy was the best!' Selby thought. ‘He could do any trick there was. He went everywhere and worked out other magicians' tricks and showed people that there was no such thing as
real
magic — it was all just tricks.'

‘There's no time to waste,' Ralpho said. ‘The MAGIC Show has already started and I'm on next.'

‘What exactly is this MAGIC Show?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘M.A. G. I. C.,' Ralpho said, spelling it out. ‘It stands for the Mysterious and Ghostly International Conference. This is not an ordinary show. The audience is all magicians. Every year we get together and show off our strangest and spookiest tricks. Wait till they see the Kwangdangi Box trick. It's the most famous magic trick ever.'

As Ralpho talked, Selby remembered the story of the Great Whodunni, travelling on a camel to the town of Kwangdangi in the middle of the desert, where he discovered the Kwangdangi Box trick. There he saw an old magician put a boy in a box, say some magic words —
aka-baka-paka
— and when he opened the box, the boy was gone. Then he said some more magic words and the boy reappeared.

‘So this is just like the box that the Great Whodunni saw?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘Not exactly,' Ralpho said. ‘It looks the same, but I asked your husband to put a secret hiding place in it.'

‘I'll show you how it works,' Dr Trifle said, opening the front of the box. ‘The boy steps into the box. It's just big enough for him to stand up. When Ralpho closes the box, the boy lies down and scrunches up as tight as he can. Closing the door brings a flat panel gently down on top of him. Ralpho says his magic words, opens the box, and the boy is gone. Only he's really just hiding in the bottom of the box where you can't see him.'

‘And how does he un-disappear?' Mrs Trifle asked.

‘Simple — Ralpho closes the box again and the panel goes up against the top of the box. The boy stands up, Ralpho opens the box and
ta-da!
there he is. This should really fool the other magicians. They won't have a clue how it's done.'

‘So the real Kwangdangi Box didn't have a hiding place in the bottom,' Mrs Trifle said.

‘Oh, no,' Ralpho said. ‘Luigi Whodunni had a very good look at it. He even took it apart. It was the one trick he could never work out.'

‘Maybe it was real magic.'

‘Goodness, no! Everyone knows that there's no such thing as real magic,' Ralpho said. ‘Ooops! I'm on! Will you two be my assistants?'

‘Yes, of course,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘But where's the boy?'

‘What boy?'

‘The one you're going to put in the box and make disappear?'

‘Oh, no!' Selby thought. ‘He's completely forgotten! Poor Ralpho, he's got to be the most hopeless magician
in the world!'

‘I — I think I forgot,' Ralpho said. ‘But maybe one of you can be the boy in the box.'

‘Ralpho,' Dr Trifle sighed, ‘we're too big. We won't fit. And we certainly can't fit in the hiding place at the bottom.'

‘Then where are we going to find a boy — or a girl?' Ralpho said, pacing around the room.

‘Let's put our thinking caps on,' Dr Trifle said, pacing around after Ralpho.

‘We need someone small,' Mrs Trifle said, pacing around after the others.

‘Hey, hang on,' Selby thought. ‘How about me? I'm small.'

‘Someone very small,' Ralpho said.

‘Very,
very
small,' Dr Trifle agreed.

Selby climbed into the open box and sat there waiting to be noticed.

‘Yes,' Ralpho said, noticing Selby. ‘We need someone about Selby's size.'

‘But where,' Dr Trifle said, ‘are we going to find someone the size of Selby in the next few minutes?'

‘That's right,' Ralpho said. ‘Think think think. There must be an answer to this problem.'

‘
I
am the answer,' Selby thought. ‘Wake up, guys!'

‘Look at Selby sitting in the box,' Dr Trifle said. ‘Isn't he cute?'

‘Cute schmoot,' Selby thought. ‘Come on, how about me?'

‘Hang on!' Mrs Trifle said. ‘How about Selby?'

‘Selby?' Ralpho said.

‘Selby?' Dr Trifle said.

‘Yes, Selby,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘It's worth a try.'

Mrs Trifle closed the door to the box. Selby quickly lay down and scrunched up as tightly as he could. Then Mrs Trifle opened the door.

‘He's gone!' she cried. ‘He did it!'

Mrs Trifle closed the door again and Selby stood up when the board went up.

‘And here he is again!' Mrs Trifle said. ‘That's the answer! Your disappearing boy is about to be a disappearing dog.'

Ralpho waited with Selby behind the curtain as Dr and Mrs Trifle wheeled the box out onto the stage. Hundreds of magicians suddenly fell silent.

‘The Kwangdangi Box!' someone cried. ‘The most famous and mysterious trick in the world!'

‘But who's the magician?' someone else cried out.

Ralpho pulled the curtain back and bowed. There was a moment of silence followed by a roar of laughter.

‘It's Ralpho the Hopeless!' someone yelled.

‘Hey, that's not nice,' Selby thought. ‘It may be true, but it's not nice to say.'

‘Ladies and gentlemen, conjurers and tricksters,' Ralpho said. ‘Throw away your trick card decks and your fake handcuffs, because today you will see the most mysterious and ghostly magic ever performed.'

‘Yeah, right!' someone yelled, and everyone laughed.

Dr and Mrs Trifle opened the door to the box and turned it round and round on the stage. They stopped when the open door was again facing the audience.

‘As you can see,' Ralpho said, tapping the box with his magic wand, ‘there is nothing in the box. But before your very eyes you are about to see a real, live dog disappear. Come here, Selby.'

‘We'll show them, Ralpho,' Selby thought.

Selby hopped into the box and stood looking out at a sea of tall hats and laughing faces.

‘Now you see him …' Ralpho said, closing the door.

Selby quickly lay down and scrunched up as the panel came down and covered him.

‘Now does everyone remember the magic words that the Great Whodunni heard when he saw this feat of magic?'

All together the audience called out,
‘Aka-baka-paka!'

Bllllliiiiinnnng!

‘That's a strange noise,' thought Selby.

‘That's right,
aka-baka-paka!'
Ralpho said, tapping the box again with his wand and then opening the door. ‘As you can see the dog is gone.'

‘You mean the doggone dog is hiding in the bottom of the box!' someone called out. ‘It's the old secret-hiding-place-under-the-floor trick!'

Once again all the magicians screamed with laughter.

‘That's cruel,' Selby thought. ‘Poor Ralpho. And poor Dr Trifle. He spent all that time
making the box and everyone already knows the trick.'

‘And now I'm going to bring him back from the beyond,' Ralpho said.

Inside the box, the board lifted and Selby stood up, feeling hugely proud of himself — and Ralpho.

‘They may have seen the trick before,' he thought, ‘but I'll bet they've never seen it done with a dog.'

The door opened again and Selby leapt out onto the stage, trying not to smile. There was a stunned silence, then more laughter.

‘Great training, Ralpho!' someone yelled. ‘But you forgot to teach him to come out of the hiding place!'

Dr and Mrs Trifle shot past Selby and peered into the box.

‘Selby?' Mrs Trifle said, lifting the panel. ‘Where are you?'

‘Yes, where are you, Selby?' Dr Trifle asked, tipping the box down to have a closer look.

‘I'm over here,' Selby thought. ‘Are you both blind or something?'

‘Ralpho!' Mrs Trifle cried. ‘What have you done with Selby?'

Suddenly there was a burst of applause as magicians dashed onto the stage to look in the box.

‘What a trick!' one of them said. ‘Congratulations, Ralpho! You had us all fooled. That was the best trick ever!'

‘You pretended it was the old secret-hiding-place-under-the-floor trick,' someone else said, ‘but you did something else.'

‘I take it back, Ralpho!' someone else yelled. ‘You are truly magnificent!'

‘Ralpho,' Mrs Trifle said, ‘could you bring Selby back … please?'

‘I'm right here!' Selby thought. ‘Come on, everyone, don't scare me like that. You can see me, can't you? Don't pretend you can't. Hey, I get it. This is a trick on me. But why would they do that?'

Selby looked over at a mirror at the side of the stage.

‘That's strange,' he thought. ‘I can see everyone there but me. Hang on! Where am I?
Don't tell me my mirror image
escaped again!'

‘How did you do it, Ralpho?' someone asked.

‘Well, I … well, I …' Ralpho started as he looked into the box again. ‘I'm sorry, but I'm not going to tell.'

‘Ralpho,' Mrs Trifle said, ‘can we have our dog back, please?'