Reason to Breathe (40 page)

She hesitated, like she wanted to add
something, but thought better of it. I waited, letting her gather
her words.

“I won’t second guess you anymore. I trust
that you know what you’re doing, and I’ll support you. So, yes, I
promise by the time we leave today, I will be excited. Okay?”

“Thank you.” I flashed her an appreciative
smile before she headed to class.

By the time we met for lunch, Sara didn’t
show any visible signs of having reservations about Drew and me,
and she was her exuberant self once again. She talked about Kelli’s
party and who was supposed to be there, noting who was sleeping
over. Since the house was just twenty minutes from Weslyn, there
were only a few invited to stay the night, and they were
exclusively girls.

Sara’s good mood held up for the remainder of
the day. She even had an actual conversation with Drew. He talked
to her like there wasn’t ever anything wrong, but her efforts
didn’t go unnoticed by me. I was grateful that she was finally
giving in to the idea that
he
was who I was with.

I knew that being with Drew was going to be
different, and I wasn’t going to feel the same. I shouldn’t, right?
So when he pulled me into the vacant trainer’s office before I left
for my game, I wasn’t expecting his send off or how he’d make me
feel.

“I’ll meet you at Kelli’s around eight?” he
confirmed.

“That’s about right,” I recalled.

I knew he was going to kiss me when he leaned
over, but I was surprised when he slid his hand behind my neck and
wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me to him. His warm breath
released into my mouth as he parted my lips with his tongue. The
connection ignited a heat in my stomach. I released a shocked
breath of excitement. Our bodies pressed firmly together, and our
wet lips slid over the other’s urgently. When he released me, I
exhaled a quivering breath.

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Yeah,” I responded softly.

My entire body was pulsing, a sensation I’d
never experienced before. I needed to steady my breath and the
swirling in my head before I could move.

“I should go,” I whispered, pressing my lips
together. They still lingered with the remnants of our kiss.

“Okay,” he replied with a grin. He met me
with another kiss, initially meant to be a soft kiss good bye. But
as soon as we touched, we fell into the frenzied passion again.
Before I could completely lose myself in the moment, I pulled
away.

“Yeah, I really have to go,” I breathed.

He smiled back before I slipped out the
door.

“Why are your cheeks so red?” Jill observed
as we walked together to the bus.

I put my hand to my face, registering the
warmth with a smile.

“I had to run to get here in time,” I lied.
“I was talking to Ms. Holt about the paper.”

The warmth and pulsing lingered for most of
the bus ride. I sat in the back, resting my head against the
window, staring at nothing. I barely heard the music blaring in my
ears as I replayed the kiss in my head. My lips turned up at the
corners, as I inhaled deeply.

“What’s going on with you?” Jill questioned
curiously from beside me.

I removed an earbud so that I could hear
her.

“You don’t look as focused as you usually do
before a game,” she noted. “Are you okay?”

I shook off the buzz.

“Yeah,” I stated soberly. “I’m fine. I was
just caught up in something else.”

“I’m sure I know
who
.” She grinned. I
ignored her and put the earbud back in, forcing my mind to prepare
for the game.

Sara picked me up at the school after we
returned.

“You win?” Sara asked.

“Of course,” I confirmed with a smile.

“My mom has dinner in the oven for us when we
get home, so we’ll get ready to go to Kelli’s after we eat. I’ve
already picked out your clothes.”

I smile, having expected nothing less.

“Should I be nervous?”

“I think you may be.”

I groaned.

I groaned again when I saw it.

“A dress, Sara?!” I discovered in dismay,
staring in shock at the blue and green flirty strapless dress
paired with a blue cardigan.

“No heels this time,” she pointed out, hoping
it would make up for the lack of material, but I couldn’t take my
enlarged eyes off of the dress.

“Just go take a shower and let me worry about
the clothes,” she demanded.

I obeyed.

I started buttoning the sweater, wanting to
conceal the fact that nothing was holding up the dress. Sara
removed my hands from the buttons, shaking her head. I examined the
dress; it swayed a little too far above my knees in the mirror, and
I gave Sara a worried glance. The dress kept me from being
concerned with the large curlers in my hair.

“Relax, it looks great,” Sara assured me. “I
promise it isn’t going to fall down. It fits perfectly.”

“I don’t understand how, considering how much
bigger your chest is than mine.”

“That’s why I never wore it,” she confessed.
“Don’t envy having a bigger bra size. It’s more of a pain in the
ass than you realize.”

I let out a short laugh, skeptical of her
self-criticism.

Sara removed the cooled curlers and released
soft waves of hair that she tousled with her fingers. It was more
volume than my hair had ever seen, and took me the entire car ride
to get used to it.

“Stop playing with your hair,” Sara
reprimanded as we pulled into Kelli’s driveway.

The Mulligan’s beach house was spectacular.
The house shined like a beacon at the top of the long inclined
driveway when we pulled up. It was a modern two-story structure set
on a cliff. The entire ocean side of the top floor was lined with
windows that let off a distinct glow against the darkened sky.

Sara and I gathered our overnight bags and
followed the stone driveway to a narrower walkway with our heels
clicking along the hard surface. My stomach turned in anticipation
of what awaited us behind the large white doors when Sara rang the
bell.

“Hey Sara! Emma!” Kelli yelled in excitement
when she opened the door. “Come on in.”

We entered the small foyer which was
illuminated by a large spiny light fixture suspended above our
heads. We followed Kelli up a short flight of stairs that opened
into a space so expansive it made my jaw drop. A sleek white and
chrome kitchen with a massive cooking island and bar connected with
a spacious living area that had an amazing view of the ocean. A
fire flickered in the large stone fireplace along one side of the
open room, and a chic chrome table with a glass top was centered
along the glass wall. Another sitting area focused around a
sophisticated entertainment unit on the other side. I recognized
most of the forty, maybe fifty people scattered around.

We followed Kelli through the kitchen and
down a long hall. She opened the last door. We walked into a bright
white bedroom with a glass wall looking out at the ocean. There
were two full sized beds adorned with white and blue pillows, a
small fireplace across from a chaise, and its own private
bathroom.

“This is where you’ll be staying for the
night,” she announced as she walked in. She handed Sara a key. “So
you don’t have to worry about anyone wandering in here later.” She
grinned. “Come out whenever you’re ready and help yourselves to
anything.”

“Nice, huh?” Sara admired after Kelli
disappeared down the hall.

“Unbelievable,” I gaped, watching the dark
waves crash against the rocks.

After abandoning our bags in the room, we
joined the party. This party was much different than the other two
parties I’d been to. Everyone here was dressed like they were going
out to an expensive restaurant, or maybe a nightclub. The girls
made a point to show off skin, accented by something sparkly
dangling from their ears or necks, while the guys made an extra
effort to wear fitted clothes and style their hair with more
product than I owned. Sara’s dress now made sense, except that I
was covering it up with the sweater, and I wasn’t about to take
off.

“How was your game?” Drew asked, sliding his
arms around my waist, and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. The
warmth rushed in at the touch of his lips, instantly reminding me
of our connection earlier in the day.

“We won,” I responded with a smile, accented
by the red of my cheeks.

He took my hand and escorted me to the
kitchen. Sara was already there greeting everyone as we made our
way through. She picked up a glass of champagne, and Drew grabbed a
beer. An uneasy twinge passed through my stomach.

“What do you want?” Drew asked, pulling me
towards him so he could talk in my ear.

“I think I’m okay for now,” I responded
nervously. I glanced around and noticed most people holding some
type of glass, presumably containing alcohol. An anxious flood
surged through me, fearing more awkward exchanges with inebriated
people. This was going to be interesting.

“Are you sure?” Drew confirmed. “I don’t need
to drink if it makes you uncomfortable.”

I didn’t know what to say in response. Of
course it made me uncomfortable. I’d witnessed too many moments
when my mother failed to function while intoxicated. Even though
alcohol seemed to be at every party I’d been to so far, it didn’t
change my aversion to it. Could I really ask him not to drink?

“Are you driving?” was the first thing that
came out of my mouth.

“No. I’m staying in the guest house tonight
with a couple of the guys.”

He’s staying over? I held my breath at the
thought of having him here all night, especially after the kiss we
shared earlier. I could handle this, right?

“I don’t drink,” I shrugged
apologetically.

“That’s fine,” he acknowledged, setting down
the bottle. “I don’t have to either.” Then he kissed me softly on
the lips, and whispered in my ear, “I don’t need the alcohol to
give me a buzz.” My face grew hot. I let out a quick breath, not
convinced I could handle it anymore.

I didn’t know where Sara disappeared to, so I
followed Drew to the sitting area where a few of his friends were
talking about surfing. I stood next to Drew, with his arm around my
waist, listening to their animated stories – which were more
entertaining than I anticipated.

I spotted Sara with a few girls from soccer
near the kitchen, so I told Drew I’d be right back.

“Hi,” I said as I approached the small
group.

“Hi Emma,” Katie welcomed. “You look really
great.”

“Thanks,” I replied awkwardly. “So do you.” I
noted the strapless white top, the form fitting black pants and the
strappy black heels - with more inches than I could manage, but she
pulled them off like she wore them every day.

“Where’s Drew?” Sara asked.

“Talking to some friends.” I nodded toward
the group of laughing guys.

“Are you two officially together?” Lauren
asked.

“What does that mean exactly?” I questioned,
not understanding the “officially” part. Dating had rules that I
evidently was not aware of.

“Are you seeing other people?” she
clarified.

“I’m not,” I answered, then glanced over at
Drew who was completely engaged in a story. Did Drew want to see
someone else? If he did, would that be okay? The thought of it
triggered an unexpected twist in my stomach.

“We haven’t talked about it,” I
confessed.

“Em, you should ask him what he expects,”
Sara advised. The other girls nodded.

“You don’t want to assume anything and then
get burned later,” Jill added. “Drew doesn’t kiss and tell, but you
never know what he may have going on on the side.” My eyes flashed
toward Katie when her eyes averted to the floor and her cheeks
turned a slight pink.

“That’s why I was surprised when I heard he
kissed you,” Lauren noted. “I never hear about Drew.”

“I think it’s because it was her,” Sara
concluded. “It was a bigger deal, so I’m sure he couldn’t keep that
to himself.”

The conversation regarding Drew and I was
making me uncomfortable. I really wanted to change the subject.

“Are you staying over?” I asked the girls,
but they were too entrenched in analyzing my relationship with Drew
to hear me.

“I know how his friends are,” Katie finally
added, “so don’t assume he’s as innocent as you think.” She wasn’t
talking to me directly, but I still heard the warning in her tone.
I studied her suspiciously - she still refused to look at me. Sara
picked up on the intonation as well.

“Katie, what do you know?”

“Nothing – I’ve just hung out with them
before, when they went surfing in Jersey. I watched them
all
flirt with the girls there. I went with Michaela once when Jay
invited her, right after they hooked up. When we got there, he
barely paid any attention to her. He was too busy hitting on
another girl from the city. He didn’t even think twice about it,
and then he didn’t understand why Michaela was upset when he came
back around and wanted to get with her later that night.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re all like that,”
Jill argued. Katie shrugged. I recognized she wasn’t telling us
everything.

“Em, come with me,” Sara requested. “I need
another drink.”

I pulled a bottle of sparkling water out of
the refrigerator while Sara topped off her glass, awaiting the real
reason she pulled me away from the girls.

“I think Katie may have had something with
Drew,” she warned. “Or still does.”

“You think so?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. There’s something
definitely up. I know he’s been with at least two girls here.”

“Don’t tell me,” I pleaded.

Knowing Drew’s history of girls was more than
I could take; the thought of it caused my stomach to twist tighter.
I glanced over at him again, but the guys had dispersed. I scanned
the room and found him talking to Kelli and another girl I didn’t
know. The twist morphed into an unwelcome streak of jealousy. I
forced myself to dismiss it, convinced I was overreacting. The
girls had gotten to me, and I needed to shake off the
insecurity.