Seeing Julia (37 page)

She’s babbling, kind of panicked; and I’m wondering why.
“What’s going on? We can talk about all of this later.”

“Nothing,” she says with a nervous laugh. “It’s just, well…Brad and I were going to come out tomorrow to barbecue, to play on the beach…with you. You know that
normal
stuff you want to do.”

I’ve never seen Kimberley frolic on a beach in my life. Kimberley languishes in lounge chairs near pools. She generally gazes at sandy beaches and ocean waves from a distance as if they are part of a backdrop required to serve as props at an upcoming event she’s planning. She doesn’t
play
on the beach.

“
Really
?” I ask. “You’d do that with me?”

“Yes,” she says a little defensive at my skeptical tone. “We’ll fly kites and everything.”

I smile, trying to imagine Kimberley Powers flying a kite on the beach.

“A margarita in one hand and kite string in the other?” I tease. I envision Kimberley enlisting Brad to fly the kite, while she just watches. I laugh. “I don’t see you flying kites.”

“Brad thinks we should all be leading more normal lives. He wants to spend more time at his house there, too, with me, you, Reid, everybody.”

“What aren’t you telling me? Is this some kind of convoluted plan to keep me here?”

“Of course! How are we going to see each other all the time if you’re in L.A.?”

“Let’s just start with tomorrow. I’ll leave for L.A. after the weekend. Come out in the morning.”

I hear her sigh. “All right, then, we’ll be out in the morning. To fly kites.”

“You don’t have to fly kites with me. Just come out. And, I’m sorry to leave you in a bind with the reception thing, but I just wanted to be
done
for a while. Maggie said she’d take care of it. You’re not mad. Are you?”

“No,” Kimberley says. “But I plan on putting the suite we reserved for you to good use.”

“Really? Done with the celibacy idea, huh?”

“No! It’s fascinating what you can find to do with someone, besides have sex with them. We’ll have room service. Maybe, take a bubble bath. Sometimes, he reads to me: Shakespeare, poetry. It’s illuminating, this celibacy thing,” she says.

“Who are
you
? And, what have you done with my promiscuous best friend Kimmy Powers?

She laughs. Then, there’s a long pause. “Maggie, huh?”

“She gave me the keys to Evan’s Mercedes. It was parked in the garage, just sitting there, begging to be driven. Use the suite. Put it to good use,” I say with a laugh. “Tell Brad hello and you may share with him my stellar performance if you leave out the part at the end.”

“Leave out the ending? That was the best part. Julia, you did so awesome today. I almost cried at your kite story. And I quote: “some things change and you really just need to find a tail that can make your kite fly to see where it takes you.” End quote. My God, Julia, it was amazing the way you said it and who you were looking at when you did.”

My throat tightens. “How is he?”

“Surprisingly upbeat. I believe in following your kite analogy, she was his anchor—the string keeping him in place—and he was trying to fly without a tail.”

“You’re mixing it all up. I’m the kite; he’s supposed to be the tail.”

“Did you just say you love Jake Winston?”

“We were talking about kites, in the sense of
kites
.”

I’m losing my composure and can’t track what Kimberley is saying as well. I must be having a delayed reaction to confronting Savannah. I really just need to lie down and process this whole thing, but I’m driving
home, to Amagansett. Beholden to this new plan.

“I’m pretty sure we weren’t talking about kites,” Kimberley says. “Just a sec.”

The phone goes silent again. A few minutes pass.

Then, she’s back. “Look, I have to go take care of this reception thing. Call me when you get home. And, at least,
promise me
, you’ll be at the house when Brad and I get there tomorrow morning.”

“Your general distrust of human nature is running incredibly high.”

“I have this best friend who taught me
everything
I know,” she says.

“I’ll still be in Amagansett tomorrow morning. I promise.”

“Okay. See you then. And, Julia?”

“What?”

“You’re amazing. Everyone sees that.”

“Don’t get all sentimental. I’ll see you tomorrow. Let’s pick up where we left off in L.A. Tell Steph and Christian to come out, too. We’ll have a big party, some of us will fly kites, and all of us will drink margaritas and welcome summer. The normal stuff.”

We both laugh as the call ends.

≈ ≈

A half hour later, my cell phone rings again. It’s Dr. Hallmark Card, himself. “Brad, I wish you would have been there,” I say with a wan smile. The thrill of besting Savannah Bennett resurges for a few extraordinary minutes. “You would have been so proud of me.”

“That’s what Kimberley said. How do you feel?” Brad asks.

“I feel…liberated, airy in a weird way, as if I’ve taken in too much oxygen. Everything’s clearer. Freer. Yes, that’s it. I had to take on Savannah Bennett; and I did.” I frown as the scene with her charges through my mind, playing like an endless film loop. “All she wanted was the money and she took it.” I take an unsteady breath, unable to say his name. “Now he’s free. He might not see it that way for a while. I still can’t believe she betrayed him like that, took the money over him. He might not accept it or believe it even now, but he’s better off without her.”

“And you? Are you okay?” Brad asks.

“I’m okay. Here’s the thing I’ve come away with in all of this: all we can be is who we are and that includes me. I want a normal life, for Reid, for myself. Maybe, someday, that will include someone else. For now, it’s just Reid and me, but, as you say, no one controls the power of love.” I try to sound upbeat as I recite his best Hallmark line. “I’m not as sad anymore. I’m not even that angry at Evan anymore. I’m letting go, I guess.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“More vital? A little more self-actualized, I guess.”

“Give yourself some time to process it all,” Brad says in his all-knowing way.

“Exactly! That’s why I’m going home to Reid.” I hesitate. “You were the catalyst, you know. You asked the questions and opened the Pandora’s Box to my past and all the pain I was holding on to, saving me because you can see me, just like Kimmy.”

“You saved yourself. You’re moving on.” He pauses. “You finally see yourself and know who you are. Just know there are others that can see you, too, Julia, more than you think.”

“What? Don’t start with all the Hallmark card philosophy, Brad.”

I try to laugh, but I’m caught in the crossfire of competing emotions about standing up to Savannah Bennett, yet losing Jake in the process.

I sigh. “Just focus on Kimberley. She has a very exciting evening planned for the two of you.” I smile at the thought of him reading her Shakespeare. “All I can say is: I hope you’ve rested up.”

I end the call and toss the cell phone into the passenger seat, intent on concentrating on the drive and rejoicing in the fact that I’m going home to Reid, in pursuit of a normal, starting now.

≈ ≈

With more traffic than usual, it takes more than two and a half hours to get to Amagansett. I pull the Mercedes into the driveway, grab my cell phone, and note three missed calls from Jake.
Not calling.
I take phone off silent and make my way into the house only to learn from Lianne that Reid is already asleep. Slightly let down at this news, I spend a few minutes gazing at my sleeping child.

The exhilarating high of besting Savannah Bennett trickles away. My spirits reach an all-time low. Exhausted and determined to outrun the malaise, I put on a pair of jeans and wrap myself into a nice long black cardigan sweater as the June night cools off. I make my way to the beach just as twilight descends and the moon begins to rise. Lianne was planning to spend a quiet night here at the house, but now that I’m home she’s called her latest boyfriend and is getting ready to go out.

I walk the shoreline and head north at a fairly fast pace, knowing I need to return soon, so Lianne can leave for her date. I run toward the farthest post, skirt around it, and head back down the shore just out of reach of the crashing waves. That’s when it comes to me; this realization that somewhere along way between my time in L.A. and now, I’ve made peace with the letter
A
as it relates to Athens, Afghanistan and the Army, even Advil. I haven’t actually thought about any of these things in weeks. I slow down and begin to walk the beach just out of reach of the frothy waves.

I’m free.
I’m not haunted anymore by memories associated with my past and all of the loss. As I told Brad, the anger for Evan is all but gone. He wasn’t perfect and neither am I. Maybe, I clung too tightly to the memory of Bobby, even when I was with Evan. Maybe, he sensed that. I stop, realizing this might be true. I stare out at the darkening skyline and the waves.

“Less than perfect, but I loved you, Evan.” The water meets up with the white moonlight in synchronized harmony and shimmers back at me. The almost full moon casts a long shadow of me across the sand.
I can see myself.
This is who I am. Just Julia. I’m no longer the fiancée or the widow left behind. I’m Reid’s mother, Kimmy’s best friend, Steph’s, too. Julia, less than perfect and that’s enough.

I hold out my arms to the pitching swell of the Atlantic and watch the waves churn toward the shore and me. I say goodbye to my island, to all of them.
I am alive and well on the shore. I am here.
The ocean answers this profound insightfulness with a huge rogue wave that comes out of nowhere. It swirls around me for a minute, soaking my running shoes and jeans almost to my thighs before retreating. I laugh and feel lucky I didn’t fall in and get pulled into the surf. I move farther up the beach away from the unpredictable surf and eventually climb the stairs to home.

At the top step, I slide off my wet running shoes, shimmy out of my soaked jeans, and start towards the French doors. “Lianne, I’m back. I just have to change,” I call out. “I got soaked by a…wave.” I look up and find myself face-to-face with Jake. He’s just standing there in the moonlight. “Jake! You scared me. What are you doing here?”

He saunters over, reaches for my hand, pulls me to him, and brushes his fingers up against my neck. “Yep, definitely have a fast heart rate, maybe you are scared, just a little.” His thumb moves back and forth across my neck while my pulse just pounds away beneath his touch. “You are very much alive though and that’s very good,” he drawls.

“Please don’t do this to me.” My body betrays me and moves closer to him.

“What am I doing to you exactly? I’m checking your pulse, like a good boy scout.”

I open my eyes and he’s even closer.

“Lianne left for her date. I’ve been watching Reid and keeping an eye out for you.” He gives me a mysterious look.

I escape his hold and step away from him. “What are you doing here, Jake?”

“I tried to call you, but I guess you weren’t answering your cell phone.” He gives me a derisive look; his eyes narrow. “At least, you weren’t taking
my
calls, just everyone else’s.”

I ignore his accusation. “I just wanted to get home to Reid.”

“We had everything planned out,” he says, shaking his head. “This awesome suite at The Peninsula. Champagne. Music. Candles. All planned and, as usual, no Julia. And Maggie Talbon helps you out by giving you the keys to Evan’s car which has been parked in the same spot for more than six months, except for today when I go looking for you and discover it’s gone. It takes another ten minutes to get back up to the office to find Maggie and learn her part in all of this: your escape. I have to hope that I can get to where I think you’re going, before you head to someplace else. Because, let’s face it; you are never where you are supposed to be. But, here you are and here I am. On this deck, with the ocean playing its special brand of music and you’re stripping down to your skivvies just for me. It’s another step in this arduous, and I do mean, arduous journey, but I’m fine with how it’s turning out.” He slowly smiles. I react to him by stepping back even further, until I feel the railing behind me. “It’s okay, Julia.”

He has this expectant look as if he’s waiting for something. I take in his navy blue pinstripe suit and the impeccable white dress shirt and red tie ensemble and I can feel myself being drawn in to the magnetism of him already.

Did I ever tell you, that’s my favorite, Jake?
Did I tell you? The new Julia should be saying all these things.
Say it.
“Love the tie,” I say.
Better. Keep going.

He smiles and moves closer to me. “You like my
tie
?”

His Armani cologne starts doing a seductive number on my senses.

“I like the suit and the whiteness of the shirt contrasting with the red…of the tie. It makes you look…fetching.” We smile at each other, remembering this particular word exchange in Paris. Then, his words from earlier get through to me. “We had everything planned?
What plan
?”