Midnight Shadows (21 page)

From the reunion Sabrina had witnessed at Silva’s house, she was almost sure that Lauren Kendall’s days of running were finally over. The woman had thrown herself into Logan’s arms as if she’d never let him go. And there’d been a determined light in Logan’s eyes. One that said he would make sure Lauren had no cause to want to run ever again.

Sabrina turned Ian’s hand over, noting both the strength and elegance of it. Her fingers gently traced a light scar that ran up the length of his arm. Most of them were only noticeable if one looked closely. How many times had she touched these scars, thought about how she might never have known him if his injuries had been worse? How empty her life would have been.

“Sabrina…sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

Unable and unwilling to put a name to her gloomy mood, she shook her head and did what she’d always done—deflected. “Think we’ll ever hear from Marsh again?”

“Maybe. Once Silva finally gets put away.”

A shiver zipped up her spine. “Can’t be soon enough for me.”

“At least once he’s arrested there’ll be plenty of people who’ll be glad to testify. The testimonies of Claudia, Donna, and Ashley alone should be enough to put him away for a couple of lifetimes.”

“You think they’ll be okay?”

“They have a better chance now than they did with Silva, that’s for sure.”

“I just feel like I should’ve done more for them.”

“Like what? You helped rescue them, brought them to Mobile, put them up in a hotel, gave them money to travel back to their homes and offered to pay for counseling.” He touched her cheek, softly, gently, “Sweetheart, you’ve done more than enough.”

The women had been heartbreakingly grateful. Seeing their relief and happiness had made every moment of fear or discomfort worthwhile. Two of them wanted to return to their home states—Claudia to Texas, Ashley to Oregon. Donna had decided to stay in Mobile for a few days until she figured out what she wanted to do. Sabrina had offered to help her find a job, but she had turned her down, saying she wanted to stand on her own for now.

Whatever the women ultimately decided to do, Ian was right. At least now they had a chance.

“It was fun working with you on this. I miss that.”

“I do, too. Working with the entire Wildefire Security Agency was great. You’ve got a good team.”

“You could be a part of it, you know. You’d make a wonderful addition to the team.”

The words were out before she could stop them. Though they were impulsive, they were true. Ian would be an asset to their agency. She knew what his answer would be before he opened his mouth.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve worked hard to establish myself in Tallahassee.”

She gave an awkward shrug, self-conscious for having made the offer. She never used to be so needy. “It was just a thought.”

Ian searched Sabrina’s face for several seconds. Try as he might, he couldn’t gauge her mood. Most times he could read her well enough, even when he didn’t always understand her. Today though, she had a vulnerable, almost nervous air about her. And knowing her as he did, she wouldn’t tell him if he asked what was going on.

He took the hand that still held his and kissed it, his mouth lingering on her soft skin, savoring her delicate fragrance. The urge to bundle her up and take her with him was a living thing. Leaving Sabrina even for a few days always felt like a slash to his heart. When she was in one of these rare vulnerable moods, he felt the pain even more so.

“I know you’ll be busy this week, catching up from being gone for so long, but how bout I come to your place this weekend? Maybe stay a few extra days.”

Her words made him smile. She finally felt safe leaving Midnight, leaving her family on their own.
 

“I haven’t seen my mom and dad in a few weeks so I thought I’d go for a quick visit. Come with me.”

Perhaps it was unfair of him, but he’d deliberately put her in a difficult spot. She couldn’t claim she needed to stay in Midnight, couldn’t say she couldn’t spare the time. She had no viable excuse. Still, he wasn’t surprised when she gave him one.

“Maybe some other time. You need to spend some time with your family without me tagging along.”

“So that’s the reason you won’t come with me…because you’d be in the way? Cut the bullshit, Sabrina. At least be willing to tell the truth. Being around my family makes you uncomfortable for one reason only—they want to know when we’re going to make our relationship permanent and that’s not something you want to talk about…or hell, even think about.”

“That’s not true, Ian.”

With deliberate slowness, he pulled his hand from hers and stood. And since he was way too tempted to grab her and give her a good, hard shake, he took several long steps away from her.

“Lying doesn’t look good on you, Sabrina. Don’t start now.”

“I’m not lying. It’s just—”
 

Her struggle couldn’t have been more apparent. The need to come up with something other than the bald-faced truth—that she didn’t want a permanent commitment with him.

“Dammit all, I am not Tyler Finley.”

“This has nothing to do with Tyler. I’m just not ready to make a long-term commitment. I don’t know why we can’t continue the way we are. We’re good together this way.”

“Yes, we are, but here’s the problem. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not just the weekends or the odd holiday. I love you, Sabrina…everything about you, even the things that drive me crazy. You’re the most courageous, intelligent, strong-willed, stubborn, talented, maddening, beautiful creature I’ve ever met. I want the right to wake up to your smile every morning, have you sleep in my arms every night.”

“We can still do that. I… If you can’t come to work here, maybe I could move back to Tallahassee…work from there. I could talk to Savvy and Sammie. See how they feel about it.”

“Stop lying to both of us.” He took a breath. “I’m thirty-three years old, Sabrina. I’ve found the love of my life, the woman I want to marry, have children with, have a life with, and grow old with. You just need to decide if you want that, too.”

“So, is this an ultimatum?”

“It’s a statement of fact, nothing more.” His laugh was a hollow sound. “Putting that look on your face when I tell you I love you is the last thing I want. It just makes me damn sad.”

He went to the doorway. When he turned back to look at her, his heart almost broke. She looked even more vulnerable…so damn lost.
 

“I’ll call you when I get home.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you need me to be, Ian. I really am.”

He growled his frustration. She still didn’t get it. “I don’t need you to be anyone other than who you are. Maybe that’s the problem—you think you need to be someone else. You don’t.”

He turned and walked away.

Sorrow and regret clogged her throat as she listened to Ian’s vehicle start up and pull out of the drive. Every muscle, every cell in her body urged her to run after him. She fought the urge and stayed seated, unmoving. She couldn’t go after him, couldn’t make promises she wasn’t sure she could keep. She wasn’t a good bet for anything permanent. Nothing lasted forever. Why couldn’t he understand that, accept what she could give? Why did things have to be so damn complicated?

He had been right and wrong about Tyler Finley. Her inability to commit had everything and nothing to do with her former fiancé who’d betrayed her in the worst possible way. She had taken his death hard, but thanks to her loving family she’d been on the road to accepting it as an unavoidable tragedy. When she’d learned the truth—that the man she’d loved had never really existed, that it had all been a lie—that he’d been using her to gain access to her money, she had accepted a painful reality. She didn’t deserve happiness. Not after what she had done.

If only she could make Ian understand without having to tell him the truth. Not committing to him had nothing to do with her lack of feelings for him and everything to do with her need to protect both of them from future heartache.

“Bri, what’s wrong?”

She jerked at the sound of Savvy’s voice. She hadn’t heard anything other than the sound of Ian’s Jeep driving away.

“Nothing’s wrong. Why?”

“Well…maybe because you have tears streaming down your face and you’re gripping that pillow like it’s your lifeline.”

Oh hell, she hadn’t realized she was crying either. What was up with that? She never cried. Never.
 

Wiping the tears with the back of her hand, she gave her best fake smile. “Guess it’s all kind of hit me at once. I just need to get some sleep, eat a good meal or two, then I’ll be right as rain.”

“If you cried every time you were exhausted, you’d be swimming in tears year round.” She sat beside Sabrina, took one of her hands that was still clutching the pillow. “Talk to me, sweetie. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing new, really. Ian just wants what I can’t give him.”

“And why can’t you, Bri?” Before she could answer, Savvy shook her head, stopping her. “Don’t say it’s because you don’t love him because I know you do. I’ve seen your face when he walks into a room. It lights up like a thousand stars. He makes you happy. He loves you, Bri. I know what love looks like. It’s written all over his face. And yours.

“So tell me, Sabrina Sage Wilde, why can’t you allow yourself the happiness that’s clearly within your reach?”

Sabrina almost said the words. For the first time since that awful, terrible event, she almost told her sister the real reason she couldn’t commit, the terrible truth of why she didn’t deserve happiness, would never deserve happiness. And if she said them, she would be driving a wedge between her and her sisters that could never be breached. It would be an insurmountable, desolate barrier that nothing, not even their love for her could heal.

No. She couldn’t do it. She could face down psychopaths and trained killers. She had stared death in the face several times and not flinched. But she couldn’t live without her sisters’ love. If they knew the truth, there would be no way to come back from that. She would lose them. She had lost so much already…she couldn’t lose them, too.

“Guess I’m just not the marrying kind of girl. After Tyler, who could blame me?”

“You give Finley way too much power over your life if you continue to allow him to hurt you.”

“You’re right. Tyler Finley means nothing anymore other than remembering a really bad decision. It’s just my track record when it comes to guys isn’t the greatest.”

“Are you lumping Ian in with other guys?”

“No, that was a stupid thing to say. Of course I’m not. I just can’t—” She took a breath, tried again. “I just don’t think a happy ever after is in my future. Not like you and Sammie.”

“But why, Bri?”

Saying she didn’t deserve that kind of happiness was a sure way to fire up her sister. And knowing Savvy, she’d go grab Sammie so they could gang up on her. Having them tell her how wonderful she was, and how she deserved all sorts of happiness would not go over well with her today. Having a meltdown was definitely not on her agenda.

“I’m just being silly.” She went to her feet. “Want to go to Faye’s and see what’s going on in town. It’s been forever since we’ve all gone there together. I’ll go call Sammie.”

“Bri,” Savvy said softly, “don’t make the same mistakes I did. Zach and I were apart for ten years because we were both too stubborn and prideful to admit our feelings. None of us are promised tomorrow. If Mama’s and Daddy’s deaths taught us anything, it’s to never take tomorrow for granted.”

Mentioning their parents’ deaths was like pouring salt into an open, festering wound. She couldn’t breathe, literally could not draw a breath.
 

Sabrina managed a hoarse “I’ll call Sammie about dinner” and fled the room.

Chapter Twenty-one

Ensenada, Mexico

For the second time in less than forty-eight hours, Robert was standing in an empty house demanding to know what the hell happened. True, he had left only one man in charge, but that should have been enough. They were just women. Weak, spineless creatures. And these five were weaker than most. One man should have been more than enough.

It was a conspiracy. Had to be. Two escapes in less than two days by women who probably couldn’t balance their checking account—if any man had ever been foolish enough to allow them to have one.

The man left behind to guard the women, Lionel Wilson, was nervous and had every reason to be. Robert wouldn’t allow this infraction to pass. He did, however, want the full story before he disposed of the idiot.

“Okay, Lionel, let’s go through it once more, shall we?”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Silva.” The man gave an audible, nervous swallow. “After you left, sir, I peeked in on them, just to make sure everything was okay. They were talking to each other in groups.”

“What kind of groups?”

“Uh…I don’t know what you mean. Just regular groups, I guess.”

Really, Lionel would be lucky to see the next five minutes. Robert took another patient breath. “How were they grouped, Lionel? Who was talking to whom?”

“Well, uh…let’s see. Claudia, Donna and Ashley were talking in one corner. Those two new girls…can’t remember their names. They were talking to each other.”