Memory of an Immortal Heart (Immortal Hearts) (43 page)

“The
amati bond is about love. Partnership. Pleasure. Finding the woman you will
look after, care for, hold and protect for the rest of your life. The woman
whose happiness is your happiness, whose passion is your passion, whose desire
is yours because you
know
her breath and blood belong to you. The woman
you would give your life for. The woman who will mother your children. The
woman who, even as you own her, owns
you
. It’s about family. Belonging.
Bloodlines. Future. It’s about,” Joshua hesitated, voice going low and harsh as
he cleared his throat, “no longer hunting alone.”

Silence.

Joshua
was focused on the wall behind her. His expression was so careful, so still,
that Eva was afraid to say anything. Because Eva knew that expression. It was
the one that shown from her own face when she was trying desperately, fiercely,
to hold herself back.

When
she was trying to keep from wanting too much. From
hoping
too much. From
praying that somewhere, someday, she just might catch a break. Hope invited
failure, but sometimes she
wanted
so badly that it felt like claws
shredding through all that remained of her soul.

That
was how she felt.

“Bloodlines?”
Eva asked hoarsely, the only safe comment.

Joshua’s
eyes met hers. He didn’t seem to see her; his scarred left fist was a tense
knot at his side. He shook himself. “Only tigers of the Kade or Elisaie lines
can form an amati bond.”

Eva’s
breath rushed out in relief…on the edge of a crushing disappointment. She
buried the disappointment, refused to think on it. “So that’s not me. It
doesn’t apply. I’m from Turner Gens.”

 “You’re
Brand’s amati,” Joshua said with dark certainty, eyes going to her chest as if
he could see through the thin towel she clutched. “
He
is a Kade. He felt
the potential bond. And he Marqued you.”

“Marqued
me. So this is a
Marque
.”

“Yes.”

It was
too much. “So what if Brand bit me?
Marqued
me.” Eva bared her teeth.
“When does it go away?”

“Never.”
Joshua flashed a feral grin. “Marques never go away. You’re stuck, Eva. Get
used to it.”

Her
snarl broke loose. “Obviously
you
don’t have an amati.”

Joshua’s
smirk disappeared. “I would chew my right arm off if I thought it would bring
her to me.”

Crazy
male.

“And
what?” Eva said flatly. “I’m just supposed to lie back and bear children? I’m
supposed to sit around and play ‘tame wife’? All because Brand
Marqued
me?” Eva’s jaw gritted. Deep inside a tiny voice pointed out that she wasn’t
being fair to Brand.
Doesn’t matter. Brand’s not here.
Joshua was
talking like everything was permanent, when she knew it was not. “If Brand even
thinks
he can do that and take another woman, he’s insane.” If Brand
ever took another woman, Eva would kill that woman.

And it
would kill her. Deep inside it would kill her.

Joshua’s
snarl pulled Eva back. “
No
. Amati don’t take other partners. They don’t
want
other partners. It is…” he grimaced, shook his head, and spread his arms wide.
“Do you want
me
, Eva?”

“I
never wanted you,” she told him flatly.

Maybe
he was handsome, but he was as annoying as Rainey.

Surprisingly,
Joshua smiled. “That is because Brand found you.
Amati
, Eva. You are
amati. Brand doesn’t want another female any more than you want me. Though,”
and his gaze was pointed, “you should be talking to
him
about this. He’s
going to kill me when he finds out.”

 “You
just keep on talking,” Eva said acidicly, pulling her feet up onto the bed,
“since
Brand
doesn’t tell me about anything.”

“He
doesn’t tell anyone anything,” Joshua shot back. “Brand is used to hunting
alone. He doesn’t share easily, and he doesn’t share well. He has his reasons.”

Eva’s
lips tightened. “
Reasons?
There are no good—”

“Did
Brand ever tell you that he took Khael’s memories of Lis? After she died?”

Lis?
Like-a-sister Lis?
Eva froze, an odd shock and dismay reverberating
through her. “No…”

Joshua’s
gaze was sharp. “Brand went into Khael’s mind and took out anything that was
related to Lis. Lis and Brand grew up together, so when Khael came to, he
didn’t remember anything about Lis – and he barely remembered that he
had
a brother named Brand. Dmitrei told me. Brand wasn’t sane for a year. Neither of
them were. In Khael’s case, still aren’t.”

Horror
replaced Eva’s anger.

“Brand
did that – Brand just
took…
”

Joshua
gave a dark smile. “He took away Khael’s memories. He took away Khael’s amati.
He took away his brother’s nascent bond.” Then Joshua’s face gentled, seeing
her pain. “And he can’t forget.”

The
words ruptured through Eva. Jealousy, pain, fear, rage…she didn’t know what to
feel. She didn’t know
how
to feel. Joshua paced away. Eva choked,
snarling, as her world spun.

No one
was here to steady her. Brand wasn’t here to steady her. Not that she needed
Brand because this,
this
…

Eva
touched the Marque over her heart. Fisted her hand there, protecting it. She
hadn’t asked for it, hadn’t been ready for it, but the thought that someone
could just
take
away
everything she had experienced with Brand
was more than terrifying.

It was
horrifying.

“Brand
would never do that,” Eva whispered, not sure what she was trying to convince
herself of. Because she and Brand were always supposed to be temporary –
not
this
. She wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Not for Brand, not for
anybody. “
Never
,” Eva snarled, and knew her eyes were gold.

Joshua
treated Eva to a long look. “Khael’s amati died. Khael was trying to goddamned
follow
her. To
track
her. And he was maddened enough to think the only way
to do that was by killing himself. If Ashtoreth came and told you that
taking
her memories
was the only way to keep your sibling alive – wouldn’t
you do it?”

In a
heartbeat.

Eva
dropped Joshua’s gaze.

“So
maybe you understand. He carries those memories. He’s already been fucked-over
once. So that’s why he’s afraid of being fucked over again – by you.”
Joshua walked toward the door of the motel room. As if their conversation was
over, as if he hadn’t just ripped Eva’s heart open. “I’m going down to the
lobby. I need some peanuts for this Chinese. You want anything from the vending
machines?”

So
casual.

Eva’s
confusion, her betrayal exploded outward, changing into a wave of pure helpless
rage
.

“I’m
not Brand’s amati – I can’t be Brand’s amati! I don’t even
want
to
be Brand’s amati!” Eva shouted, furious with Joshua, with Brand – with
anybody and everybody, including herself.

Especially
herself. She gripped the towel over her breasts.

 “Then
why, Eva,” Joshua’s infuriating words drifted back to her as he shut the door
behind him, “do you keep touching that Marque?”

Brand
left Kevin loading supplies into the SUV and walked across the snow-packed lot
to the motel. He peeled off his gloves as he strode down the hall, then glanced
up, feeling eyes tracking him.
Joshua
. His cousin shifted from the
shadowed alcove beside the vending machines, expression serious.

“You’re
supposed to be upstairs with Eva.” Displeasure clawing through Brand’s chest.
“Maybe it’s daylight, but it’s not safe. Not with Rohe around. I’m not taking
chances, Joshua.”

Joshua
tucked a bag of potato chips under his arm. He thrust his hands into his
pockets. “Aren’t you? Because I’d say that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Foreboding
shot through him. “What did you do?”

Joshua
gave a long look. “Eva found your Marque on her breast.”

Brand
froze, rubbing a hand over his jaw as his body tightened. “Fuck.”

“You
didn’t think she would notice a Marque? All she had to do was look down.”
Joshua’s voice was caustic. “You didn’t
know
this might happen when you
bit her?”

“I
didn’t realize I had bitten her.” Then Brand stilled, head whipping around to
sight Joshua as he snarled, “How do
you
know where Eva’s Marque is?” Eva
was
his
. His amati. The location of her Marque wasn’t a place Joshua
should have
ever
seen.

Joshua
eyed Brand warily. “Pull your claws back. She freaked out, she showed me. I had
to explain it to her.”

Dread
settled in Brand’s chest. “You
explained
to her? What exactly did you
explain?”

“Everything.”
Joshua’s expression told Brand that Eva was less than happy. “Go talk to your
amati.”

Fuck
.

Brand
turned and left.

Ah
fuck. His head hurt, his heart hurt – everything hurt. He had wanted more
time. Tonight they were retrieving Eva’s sister, but today...today, he had
hoped for more time. He hadn’t had enough. Not with Eva, not yet.

The
room was dark except for a lamp beside the bed. The blinds were drawn and the
air was humid from the shower. Eva was sitting cross-legged in the middle of
her bed, fully dressed, waiting for Brand. Raw feminine anger permeated the
air.

Her
dark hair was damp, her eyes molten gold. Brand straightened and met that gaze.
“You know.”

“I
know
.
Now tell me,” Eva hissed, reaching to sink her fingers into the mattress, as if
she was trying to shred it, “if I’m your amati, did you
ever
intend to
let me go? Or was I just another prisoner, this entire time?”

Brand
moved silently across the room to her and settled on the bed. It dipped beneath
his weight as he reached forward, gripping Eva’s shoulders in his hands.
Slowly, Brand smoothed his thumbs down her arms. His face was as serious as
Joshua’s had been.

Eva
growled, resisting the urge to back away.

Because
it felt too good.

And
because, this time, she wasn’t willing to give ground. She wasn’t going to
overlook
anything
.

Brand
raised his eyes. As if reluctant, he released her.

“I
never intended to let you go back to North Carolina, Eva. I felt guilty as hell
letting you believe that – but you were too important to let out of my
life. Too important to risk losing. There are blood tigers who go their entire
lives and never find their amati. I didn’t want to be one of those who found
her – and lost her.”

Something
inside her relaxed, went
weak
at those words. Eva straightened her
spine. “So why
did
you let me return to my Gens?”

“Because
you needed your sister,” he said simply.

“You
Marqued me,” Eva shifted away. “You knew what you were doing, and you didn’t
tell me, you didn’t ask me. You
Marqued
me.”

“Eva…”
Brand shook his head. “It was an accident.”

She
snarled. Maybe it was an accident, but she hadn’t wanted to
know
he
regarded it as an accident. As if Brand hadn’t intended to Marque her at all.
“What, you don’t
want
me for an amati?” she snapped.

Brand’s
blue eyes flared, changing to gold so quickly she wasn’t able to track it. Then
he leaned forward, slid his palm around the base of her neck, pulling her
close. Eva resisted; he stopped when there was only a bare space between them.

“You
are
everything
I ever wanted in an amati.”

“What
about
Lis
?” Eva hissed, and Brand’s face creased in amazement. Amazement
and pain.

“Lis?”
he repeated blankly.

“Joshua
told me about Khael. About how you took his memories. About how you took the
bond he shared with Lis.” Eva gritted her jaw.

Brand
slowly shook his head. “You can’t take the bond, Eva. It’s not possible. That’s
why Khael isn’t…” Brand shook his head again, focusing on her. “I had no idea
what it was to Marque someone before you, Eva. I had no idea what it was like
to see that Marque on your body and know you were mine.”

Brand
eyes dipped, burning a possessive hole through her clothes. Eva flashed her
teeth at him. “I belong to myself,” she retorted, still angry. And so confused.
“You never
asked me
. Don’t say it was an accident or a surprise or
anything. You
absolutely
knew what an amati bond felt like.”

Brand’s
gaze burned gold. “No. I have
no
idea what the bond
feels
like,
Eva. Khael and Lis weren’t fully bonded. Lis Marqued Khael, Khael didn’t Marque
her
. And they were never…they never shared themselves with each other.”
His face creased in frustration. “And I have no idea what
our
bond will
feel like, either. Even that first year after taking the memories, I knew Lis
wasn’t my amati. That was what made sorting everything out possible. Because I
knew what Lis was to me, and I knew what she was to Khael. She was his amati,
and she was my friend. Always my friend, Eva. But
never
anything more.”