Secondhand Sinners (5 page)

“Yeah.”

“What’s making you sad?”

“I can’t watch my movie because you’re talking.”

Talking to Jack was like talking to her own mother. It was interesting how similar his lack of emotional connection was to Gail’s. Jack was physically autistic because of a defect somewhere in his body. Her mother was emotionally autistic because of a defect somewhere in her soul. All the questions she asked about Jack, she could ask about her own mother. What caused it? How severe was it? Could she be cured? Was it hereditary?

Who was more disabled—her mother or her son?

CHAPTER FIVE

Miller

Miller returned from Emily’s as Abby was walking into the kitchen. She sat in her usual chair while he put milk and cereal out for her.

“How long have you been up?” he asked her.

Abby stretched her arms out to her sides and yawned. “Long enough to know you were gone for at least fifteen minutes. Where’d you go?”

He didn’t want her to know where he had been. He also didn’t want to have to start lying about the little things too. “I took some groceries over to Levi’s sister.”

Abby raised an eyebrow. “Oh.”

“I promised him I’d look after her.”

“I thought he didn’t say anything.”

“He didn’t. Not about what happened, but he asked me to look after Emily. I wanna talk about you posing for him.”

“She’s pretty. I mean, if you can see past her tragic vibe and all. Do you like her?”

“She’s the granddaughter of the woman I work for. I haven’t seen her in…No. We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and why you were alone with a grown man when I told you to leave him alone. When did you have the time to pose for him anyway?”

“You’re doing that thing where you throw a dozen questions at me because you don’t want to answer one of mine. I think you do like her. Did you know her?”

“Answer my question, Abby.”

“I’ll answer one of yours if you answer one of mine.”

“No games. Answer my question.”

“I bet Mom knew her. I could call her and ask.”

Miller stood up with his spoon and nearly full bowl and deposited them in the sink. “Yes. I knew her.”

“I knew it! Did you like her?”

Miller faced his daughter, leaned back against the kitchen counter, and crossed his arms.

“Okay. Okay. He said he couldn’t get the arms right. I stood in the middle of that old barn for two hours two summers ago in one hundred degree weather with my arms in some ballet pose while he sketched them. That was it. We weren’t alone. Jessica was with me.”

“What did you and Levi talk about?”

Abby chewed and swallowed the spoonful of cereal she had just put in her mouth and shook her head. “My turn. Did you like her?”

“She dated my best friend for a few years. He died in September, at the beginning of our senior year. She left town that night. So what did you and Levi talk about when you posed for him?”

“I asked him what it was like to live in Chicago, so he talked about that for a while. Then we talked about how bad the football team was going to be. That’s it. Nothing else happened. I swear. I didn’t know your best friend in high school died. That’s so sad. What was his name?”

“Daniel.”

“How did he die?”

“He killed himself.”

Abby gasped and put her hand over her mouth. “That’s terrible.”

He nodded. “Yes. It was.” Miller didn’t tell her the worst part—that Daniel had killed himself because he’d been betrayed by the two people he trusted the most.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. Poor Ms. Emily. She left?”

“That night. Without saying a word. Now she’s married and lives in Dallas.”

Abby stood up and put her dishes in the sink. “She’s not married.”

“What?”

“Divorced.”

“How do you know that?”

“Mr. Levi. When he got in town last week, he came here to ask you something about a problem with the water at his place. You weren’t here. He said he’d find you. Did he?”

“He did. Go on. Finish your story.”

“He was talking while he walked up to the porch. I had my window open, so I could hear him. He was talking on his phone. He said he was sorry about the divorce and that her ex was a…”

“A what?”

“Don’t get mad. I’m only repeating what he said. ‘A lying, cheating bastard.’”

“Are you’re sure he was talking to Emily?”

Abby pushed away from the counter and headed for the stairs. “Gosh, Dad. You sure are interested in the love life of someone you aren’t interested in.”

“Are you sure he was talking to Emily?”

“He said her name. I’m going to go get dressed and do my homework, and then I’ll be ready.”

“Ready?”

“Yeah. You said we could take the horses out this weekend. We didn’t get to go yesterday. We’re still going, right? You promised.”

“Yes. Riding. After lunch. You and me.”

He sat at the dining table.
She’s divorced.
That thought terrified and excited him. If he could figure out how to tell Emily the truth and make her understand, then things could be okay. Maybe even better than okay.

He put his elbows on the table and ran his hand through his hair. He wanted to hate her, but damn her, he still longed to touch her, to kiss her. The last time they’d seen each other, kissed each other, and touched each other was when they were seventeen. It was that same night in September that he’d just told Abby about. Emily snuck out of her house and met him under the willow tree. He wanted to make love to her, but she was crying and told him she was pregnant.

He was shocked and scared. “Are you sure?”

“I took a test.”

His insecurities about her and Daniel's relationship gnawed at him again. “Is it mine?”

“You know you’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”

“You and Daniel have been together since sophomore year.”

She covered her face with her hands and plopped down on a blanket he had waiting for her. He felt bad for making her cry. He sat next to her and pushed her hair out of her face. “I’m sorry, Em. I believe you. I do.”

She looked at him, her face wet with tears. “I told you. Daniel and I have never been together. This is all a huge mistake. We should never have had sex.”

She was right, and he knew it was all his fault. He shouldn’t have told her how he really felt that night they were alone in his truck and she prodded him about his relationship with Sara. He certainly shouldn’t have kissed her. But he couldn’t help himself. He had loved Emily since junior high.

“What do you want to do? Do you want to keep it? We could get married.”

“I can’t keep it.”

“Sure you can. Graduation will be here before you know it, and then we can do whatever we want. Can you hide it?”

Emily lay back on the blanket with her arm folded over her eyes. “I can’t hide it from my mom. She keeps track of my time of the month. I didn’t say I didn’t want to keep it. I would love to have your baby. I said I
can’t
. There’s no way my mom or dad will let me keep it. If they even think I’ve been having sex, they’ll…”

“What?”

“Nothing. They’ll kill me is all. We’re terrible people, Miller.”

He lay down next to her and propped himself up on his arm. Then he pulled her hand off her face. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Who do you love more? Me or Daniel?”

“You.”

“Then we’ll figure something out. If your parents find out, we’ll deal with it. If we talked to them, they might surprise you. I mean, they might be mad at first. Once they got used to the idea, they could be a big support for you. If Daniel finds out, we’ll tell him we didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“I’ll tell Daniel. He’ll understand. My parents, my whole family, can never find out. Never. Promise me.”

“I promise.” He put his hand on her stomach. “Are you sure about telling Daniel?”

“He’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know. He’s been acting really weird lately. What if he does something crazy?”

Emily wiped away a tear. “He’ll be okay,” she insisted. “I’ll tell him when he comes over tonight. He’ll be okay. Trust me.”

“Okay. If you’re sure. I’ll support you no matter what you decide. Don’t make any decisions without me, okay?”

“Okay.”

Except she
had
made decisions without him. She told Daniel, and Daniel put a bullet in his neck hours later. Then she was gone. It took a few years for Miller to understand why Emily insisted the baby was his and even told her grandfather as much. She may have wanted him to be the father, but she didn’t really know for sure because she had been having sex with Daniel. It’s possible she put a stop to it at some point. Not soon enough, though, because the baby Emily gave birth to, the baby her grandfather brought to him, the baby who grew up to be that magnificent creature upstairs, was Daniel's child. He had proof.

***

Once the horses were saddled that afternoon, Abby took the lead, straight toward Levi’s place.

Miller trotted his horse to catch up to her. “I know what you’re doing.”

“You mean enjoying this beautiful day? Spending time with my father when most girls my age are either huddled around a teen magazine reading tips about how to tongue kiss or with a guy trying out those tips? I want to meet her. I feel sorry for her. First her boyfriend dies, then she runs off and marries a man who cheats on her, then her brother nearly kills her father. Not to mention she has an autistic son.”

Miller made a mental note to check Abby’s magazines the next time he cleaned her room. “I don’t want to bother her. She’s got enough on her mind without—”

“A visit from an old friend and his daughter? From what I’ve heard, she could use a visit from a good friend.”

Abby was a pro at cornering him. She had a good argument for everything, and if he continued to protest, she’d grow suspicious. “Fine. When we get there, stay on your horse, and I’ll see if she feels like having visitors.”

Fifteen minutes later, Levi’s apartment and old barn, which now had crime scene tape sealing off the front door, came into view. Emily and Jack were outside, walking through the tall grass and searching for something on the ground. Emily would bend over, disappear into the grass for a few seconds, and then stand up and offer something to Jack. He’d inspect it and either put it in the plastic pail she was holding or toss it off into the distance.

When they got closer, Abby called out, “Hey there!”

Emily looked up. Her expression was blank. Again. As they approached her, Miller read something in the way she bit her lip and tilted her head. He wasn’t sure what it was, though. He wondered what she was thinking and if she was wondering the same thing about him.

He worried as Abby smiled and tried to work her charm. He was proud of her for trying. So much of her confidence had taken a blow when Sara left. He didn’t want any rejection from Emily to set her back again. He couldn’t stand to think of Abby shut up in her bedroom, trying to hide her sobbing behind loud music because she was too scared to let him know how sad she really was.

Abby waved, but Emily merely gazed at her with an expression still fixed in what he decided was either confusion or mistrust. He wished he could send her a telepathic message and beg her to take it easy on his daughter.

Miller cocked his thumb in Abby’s direction. “You remember my daughter, Abby. She wanted to meet you.”

Emily blinked a few times and then looked from Miller to Abby. He was relieved when she finally smiled and reached up to shake Abby’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Abby reached down. “You too, Ms. Emily.”

“‘Emily’ is fine. This is Jack.”

“Okay. Emily and Jack. Thanks.”

“What are you doing?” Miller asked.

Emily offered the pail for inspection. “We’re scavenging for rocks to make a solar system. We can’t find a good Jupiter.”

“I see,” Miller said, inching his horse close enough to get a good look into the pail. “What’s the criteria for a good Jupiter?”

Emily looked in the pail and then back at Miller. “Hell if I know.”

“‘Hell if I know,’” Jack repeated, taking the rock that was in Emily’s hand and throwing it into the grass. “Jupiter is 778 million kilometers from the sun.”

“Gotten any word on your dad or Levi?”

“Dad’s still in a coma.” She thought for a second and then shrugged. “So’s Mom. As for Levi…I don’t know. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow. Today, we’re staying here and looking for planets.”

Miller glanced at Abby and knew immediately what she was thinking. He wasn’t fast enough to stop her from acting on it.

“I know where there are some great rocks for planets, Jack,” she announced. “You wanna go for a ride on my horse with me? I’ll take you to them.”

Emily shook her head. “Oh, no.”

Jack’s smiled widened. “Yes!”

Miller glared at Abby. “That’s rude, Abigail. You should have checked with his mother first.”

Abby covered her mouth with her hand in what Miller recognized as fake innocence.

Emily clutched Jack by the shoulders to keep him from running up on the horse. “It’s…he’s never been on a horse, and he’s not good in new situations. He wouldn’t know how to handle himself if anything—”