Seeing Julia (38 page)

“You weren’t the only one with a plan today. Your inner circle, which is also
mine
…” He grins at this declaration, but then it morphs into distress. “Christian filled me in on what Savannah did to you. I had my own suspicions about her and Evan from some things she’d said, things he’d said. I’d begun asking about the SB Investments account over three months ago and then, today, she confirms it. We had to plan it out because it was complicated, as you now know.” He gets his infamous hangdog look. “I just want to say I’m sorry for—”

“I’m sorry Jake. I can’t believe she did what she did to you today, but I know, in time, you’ll realize it’s the best thing. She’s not a nice person. She would end up hurting you, even more than she already has. I just couldn’t stand by and let that happen.” I walk through the open French doors and he follows me inside.

“So you pay her twelve point six million dollars and change, just for me.”

I whirl around.
The new Julia responds.
“It was a good deal. I would have paid more.”

We are in an electric situation, here. I really need to go and find a pair of jeans instead of standing here in just a cardigan and my underwear. I escape to the laundry room and toss the wet jeans onto the dryer and search through the stack of clothing for something to wear.
Nothing
. It’s all Reid’s baby clothes.

“How much more?” Jake asks from right behind me. “Because my mom called on the way out here and told me someone paid off their loan. And, my bank’s calling me and asking how they can help me invest the sizable amount of money recently deposited in my account of fourteen million and change. You’ve had quite a day, Miss Benevolent One. And, I was just wondering how much more you were going to
dole
out?”

There’s a discernible edge to his tone and I’m stunned to hear it. “Don’t be
mad
. I had the money—it was Evan’s money.

“You’re pissed off enough at him to sell all his things…and give away his money to all your important
causes
.” He shakes his head and looks at me uncertain. “And, my parents? How’d that come about?”

“Where’s the anonymity that I was guaranteed?” I say with irritation.

“Well, Kimberley—”

“God! I should have known. Well, since your parents knew
mine
, it seemed only right.” He looks stunned. “Yeah, I know who you are,” I say.

≈
≈*

“Sorry,” I say. My breath is getting erratic. The airy feeling from earlier catches up to me. I feel like I’m going to pass out. “I’ve got to check on Reid.”

“I thought you already
did
.”

I can feel him staring at me from the doorway, while I’m in Reid’s room.
Breathe Julia. Just breathe. Take your time. Slow down and think this through.
I tuck in Reid’s blanket and sweep his hair away from his forehead. I kiss my finger and trace with it along his temple down to the tip of his nose.

“Let’s eat,” I say, slipping under Jake’s arm draped across the path of the doorway.

“Uh-huh. If I wasn’t starving, I would argue this point,” he says from behind me.

We traverse the stairs in silence. “I thought you had a plane to catch to Austin?”

“Change of plans.” I steal a glance at him. He gives me this defiant look. “So, when did you figure out it was me? The guy you kissed at fifteen,” Jake says.

“Kimberley figured it out, while we were in L.A.”

“Kimberley.”

I look at him in surprise. He sounds so disappointed. “I really don’t remember you. I’m sorry. I blocked out a lot of stuff after my parents died. Years worth of stuff…”

“What
do
you remember? About me?”

“You liked Nirvana. You had a great smile. You were a fantastic kisser.” I look away from him, then back again. “I was fifteen. That’s all I’ve got.” I feel a little guilty about my indifference. “It’s been a long day.”

“Right.”

I sense his disappointment as he studies me for a while and I practically wilt under his scrutiny. He seems to be taking his time, trying to put it all together.

“I told you in L.A. that I put a lot of expectations on you before.” He looks at me intently. “And, I don’t want to start doing that now. I wish you remembered more, but I remember enough for both of us.”

I’m stunned by his words. I think it’s the most sincere thing that anyone’s ever said to me. The new Julia would like to tell him this, but the old Julia takes over.

“You can stay for dinner if you want,” I say.

My benevolence is underwhelming to both of us. He doesn’t hide his disappointment with me now.

“I want,” he says simply.

≈ ≈

I stand at the refrigerator and silently bless my nanny for restocking our supply of groceries in the past few days. The last ten minutes have been unbelievably tense. Jake seems to be reeling from my sustained indifference and I’m combating every other emotion that exists between the two of us: relief, sadness, despair, guilt.

I seem to mirroring Jake’s demeanor by degrees. He feels it first; then I do. The chasm between us grows wider. He’s on one side. I’m on the other.

The alarm for the refrigerator goes off, signaling the door’s been open too long and brings me back from my troubled reverie. I try to keep my focus on the task at hand and retrieve steaks, lettuce, tomatoes, a cucumber, an onion, and green beans. My arms are loaded up. I turn, closing the door with my hip. Jake’s standing right behind me. He takes each item from me, one by one, and sets them on the counter.

“You carry a lot of stuff, Julia. You carry such a heavy load, burdened down with so much, never asking for help from anyone, except Kimberley or Steph, sometimes, Christian or Brad, but you never ask me for anything. I was just wondering if you could ask me to do something for you. Anything.”

Silence
. The new Julia wants to say something, while the old Julia doesn’t. New Julia wins out. “Tell me what you want from me.”

Now, he’s coming towards me again. I take a step back, but then, I’m up against the stainless steel of the refrigerator. His smile gets even wider. “Where are you going to go?” He kisses his index finger and brushes the bridge of my nose the same way I did to Reid earlier.

Oh God.

“How are you?” Jake asks.

“I’m fine. Yes. Absolutely.” He starts to laugh. “What?” I don’t hide my annoyance because I’m freaking out on too many emotional levels right now to care. The crazy electrical connection between us is back again, just by being in the same room with him again.

“I’ve been hanging out with Brad quite a bit. And I’m aware of the inner circle code, in particular, with the word,
absolutely
. That’s when you say
absolutely
, it really means things are not okay and you need some help. And I was wondering if you could tell me what you need help with. Just lay it out there, as you did on the phone in Malibu when you thought I was Bobby, but you were actually talking to
me
. You know. Tell me how you really feel.” His tone is gentle, caressing.

I feel this stirring of life all the way to my soul, when I look up at him. He’s just waiting for me, holding his breath, waiting for me. “Can we just focus on the
food
?”

He looks disappointed, but then sympathetic. He nods.

I make a salad, while he just watches me. I chop at the lettuce, slice the tomato, cucumber, and concentrate all my efforts, so I don’t wield the knife the wrong way. I make a vinaigrette dressing and start to steam the green beans. Turn the indoor grill on. He disappears after a few minutes and I take the time to take a deep breath and tell myself not to completely freak out.
We’re having dinner. That’s it.

Kimberley calls. “You forgot to call me back to let me know you got there.”

“Sorry,” I say.

“So you’re home?”

“Yes. How’s the party?”

“It’s fine. Everyone’s having a good time. Maggie’s great. She’s going to be awesome for the PR gig. So, how are things there?”

“Good. Fine. We’re having dinner.”

“So he made it. Good. Feeding ‘em first is always a good idea.” She laughs in that wicked way of hers.

“You could have
told
me he was coming,” I say.

“No way. Would have ruined the surprise. Sometimes, not being prepared is best.”

“There’s a plan. We go with the plan,” I say in irritation.

“Of course there’s a plan. There are
several
plans, Julia. You have yours. We have ours.” Kimberley laughs again. “Okay, I’m going. I’ll see you tomorrow. And, Julia? Don’t over think it. Okay? Let yourself go. You’re where you’re supposed to be.”

“Fine,” I say. “Stop telling me what to do.”

Jake returns to the kitchen. He’s changed into jeans and a black t-shirt and looks even sexier which sends me in a completely different way. A part of me wonders where he got the change of clothes, but since I’m trying to focus on getting dinner ready and control my reaction to his every movement around the kitchen, I don’t even ask. He gets busy putting the steaks on the indoor grill and adding salt and pepper just the way I would. Then, he’s opening a bottle of red wine he’s brought and pouring it into two glasses. I’m trying not to openly stare as I inadvertently watch his every move. When he goes to set the table, I start breathing freely again.