Scouts (9 page)

I glanced over at Valka. She looked a little pale and was shaking her head slightly. I guessed she didn’t like that kind of treatment.

Shirley went on to talk about ribs, navel, armpits, gradually working her way down, and then removed her pants. There was no hiding my erection. In spite of the clinical language and her matter-of-fact attitude, I found myself getting turned on.

“For this part, you’re going to want to get closer, Challers.” She sat on the edge of the bed and crooked her finger, inviting me closer. “I doubt you’ve seen a woman’s body up close like this before. Come and see.”

She spread her thighs, and I knelt in front of her. My breathing felt a little tight and I swallowed, trying to control it.

She pulled her outer lips apart, naming them and explaining them to me, and then pointed out what I was looking at: outer labia, inner labia, clitoral hood, clitoris, vagina, urethra. Again, she described what most women liked in terms of stimulation before going on to her own personal levels of arousal.

“I like being rubbed right here,” she said, demonstrating with two fingers on either side of her clitoris. “You can go ahead and be just as boring and repetitive as you like, because that’s my trigger.”

“You said the clitoris was the most sensitive spot,” I observed.

“Yes, too sensitive to touch directly for most women, at least with your fingers. Now, a tongue, or lips, that’s another matter, but we’ll talk more about that when we get to techniques.” She rolled her hips back a bit. “Down here, in between the vaginal opening and the anus, is the perineum. Mostly it’s sensitive because it’s around everything else.”

I felt a little dubious as she went on to describe the nerves and sensations around the anus, but when I glanced over at Valka, she had one lip pulled between her teeth. Maybe she would like that? I realized that I really didn’t know very much at all about what Valka liked. The few times we had been more physically intimate than a deep kiss were so hurried that there wasn’t time to explore.

Shirley got up and slipped back into her clothes while Masters began the exercise himself, for Valka’s benefit. I hung back near the door, breathing deeply and trying to let go of the jealousy that was, once again, making itself felt.

Shirley saw the sour look on my face and stood next to me, leaning my way to speak quietly with me. “Look at it this way,” she said. “When you do get together, she’ll be better prepared to do what feels good to you, more understanding of your body.”

“Yeah. Fine. It could be me doing the demonstration,” I whispered.

“There’ll be other times.”

“Will there? Will there really? It seems like you and Masters are taking every opportunity to keep a wall between us. We barely even get to touch each other here!”

Shirley hissed in my ear. “This is not the time, Challers. You’re interrupting. Stop it right now. Get yourself under control. Act like a Scout. Act like an adult.”

I closed my eyes and tried to remember my relaxation training. One day didn’t seem like nearly enough. I was frustrated and angry. “Will we talk about this later?”

“Yes.”

I let the anger subside, not really gone but held quiet. With my eyes closed and concentrating on my breathing, Masters’s voice became just waves in the background, cresting now and again to bring words into my consciousness. I endured it in silence, half meditating, half sulking, until the demonstration ended.

“Dinnertime,” said Shirley.

Valka gave me a sour look as we all filed out of the room. I blushed and looked away. She had every reason to be mad at me. I was acting childish again; the same as I had before, but this time it was in front of her. I walked behind the three of them down the corridor to the mess hall. Solitude felt better than enduring Valka’s scowl.

“Psst. Hey.”

I stopped and looked up.

A young woman, a cadet from her clothes, beckoned to me from a doorway. “C’mere.”

She was short, and plump without being overweight or misshapen, with her black hair in a long ponytail hanging down over her shoulder.

I glanced ahead at the others. They were chatting and walking well ahead of me. They wouldn’t notice. I stepped quickly into the room, and she slid the door closed behind me.

“Quick, did you bring a personal holo? From home?”

“Yes, why?”

She grabbed my hand and shoved a thumbnail-sized data wafer into it. “Hide this. Plug it in when you’re alone. After your keeper is asleep. Watch the neck. Now go, before you’re missed.”

She opened the door again and shoved me out. I tucked the sliver of plastic into the waistband of my shorts and hoped it wouldn’t be too visible. Luckily, Masters and Shirley were nowhere in sight.

Watch the neck? What could that mean?

Clearly, there was some kind of conspiracy going on. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to get involved. I didn’t know this girl. I had no reason to trust her. Still, the fact that I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets felt good. Someone, somewhere, didn’t like the system, didn’t like the Scouts, enough to take the risk of contacting me. The knowledge felt warm, but prickly and dangerous. I treasured it. I would find a way to read whatever message was on that chip.

I hurried to the mess hall, grabbed my food, and sat down next to Valka. No one said anything, but Shirley gave me an eyebrows-up expectant glance.

“I’m sorry, everyone,” I said, “that was a childish thing to do.”

“And?” said Shirley.

“And I’ll try not to let it happen again,” I said haltingly. “I can’t guarantee anything about my feelings, but I’ll try not to let them get in the way of our studies.”

Shirley gave me a nod.

Valka put her hand on my knee and kissed my cheek. “Apology accepted.”

I couldn’t help the smile creeping back onto my face. I put my arm around her and squeezed. My appetite, which had gone missing a half-hour or so before, came back with a growl and I dug into my food.

When Valka finished eating, she set her hands in her lap. “Why is it that there aren’t any newgens in the academy? Everyone I’ve seen has looked perfectly human.”

“Newgens are still a minority in the galaxy,” said Shirley. “Not only that, any man and woman from puregen stock are almost certain to be physically compatible. Not always true with newgens. So it’s harder for them to get in.”

Something clicked together inside my head. “The Fleet is all newgens, though, aren’t they? That’s how they make recruits into Marines.”

“Yes, that’s true. Many Merchant ships are also crewed by newgens. I suppose that kind of balances out, if you’re looking at it in an us-them kind of way. Probably best to just see us all as different kinds of humans, though. No matter what we look like on the outside, we’re all just people.”

“I’ll get to that right after figuring out this jealousy thing,” I muttered.

“Speaking of which,” said Shirley, tapping the table, “finish up your dinner. We need to have another talk tonight, I think.”

I took a deep breath and let it out.

“Not punishment,” she said. “I think you’re doing a good enough job of that on yourself. You’re forgiven, but this isn’t forgotten, and you’re going to need some help getting through this.”

Perhaps so, but I still found myself dragging dinner out. Masters and Valka put their trays in the recycler and left. Shirley sat patiently, waiting for me to finish.

It’s amazing how quickly a healthy appetite can vanish when you’re waiting for an unpleasant encounter.

After I picked at my food for a few minutes, Shirley put her hand on mine. “I’m not angry with you, Challers. Like I said, all is forgiven, but we do need to work on your jealous feelings. The sooner you deal with them, the better.”

I sighed. “All right.”

I stood, put the tray in the recycler, and I trudged solemnly back to our quarters with Shirley’s arm around my waist.

We entered our quarters, and Shirley sat down cross-legged on her side of the bed, gesturing for me to join her. Under the cover of putting my tablet on the dressing table by the door, I slipped the mysterious data wafer from my shorts and dropped it into the bottom of the tablet’s carry-pouch.

“All right, Challers,” she said when I joined her, “this is getting worse instead of better. Let’s take another crack at this, hmm?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I . . . just . . .”

“No, no.” She put a hand on my knee. “Stop. What’s past is past. Let’s dig a little deeper this time, okay? What you’re feeling isn’t uncommon. You’re just having trouble fitting some of your expectations and preconceptions into the Scout way of life. The thing is, they don’t fit. And you need to let go of them.”

I nodded.

She put her fingers gently under my chin and lifted my face to look into my eyes. “Now, Challers. Tell me honestly, are you afraid you will lose Valka?”

“No, no, it’s not that. I realize that doesn’t really make any sense. I never really had her in the first place, so thinking I’d lose her is kind of silly.”

“Good. You got that lesson. I’m glad we don’t have to go over it again. Back in the classroom, you seemed resentful that Masters was doing something that you could have done. Were you feeling envious that he was enjoying her attention?”

“Isn’t that the same as jealous?”

“Not exactly. Instead of feeling afraid that you’re going to lose something you think you own, envy is when you wish you had something someone else is enjoying. It’s like going to a friend’s quarters and he’s got his own bedroom, all on his own, where you’re sleeping in a fold-out in your father’s workspace. You wish you could have that, but you can’t, and you feel angry and hurt that you don’t have it. So, envy?”

“Yeah, yeah. Envy.”

“What do you think we might do about it?”

“Hunh? You’re not going to jump all over me again?”

“Would an orgasm help?” She cocked her head to the side with a small smile.

“No. It just gets me even more confused.”

“Then what?”

“Shirley, I’ve been with Valka for a long time. Almost a year, I think, and we’ve been really close ever since we decided to try to get into the Scouts. We tell each other everything. There’s no one else I care for like her in the whole galaxy. I want her attention, and when I see her giving it to Masters . . . yeah, I’m envious. Is that so wrong?”

“It’s an understandable reaction, Challers, given where you come from. Think back about what I’ve already told you. I respect your relationship with Valka, and so does the Service. But I want you to make room in your heart for more. These feelings, they’re not limited to just one person.” She took my hand in hers.

This time I didn’t pull away. I wanted to be mature about this. A Scout.

“A Scout must learn to broaden his heart. Make room for more than just one person. You love Valka, and so of course you’re going to value her attention over mine. But we’re together in this, and it’s in our best interest to develop our own relationship. I don’t want to replace Valka. I don’t want to diminish her in any way. I want both of you to grow as people in your capacity to love.”

“So, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to try to see your time here at the academy as an opportunity to not just get closer to Valka, but to get closer to me, too. To give our way of life a chance. To accept the things we’re offering you.”

“This is all just going a little too fast for me, you know?”

“It’s an abrupt change, Challers, but it really is for the best. You’re leaving your old life behind, your old ways of thinking and feeling. It’s understandable that you’d cling to it, that you’d have some difficult times, but you will be better off to let it go. You do want to be a part of us, don’t you? Think of the life you would have had back on Stakroya Station—hungry, cramped, and under the constant threat of being taken away. Even if you had evaded the Fleet and the Merchants, you would have been stuck there for the rest of your life. Now think of all the things you’ve seen since coming here.”

She was right, of course. The Scouts had shown me some wonderful things. Rationally speaking, having to give up a little attention from Valka to get them wasn’t that bad a trade-off.

But it still hurt.

“So we’ve got a few hours before bedtime,” she continued. “What do you say we work on your math?”