Montana Cherries (27 page)

“Don’t worry.” Gabe held up his hands. “I’ll still be back for harvest next year. We all will. You can’t get rid of us that easily. But I
won’t
be running the day-to-day operations.” He stepped aside to make room for Max. “I trust you might recognize our new manager, though,” Gabe added. “It’s not like he hasn’t done this before.”

“Dad’s coming out of retirement?” Dani whispered in shock.

Ben was as astounded as she.

“Thanks, son,” Max said. “And as Gabe said, I, too, thank you all for your hard work, and I hope each of you will be back next year—when hopefully the crop will be bigger and better than before.” He winked at Gabe. “I can’t have this guy showing me up. But also, I hope you’re not too sorry to see me back up here.”

Choruses of disagreement sounded. Everyone loved Max.

“We’ve had a lot of changes in our family recently,” the elder Wilde continued. “Dani’s got a job in New York we’re all proud of, Gabe is going to California. And that left a hole in our family.”

He looked at Dani now, and Ben felt as if far more was being said than what the workers would hear.

“I couldn’t leave our farm without family to run it. It means too much to us.”

“He’s trying to fix things with me,” Dani said softly. She reached for Ben, and slipped her hand into his.

“And I won’t let our family down.” He swept his gaze over the crowd. “Not everything is perfect in the world, but it’s up to us to fix it when we mess up.”

A few questioning gazes passed through the crowd, but no one said anything.

Max looked at Dani again. “Don’t worry about our legacy, Dani girl. You go do what you’ve waited your life to achieve. I’ve got this. For as long as I need to.”

He didn’t say a lot more after that, but the heart of it had been said. They might be heading down different paths, but their family was still here. Their farm. The thing they could always count on.

When Max left the trailer, Ben turned to Dani and lifted a brow.

“That helps,” she confirmed. The music started, and without encouragement she returned to his arms. “Dance with me, Ben.”

And so they danced.

But after three more songs, Ben couldn’t wait any longer. He brought Dani’s face up to his. “You do know that I love you, right?”

Her feet stopped moving to the song. “What?”

He urged her to continue following his lead, sliding them back in with the crowd. “I love you,” he said again. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “That can’t be a surprise.”

“Ben . . .”

“It’s a good thing, Dani.” He leaned back and looked her in the eye. “
We’re
good.”

“But why would you tell me that?” Her words came out blunt. “Why now? I’m catching a plane
tomorrow
.”

He swallowed around the fear that rose up. Putting his heart on the line, he found, was no easy feat. “I’m telling you because I don’t want it to end here, babe. Haley and I could catch a flight in a couple of weeks. We could come out with you.”

Her jaw dropped. “You want to do a long-distance thing? Won’t that be too confusing for Haley?”

“I want to do a permanent thing, Dani.”

Confusion crossed her brow.

“I’m saying that Haley and I will move to New York. For you.” She didn’t respond, so he added, “We’ll follow you. Because we love you.”

Her forehead wrinkled even more, and if he wasn’t mistaken, it was in horror. This was most definitely not going as he’d envisioned.

“Haley needs Montana,” Dani told him. “You’re buying a house.”

“Or it could be a vacation home. A place to visit. To come see your family.”

“My family isn’t even going to be here.”

“Come on, your dad isn’t going anywhere. And you know the others will come back. The house could be our chance to be here in Birch Bay when we want to, but not have to be underfoot of everyone else. It could provide you the opportunity to work on your relationship with your father. To continue being close with your brothers.”

She took a step back. “Do you even know me at all?”

“What do you mean?” He realized that they weren’t moving, and everyone else kept bumping into them. One couple even tried to dance between them.

Ben took her arm, and moved them off the dance floor.

“I need to go to New York.” Dani made the statement as though he weren’t aware of the fact.

“And I’m not asking you to do anything different.”

“By myself.”

The words seemed to echo in the night.
Oh.
She didn’t want
him
there.

“I’m too messed up,” she explained. “Don’t you see that? What if I’m like my mother?”

“You know you aren’t.”

“No, I don’t.” She inched backward. “How could I know that? I don’t even know who I am.”

“And you can’t figure that out with us around?”

“No.”

They stared at each other in silence until she added, “What if having you around causes me to fail at my new job?”

That didn’t even make sense.

“What if I become more focused on
you
?” she continued, her voice rising slightly. “On Haley?”

“You know me, Dani. I wouldn’t let that happen.” He was the one person who’d never tried to dump everything on her. He didn’t understand why she didn’t see that.

She shook her head again. “This is my last chance. The job is all I’ve got, and I can’t screw it up.”

The job was all she had?

Anger began to hum inside him. “And us being there would screw it up?”

“I have to focus on me,” she said. The words fell flat. “Not my family. Not you. And not Haley. I can’t take care of her right now.”

“I’m not asking you to take care of her,” he said, his voice increasing to a level above hers, and more than one couple turned to watch.

“Not in so many words, but you know I would. It’s what I do. It’s what I was taught to do. Plus, this thing between us . . . it was supposed to just be fun.” She whispered the last sentence. “You knew that all along. I told you. That’s all it could be.” Her voice shook, but she didn’t look like she thought she was saying the wrong words.

But that wasn’t all it had been. He opened his mouth to contradict her, only, he made himself stop. Had it truly been nothing to her? He found that hard to believe. But then, what did he really know about love, after all? He hadn’t even believed in it until a few days ago.

He had to pull himself back before he made an even bigger fool of himself. “My mistake,” he gritted out.

“I’m sorry, Ben.” And that quickly, she was done. She glanced around, like she was just remembering where they were. “We have guests. I need to mingle.”

In the next instant she was gone. Out of his reach.

Someone stepped beside him and Ben turned with a confused mix of shock and anger.

It was Gabe.

“I told you not to sleep with her again,” her brother said.

What the hell had just happened? “Don’t worry,” Ben assured him sarcastically. “She kicked my ass for you.”

He couldn’t believe he’d been nothing more to her than a good time.

Gabe remained silent, watching Dani alongside Ben. She laughed with another couple from town, played with a toddler belonging to one of the migrant families. And at no point did she look back at Ben. As if completely unconcerned that she’d just stomped on his heart. And certainly not seeming in the least like hers was broken.

Because it apparently wasn’t.

“It comes from our mom, you know?” Gabe finally said.

“What does?”

Gabe nudged his chin toward Dani. “That show she’s putting on.”

Ben watched for a moment longer. “Doesn’t look like a show to me.”

It looked like she was owning the crowd, same as she always did. Content, in charge, and looking forward to her next challenge.

Had this really been one-sided all this time?

They watched Dani continue charming the crowd for another minute before Gabe turned to Ben. “Then you’re not looking close enough.”

chapter twenty-three

B
en lay in the middle of his bed later that night, still confused. And still more than a bit angry. He’d replayed every moment of the conversation on the dance floor with Dani, several times, and he couldn’t figure it out. It was as though any emotions—any
feelings
—she might have had toward him had turned off with a single click.

The rest of the night had continued, with her laughing and talking with others, acting as if nothing were wrong. The entire family had partied, they’d bid the workers good-bye until next year, then the group of them had walked back to the house together.

Dani put the girls to bed, since she would be leaving before they got up—Ben had heard her promise to sneak into their room in the morning for a good-bye kiss. Then she’d gone to her room.

She’d promised
him
nothing.

Nor had she even said another word to him.

A faint light appeared around the edges of his door as he lay there, and he held his breath. He listened, unsure if it was Haley, or if Dani had decided to break her silence. But one thing was for certain. He would not be the one to speak first.

The door opened wider. “Are you awake?”

He closed his eyes. It was Dani.

His anger moved from a simmer, right to the edge of boil. “I am,” he bit out.

“Can I come in?”

“Dani . . .” He didn’t know what to say. If anything could possibly be said that would matter at this point.

“Just to talk,” she begged. “And maybe . . . I don’t know. Could I stay in here for a while? I’m going to miss you, Ben.”

What the fuck was wrong with the woman?

“Never mind,” she said into the silence. Her voice turned to a whisper. “It was wrong of me to ask.”

The door was almost shut when he opened his mouth. “You can come in.”

He might regret it—he would
probably
regret it—but they didn’t feel finished yet. He had to let her in. At least to hear what she had to say.

“You’re sure?”

He could see her now. She was beautiful.

And he loved her.

He moved over on his bed, and she settled beside him—still in the outfit she’d worn to the party—and lay flat on her back. She didn’t touch him, nor did he touch her.

After several minutes, she spoke. “I’m sorry,” she said simply. “I
was distant with you after we talked tonight. I didn’t mean to be, but
I needed to get away from our discussion.”

“To act like nothing had happened? Like we hadn’t just broken up.”

He could see her turn her face to him in the dark. “Were we ever really together?”

Once again, he found himself surprised at her words.

“I grew up pretending the world was okay,” she explained. “That I was loved. Only, I wasn’t loved and it was never okay.”

Ben rubbed a hand over his face and noticed that it was shaking. She’d had a crappy upbringing, he’d give her that. But still . . .

“I know that’s not an excuse, but that’s part of why I have to do this on my own. I don’t know how to have normal relationships.”

“You have them with your brothers every day,” he pointed out. “I’ve seen it.”

“But they’re a part of me. They’re part of both the problem . . . and the solution. I think. If there is one. I can be more real around them because they get it, they were a part of it. Yet, because of them, I also feel as if I’ve been in a black hole for most of my life.

“I’m hurting,” she continued. “I don’t feel normal, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if I can fix it. To me, love is tied around
me
doing for everyone else.” She rolled to her side. “Don’t you see that? I don’t know how to do anything else, and if you’re there in New York with me, I might be just like I’ve been here my whole life. And I don’t want to be that anymore.”

“But love doesn’t come from what you do for others. You know that. You get that.”

“Logically, yes. Yet at the same time, my entire existence has
been
that. My mother didn’t love me if I didn’t take care of her. Or my brothers. Or the damned dishes.”

“That wasn’t love.”

“But it’s the love I was shooting for. It’s the only kind I knew. And even these last two weeks . . . when I’ve known who my mother was, how she manipulated me . . . while being mad at my brothers and my dad . . . I’ve worried the whole time that they’re going to quit loving
me
because I quit taking care of
them
.”

He didn’t get it, but at the same time she was making a weird kind of sense. “You know they still love you, babe. They’ll always love you. You know the difference in your mother’s conditional love and reality now. You
know
what love is.”

“Do I?”

He didn’t answer because he didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

And again, he didn’t respond.

Instead, he rolled to face her and silently tucked her against him. He got that she was trying to explain things, but he couldn’t get beyond her so callously reminding him that they were nothing.

That he’d been nothing but a good time.

He wanted more, and he’d wanted it with her.

And he was hurting too damned much to give anything more than an inch at the moment.

Ben woke to an empty bed just as the sun began peeking through his bedroom window. He was still on his side, the way he’d been when Dani had been in bed with him, and he rolled to his back.

Was she gone?

“Thank you for letting me be in here last night,” she said from the other side of the room.

She hadn’t left yet.

He rolled back to his side and saw her sitting, back straight, on the edge of the chair in the far corner of the room. She looked as if she’d been waiting for him to wake up simply so she could leave. He supposed that was better than having left without a word.

“I’m glad you came in,” he told her. And he was. He hadn’t slept for a long time last night because he’d been thinking about everything she’d said. He’d been
hearing
everything she’d said. And it had finally begun to make sense.

She felt she had to fix herself
for herself
before
they
could be together.

He could respect that. His childhood may not have been great, but it hadn’t been a series of manipulations either. The impact of that was foreign to him, and before he’d finally fallen asleep, he’d understood that he had to let her go.

He could only hope that she would eventually come back.

Rising from the bed, he crossed to her and went down on one knee. He reached for her hand.

“I love you, Dani.” He said the words clearly. Because he did love her. He knew that. “And those aren’t just words. I love you with my whole heart. I think it began that first summer, and after all this time it hasn’t let go. I see you for the person you have the potential to be. I don’t see your mother, and I don’t see your walls. I see behind all that, and when I look at you, I’m looking at a beautiful, capable, loving human being who just wants to be loved in return. So yeah, those words are real. And I get that you need boundaries right now. I get that you have to work through things by yourself.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “So go do what you need to do. See someone.
Please.
You’re right. This is what you need. But the thing is, I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“You can’t wait for me,” she pressed.

Pain lanced through him. “Babe. You’ve got to give me something. I can’t do it all for both of us.”

“I’m not joking.” She cupped his cheek as a thin beam of sunlight reached into the room and touched her face. “You need a woman who can commit to you. Someone who can be there fully. Haley needs a mom. A woman who you won’t have to worry might be manipulating your daughter,” she said in a low tone. She shook her head. “You can’t wait for me. I’m not coming back.”

He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Do you not love me?” he forced himself to ask.

“Buy the house, Ben. Go on with your life.”

“Do you not love me?” he repeated, the words coming out hard. He locked his gaze on hers, and what he saw ripped him apart. Because even after all this, he’d still thought she cared.

“I don’t even love me,” she said.

She rose from the chair then, and he didn’t utter another word as she stepped around him and crossed the floor. Nor when she silently slipped out of his room.