Memory of an Immortal Heart (Immortal Hearts) (48 page)

It
pulled at him as he stepped into his rooms. Everything pulled at him, like the
infected edge of an old half-healed scab, or a scar from some black bone blade
that had lodged beneath his sinews, pulling at his muscles until they twisted
in upon themselves. Except this blade had chipped and broken off, leaving a
piece of itself behind – a shard within his own flesh that would always
scar, would always feel pain him when he prodded at it…or when his attention
was simply drawn to it. When he
allowed
himself to feel it.

Brand’s
skin felt tight, painful on his body, as if he had been used too much and too
hard lately, and yet not enough.

It was
as if he had partially Changed, but not made a full transformation back. Not in
a good way.

Brand
stripped off his shirt and dropped it to the floor; he left a trail of clothing
behind as he went to the bathroom, reached into the shower, and flipped on the
water. He shook the water from his hand and glanced at the mirror. As always,
he saw the haggard lines of his own reflection, and felt truly
old
. It
usually took a lot to make him feel like that. He touched the greenish bruises
Khael had left on his jaw. His brother had healed him after they fought, but
Brand had asked Khael to leave a little pain. It grounded him, helped him keep
his distance.

Anything
to keep his mind off what had been done to Eva’s little sister.

Fuck
, the
two looked so much alike.

Khael
had let him work the aggression from his system, understanding perhaps too well
the need to lash out at someone, anyone. As always the dark fury and
overwhelming pain of rage had roared up inside him…but these memories hadn’t
wanted to settle into the recesses of Brand’s mind. They rarely did, but
these
memories… Brand rubbed a hand over his jaw, felt the heat from the shower
rising in the room around him, and growled.

That
could have been Eva. Eva had been there, in that Asylum.
Fuck
, if Rohe
had done to Eva what she had to Rainey…

Bitch
better be dead
.

Brand
snarled, unworked aggression rising in his blood as he stepped into the shower.
He hissed as the hot spray caught the melon-sized bruise Khael had left on his
chest, then flipped the switch over so the water went lukewarm. For once, Brand
had actually gotten in a few strikes of his own. Real strikes, not pity shots.

Khael,
the bastard, had looked almost…
pleased
with him.

Brand
snorted and shook his head, closing his eyes as he tried to let the spray cool
the racing heat of his body. Khael was twisted. And not all of Khael’s
twistedness came from the memories he had lost. Brand set his hand against the
tile, dropping his head to let the water wash down his neck.

At
least Eva was safe at Stronghold. And if nothing else, Brand could kiss Kieran
Winterbourne for blowing up that fucking Asylum.

He
hoped to god the Winterbourne had taken Rohe out with him.

The
pain of those memories, those nightmares, beat through Brand like another
bruise, not willing to be forced away. Brand caught himself a bare moment
before he slammed his fist through the shower wall.

He had
done that enough times he knew it would be no use. It wouldn’t make him feel
any better and the ceramic shards would lodge in his skin and burn like hell.

Go find
Eva
. She would ground him, make him forget.

Brand
snarled again, snapping off the spray and stepping from the shower. Hell, he
wasn’t thinking straight. Eva had enough to deal with right now. And if Brand
hoped to get her to stay at Stronghold, seeking her out in
this
mood
wasn’t going to help push things in his favor.

She was
tentative towards him. Always tentative – but never entirely open.

Brand
stalked down the hall to his bedroom. He needed some fresh clothes. So maybe
he’d seek Eva out, just to see if she was okay. But he wouldn’t wake her or
anything. He wouldn’t even go into her rooms. He’d just make sure she was okay,
then leave. He didn’t have the control for anything more…

Brand
froze.

Eva
looked up at him from where she sat in the middle of his bed, wearing some kind
of skimpy blue gown. The straps looked flimsy, breakable, and the front was low
enough that it revealed her mostly-formed Marque. The blood that had been
pounding in Brand’s head raced to pound elsewhere.

Eva dug
her fingers into the mattress as she looked up at him, her beautiful silver
eyes dark, haunted, and liquid-wet. “Brand Kade, if you took my sister’s
memories, I will both love and hate you forever.”

“Though,”
Eva finished quietly, looking at her toes on the crisp gray sheets as she
forced herself to remain still, “I would have loved you anyway. I
do
love you anyway.” She stared at her toenails,
needing
to know, though
she could already guess from her quick glimpse of his body, the bruise on his
chest and face. “Did you do it?”

“
Yes
.”

Eva’s
head snapped up; Brand’s blue eyes were a pure Kaspian gold. He was naked and
fully aroused, a damp white towel still gripped in his fist; everything about
him was beautiful and furious and wild. Her body tightened, her fingers burying
into the silky blue lingerie she had bought years ago, but never really
expected to wear.

“Thank
you,” Eva whispered simply. Utter relief – and stark pain – coursed
through her.

She
hadn’t wanted Brand to do that to himself. She didn’t
want
Brand to live
with those memories. She didn’t want him to
ever
have to carry a burden
like that…but she also wanted Rainey to be able to
live
. To be sweet and
funny and full of her old laughter.

Eva
felt tiny, small…and wretched. “You said you didn’t deserve me,” she swallowed.
“You’re wrong, Brand.
Wrong
. You deserve the world. But I don’t know if
I deserve you.”

Her
voice was scratchy and tear-stained.

Brand
just looked at her. And no matter how she tried, Eva couldn’t read the expression
on his face or in his scent. Just his eyes. They were wild, flickering with
ruby. But Eva couldn’t tell if the red was from lust or rage or pain. Or
perhaps it was a combination of all three.

The
fine hair on her arms stood on end – and she knew that tonight would be
different.

No
holding back. No
going
back.

No more
running.

“
Eva
.”
It was a rough growl, then Brand cursed and began again, shaking his head.
“Eva, at this point, I don’t give a damn who deserves what. I can’t do this
tonight. Not after…” his words caught, his face twisted, “…after everything. If
you are just going to sit there and…if you
dare
tell me it’s just ‘one
night,’ I’d rather you leave. Sleep in your rooms, bunk with Nikandrie. I don’t
care. Just don’t sleep here, because I don’t have the kind of control you and I
both need right now. And I…” he cleared his throat, voice low, “…I can’t hear
that fucking word from your lips one more time.”

“What
fucking word?” she whispered.

He
swallowed, eyes wild. “
Temporary
.”

Eva
watched him, and felt a steadiness, a
rightness
take hold inside her.
She reached out her arms and said simply, “Come to bed, Brand.”

“I
can’t hold back, Eva,” Brand snarled from the door, gripping the frame so she
heard it creak, protesting. There was a splintering sound as his claws pierced
wood. “Not tonight. And if you have any reservations, just leave. Because if
you stay, you’re damn well going to Marque me, and you’re damn well going to
bond with me. Nothing
temporary
. You’ll be trapped.
Forever
.”

Eva
sucked in a breath. Brand claimed she was strong – time to act like it.
Time to be honest.
No weakness.
“I know,” she whispered, meeting his
gaze, then shivered and looked away as she touched the Marque over her heart.
“I think I always knew, Brand. I think I always sensed that. And that’s what
scared me most. That’s why I tried so hard to run.”

A long
silence.

Brand’s
shape blurred from the corner of her eye. Eva heard him pull his claws from the
doorframe. Then he was on the bed, leaning over her. His fingers touched her
face, raising it so Eva could see his steady eyes. They were still molten gold
– but there were flecks of intent blue. “Why does forever frighten you so
much, Eva?” he asked softly.

She met
his gaze squarely. “It doesn’t frighten you?”

Brand
flinched slightly. Then he gave a tiny smile that was somehow so open and
sweet, and oddly vulnerable that Eva felt her heart clench painfully in her
chest. She loved him. She couldn’t help but love him. Perhaps that had
frightened her most: she had no ability to run from him, to run from what she
felt for him. But if Brand felt the same way, maybe she didn’t have to. Eva
slid her hand across the sheets, wrapped her fingers around his.

“It
frightens me a lot less if I know you’ll be there,” Brand finally murmured,
voice gentle as he raised her fingers to his lips. Eva brushed her thumb over
his mouth as she met those eyes. They were open, honest, and so full of love.

“That’s
why I stopped running,” she confessed. “That’s why I’m here.” Then she wrapped
her arms around his neck, and dug her fingers lightly into his shoulders
– and forced a smile. “What, am I supposed to just
bite
you now?”

She
watched his control break.

Brand
growled low in his throat…then
moved
. His hands gripped Eva’s hips and
pulled her against him, his erection hard and hot against her belly. His hand
glided over her spine, centering at her back to support her as he ended the
kiss with a sharp nip, licking his way down the side of her neck, over her collarbone,
to her breasts so that Eva’s skin tightened, her body hummed with warm, hot
arousal.

Eva
tangled her fingers into his hair and held her breath as she waited for Brand’s
lips on the Marque – then realized that he was just
looking
at it.
She pulled back and glanced down herself, frowning, before looking back into
his face.

Despite
his obvious need, his expression made her heart felt heavy, fragile. Brand
raised fingers and, with painstaking care, traced those fine near-black lines.
Each touch sent a shiver through Eva’s skin, a soft precise lick of arousal
over her body, tugging deeper so that she clenched, tightening her hold on
Brand’s shoulders as he finished tracing the design.

“Is it
all there?” she whispered, meaning it for a joke, but when his gaze rose to
hers, it took her breath, for his eyes were a welter of blue, red, and
flickering gold.

“I
never had the chance to truly see it,” he said quietly, then dropped his hand
to cup her breast through the material of the gown. “I was furious with Joshua,
that you had showed your Marque to him, while I had to steal a look at it in
the dark, and quickly, before you knew what I was about.”

Eva
trailed her fingers down his neck to his chest. “Maybe,” she said softly, “you
should have told me what it was.”

“You
would have thrown me out of bed.”

Eva’s
gave a reluctant smile. “Probably true.” Then, oddly nervous, “Do you like it?”

“That’s
my favorite breast,” Brand said, mock serious as he ran a thumb over the
nipple.

Eva
choked on a surprised laugh. “Be careful, or my other breast might get
jealous.”

Brand
snorted, laughing low in turn, then applied himself to both of her breasts. Eva
wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on, as she felt that thick wave of
desire coiling up through her belly. His body was large and warm against hers,
his erection heavy. The light trail of claws smoothed her spine, sending
tingles through her as he shredded the lingerie away.

She
didn’t care.

His
lips and teeth teased the Marque on her breast with a rhythmic pattern and Eva
moaned, grinding her body against his and raking her fingers down his spine to
his buttocks, his muscular thigh. His erection pushed at her hip and Eva
trailed her fingers forward to trace the length of it, testing the size against
her palm. Then, as Brand snarled and tilted her back, she arrowed her hands
between them, pushing at his chest.

It took
a moment before Brand pulled away, and when he did his eyes were confused, full
of a hazed red desire. “What’s wrong?”

Eva
licked her lips; they were swollen, didn’t want to work. “My turn.”

Then
she began pushing at Brand, pulling forward so that she settled across his body
as he slowly, cautiously lay back onto the bed. She was wet, aching with a
barely realized hunger. “On your back,” Eva murmured, applying her hands to the
golden skin of Brand’s chest, nibbling at his lips until she felt his muscles
tighten beneath her. She rocked, moaning softly and his hands came to rest
against her waist, steadying her. His erection was hard against her buttocks
when she rose up again.