Purity (Pure and Tainted) (20 page)

Boone watched her walk away, wondering if it was really that
obvious to everyone how he was beginning to feel for K.
And
also wondering if she could ever bring herself to feel something for him in
return.

* * * * *

K sank back onto the bed platform wearily. As weak as she was, she
hadn’t been able to stop herself from sneaking out of the room to watch the
exchange between Boone and Ilesca. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Boone—she
did. But the cat woman was an entirely different matter.

What she’d seen had given her plenty of food for thought. Item
one—Ilesca had assumed that Boone cared for her in what seemed to be more than
a friendly manner. And Boone hadn’t denied it. K couldn’t say how
that made her feel
. But she did know how she felt when she
remembered the way he’d kissed her—hot and cold all over—as though every square
inch of her body was electrified.

Such intense contamination should have horrified her and she
did
feel her heart beat harder when she
thought of it.
But not with horror.
K wasn’t exactly
sure
how
she felt when she remembered
his mouth on hers but she did know what she
didn’t
feel. She didn’t feel disgust or revulsion or the need to purge herself. In
fact, her feelings were almost the exact opposite.

It was so strange to have so many emotions—fear, excitement,
uncertainty—after having almost none for years, that K had a hard time
categorizing them. It was too confusing—she would think of it later. In the
mean time, she still had item two to consider.

“The hormones made her savage,”
Ilesca had said.
“It was the Erian DNA he used.”

But
I
have Erian DNA,
K
thought, looking down
at her fingers, twisted together in the blanket.
What’s going to happen to me? Will I become cruel and savage? Is there
anything I can do to stop it?

Nothing came to mind except getting back her suit. But if what
Boone had said was true, it was still too damaged to wear. And besides, putting
on the skinsuit again meant a return to an emotional state of nothingness. In a
deep part of K’s brain, a tiny seed of doubt had been planted. She was no
longer sure she wanted that.

The perfect state of Purity had seemed like the most desirable
thing in the universe, something to strive for, work for, hope for, back when
she was heading her squad and flying around the galaxy in search of the Impure
to purge or send to the pshalite mines. Now…now she wasn’t so sure. And the
very fact that she was
unsure,
worried and frightened
her.

Deciding to push her fears away and concentrate on something else,
K picked up the reading cube which was filled with the literature Boone’s
sister had been studying. There was a section she’d found the other day—one
which had been quite well hidden unless you looked closely—which fascinated K.
The stories in this hidden section were clearly not meant for children as the
others she’d read had been. No, these stories dealt with relationships between
men and women. Men and women
…contaminating
each other.
In a variety of fascinating and forbidden ways.

In the past, K would have had no interest in such subject matter,
or she might have simply been repulsed. Now, though she thought the stories
strange, she also found them interesting in the extreme. When the narrative
talked about the characters kissing and touching each other she found she was
imagining herself and Boone doing those things. It was strange and wrong but
somehow K couldn’t stop reading…

“Got something for you.”
Boone’s voice startled her and she
shoved the reading cube under the covers quickly, feeling a twinge of guilt.

“What?” She looked up and saw that he’d come into the room with
his hands behind his back. “What are you holding?”

“Ilesca left these for you.” Boone held out a stack of brightly
colored clothing. “She said she thought they would fit. Wanna try them on or
are you still feeling too weak?”

“I’ll try them later, if you don’t mind.” K sighed and settled
back against the pillows. “I’m still tired but I think I’ll be all right. It
was just the stress of using my gauntlets again that overwhelmed me. I…no
longer have the willpower to control them. The purity of focus needed to
communicate with them.”

“I’m sorry,” Boone said quietly.

“Don’t be.” K shook her head. “At least I was able to use them one
last time. I’m just glad I was able to control them with all the chaos going
on.”

“Things got a little crazy, that’s for sure,” Boone murmured,
nodding. Neither of them mentioned the kiss again but K felt sure he was
thinking about it. The way he was studying her, his gaze flickering from her
eyes to her lips and back again, made her want to fidget and look away. With an
effort, she controlled the impulse. She had to get hold of herself and stop
acting like this, had to stop
feeling
like
this, for Purity’s sake.

“I wish she would have given us the voxes too,” Boone said, laying
the pile of clothes down on the corner of the sleeping platform. “I got really
attached to those little guys.”

K remembered the way the vox that had attuned itself to her had
revealed the messy mixture of emotions churning within her. “It’s probably best
they stay on their home planet,” she said neutrally.

“Probably.”
Boone dusted his hands together
and frowned, a look of indecision on his face. “Look, K, it’s been a little
while. Do you need a, uh, time out?”

K bit her lip. To be honest, the touch cravings, as Boone called
them, had been slacking off some of late. She didn’t actually need him to hold
her on his lap as often as he did throughout the day anymore but she hadn’t
said anything about it. K didn’t know why she hadn’t spoken up—maybe because it
was strangely comforting to relax in his big arms and talk about
inconsequential things. Somehow, though, the idea of taking off her shirt and
sitting skin-to-skin with him right now made her nervous. It seemed…dangerous
somehow, even more dangerous than it had in the beginning when she’d first been
horrified about being contaminated.

Reluctantly, she shook her head. “No, I feel fine. Thanks anyway.”

“Oh.” Boone looked disappointed.
“All right.
But tell me if things get bad again.”

“I will.” K nodded. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

“You’re the one who took care of me today.” His easy grin seemed
to light up his whole face. “Thanks for not holding a grudge and coming to save
my ass anyway.”

“You’re welcome.” K gave him a small smile.
“Anytime.
I told you—no one gets the privilege of killing you but me.”

“Right.
Well, I’ll let you get back to
reading.” He nodded at the corner of the reading cube which was sticking out of
the covers.
“You still working on The Jungle Book?”

“Oh, uh…” K felt a guilty blush rise on her cheeks.
“Yes, absolutely.
I’ll be…I should be done with it soon.”

Boone looked at her intently, as though trying to decipher her
expression. “Good, then you can finish your book report later.”

“Of course.”
For some reason K found she
couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’ll leave you to it, then. See you later, K.”

“Good-bye,” K murmured as he went back through the door, leaving
her alone in the sleeping chamber.

With a muffled curse, she lifted the cube and looked at its forbidden
contents. Why had she lied to Boone like that? And why had she felt such
embarrassment when she imagined him finding out what she was reading?

She didn’t have the answers for those questions or for the emotions
which were flooding her body either. Deep inside, K still felt that something
was changing…something was
wrong
.

But what?

Chapter Fourteen

Boone was having a bad dream. Someone he cared for was in trouble.
Someone he loved needed him and he couldn’t get to her. He reached out but his
groping fingers encountered only empty air. But he could hear her, hear her
soft moans of pain and he knew she was in danger…

He sat up with a start. It was no dream. K was missing from her
usual place in the sleeping platform. Generally they curled up with her back to
his chest for maximum skin contact and fell asleep together. Boone liked
that—liked it a lot more than he wanted to admit. K felt right in his arms, as
though she belonged there. He liked it even better when she turned toward him
in her sleep and pressed her face to his chest. It gave him a powerful feeling,
a mixture of protectiveness and possessiveness to have her sleep so trustingly,
curled up close to him.

But now she was gone.

“K?” His voice sounded hoarse and worried in the darkness. When he
reached for her, his seeking fingers encountered only empty air—just like in
his dream. Her spot on the sleep platform was cold, as though she’d been gone
for a long time. Damn it, where was she?

Boone jumped up, scanning the dark sleeping chamber alertly. In
the days since she’d saved his life on Minotaur, he had stopped voice-locking
the door at night. Now he wondered if he’d made a stupid mistake. After all, K had
never withdrawn her threat to kill him. Had she woken up and decided to go
hunting for her missing suit and gauntlets? The thought made Boone’s blood run
cold.

No, surely she wouldn’t. She
doesn’t still want to kill me—no matter what she says. Does she?
Suddenly, he wasn’t so sure. K was
deadly, even without her weapons. Just because she curled up against his chest
like a sleepy kitten every night didn’t mean she couldn’t—

A soft moan cut off his train of thought and he realized it was
coming from the fresher.

“K?” He knocked quietly on the door, trying not to startle her.
“Are you okay?”

“Go away, Boone.” Her lovely contralto voice was tight with agony.
“Go away and leave me alone.”

“No, I won’t.” Frowning he tried the door and found it locked. “K,
what’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.” There was a catch in her voice was though she
might be crying. “I think…I think I’m dying.”

“What?”
Sudden panic overwhelmed him and
he forced the door open with a mighty heave. K was sitting in a corner of the small
stall, naked and dripping wet as though she’d just finished a shower. Her
unbraided hair fell like a curtain around her shoulders and her knees were
drawn up to her chest.

“Boone,” she whispered, looking up at him with hopeless eyes. “I
don’t know what it is but it hurts so
much
.
I’ve been stabbed and shot and burned when I was out with my Purge squad but
all of that was external. This…this is coming from the
inside
.”

“What is it, baby?” Crouching down beside her in the stall, he
tried to gather her into his arms but K stiffened and resisted.

“Don’t.”

“All right.
Okay.” Boone held up his hands to
show he wouldn’t touch her any more if she didn’t want him to. “But you have to
talk to me if I’m going to help you. Tell me about the pain. Where is it? When
did it start?”

“I told you,
it’s
inside. Down here.” She
nodded down at herself.
“In my lower belly.”

Boone felt a wave of relief. “Abdominal cramps? Probably something
you ate. Your system still has trouble adjusting to some foods so—”

“It’s
not
something I
ate. Not unless I accidentally ate a knife blade.” She closed her eyes for a
moment and her delicate features clenched in pain. “Boone…I’m bleeding.”

“What?
Where?”
This time he wouldn’t be
denied. Gathering her into his arms, he lifted her and carried her to the
sleeping platform despite her demands that he put her down. He called for low
lighting so he could see what was going on and the overhead glows flicked on
obediently. “Okay,” he said, laying her gently on top of the rumpled covers and
smoothing tendrils of damp black hair away from her face. “Now let me look at
you. Where’s the wound?”

“That’s just it, Boone—there
is
no wound. I’m just…just bleeding.” With a cry, she doubled up in a ball and
turned on her side. “Purity, it hurts!”

Boone was beginning to feel really panicked now. Was this some
kind of delayed withdrawal from her suit? It had been over three solar weeks
and she had seemed to be fine…until now that was. What if—?

Suddenly he saw it, the bright crimson smear on one of her inner
thighs. Could it be…?
No, surely not. But
the removal of her suit…maybe…
There was only one way to be for certain.

“K?” He turned her over carefully, despite her protests. “K, look
at me.”

“What?” She looked up at him, her eyes wild with pain.

“I think I know what’s happening to you but I need to examine you
to be sure. Can you hold still for just a minute and let me look at you?”

“I…I guess.” Wincing, she allowed him to arrange her with her
hands to her sides and her legs slightly parted.

“Good girl.” Boone stroked her forehead soothingly and looked into
her eyes. The first thing he noticed was that the black, which had formerly
covered almost her entire sclera in both eyes, had now shrunk until it only
covered the irises and pupils. Anyone looking at her would never take her for a
Purist now—they would simply think she had exceptionally black eyes. Boone
wondered why he hadn’t noticed the change earlier. Could it be that the black
had receded so gradually it had slipped his attention? He couldn’t be sure, but
he thought he would have seen it if her eyes had been that way earlier.

Looking lower, he saw something even more disturbing. Her chest,
which had been as flat as a boy’s, had now developed some lumps. No, not lumps—
breasts.
They were small but perfectly
formed and her nipples, formerly tiny and almost colorless, had grown along
with them. The areolas had spread and become wide pink bands around the hard
little nubs they surrounded and the nipples themselves looked achingly tight.

Boone frowned.
Now, I
know
I would have noticed that.
K
slept against him naked every night for
maximum skin contact. He still wore his black underbriefs for modesty’s sake
but having her undeveloped body against him wasn’t a problem. Or it hadn’t
been, before the kiss on Minotaur. Much to his chagrin, he found he was much more
attuned to her body now. Though he tried not to look, he still noticed her
slender form much more than he should have. The point was—K
hadn’t
had breasts when they went to
sleep that night. Her chest had still been as flat as a boy’s.
And now…

Now she looks like a girl going
through the first flush of adolescence. The breasts are definitely there but
they’re clearly not fully developed yet. They’re growing.
Looking further down, he saw that
her hips, which had been so narrow, were now beginning to have a soft, slight
curve. K was never going to be as voluptuous as Ilesca, but she was definitely
getting a woman’s shape.

But she’s far past the age for
puberty,
Boone
thought, frowning.
Why is this happening?
Was her suit injecting her with hormone inhibitors as well as emo-dampers?
It
seemed entirely possible. K was growing breasts and curves, suddenly exhibiting
secondary sexual characteristics that had never been there before. To Boone, it
could only mean one thing. But he had to be sure.

Gently, he parted K’s slender legs and saw that her sex, which had
been a thin, colorless slit, was now plump and pink with a tiny dusting of
black curls over the top of her mound. There were smears of blood on her inner
thighs.

“K, honey,” he said, feeling a rush of relief. “You’re not
dying—you’re just having your period.”

“My what?”
She looked up at him,
uncomprehending. “What are you talking about, Boone?”

“Your period, darlin’.
Your menstrual
cycle.”
When her eyes still registered zero comprehension he shook his
head. “Look, let me get you something for the cramps first,
then
we can talk.”

* * * * *

“So you say this is going to happen to me every solar month?” K looked
at Boone in horror. The meds he’d injected her with had stopped the terrible,
stabbing pains in her lower abdomen but she still continued to bleed from
between her thighs—a disgusting and inconvenient situation to say the least.
And now he was telling her she was going to have the same problem every single
month for the rest of her life? Unthinkable!

“Sorry, darlin’, but without the hormone inhibitors from your
suit, your body’s changing. Uh…” He cleared his throat and looked away as
though embarrassed. “Look, this is usually something mothers explain to their daughters,
you know?”

“No, I
don’t
know,” K snapped.
“And I don’t have a mother, Boone. I only have you and this is happening
because
you took my suit. So explain it
again—
why
do I have to endure this
painful, disgusting process once a month for the foreseeable future?”

“Because you’re no longer being
pumped full of chemicals that keep you from maturing.”
Boone ran a hand through his hair
and sighed. “And because your body has realized it’s fertile. I don’t know why
you’re going through this process—through puberty—so quickly. Usually it takes
months, even years for a girl to develop into a woman. Maybe your body is
making up for lost time and that’s why your cramps were so intense and
debilitating—I’m not sure. I’m only sure that once it starts, you’re stuck with
it. I’m sorry.”

“Not half as sorry as I am.” K wrapped her arms around herself
again and rested her chin on her knees. “I’m frightened, Boone. I…I
liked
the way I looked before.” Her eyes
stung and she blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. “I never wanted this.”

“I know you
didn’t,
darlin’,” he murmured
softly. “And I’m to blame for it—I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything.” K rolled onto her side and stared at the
wall. “Just leave me alone.”

“Sure,” he said quietly, settling down on the other side of the
sleeping platform without touching her. “If that’s the way you want it.”

“I do.” K closed her eyes, trying to shut out the light, trying to
forget what was happening to her.
I
should beg him to give back my skinsuit. If I could just wear it again, even
for a little while, it might stop this, stop what’s happening inside me.

But she was too proud to beg. And even though she hated the
strange and messy process her body was going through, she wasn’t sure she disliked
it quite enough to go back to her former emotionless state. Her own indecision
made her hate herself even more. She was weak now.
Weak and cowardly
and soft.

And soon her outer body would mirror her inner self.