“You're right. I never want any child to have to suffer like I did.” Nanny B walked up to me and took my hand. “Nanny B, why did Grandpa leave me his money, though? Why not Stephon, or my other cousins? More so, why not his own son?”
“Jonathan, that's your uncle, moved away years ago. He married some white woman in Kentucky and nobody's heard from him since. When your grandfather died, he left eleven-and-a-half million dollars to me in his will. I was shocked and didn't know what to do with the money. I truly didn't want one dime after what he put me through. So, I got a lawyer, decided which one of his grandchildren I wanted to give the money to, and since I loved your mother so much, I didn't have a difficult choice to make.”
I chuckled. “But I only got nine-and-a-half million. Where's the other two?”
“Well, the lawyer suggested that I take a little something for my pain and suffering, so I did.” She laughed. “But, Jaylin, I never wanted a dime.
That money is growing in a mutual fund right now, untouched. I'd like for you to put it up for your children. All I ever wanted was to be a part of this family, and if my being a nanny got me here, so be it.”
Nanny B and I hugged each other tightly, and she talked some more to me about my family. She'd really loved my grandfather, and it seemed to be his loss to let go of a woman so special.
“I got one more question for you,” I said. “How old are you? You told me you were fifty-seven, but if my calculations are correct, you're actually a bit older than that.”
She laughed. “How old do I look? Can't I pass for fifty-seven or even forty-seven?”
“You really could, but I'm worried about all the things you do around here. All the driving and everything you do for the kids. And the cigarettes, those can't be good for you.”
“I'm a blessed healthy young woman, Jaylin, that's all you need to know. But how did you know about my cigarettes? I only smoke them every once in a while, and when I do, I go outside.”
“Mackenzie told me. I didn't believe her, but when I checked your pockets, I saw them.”
We laughed. The doorbell rang just then, and we looked at each other, not knowing who in the hell could be at the door so early in the morning. When Nanny B opened the door, Stephon came rushing in.
“What's going on, man? Why did you hang up on me?”
I looked at my watch; More than an hour had passed since I'd talked to him. “You can't move no faster than that? I could have been over here dying or something,” I said.
He plopped down on the couch. “I had to get dressed. Damn. But what's all this crazy talk about Nanny B?”
I opened my mouth to tell him, but Nanny B stood behind him and shook her head, her lips forming the word, “No.” “Nothing, dog,” I said. “It was a joke. She was messing around with me because she knew how upset I was about Christmas.”
“But since the both of you are here, why don't I whip y'all up some breakfast? Besides, I'm hungry myself.” Nanny B said.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Stephon said. Nanny B went into the kitchen and started breakfast. “Man, you straight-up lucked out on a good-ass nanny. You just can't find them like that these days.”
“I know, man. Deep in my heart I truly know.”
Nanny B cooked a scrumptious breakfast for us: cheese eggs, grits, bacon, sausage, toast and jelly, and some buttermilk pancakes. Shit was off the hook. After Stephon left she told me not to tell him the truth because she didn't want him to feel hurt by her decision to give the money to me.
I talked to her about my situation with Mackenzie and she advised me to back down. She told me to allow Scorpio and Mackenzie time together and assured me Mackenzie would be coming back soon.
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Nokea dropped LJ off early Saturday morning before heading to her hair appointment, as planned. I was feeling a slight bit better, which she could tell when she finally came in to talk to me this time. Her whole attitude and outlook on life had changed. I was seeing a different side of her, one that I admired and respected more than anything. I was sure Collins was the reason, but I was kind of disappointed in myself for being with her all those years and not bringing out the best in her like Collins did.
I spent the entire weekend alone with my son. Nanny B had even left for her sister's house on Friday, after spending most of the day with LJ and me. We really couldn't do much, but I showed him how to play cards, how to use the remote control, and even how to make investment transactions on my laptop. He loved being in the water, so I let him splash around in the tub after I filled it with bubbles.
Late Sunday night, we bundled up and went outside to hoop. Of course, he won but I considered it cheating since I had to lift him to make the ball go in the hoop.
Nokea called around ten o'clock that night to say she was tied up at her parents' house and would send Collins over to pick up LJ. When I accused her of having a shitty excuse, she laughed and said she wanted me to be comfortable with Collins. She claimed the more time we spent getting to know each other, the better off I'd be. Slightly pissed about being forced into this situation, I still went with the flow.
Collins was there by ten-thirty to pick up LJ. When the doorbell rang, I was in the bonus room playing pool. LJ sat in the middle of the table knocking the balls in the holes when I missed the shot. I picked him up and ran downstairs to get the door. When I opened it, Collins smiled and came inside. He stood in the foyer and looked around with his hands inside the pockets of his long black trench coat.
“Wow, this is nice, man. You must hook me up with your interior decorator.”
I smiled. “Naw, can't do that. She's my ancient Chinese secret.”
“In other words, you don't want nobody's house resembling yours.”
“Exactly.”
He pointed to LJ. “You have everything ready for him to go?”
“Yeah, just about. I was upstairs playing pool, so there are just a few other things I have to get.”
“Pool, huh. You wanna shoot a game? I'm actually pretty good at it.”
“I'm better.”
Collins grabbed my shoulder. “We'll just have to see about that. Before we get down to business, though, would you mind showing me around? I'd like to get at least some ideas for my house.”
I carried LJ and toured Collins through the lower level of my house. I bragged about my large kitchen, my workout room, the theatre room I was having remodeled, my Olympic-sized swimming pool, and basketball court. I was sure Collins's house wasn't short-stopping in Ladue, but he seemed amazed. He stood in the doorway to my office and looked up at the Cathedral ceiling. I had a chandelier hanging from the ceiling that gave the room a dim, settled lighting.
“Now, this is an office. I would never leave my house if I had an office like this. My office has papers piled up everywhere.”
“Yeah, it is one of my favorite places to be. Kind of relaxing, if anything.”
We walked up the steps and went into my bedroom, since it was the closest to the staircase. Collins looked at the glass entryway and smiled.
“Now, how do you ever get down in your bedroom if people can see straight through here?”
“Easily. That glass is the last thing on my mind when I'm in here with a woman.”
Collins laughed and I continued the tour. He stood in my bedroom gazing at the vaulted ceiling, the flat-screen TV on the wall, the white furry chaise, and the fireplace in the far corner of the room. He shook his head and sat on my California king-sized bed, covered with white-and-gold silk Gucci sheets. “Jaylin, how old did you say you were?”
“I didn't. But I'm thirty-three years young.”
“You are blessed, my brotha. Truly, truly, blessed. I'm forty,” he cleared his throat, “years old and good fortune didn't come my way until three years ago. Just recently I was able to start my computer business in Detroit, as well as in St. Louis. I had to partner up with a few brothas just for that to happen. If you got it going on like this at thirty-three, and don't have to count on anyone for anything, my hat goes off to you.”
“Yeah, it feels kind of nice to stand alone.” We walked out of my bedroom. “Now, Collins, your compliments will not stop me from giving you this ass whuppin' I'm about to give you on this pool table.”
He laughed and I continued the upstairs tour. I showed him the other bedrooms, a wine cellar, and the bonus room where the pool table was. He looked over the Romeo and Juliet balcony that viewed into my great room down below.
“I'm afraid of heights, but I would really love something like this in my house. Whoever hooked this up for you, they did a damn good job.”
I nodded and we got down to business with our game. At first, LJ wouldn't let me put him down, but once he had fallen asleep, I laid him on the couch.
When all was said and done, Collins had lost four out of the five games we played. He leaned against the pool table and puffed on a cigar.
“You're pretty good, Jaylin.”
I bent over and shot the eight ball in to win the last game. It went into the hole. “Good at everything I do, Collins.”
His cell phone rang. When he looked at it, he said it was Nokea and answered. “Yeah, baby.” He paused. “I know. I'll be there in a few.” He paused again. “Okay, I'm sure he won't mind.” He held the phone out to me.
“Hello,” I said.
“Do you mind if I come get my son now?”
“Collins is here to pick him up. I know you ain't tripping?”
“I sent Collins over there almost two hours ago. I've been calling your house, thinking the two of you got into it or something. Why haven't you answered your phone?”
“Because we've been playing pool. Come on over anyway, I want to tell you something in person.”
Nokea hung up and we played one more game of pool. When she got there, Collins and I were sitting in the living room drinking cognac and talking. I opened the door and Nokea immediately inhaled the alcohol on my breath.
“I just know the two of you haven't been in here drinking with my baby around.” She walked over to Collins and gave him a kiss.
“Naw, baby. He's been asleep for a while,” he said, tipsy.
Nokea walked to the bottom of the stairs. “Is he in his room, or your room, Jaylin?”
“Neither. He's in the bonus room on the couch.”
She looked at us and rolled her eyes. “That's dangerous. He could fall on the floor and bust his head. Careless men, I tell you.” She walked up the steps.
I shrugged. “Good luck, man. She's a tough cookie.”
“Isn't she? But, she's the boss.” He smiled and winked. “I like to let her think that, anyway.”
We laughed, and Nokea came down the steps with LJ. Collins met her at the bottom stair and took LJ's diaper bag off her shoulder. I took LJ out of her hands and kissed him. When Nokea reached out to take him back, I gave him to Collins.
“Take care of my son, Collins. I want him to come home safely.”
Collins put LJ on his shoulder and grabbed my hand. “You bet'cha, I will. And have a Merry Christmas, Jaylin.” He walked out the door with LJ, but Nokea stayed behind and gave me a hug.
“So, what did you want to tell me in person?” she asked.
“Call Pat, she's ready to talk.”
“And how do you know this?”
“Because I just do,” I said, giving her Pat's new telephone number.
Nokea walked out toward the car, then turned and looked at me as I stood in the doorway.
“I love you,” she mouthed.
I placed my hand on my heart and nodded.
After they pulled off, I went upstairs to take a shower. I laid across my bed and checked my voice-mail that said I had thirty-five messages waiting. After I spent fifteen minutes listening to the calls, I jotted down the important ones and deleted the rest. Daisha, Shane, Stephon, Brashaney, Felicia, Ray Ray, Higgins, and Schmidt had called several times, Mackenzie and Scorpio had called once, Nanny B had called to check on me, and Pat had called to thank me for bringing LJ over to see her. I wasn't sure if my visit would be deemed a success or not; the rest was up to her and Nokea.
Chapter 21
Nokea
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Collins' house in Detroit was awesome. He played it down like it wasn't as spectacular as the house in St. Louis, but this one was the best. And he'd had the audacity to brag on Jaylin's house. With decorating, yes, Jaylin had him beat, but since I was infatuated with the size of the house, rather than the look, Collins had it going on. I found myself comparing the two of them a lot. Sometimes I had to catch myself when talking to Collins, but he always understood once I apologized. After so many years of being with Jaylin, it was hard not to compare them.
Anxious to get in touch with Pat, I told Collins I had to make an important phone call, and went into his study. It looked like a library, which had books lined up on a built-in bookshelf spanning an entire wall. I sat in the chair behind his desk and dialed Pat's number. When Chad answered, I almost hung up, but I was too anxious to talk to let him spoil things.
“Hi, Chad. Is Pat there?”
“Yeah, Nokea, hold on.”
Pat took a minute to pick up, and when she did, she was laughing. “Hi, Nokea. Hold on while I go shut the door.” She put the phone down, then came back. “Okay. Where are you? I tried calling you today and your machine said you were gone for the holidays.”
“I'm in Detroit with Collins. Didn't Jaylin tell you when he spoke to you?”
“Yeah, he mentioned it, but we mainly talked about what happened between you and me. Listen, don't think I haven't thought about what you said. I just needed time to figure out what was really going on with Chad. Now that I know, I want to tell you how sorry I am for saying those things to you. I was just so angry with you about the Jaylin and Stephon situation that when you told me about Chad, I really thought you had lost your mind.”
“Pat, you know me better than anybody. Even though I was going through hell at the time, I never would have wanted you to suffer with me. I was weak and Chad saw an opportunity.”
“Yes, he did. I actually just got up enough nerve to talk to him about the ordeal last month. He admitted it and explained everything to me. He claimed I had an attitude like it was all about me. He wanted children, and I didn't. He didn't want me to work, and I did. He wanted a new house, and I didn't. The list goes on and on. And the bottom line is when I didn't compromise, he felt like he needed something else. You weren't the only woman he approached. But the question is, do I agree with his reasoning? No, I don't. But we've been married for twelve years, Nokea, and to me, my marriage is worth saving.”
“But why haven't you called me to say that? I've been miserable without our friendship. You were the only true friend I had and you have no idea what it did to me when I lost that.”
“Again, I'm sorry. Please understand how hard it was for me to swallow. Thing is, I just didn't have the nerve to call and tell you I was wrong. You know how stubborn I can be. Not only that, I was embarrassed and ashamed about the situation. My husband wasn't supposed to be that way. He wasn't supposed to do those kinds of things. I put him so high up on a pedestal, and didn't realize he was capable of doing what any other person might do. Note that I said person, and not just men, because women are capable of doing the same thing too, trust me. I'm speaking from experience.”
“Well, I'm glad everything is going to work out between the two of you.”
“I'm glad too, but we have a long road ahead of us. One thing I learned from this was to never judge a woman in her situation again. I thought about all the times I came down hard on you because of Jaylin, only to find myself fighting through the same mess. I always talked about how I would never put up with this, or put up with that, but honey, you never know what you'll do until it becomes a reality for you.”
“You're right. You're definitely right about that. Anyway, did you get a chance to see my handsome baby?”
“Girrrrl . . . he is adorable. Jaylin and I were fighting over him. I begged him to let LJ stay but he wouldn't let him. I cried as I held him in my arms, and after he left, I made up my mind.”
“You're going to try and have a baby, or adopt one now?”
“Nooo, ah, ah. I'm going to creep into your house and take yours. If not, I must get me a dog.” We laughed. “By the way, next time you talk to Jaylin, thank him. He really cares about you Nokea. All these years I thought he was full of shit, but I saw a side of him I never knew existed.”
“I told you. He's not all that bad.”
“No, he's not. But, he's still a ho, let's not forget that.” We laughed again. “So, last question, then I'm going to let you get back to your new man. I want to meet him as soon as you get back. Anyway, Jaylin told me how much you've changed since you've met Collins, and I can hear the happiness in your voice. Question is . . . are you still in love with Jaylin?”
I looked down at the desk and made squiggly lines on it with my finger. I took a deep breath and answered Pat's question as best as I could. “Pat, my love for Jaylin will always be buried deep in my heart. Collins or any other man will never be able to replace what I shared with him. So, do I love him? Yes. Am I in love with him? Yes, I am. But it's a love that I have no desire to go back to.”
“Well, I'm happy for you. But honestly, I thinkâand please don't take this the wrong way. You know how I always have to voice my opinion. But I think the two of you still love each other and want to be together. Now, again, that's just my opinion.”
“You're wrong Pat, but I respect your opinion. Anyway, tell Chad I said hello and I'll see you when I get back. I'll bring Collins over to meet you and then you'll see for yourself how happy I am.”
“I don't doubt your happiness, however, I do doubt your heart. Bye, girl. Have a Merry Christmas and kiss my baby for me. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
We hung up.
After talking to Pat, I called my parents to let them know we'd made it to Detroit. As usual, Daddy was upset with me for not being home for Christmas, but he really needed to let go and let me live my life. Mama told me to have a good time and said that she'd see us when we got back.
When I hung up, I sat in the study for a while and thought about what Pat had said. Honestly, I really wasn't sure how I felt. Only time would tell. I at least knew that for right now I was happy, and that's all that mattered.
Collins was standing in the doorway holding LJ, who had a fudge cookie in his hand and chocolate all over his face. He looked so cute, and after seeing them together, I hoped more than anything this would all work out for the best.
Since Collins' family was coming in the following day, we had one night to spend together alone. Around eleven o'clock, I laid LJ down for the night so we could spend some quiet time together. When I came downstairs, he was leaning over the fireplace and poking at the fire, trying to get it to flame up. I sipped some hot chocolate he'd made us, covered up with a thick blanket, and watched him.
When the flames kicked up, Collins lifted me up from the chair and sat me on his lap.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“No, I'm fine. This blanket is just so warm I couldn't let it go.”
He took the cup of hot chocolate from my hand and kissed it. “How did Jaylin ever let you get away, Nokea?”
“Don't know. But I'm so glad that I found you.”
“How glad?”
“Really glad.”
“How glad is really glad?”
I stood up and dropped the blanket to the floor. He smiled and looked at my naked body. “So glad,” I said. “And I would love nothing more than for you to make love to me right now.”
Collins and I went to his bedroom and made love. We were so into each other that we didn't wrap up things until almost three o'clock in the morning.
We were awakened the next morning by a knock on Collins's bedroom door. When his mother and father came in and saw us in bed, naked, I was humiliated. That was not how I thought I'd meet them. His mother announced that they'd be downstairs, and closed the door.
I buried my face in my hands. “Now, that was embarrassing. I thought you said they wouldn't be here until noon.”
Collins kissed my forehead and laid back in the bed. “It's okay, baby. Trust me, it's okay.”
“For me it's not. You can't tell me it's okay that your mother just saw me naked in bed with her son. It might be okay for your father, but moms, I don't think so.”
“Nokea, calm down. It's not like they just walked in on some teenagers, or a one-night stand. I've talked to my parents about you. They know how I feel. And I'm sure they know you and I make love. After all, they're the ones who taught me sex is a beautiful thing when it's shared with the right person.”
Collins put me somewhat at ease, but I was still a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing. We got up, showered, and got dressed. I went into the other room to check on LJ while Collins headed downstairs. LJ was still asleep, so I headed downstairs without him.
Collins's mother was in the kitchen putting some groceries in the refrigerator, and Collins and his father sat talking at the kitchen table. When he saw me in the entryway, Collins stood next to me and introduced me properly. His father shook my hand and introduced himself as James, but his mother just smiled and waved. Completely ignoring me, she went back to the groceries. I tried to break the ice by asking if she needed help. When she shook her head “no,” I looked at Collins and whispered, “I told you she was upset.”
Collins, James, and I sat at the kitchen table. Knowing that his mother had an attitude, Collins looked at her while biting into an apple. “Mama,” he said. “Are you mad about something?”
“No, honey, what makes you think I'm mad about something?”
“Because you're not saying much and you won't look at me when I'm speaking to you. It's not like you to be so quiet.”
She looked up and smiled. “Let the truth be told, Collins, nothing excites a mother about seeing her baby in bed with a naked woman, especially one he's not married to.” I gave Collins another look and didn't say a word.
“But Mama, your baby is forty,” he cleared his throat, “years old. Can I at least make love to a woman, in my own house, if I want to?”
By this time I felt like crawling under the table. His mother wiped her hands on a towel and came over to us, putting her hands on the back of my chair. She looked back and forth at us. “Can a mother feel the way she wants to, when she wants to? I don't care how old you are, you're still my baby.” She bent over and kissed him, then she kissed me on the cheek. “Nokea, you have a son, don't you?”
“Yes, ma'am, I do.”
“Stella, call me Stella. But would you, or could you ever imagine yourself walking in on your son in bed with a naked woman and being excited about it?”
“No, I wouldn't. Even if she were his wife, I would be a slight bit bothered.”
She looked over at Collins. “I love you, baby, but mamas are always going to be mamas.” She kissed him again. He smiled and finished his apple.
I excused myself from the table when I heard LJ upstairs yakking. When I came back into the kitchen with him, Stella had a fit.
“Chile, look at here, look at here.” She took him from my hands. “He is one handsome baby.” She kissed LJ's cheeks and he reached for her long gray hair. When he placed his lips on her cheek and slobbered on it, she thought it was so adorable. They went back and forth playing the kissing game, and when I reached for him, she snatched him away. “No way, honey,” she said. “Go get your own. This here is my baby.”
I laughed and sat back at the table.
“Mama,” Collins said. “I'm getting a little jealous, you know?”
“Well, too bad. Your mama done found herself a new baby, since the old one won't do right.”
Feeling more at ease, I started helping Stella with breakfast. I did most of the cooking because she couldn't find it in her heart to part with LJ. When we were just about finished, Collins wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. Stella playfully rolled her eyes, then took LJ into the other room.
As Collins smooched with me, he walked me outside on the deck. It was cold, but he kept me warm as he stood behind me and squeezed my waist.
“I'm falling in love, Nokea.”
I turned around and placed my arms on his shoulders. “So am I. But, I'm scared, Collins. This seems too good to be true. I keep thinking this is going to end up like Jayâ”
He interrupted my words with a kiss. “I promise you it won't. All you have to do is open your heart and free him. Once you do that, this will all work itself out.”
“But I have freed him.”
“No, you haven't. I feel his presence in you right now. I feel it when I make love to you, and I see it in your eyes when you mention his name.”
“That's because there's so much history between us. My time with you is going to hopefully wash those memories away. Now, if you're asking me to forget about him, I can't. But what I can do is move on with the man I do love and that's you.”
Collins nodded, and before we went back into the house, he gave me a long and juicy kiss.
After his four sisters and their families showed up, the house was jammed packed. Everyone couldn't wait to tell me all the crazy stories about how overprotective their older brother was. Some of the things they told me I couldn't believe. He tried to deny it when his sister, Charlotte, said he beat up several of her boyfriends because he didn't like them, and threw eggs at them when they came to the house. When Stella came out with the truth, he admitted to it and said that at least he'd apologized.