Perception (16 page)

“So what’d you get?” Noah
said.

Anthony turned to me
and said, “Do you want him to see?”

“I can leave,” Noah offered.

“No, it’s okay. If Anthony
can know, you can know.”

Anthony pulled up a
screen, widening the window with his fingers. Three files, one for each of my
two and a half missing years, appeared. He tapped the first report: GAP
procedure done
in utero
. Born healthy, annual check up normal,
vaccinations up to date.

The second report was
almost identical; check up normal, vaccinations up to date.

Anthony glanced at me
before tapping on the third file. It opened: Accidental death by drowning. Did
not respond to resuscitation efforts.

“What?” I grabbed
Noah’s arm for support.

“Obviously they
resuscitated you,” he said. “They must’ve forgot to update the report.”

I felt my face drain
of color. “I don’t remember this. I don’t remember almost drowning.”

Anthony frowned
sympathetically. “There’s more.”

He clicked to the
next page and I read the text with disbelief. My knees gave out, and I
collapsed against Noah. He immediately put his arms around me, propping me up. I
felt him scoop me into his arms and carry me to Anthony’s bed.

“What is it?” Noah
said as he lay me down. “What does all that medical speak mean?”

Anthony sighed
loudly. “It means she’s a clone.”

Chapter 18

Heat radiated from
the sand, trapped by the greyness of a dense, oppressive fog. It pressed
against the mourners and beads of sweat formed on their brows. They eagerly
accepted the cold, fizzy drinks being offered by the hired wait staff.

An over-sized video
screen rattled in the wind on the second tier of the Vanderveen property, with
images of Liam fluttering like a flag. White roses had been delivered by the
truckload. White petals peeled off and floated away in the saline breeze
whishing off the ocean. A string quartet was set up in the corner of the stone-tiled
patio playing soft, melancholy tunes.

The worst was over,
or at least I hoped it was. Paul had choked up while giving the eulogy with
Alison sniffing loudly while standing behind him. I thought Jackson would say
something, but apparently he was too grief stricken to do so.

As was I.

Grandpa V had said a
few words before he and Paul ceremoniously scattered Liam’s ashes into the
ocean, and clusters of people gathered around my parents, cooing their
condolences. A larger group formed, enamored by the words of wisdom flowing
like oil from the Senator’s mouth.

My lips pulled down
into a hard frown. If only everyone would just go home.

I chose an empty
lounge chair by the pool and lay back, closing my eyes. My thoughts returned to
the ride home on the sky train from Anthony’s. Noah had claimed the last empty
seat and had pulled me onto his lap for the ride. I’d nuzzled my face into his
neck and sobbed quietly.

I’d felt embarrassed
for breaking down in public, but Noah didn’t seem to care what the people on
the train thought. He didn’t shush me or tell me everything would be okay. He
just stroked my back and let me soak his shirt with my tears.

My eyes were still
red from crying about myself, but it was a good look for a memorial. All I’d
had to do was switch into my black dress.

I sorrowed for my
lost brother and now for the loss of my own identity, but my emotions over the
latter had simmered into rage. A couple weeks ago I was blissfully unaware that
my whole life was a lie. I had been barely aware of the world outside of Sol
City gates, never wanting to leave my wonderland.

Now I couldn’t wait
to leave.

I spotted Jackson
standing on the opposite side of the pool, watching me warily. When he saw that
I’d caught him staring, he skirted around the people to get to me. My nerves
set off, and I breathed in, wishing the impending confrontation wouldn’t
happen.

“Are you okay?” he
said when he reached me.

I felt my teeth grind
as my jaw tightened. No, I wasn’t okay.

He sat at the bottom
of my lounge chair, and rested his hand on my leg, looking at me with wide,
hopeful eyes. “We’ll get through this somehow.”

I didn’t want him
touching me. I pulled my legs away, sitting up. “I don’t think we will.”

“Zoe, what are you
saying?”

“I’m saying I need to
take a break.”

“From me?” The hurt
in his eyes was clear. “I know this is really painful, and I know you’re mad at
me. But I think we need each other to get through this.”

I shook my head. “I’m
sorry.”

Jackson squinted. “Is
this about
that
guy?”

When I didn’t answer,
his lips tightened, their pink hue turning to white. “I can’t believe this.”

“What does it matter?
It’s not like we can go back to what we had before. It wasn’t real anyway.”

“It was real to me. It
still is.”

“Liam is dead. And
you–”

“I what?”

“You won’t tell me
what you know. I’m sorry, but that’s a deal-breaker for me.”

I stood and walked
away, leaving him sitting poolside, his fists curling and uncurling. Thirsty, I
headed toward the drink table. I passed Alison and Paul who seemed to be suddenly
the picture of strength, talking in low tones with their guests. It was amazing
what pharmaceuticals could do to alter a person’s reality. No wonder Zack
Dexter was such a fan.

Dexter told Noah he’d
helped Liam find a lab for the money. But what if there was more to it than
that? What if there had been some kind of disagreement between them?

Maybe they fought
over money. Was Dexter demanding more? Blackmail? Maybe Dexter was threatening
to expose them, and a fight had ensued? Had Dexter gotten revenge?

Lost in thought, I
hadn’t noticed that Grandpa Vanderveen had sidled up beside me. I’d been
standing numbly in front of the drinks not taking one. The Senator picked a can
out of the bucket of ice and poured it for me.

“Thanks,” I said,
sipping eagerly. The wind was like a constant furnace, wrapping my ponytail
uncomfortably around my neck, choking me the same way my life was choking me. I
pulled on it, releasing its hold and rubbing my neck.

Grandpa V watched me.
He’d been genetically altered later in life, after his jowls and eyelids had
started to droop, so he didn’t have the same natural youthful look as other
GAPs. His vanity had kicked in along the way, however, and he’d made up for any
lack with plastic surgery. Now his skin was pulled a little too tightly over
his cheekbones, and his eyelids had been worked on in such a way that he looked
like he was perpetually surprised.

I’d always been a
little leery of my famous grandfather. We didn’t share the warm bonds I’d seen
in other families, and now I understood why.

“I know this was such
a shock,” his voice was low and gravelly. “It broke my heart to hear the news.
This must be terribly difficult for you.”

I sent him a terse,
sideways glance. “Why didn’t you just have him cloned? Oh, right too many
people knew he was dead already. Such a pity.”

I figured my
grandfather must’ve been involved with my cloning. His pull was the only way my
parents could’ve gotten an illegal procedure like that done and kept quiet.

William Vanderveen
rocked on his shoes. “So you know. I told them your medical files should’ve
been erased.”

His overly wide eyes
gazed down at me. “But Zoe, child, I did it for you. You’d be dead, if I
hadn’t, right? And your poor mother, she was so distraught. I did it for her
and your father, too. I just wanted to ease their pain.”

She
is dead. I wasn’t her. Or, was I? I glanced off to the side as I
finished my drink.

Grandpa V kept
talking. “I never thought she’d have to go through such a loss again.”

I placed my empty
glass down on the table. “Yeah, that’s just really bad luck.”

The Senator didn’t
seem to catch the scorn in my voice. “It was quite easy to hide your case,” he
said, barely loud enough for me to hear. “Since you’d drowned in a private pool
without any witnesses.”

It shocked me to hear
my own death talked about so casually.

“Of course, your
mother blamed herself, and had I not stepped in, well, I don’t know what
would’ve become of her.”

“You’re a real boy scout.”

“Now, now, don’t be
ungrateful. But you’re right. It was impossible for me to step in and rescue
your mother’s heart once again. Still, that’s the great thing about being a
GAP. Her child-bearing years are twice as long.”

I understood the two
child only GAP policy. The world was already over-populated and the GAPs ethics
committee required that they not be responsible for assisting in raising those
numbers. A person had to sign a contract that as a GAP they wouldn’t have more
than two children. Two
live
children. I wondered how long it would be
before my parents told me they’re expecting another baby boy.

“It was great to
chat, Grandpa,” I said, plastering a fake smile on my face. “But I have to go.”

I suddenly couldn’t
stand these people. I couldn’t stand any of this. All the secrets buried
beneath the grief. I had to get away.

Was it wrong that the
only person in the world I trusted, the only person on the planet I wanted to
be with right now, was an outsider? A natural and an anti-GAP protester?

Chapter 19

I messaged Noah
Brody.
Meet me at the church
?

In seconds he texted
back.
When?

I answered.
Now
and sneaked into the garage without anyone noticing. I instructed the pod to
take me to the gate, where I exited Sol City on foot and walked through the
crowds on the outside, over the pedestrian bridge.

Noah was waiting on
the front steps of the church when I arrived. I tightened my pony tail and smoothed
out my little black dress, feeling self-conscious.

His eyes smiled when
he saw me, and he said, “I’ve got something to show you.”

He took my hand and
led me through the bramble to the back of the church, opening the door to let me
in.

“I’ve been here
before, you know,” I said.

“Not where I’m taking
you.”

“Ooh, sounds
mysterious.”

On the far side was a
wooden door, hard to see because of the way the shadows crossed the room. It
opened to a set of dusty, steep, spiralling steps.

“The clock tower?” I
said.

“Just wait.” Noah
took the lead up the narrow steps, checking back every few seconds to make sure
I was okay.

“I didn’t realize you
could climb up here,” I said.

“It was for the clock
master, so he could fix the clock and change the time twice a year.”

He lifted the flat
door-panel above his head which opened like an attic hatch. He climbed through
and then reached for my hand to help me up.

What you couldn’t see
from the ground was that the back of the tower had a small terrace. It was a
tight fit, barely room for two people. From where we leaned against the rail, we
could see the lights of LA and watch the people as they scurried across the
square, catching the trains and pods or just meeting up with a friend or a
lover. There was a twelve-foot section between the buildings that towered
around the church to the west where you could watch the sun set over the ocean.

“Thanks for bringing
me here,” I said.

Noah tapped his
fingers along the top of the rail. “I like to come here to think. To remember.”
He looked back at me. “You’re the only other person I’ve brought up here.”

I pulled back in
surprise.

“It’s not like I come
up here a lot,” he added.

“Noah...”

“Yeah?”

I stared at my hands.
“I can’t imagine what you must think of me now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s no secret
how you feel about GAPs. And I’m even worse than that now.”

“Zoe,” Noah said
softly. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t get it,” I
said. “You are adamantly opposed to GAP policies. Have your views changed?”

“No. My views
regarding GAP policies haven’t changed. My views regarding
you
have. You
didn’t choose to be GAP, your parents chose that for you. You can’t help that
the GAP world is all you knew until now.

“I like you as a
person, Zoe, despite your GAP status.”