Rooter (Double H Romance) (34 page)

Chapter 44
The Aftermath

I always thought I understood what people meant when they say their heart is broken. I didn’t. Not even a little bit. I’m not just sad. This shit actually hurts physically. It’s like someone sliced my chest open and shredded my heart with a fork. Now it lays open bleeding out.

I spent the entire night curled in fetal position bawling my eyes out. Miranda stayed and held me until morning when she had to get ready for work. I can’t work. I called off last night and I’m sure I’ll end up doing the same today.

I can’t get the way Rooter looked at me out of my mind. Any love he felt for me, if he ever felt any at all, was gone entirely and had been replaced by sheer hatred.

Nothing has ever hurt as much as the words that came out of his mouth when he said he never wanted to see me again. Nothing my mom ever did—none of her cruel words, not one blow from her fist—ever hurt me half as much as the contempt Rooter feels for me.

I keep replaying the event over and over in my mind. Had I been responsible for her fall? I scared her when I flung my arm up. If only I’d kept calm none of this would’ve happened. Candace wouldn’t have lost the baby and Rooter and I would still be together.

I’m such an idiot! Why did I let her get to me?

I knew better. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to goad me. Trying to get me to distrust Rooter so it would cause a rift between us. Boy did she cause a rift. No. She didn’t just cause a rift. She caused an explosion. And I wasn’t the only casualty. The baby died and Rooter is crushed. I may hate Candace, but I even have sympathy for her loss. No matter how crazy she is, no one deserves to suffer the pain of losing a child.

It may not have been all my fault, but I must take half of the blame. I could’ve controlled myself. Rooter has a right to be angry with me. If I was him, I’d never talk to me again either.

Just when I think the pain can’t get any worse, I watch Rooter and Candace pull into his driveway in the truck. He helps her out and into his house. When he comes back out he retrieves bags and boxes from the bed of the truck and carries them into the house.

Candace is moving in with him.

The pain hits me like a heart attack, square in my chest. It’s like a vice grip squeezing my already bleeding heart. I’ll not survive this. There’s no way I can.

My doorbell rings and I jump out of my skin. I don’t bother going to the door. It didn’t do me any good the last time. If I hadn’t opened the goddamn door none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t be sitting here miserable, Rooter’s baby would still be alive, and Candace wouldn’t be moving in with him, taking my place in his life.

Oh my God… I no longer have a place in his life.

A gut wrenching wail escapes my lips. My phone pings and I want to throw it out in the road like I did Candace’s. It’s a text from Ryan:
Let me in or I’ll bust the damn door down.

I run down the stairs as fast as I can and nearly bust my ass on the last step. That would be some fitting karma. Maybe I should take a tumble down the stairs. I swing the door open and fling myself into Ryan’s arms.

He carries me in and sits us down on the sofa. “How are you, Soph?”

I clutch my chest and drag in a jagged breath. “It hurts so bad, Ry. And now he’s moving her in.”

“Fuck him, Soph. If he’s going to take her word over yours you’re better off without him.”

“But I’m partially to blame in this. I scared her.” I wave toward the front porch. The image of her falling down the stairs is vivid in my mind. “I’m the reason she fell.”

“Bullshit! She had no business being here.” He points toward Rooter’s house. “This is on her and if he can’t see that he’s bloody stupid.”

I wrap my arms around myself and sob. “I killed his kid. I killed an innocent baby.”

“No, you didn’t.” He grabs each side of my face and glares into my eyes. “Listen to me. You did not do this. You are a victim here. He should’ve left you alone. You should’ve never been together to begin with. He’s not good enough for you. Do you hear me?”

But he is. I want him. I don’t want to live without him.
“I love him.”

Ryan takes me in his arms and holds me tight. “I know honey. I know.”

By Thursday I don’t feel any better. If anything, I feel worse. I keep watching them from my window. Last night they stood in the kitchen talking while he cooked dinner. Every now and then he’d hug her or wipe a tear from her eyes.

The blinds to his bedroom window stay drawn. I can’t help wondering if she’s sleeping in his bed with him.

Randy called me this morning to ask if I’d be able to work today. He doesn’t know the details of what happened, he just knows I’m a complete and total wreck. I don’t think he’d fire me, but I can’t risk it. No matter how devastated I am I can’t risk my livelihood, so I told him I’d be in.

The bummer of it all is that Ryan doesn’t work Thursdays so I have no one to lean on in my weak moments. And there’s a lot of them. But, being at work is a good thing because it forces me to think of something other than Rooter and my broken heart.

When the night comes to an end I dread going home. I don’t want to be there so close to the one thing I want more than anything in the world, but can never have again. As stupid as I am for it, when I make the turn onto my street, I hold out hope I’ll see Rooter waiting on his front porch to make sure I get in safe.

He isn’t there. Just like I knew he wouldn’t be. All the lights are off in his house. I look up at his window and an image of Candace lying next to him creeps into my mind. My nine hour stretch without tears comes to an abrupt end.

On Saturday, Rooter is outside unloading groceries from his truck when I get into my car to go to work. We lock eyes and all I see in his is disdain.

The next morning, I sit in the dining room and watch him play with Dopey in the backyard. A few minutes later Candace walks out with them and tries to play with the dog but Dopey ignores her and heads for my yard. At least the dog misses me.

Rooter corals him and looks toward my back door. I can’t make out his expression. It’s not quite the disdain from yesterday. I want to say he looks sad, but I’m sure that’s not the case. I’m just trying to make myself feel better because I want him to miss me as much as I miss him.

“This has to stop,” Miranda says from behind.

I jump and spill a little of my coffee on my shirt. I didn’t know she was standing there. “What?”

Miranda sits in the chair diagonal from mine. “You sitting by the windows watching Rooter. It isn’t healthy, Soph.”

“I can’t help it,” I admit, staring at the white siding of his house.

“You’ll never get over him sitting here watching him day after day.”

“I don’t want to get over him.” I take a sip of the coffee. It burns my tongue, but I don’t care.

“Sophie, you have to.” She takes my hand and looks at me with concern. “It’s over. Bear told me there’s no chance for you two.”

I shrug.
Tell me something I don’t know.
“I know that.”

“I never thought I’d say this, and please don’t take it the wrong way, but I think you should move out. It’s for your own good. I already talked to Ryan, and he said you can move in with him.”

I don’t get mad at her because I know she’s doing this for me. She’s sad for me. “What about you? You can’t afford this place on your own.”

She shrugs. “I’ll figure something out, don’t worry.”

Over the next two days I move my clothes and other belongings into Ryan’s house. I don’t bother with my furniture because his guest room is already fully decorated with much nicer furniture than my own.

I must admit being away from the house makes me feel better. Somewhat freer and more relaxed. I can actually function rather than sit and stare at Rooter or his house when he’s not there.

After a week has passed, I still feel the crushing pain of the breakup, but Ryan has helped me realize I’m not the bad guy. The situation was completely messed up from the beginning.

In the end, Rooter is the one who lost the most, but it was his own fault. He’s the one who got involved with Candace. He’s the one who got her pregnant. Ryan thinks I dodged a major bullet.

I’m in the kitchen making a sandwich when my phone rings. It’s Miranda.

“Oh my God, Sophie.” She’s freaking out. “You’ll never believe what I just heard.”

“What?” I absentmindedly spread mayonnaise on my bread.

“I was on the back porch when Candace pulled into the driveway.” The sound of her name prickles my skin. “She was on her phone. Sophie the whole thing was a lie. The pregnancy, the miscarriage, everything was a lie to break you and Rooter up.”

I blink and drop the butter knife onto the counter. “What?”

“I heard her tell whoever was on the phone how easy it was, how you played right into her hands that day on the porch. She meant to get you worked up so she could fall down the stairs to fake the miscarriage.”

All the air has escaped my lungs, and I’m frozen in place.

“Are you there, Soph?”

“Yeah.” My hands tremble as I stare at my unfinished sandwich.

“I called Bear. He’s telling Rooter right now.”

I run to my purse on the table next to the entry way and fumble around for my keys. Leaving all the food on the counter I race to my car. “I need to go. I can’t be here when he finds out.”

“Why? Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. But I can’t see him.” I throw my car door open and jump inside.

“What are you talking about? Why not? This changes everything, Soph.”

“No, Miranda, it doesn’t.” I put the car in drive and speed away not knowing where I’m going. All I know is I can’t see Rooter until I’ve had time to process this new information. I need to find a place to go where he won’t be able to find me.

Chapter 45
Letting Go

I have no idea where the hell to go to hide from Rooter. Miranda knows
all
of my friends. By the tone of her voice, I know she’ll tell him where to look for me. The only person I can trust to keep my secret is Ryan and unfortunately, Miranda knows where his house is. Not that Rooter
would
n’t figure it out for himself. All he’
d
have to do is follow him home from the Grand.

I pull into a local park and call Ryan’s cell.

“Hey, think of something you want from the store?” He answers. Shortly before Miranda’s call he’d left for the grocery and told me to call him if I thought of
anything
that wasn’t on the list.

“I need a place to go where Rooter can’t find me.”

“What’s going on, Sophie?”

“Everything with Candace was a lie.” I crank the air conditioning and fan myself. It’s not even that hot out. “The pregnancy and the miscarriage. Bear’s telling Rooter now. He’s going to come looking for me, Ryan, and I don’t want to see him.”

“Shit, Soph. Let me think a minute.”

His minute feels
like
a damn eon. I scan the immediate area
like
a maniac even though I know Rooter isn’t tailing me. Bear’s
probably
still telling him
about
Candace. Maybe he won’t even believe it since there isn’t any proof. It’s Miranda’s word against Candace’s. He didn’t take my word over hers. Still, I’
d
feel
better if I had somewhere to go where he can’t find me. I’d go to a hotel, but I can’t afford it.

“I’ll call my friend Josh and tell him you’re on your way. I can meet you there in less than twenty minutes.”

Ryan gives me Josh’s address and I break nearly every driving law known to man to get there as fast as possible. I’ve never met Josh, but I’ve heard of him. He and Ryan have been friends for years. When he opens the door he’s wearing a kind smile that meets his eyes. He’s a good looking guy; short brown hair, tall, good body
like
Ryan, but he is seriously tan. Too tan. It takes away from his good looks.

“You must be Sophie,” he says and welcomes me inside.

“Thank you so much for letting me come here, Josh. I had nowhere else to go.”

He gives me a quick hug and leads me to a recliner in his living room. He’s very effeminate in his speech and mannerisms. Graceful even. “Ryan told me you’re one of his best friends and any friend of Ryan’s is welcome here.”

“You have no idea what this means to me.” I smile, but I’m panicking on the inside.

“He said something
about
man problems.” He straightens his perfectly pressed shirt. “You’re hiding out.”

“I need
a little
time to think.”

“I realize you don’t know me,” he leans forward and puts his hand on mine, “but I promise you I’m a good listener and I’ve been known to give
some
pretty
stellar advice.”

Josh doesn’t realize what he’s asking. I don’t even know where to start. “It’s a long, complicated story.”

“I’ve got nowhere to be.” He sits back and crosses his legs.

“I’ll give you the cliff’s notes version. I got involved with a guy who was in a friends with benefits
situation
—which I had no idea of at the time—with a crazy slut who ended up pregnant and accused me of causing her miscarriage. The guy told me he never wanted to see me again and today it turns out she wasn’t even pregnant to begin with.”

“And you don’t want to get back with this gentleman?”

“She better not,” Ryan says from the front door.

I jump up and run to him. “Ry!”

“I left everything at the store and came straight here. Tell me everything.”

“You basically know everything.” I tell him and Josh the other small details
about
how Miranda overheard Candace talking while outside and that she called Bear and now he’s telling Rooter.

“He didn’t believe you. Why
would
he trust Miranda?”

“I don’t know if he’ll believe it. But I know he’ll question Candace to get to the truth and then he’ll come looking for me. I can’t talk to him until I figure out how I
feel
about
everything.”

Ryan’s face turns a deep shade of red. “I swear I want to murder them both!”

After an hour, Ryan has to leave for work. He doesn’t want to go. He wants to stay and keep an eye on me to make sure I stay strong in my conviction not to give in and see Rooter if he calls. But I tell him there’s a chance he won’t even call.

“So,
would
you
like
time alone to think or
do you want
me to try to distract you from your thoughts?” Josh asks me once Ryan is gone.

I’
d
love for Josh to distract me, but I need time to think. I need to be prepared if Rooter calls me and right now I’m so unprepared. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but I think I should be alone.”

“It’s not rude at
all
. I have a few things I need to do so please make yourself at home. There’s soda, water, and food in the kitchen. Help yourself to
anything
. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Josh, thank you. You’re a godsend right now.”

“No worries.” He winks.

I cry at the sight and he dashes over and crouches before me. “Are you sure you want to be alone?”

“Yeah, it’s just that saying “no worries” and winking was kind of his thing. It brought back memories.”

“Noted. I won’t say or do that again.”

“I’m such a mess.” I sniffle and wipe my face with the hem of my shirt.

“Yeah, but at least you’re
pretty
when you cry. I turn into Willem Dafoe when I cry.”

I laugh a real laugh. It feels really good. But in no time whatsoever I’m right back being a blubbering mess.

I spend the next two hours staring at my phone dreading Rooter’s possible call. It wasn’t too long ago that I used to stare at it hoping he’
d
call me. Things have changed
a lot
in such a short
period
of time.

In a way, I’m curious as to what happened when Bear told him. He obviously didn’t believe him right away or he
would
’ve called me by now. He undoubtedly went to confront Candace, which I imagine he’s
already
done. He’s had plenty of time to do it by now. That I haven’t heard from him gives me hope that maybe I won’t.
Perhaps
he’s come to the same conclusion as me.

It doesn’t change
anything
. What’s done is done.

Or maybe he knows better than to reach out to me now.

No, that
would
n’t be it. If Rooter wanted to talk to me nothing
would
stop him from calling.

My phone pings with a text from Miranda:
I’m watching Rooter toss that slut’s shit out of his house. Bear’s making sure he doesn’t kill her.

Well, that answers my question. I stare at my phone unable to come up with a reply when my phone pings again with a text from her:
Are you there, Soph?

Me:
Yeah. I just don’t know what to say. I’m glad he knows the truth, but it doesn’t change
anything
.

Fifteen minutes later my phone rings. It’s Rooter. My heart races and I can barely breathe as I stare at the screen. I can’t make myself answer. I can’t talk to him. The phone rings until it goes to voicemail. He calls right back.

I still can’t answer. The sound of his voice will kill me. It goes to voicemail again. A minute later I get a notification of a voicemail followed by a text. I don’t listen to the voicemail, but I read the text.

Rooter:
Please answer. I know you have ur phone. I saw ur text to Miranda. Sophie, I’m so so so so so sorry. Please talk to me.

I text him back before I even know what I’m doing:
I can’t talk to you. Not right now. I need time.

My phone rings. It’s him. He’s not going to give me time because he knows it won’t work out in his favor if he does. He wants to get me to talk to him while I’m emotional. While there’s still a chance I’ll give into him. I lay the phone on the sofa and stare at his name on the screen as it continues to ring. He texts again.

Rooter:
I’ll just keep calling and texting until u answer.

Of course he will. I grit my teeth and pound my reply on the screen:
I’ll block your number.

Rooter:
I’ll get another phone, and then another, and then another. Just answer and talk to me.

He’s serious. He will get one phone after another until I talk to him. I shake my head exasperated and respond to his threat:
I’ll change my number. Leave me alone.

Rooter:
Just hear me out and if u still want me to leave u alone, I promise I will.

Me:
I can’t.

Rooter:
I don’t want to do this, but if u don’t answer I’ll be at the Grand tomorrow when u get there. Either way, we’re talking. We can either do it now on the phone or tomorrow in person. U pick. If u don’t call I’ll assume u want to talk in person.

It isn’t
like
Rooter to stir up trouble at a person’s job, but he’s desperate to talk so I know he’ll follow through with his threat. I must go to work tomorrow so that leaves me with one choice. I swallow, inhale a deep breath to steel myself, and call his number.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” His voice is shaky and contrite.

It takes everything I have not to cry at the sound of him calling me baby. “Rooter, this doesn’t change
anything
.”

“How can you say that? It changes everything.”

I shake my head and fold my leg underneath me. I can’t get comfortable. “No, it doesn’t. What happened still happened. I scared her and she fell
down
the stairs. If she had been pregnant, she could’ve lost the baby and you’
d
still hate me.”

“But she wasn’t pregnant, babe. She set us up. This is
all
her fault,” his voice cracks. “I never hated you.”

“Yes, you did.” I recall the look on his face when he told me he never wanted to see me again. That he could never love me. “I saw it in your eyes. I heard it in your voice. You meant it when you said you never wanted to see me again.”

“Babe, I was mad. I lost it and said things I didn’t mean.”

Rooter doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. I decide to challenge him. “Let me ask you something. This morning, before you found out the truth, how did you
feel
? Did you hate me this morning?”

He’s quiet a moment. “This morning, I was still grieving the loss of a child, but I’ve missed you every second you’ve been gone.”

His voice sounds so sincere and I long to believe him, but I can’t. “You moved on
rather
quickly
for someone who misses me. You moved her in the very next day.”

“It wasn’t
like
that, Sophie. She was staying in the guest room. I was helping her recuperate and get back on her feet.”

I hate that this makes me
feel
better. I must stick to my conviction. “Too much damage has been done. There’s no coming back from this.”

He chokes. He’s crying. “No baby, don’t say that. I can make this right. I can fix it. I’ll do whatever you say. Just come home.”

I can’t hold back my tears any longer. “Rooter, do you care
about
me?”

“Baby, I love you so much that it’s breaking me in two.” It sounds
like
his entire body is shaking. “And you love me.”

“If you love me, let me go.” I’m crying so hard I can barely get the words out and they turn into a whisper. “Please just let me go.”

I listen to him cry for several long moments. “That’s what you really want?”

It’s not what I want at all. “It’s what I need.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself.”

I know he’s sorry. But it doesn’t change anything. “I have to go. Goodbye, Rooter.”

“Goodbye, Sophie.”