Seasons of the Heart (40 page)

“It’s—Evie. I’m over in Herrick Hospital. She’s in intensive care.”

“What—”

“She’s had an abortion, Linda,” Phillip said emotionlessly.

“Phillip, I’m so sorry. Shall I come over?”

“Would you please? I need you so much.”

When he saw her coming down the hall, he wondered why he hadn’t called her the minute he found out.

As they settled themselves on a couch to wait for the next bulletin, Linda tried to reassure him. “Phillip, if no one is coming out and telling you anything, that probably means she’s stable. If there were a change for the worse, they’d let you know.”

“I suppose so. It’s just that I’ve seen a lot of doctors running in and out over the last hour.”

Linda squeezed his hand, and after a moment, he returned the pressure. But he couldn’t help thinking that no one who wasn’t a parent could really understand.

“I have to call Ann again,” he muttered. “I’ve been trying her all day and there’s been no answer.”

“Of course. I’ll stay here and wait in case there’s any news,” Linda said quickly, trying to hide the pang his words gave her. All day long he had been calling Ann—and hadn’t once thought of her. But Ann’s Evie’s mother, she tried to tell herself.

Phillip dialed Adam’s apartment. He’d done it so many times that he’d memorized the number. Ten o’clock—that meant it was one in New York, on a weeknight. They had to be in, for God’s sake! If Adam Gayne were half the businessman everyone said he was, he would have to be at work early. The bastard had to sleep, didn’t he?

Ann had just turned off the light when the phone rang. It had been a glorious day. Adam had finally convinced Ann she would have to close her office for good. They had spent the day in Connecticut looking for a place they could rent for the summer. Funny, after all these years of grinding away, suddenly he had acquired a new perspective on success.

They had fallen in love with a rambling old house high on a hill. It had started as a farm, but a later owner had gutted and remodeled it as a summer retreat. Behind the welcoming verandas lay spacious rooms flooded with sunshine, with wide floorboards and fieldstone fireplaces. Yet, despite its aura of timeless charm, there was every modern convenience, and behind was a huge swimming pool.

Despite the bleakness of the late-winter day, Ann could visualize the trees clothed in new leaf, the grassy meadows dotted with wildflowers, and she and Adam, together on long, summer weekends.

“Can we take it, Adam?” she asked.

A little smile hovered on his lips, and she knew that he saw the same picture she did. “Of course, sweetheart. It’s—perfect.”

Now as Ann heard Adam pick up the phone and say, “Yes, Phillip,” she knew that something had happened to threaten her happiness.

She grabbed the receiver. “What’s wrong, Phillip? Please tell me!”

“You’re going to have to brace yourself, sweetheart. Evie’s in the hospital—in intensive care.”

“Phillip … no! What happened? An accident?”

“Not exactly, darling,” he temporized. How could he tell Ann over the phone? “Listen … it’s complicated. All I can tell you is that she’s lost a lot of blood and her condition is very serious. They’re doing their best, but”—he swallowed—“I think you’d better come home as soon as you can.”

“Well, of course! I’ll be on the first plane west. I’ll go straight to the airport and wait for a flight. Oh, Phillip.”

“Now calm down, darling—she’s in good hands.” He tried to be reassuring, but he couldn’t keep the note of fear from his voice.

Ann hung up, tears running down her face. “Oh, Evie … Evie”

Adam gathered her into his arms. “Ann, please. Is Evie sick?”

She nodded.

“All right. We’re leaving right now. Get dressed and I’ll have Gaston call the car.”

“You’re coming with me?”

He looked at her, puzzled by the inquiry. “Well, of course. I wouldn’t dream of letting you go alone.”

“But Adam, it’s one-fifteen. I may have to wait at the airport all night.”

“Darling, we’re going to charter a plane.”

“We can do that?”

“With Evie in the hospital? I should say so.”

“Oh, Adam, I love you!”

Phillip had returned to the waiting room and was sitting next to Linda. “I got her,” he said with a sigh of relief. “She’s flying right out.”

“That’s wonderful, Phillip. Now, how about some coffee. You look all in.”

“Okay. That might be a good idea.”

After Linda left, Phillip slumped back against the couch. He was lighting yet another cigarette when Dr. Neilson came up to speak to him. “Mr. Coulter, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. Evie is going to have to go back in for more surgery.”

“What’s that mean? I thought you’d already done everything necessary.”

“That’s right, Mr. Coulter, we did. We managed to stop the hemorrhaging. But you must understand that she sustained a good deal of tissue damage from that botched abortion. I’m afraid there’s also the possibility we’ll have to do a hysterectomy.”

Phillip looked at him blankly.

“Mr. Coulter? Are you all right? I’ll need you to sign a consent form.”

Phillip finally nodded. “Show me where.”

When Linda handed him his coffee, she knew right away that something had gone very wrong. She looked at him closely. His fists were clenched and his eyes were shut. The nightmares of the past were flooding across his consciousness: Bugleman’s shattered body, a tortured American soldier, the monkey cage….

Linda put her hand on his shoulder but he shook it off roughly. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, not seeming to recognize her.

“Phillip … it’s me … Linda.”

His eyes focused as he jerked back to the present. “Linda … they’re taking her to surgery. If she doesn’t make it … Linda.”

She couldn’t think of the right words to comfort him.

“When’s Ann coming?” he asked.

“I don’t know, darling. It might be awhile. You can’t always get a flight out to the coast after midnight.”

He groaned and closed his eyes while Linda held his hand in mute, helpless sympathy.

A half-hour later, Evie was wheeled past them on the way to surgery.

When the swift little jet carrying Ann and Adam touched down at Oakland Airport, a car was waiting to rush them to the hospital, where a nurse told them that Evie was being operated on.

“Why don’t you go down the hall to the waiting room,” the nurse said, looking curiously at Adam. “Her father is there.”

Brushing off Adam’s hand, Ann ran down the hall. As she rounded the corner, she saw Phillip’s familiar silhouette outlined against the window. Without thinking, she flew across the space separating them and into his arms. At that moment, it was as though the word divorce had never been mentioned. They were Evie’s parents and no one else could share their grief.

Linda and Adam watched uneasily, knowing that under the circumstances to feel jealous was inappropriate, but unable to entirely help themselves. Finally Adam walked over to Linda, extended his hand, and said, “Hello. You must be Linda Holt. I’m Adam Gayne.” They sized each other up with polite curiosity.

Phillip had gently seated Ann in a chair and explained what had happened as unemotionally as possible. When he finished, Ann shook her head in disbelief. “Evie? Our daughter? It’s impossible. I’ve talked with her almost every day since Christmas.”

“I have too, Ann—and I’ve had no idea that anything was wrong. Darling, I wish it weren’t true—but it is.”

Ann burst into tears. “Oh, God, Phillip—it’s my fault. I’ve been in New York enjoying myself while she needed me here.”

“It’s not your fault—” he began, but Ann interrupted him.

“Yes, it is. I knew how miserable she was over the divorce, but as soon as she seemed to settle down at school, I went off to New York and abandoned her. So maybe we sheltered Evie more than we should have when she was younger. But what good does it do to say that now? The fact is that ever since you found Linda, and I found Adam, we left Evie without anyone to turn to.”

Phillip felt the truth of her words like a blow. All he could do was gently pat Ann’s hand until she stopped weeping. Oddly enough, now that they had both fallen in love with other people, they were able to give each other the emotional support they needed. While they were living together, Phillip’s suppressed anger at Ann had been so great that he hadn’t been able to find a place in his heart for her. Now there was no longer any reason for hostility, and they were able to share their common burden of sorrow.

It was awhile before they realized they weren’t alone, and Ann went over to sit by Adam.

“I’ll do anything, Lord, anything,” she prayed. “Just save her.”

It seemed an eternity before the doors opened and Dr. Neilson appeared. Sighing tiredly, he said, “It looks as if Evie’s going to pull through, but I’m sorry to say that we had to perform a hysterectomy. There was infection developing in the damaged tissue.”

For the moment, Ann and Phillip brushed the implications aside. All that mattered was that Evie would live.

After she had come out of the anesthesia, they were allowed to see her for a few minutes. Still groggy, she murmured, “Mom … Dad … What are you doing here?”

After she had been taken back to intensive care, where she would probably have to stay for several days, Adam turned to Ann and said firmly, “Come on, now darling. Time for you to get some rest. The doctors say she’s out of danger.”

Ann refused to go far, so they ended up at a chophouse on San Pablo Avenue.

“Not the best.” Adam held up the stained menu and grimaced. “But food is food.”

He ordered eggs, French toast, juice and coffee for the two of them. “You need to keep your strength up, for Evie’s sake. Remember, you had no sleep last night.”

Ann managed to swallow a few bites, but was too upset to finish.

“What are you going to do, Adam?”

“What do you want me to do, sweetheart?”

“You have to get back to work, don’t you?”

“Not if you need me, I don’t.”

Though neither would say so, both knew that his presence was superfluous. Now that Evie was through the crisis, her mother would have to stay with her, and Adam knew that Evie would not want him there.

“Look, Adam.” Ann tried to choose her words carefully. “I know you’ve taken off a lot of time since Christmas. Perhaps you should go back. It’s not that I don’t want you here, but—”

“I understand.”

“You’ll call me, won’t you?” she asked.

“Of course, sweetheart. Every day. And I’ll pray for Evie’s speedy recovery.”

They checked back at the hospital to learn that Evie was sleeping peacefully. Ann accompanied Adam to the airport. There was a note of desperation in her farewell. “I love you,” she whispered as she kissed him.

Back at the hospital, Ann felt a stab of jealousy when she saw Phillip and Linda seated close by each other. They were still together. Then guilt overwhelmed her again.
It’s only right that I feel lonely. This is God’s way of punishing me for being so happy. Decent women don’t run off and abandon their children
. Much as she loved Adam, at that moment Ann wished that she had never met him.

Late that afternoon, one of the doctors told the weary trio that Evie was doing much better. “There’s no reason you can’t all go home and get a little rest. She’s out of the woods now.”

Linda took Phillip aside. “Honey, you heard the doctor. Won’t you please come home and get some rest? You can have a shower and some supper. I’ll run you back to the hospital later. Okay?”

“I suppose I should,” he said, looking at Ann. Linda followed his gaze. Ann looked so pitifully alone.

Impulsively, Linda said, “I know that your house isn’t open. Would you like to come back with Phillip and me? I could make some dinner and you’re very welcome to stay with us.”

Ann was touched. It was an extraordinarily kind and generous offer. But after a moment’s thought she replied, “That’s very sweet of you, Linda, and I appreciate it. But I think it will be easiest all around if I just take a suite at the Claremont. That way I’ll be close to the hospital and I won’t be a bother to anyone.”

“Of course, if you prefer. But can Phillip and I drive you? We have our car here.”

“I’d appreciate that, Linda. I’m exhausted.”

At the Claremont, Phillip helped Ann with her bags. Then he said quietly, “Evie’s going to be all right now. Try to get some rest. And, Ann—please call if you need anything. Even if you just need to talk.”

Almost too weary to reply, Ann smiled weakly. “Thanks, Phillip.” He was so sweet, so kind. She wondered tiredly how the two of them had been so angry with each other.

Later that evening she went back one final time to see Evie. The anesthetic had worn off, but the other pain medication made her very sleepy. After murmuring, “Hello, Mom …” she fell back asleep holding Ann’s hand.

Ann felt someone tap her shoulder, and the nurse said gently, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave now.”

As she was leaving the hospital, Ann was startled to see Leslie and Kim standing out in front.

“Hello, girls,” she said wearily.

Phillip had told her of the role Evie’s roommates had played in getting the back-alley abortion, and Ann couldn’t help feeling that if it hadn’t been for them, Evie would have probably come to her with her problem. On the other hand, she told herself, if the girls hadn’t discovered Evie when they did and called the ambulance, Evie might have bled to death.

“How is she, Mrs. Coulter?” Kim asked timidly.

“They had to operate, but she seems to be improving. If all goes well, they’ll move her into a private room tomorrow. You’ll be allowed to visit then.”

“That’s terrific!” Leslie said. “When do they think she’ll be able to come back to school?”

“I don’t know. I expect she’ll need to convalesce for a while.”

Then she faced the girls squarely. “Leslie, Kim: I’m not blaming you for what you did. Evie’s a big girl, and responsible for her own actions. But do you know why she didn’t tell me she was in trouble? She must have known I would do anything I could to help her.”

They looked at each other uncertainly before answering. Finally, Kim said, “Mrs. Coulter, I don’t think Evie herself knew for very long. But you and Mr. Coulter had your own problems, and she probably didn’t think it was fair to burden you with hers.”