Pieces of My Heart (49 page)

‘Thank you,’ I mumbled, taken completely by surprise. As she turned to go, I remembered something. ‘Hold on.’

‘What?’

‘My mother’s ring.’

‘That is present from Charlie.’ She covered it with her hand.

‘It’s one of the only things I have of my mother’s. Charlie should never have given it to you. Give it back to me now or I’ll call the police and have you arrested.’

Nadia reluctantly pulled the diamond ring off her finger and handed it to me. ‘You fery lucky, Ava, you haff nice husband and daughters and house.’

‘I know I’m lucky, Nadia, but I’ve made my luck. I didn’t go around taking money from old men under false pretences. I worked my arse off for everything I have. Maybe you should try doing the same.’

‘Now sod off and don’t darken this door again.’ Sally nudged Nadia out the door.

We watched as Magda shooed her fellow Pole down the driveway, shaking her fist in her face.

‘I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of Magda.’ Sally laughed.

‘Yeah, she’s pretty scary – mind you, you were pretty scary yourself.’

Sally grimaced. ‘The whole lying-about-having-a-baby thing touched a nerve.’

I hugged her. ‘Of course it did.’

‘Did you see all that cash?’ Sally changed the subject. ‘I’d no idea pole dancing was so lucrative.’

‘Maybe we should take classes and get a job. Seriously, I’d say she makes more in one night than we do in a week.’

‘And it’s all cash.’

‘No tax,’ I mused.

‘No paper trail.’

‘Be hard work, though, all that swinging and hanging upside-down.’

‘I’m sure we’d get used to it.’

‘I’m not sure it’s the kind of example I’d want to set for the girls, though. I don’t think “pole dancer” would go down well as a career aspiration in their school.’ I grinned.

Magda came back in. ‘You no needing to worry about Nadia no more. She nefer coming back. Eferything is OK now. She not bothering you, she going back to Poland. I tells her that if any Polish peoples see her in Eyerland again, she in big trouble.’

‘Thanks, Magda. You’ve been a great help.’

‘No problem. I cleaning now.’ She left the room and we heard her banging around in the kitchen.

‘I wonder what’s on the CD Nadia gave you for Ali?’ Sally said.

‘Let’s find out.’ We went into the lounge and put on the CD. It was a compilation of classical pieces that were, I must confess, very uplifting. A small corner of my heart thawed towards Nadia.

Ali was due for her weekly weigh-in. I had spoken to her on the phone and she had sounded very determined and positive. So, I tried to be hopeful too, but it was hard to muster up the enthusiasm. I had been so sure she was well until she had come home and hadn’t been able to eat anything. I was afraid to build my hopes up again. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but I still felt really down about the visit.

Ali called to say that she had put on another half-pound. She sounded really excited. It meant she could stay off bed-rest. I congratulated her and tried to sound enthusiastic. But when I hung up I didn’t feel particularly pleased. Half a pound was nothing. It was useless. At this rate she’d be in there for months. Half a pound on a stick body wasn’t going to make any difference at all.

Mary Boland called to see how I was doing and to say how pleased they all were with Ali’s progress.

‘I’m sorry, Mary, but is half a pound really something to cheer about?’

‘I know it seems very little to you, but what Alison achieved this week is actually monumental. You must focus on that and forget about the home visit. Alison has been finishing all her meals and doing as little walking as possible and has even asked for her meal plan to be increased next week. She has overcome the setback and is making fantastic progress. She has not let it get her down, or lost her focus. You have a very special daughter and you should be very proud. She’s on the real road to recovery now. So please keep supporting and encouraging her. She needs you.’

‘I’m not going anywhere. I told her I was pleased – I’m just a lot more wary of getting my hopes up again. Everyone keeps saying how long it takes for the eating disorder to go and how it’s one step forward, one step back. So I’ve decided to be more cautious. I have to be. I need to protect myself. I completely fell apart when she wouldn’t eat at home. I was too optimistic, too hopeful. So from now on I’m not going to allow myself to get excited. I’ll just take each day as it comes. It’s better for me and for my family.’

‘OK, that’s fine, but don’t let one bad experience make you forget all the positive progress Alison has made. Being cautious is understandable, but try not to hold back too much. She’s a very sensitive girl and she adores you and craves your approval.’

‘I’m doing the best I can but I’m not super-human and I’m sick of this whole anorexia saga taking over my family’s life. It’s exhausting. We want the old Ali back,’ I said, trying not to get upset.

‘Ava, you must understand that the old Alison is gone. She’s never coming back and you should be glad of that, because underneath her happy exterior lay a very confused, frightened, angry girl. What you are going to discover is a new Alison. A more open and honest Alison, who doesn’t bury her fears and emotions.’

‘I have one daughter who never hides her emotions. I’m not sure I can handle two!’

‘Sarah does seem well able to express herself,’ Mary chuckled, ‘but it’s important that Alison learns to do that too. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the dinner at home was actually the beginning of Alison’s real progress. Watch this space.’

I wanted to believe her, but I was too nervous of being disappointed, so I took each day as it came and waited to see what would happen next.

In the meantime, Ali was studying hard for her mock final exams that were coming up. I wasn’t sure she should do them. I didn’t want her to be put under any pressure, but she insisted that she wanted to and that studying helped keep her mind occupied. So the following Monday I went to the school to collect the exam papers and drove them to the hospital where a nurse would supervise Ali to make sure she didn’t cheat. We did this every day for five days while she completed all her exams.

On the last day, after dropping the completed exam paper back to the school, I got a call from Ali.

‘Mum, you’re not going to believe it,’ she said, sounding ecstatic. ‘I’ve just had my weigh-in and I’ve put on two pounds this week! Isn’t that amazing? Two more pounds. They’re going to let me go for two walks a week after lunch now. Isn’t that brilliant?’

Two pounds was great – it was real progress. I tried not to let myself get too excited. ‘That’s amazing, pet. I’m so proud of you. Well done. We’ll have to celebrate when we come to visit. What would you like me to bring in?’

Normally when I asked this question, Ali always asked for a book or a DVD or magazines, but this time she said, ‘Actually, Mum, I’d love some chocolate-covered raisins.’

‘That’s a wonderful idea,’ I said, hanging up before I started crying as my hopes soared anew.

54

The next day we all went to visit Ali in a show of moral support. When I gave her the small box of chocolate raisins, she took a deep breath and proceeded to eat the whole lot, while looking into my eyes. I held my breath.

When she took the last bite Paul, Charlie and I cheered and whooped. Ali basked in our praise.

‘Seriously, this is getting out of control. Ali gets a bloody brass band because she ate a few raisins and all I get is grief. Even when I saved Charlie from the evil claws of Nadia, the crook, I got given out to. Talk about favourite child. You wouldn’t want to be sensitive around here,’ Sarah grumbled.

‘You get plenty of attention and praise,’ I said. ‘If you need more, we’ll try to give you more, but I think you get quite enough.’

‘Yeah, from Bobby. It’s a good thing I have a boyfriend who worships the ground I walk on. You should be thanking him and not trying to scare him away,’ she said, glaring at Paul.

‘I just told him he should learn to say no to you sometimes.’

‘Yeah, well, he tried it and I told him he had a choice – to continue the relationship the way it was going or else we could break up. So we’re back to the way it was, no thanks to you.’

‘All the false tan must have fried his brain. Poor fella.’ Paul laughed.

‘Speaking of fake tan, did you ask the other skeletons if they want spray tans done?’ Sarah asked her sister.

‘I mentioned it to one or two, but they weren’t very enthusiastic.’

‘Hello! They must be mad – they so need it. Have they seen themselves in the mirror lately? They look like shit.’

‘That’s why they’re in here,’ Charlie said. ‘Because when they look in the mirror they see a distorted image of themselves. Am I right?’ he asked Ali.

‘Yes. When you look in the mirror, you see huge, blubbery thighs and a face that’s so fat you can only see two tiny pinpricks for eyes.’

‘Really?’ Sarah asked. ‘So as well as hearing voices you also have hallucinations? You’re all mad.’

‘It’s just a distorted body image,’ Ali explained.

‘We need to get you out of here,’ Sarah said. ‘It can’t be good to be surrounded by girls who are so fucked up.’

‘Language,’ I said.

‘So when can you come back out? How much do you have to weigh?’ Sarah asked, ignoring me completely.

‘If I can get to six stone twelve and maintain it for a few weeks, they’ll let me go home for good.’

‘So what are you now? Like four stone?’

‘No, I’m six stone nine, actually. ’ Ali glared at her sister. ‘So I’ve only got three more pounds to go.’

‘Well, the chocolate raisins should be worth a couple.’

‘Sarah!’ I hissed. ‘I told you not to talk about food.’

‘Keep your hair on. All they do is talk about calories and weight in here.’

‘She’s right – it’s OK, Mum,’ Ali said.

‘So you could be out in a few weeks,’ Charlie said.

‘I hope so. I’d love to be home by the end of March because there’s a big eighteenth-birthday party that I’d like to go to.’

‘Ohmigod – do you mean Stephen Green’s?’ Sarah asked.

She nodded.

‘Everyone’s talking about it at school. It’s going to be amazing. His dad is, like,
soooo
minted, it’ll be super-posh.’

‘That sounds great. When is it exactly?’ I asked.

‘Twenty-seventh of March.’

‘Well, that’s something good to aim towards. We’ll have to get you a special outfit.’

‘I’d like that.’ Ali smiled.

‘You see?’ Sarah shouted. ‘It’s all, let’s get Ali a new dress, spoil Ali, treat Ali. What about
me
?’

‘If you behave yourself over the next few weeks, the three of us will go shopping together and I’ll get you something nice too.’

‘Can I get Rock & Republic jeans?’ Sarah asked.

‘We’ll see.’

‘Actually, Ali, I wanted to give you these.’ Paul handed her a pile of university prospectuses. ‘I thought you might like to look through them and pick the one you’d like to apply for. There are lots of choices.’

‘Wow, thanks, Dad.’ Ali was thrilled. ‘I’ll have a look tonight and maybe we can talk about it tomorrow.’

‘You don’t need to run it by me, pet. You decide yourself – whatever you want to do is fine by me. I’ll be happy with any decision you make.’

‘I’d like to discuss it with you. It’d be nice to have some input.’ Ali smiled at her father, who looked chuffed.

I think I loved him more at that moment than ever before. He’d given up his dream of Ali becoming a doctor and was now only concerned with what she wanted, what would make her happy.

‘How the hell did you do that, Ali?’ Sarah was incredulous. ‘Dad’s just done a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn. Maybe I should stop eating too and he’ll tell me that I can be an actress.’

‘Dream on.’ Paul grinned at her.

‘I’ve got some news,’ Charlie announced.

I froze.

‘Don’t tell us you’ve met another “refugee”?’ Sarah asked.

‘No, but you’re not far off. I’ve joined Asylum Seekers SOS.’

‘Why?’ Sarah asked.

‘I’ve decided that although I got duped by Nadia there are lots of genuinely unfortunate people out there, women and children especially, who need help. They flee their war-torn countries and arrive here with nothing but the clothes on their backs. I want to do something.’

‘What will your role be exactly?’ I asked, worried that Charlie might get taken advantage of again.

‘I’m going to start off at the shelter helping to cook meals and keep the kids entertained.’

‘You could do your Indiana Jones impression.’ Sarah giggled.

‘I was planning on it!’

‘You might need to get a new hat – Mum’s straw sun-hat wasn’t very macho.’ Ali laughed.

‘Good for you, Charlie,’ Paul said.

‘Just be careful, Dad. Some of the refugees may not be as genuine as others.’

‘Don’t worry, Ava, I won’t be asking any of them to move in with me. I’ve learnt my lesson.’

‘And don’t go out with them,’ Sarah advised.

‘I won’t, although Noreen who runs the agency is a good-looking woman and I didn’t see any wedding ring.’

We all laughed.

When visiting time was up, for the first time ever Ali didn’t get upset. Neither did I. It was as if something had shifted. I think she finally believed she was going to get better and I was allowing myself to hope again.

On the way out to the car my phone beeped with a text from Sally. I’d been calling her all morning but she’d had her phone switched off. I read it and smiled with relief.

*

Five days later Ali called with great news. She had got four As and two Bs in her exams and she had put on a pound and a half. I was genuinely speechless on the phone. My Ali was coming back to life.

Denise and Mary agreed that she could come home that Sunday for another afternoon visit. At first I was terrified. What if it went wrong again? What if it set her back? It was vital that I get it right this time, so I went to the clinic and spoke to Denise about exactly how to handle it.

She advised keeping everything very calm and low-key. No balloons, no welcoming committee, no big family dinner. She suggested that Ali eat with just me this time and gave me an exact copy of one of Ali’s meal plans. She told me to have the scales out, so Ali could check the food if she wanted, to make her feel more relaxed.