Love Me to Death (8 page)

“Come on, I need you to concentrate,” Ned says for the third time.

We’ve been sitting on her L-shaped couch trying to memorize things about each other for the last three hours. She’s taking me through her “things people will expect us to know about one another” list.

“I’m trying but this is boring.”

“It might be boring but knowing this is what is going to keep that five thousand dollars coming every month, so suck it up and listen.” She has a point.

“Ok, fire away,” I grunt in defeat.

“My full name?”

“Neddie Cara Waters,” I say unenthusiastically.

“Good. Where did the name Cara come from?”

“Your father’s grandmother.”

“Wrong, it was my mother’s. Focus, Cole. How old am I?”

“Twenty-five but you’ll be twenty-six next month.”

“Good! Favorite color?”

“Green.”

“Band?”

“You don’t have one but you love listening to John Lennon, the Beetles, and the Jackson Five. Basically nothing from this era.”

“Hilarious! Ok, my favorite food?”

“This is ridiculous,” I interrupt.

“Pardon?”

“I said—”

“I heard what you said but it has to be done. People need to believe that we know everything about each other. We’re supposed to be madly in love.”

“Knowing your favorite color or band is not proof that I know
you.
”

“I don’t have a favorite band.”

“I’m being serious, Neddie. If you want people to believe we’re ‘madly in love’ then this is not the way.”

“Then what is Einstein? Please enlighten me?”

“Before my mom died, my parents were in love for years.” I see her face soften.
Why are you telling her this, Brennan?
“And my father didn’t have a clue what my mom’s favorite color was or favorite food for that matter. And he didn’t need to. If she was hungry he knew a thousand different dishes to cook her and if he was buying her a bunch of flowers then he could pick out twenty colors she loved. Knowing someone is deeper than a few silly questions.” When I stop, she is studying my face.

“Then how do you get to know someone like that?” she asks.
Something about that question lets me know I’m in trouble.
Yet I still answer …

“You watch them. The things they do and say. Like the way you’re biting your bottom lip now; you only do that when you’re nervous or being really serious. And you have different laughs. When you’re flirting it’s like a little giggle but when it catches you in the moment it’s loud and infectious. And the reason you can’t make eye contact with me right now is because I am making you so incredibly nervous. I learned that in three hours. You can’t get to know someone by asking questions, Ned. It won’t work.” Her breathing has quickened, and I have to take a breath just to control myself.

“What do you suggest we do then?” she whispers.

“Follow me,” I say as I stand to my feet and offer her my hand. She accepts, and I pull her to her feet. “Where’s your bedroom?” I ask. She stops moving suddenly.

“No, Cole,” she says firmly.

“I’m not trying to have sex with you. You have such a one-track mind, woman. Although, studying your sex faces may prove useful in the future to, you know, validate our fakelationship.” She hits my arm and laughs.

“First door on the left,” she says. I pull her in that direction in silence. When we get to the door, I give it a little nudge and pull her inside with me. It’s pretty much what I expected. Clean cream walls, cream carpet, silver bed sheets, and sleek and modern furniture. I drop her hand and place both of mine on my hips as I take a look around.

“So, what are we doing in here?” she asks nervously.

“It’s what we could be doing in here that I’m more concerned about.”

“Cole! Be serious,” she chastises, causing me to laugh.

“Ok, ok, I’m focusing,” I say trying to hold in my laughter. “You see, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they live and the things they buy. Your bedroom is your most intimate place, so I need to familiarize myself with it.”

“Hold on a minute, are you telling me that you want to go through my things? Nope, not happening.”

“Ned, come on this is not for my own pleasure.” She gives me a stern look. “Ok, I might get a little pleasure out of it, but the point is we’re supposed to be madly in love and yet I don’t know a thing about your bedroom or how you live.” I tilt my head and look at her.

“You have a slight point but can’t I just tell you?”

“It’s not the same. I need to discover the stuff that you would never tell me about.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” she mumbles.

“Don’t worry, babe, I signed a contract; it’s not as if I can tell anyone
much
.” She looks petrified. I laugh. “Right, let’s get started,” I say rubbing my palms together. “See, first off, your walls are painted in a fresh, smooth, cream color, and your carpet is pretty much the same. This tells me that you like things organized, fresh but not giving off too much. But when you throw in the silver bed sheets and the sleek silver and black furniture, it tells me that you’ve had to spend a lot of time in a male-dominated environment. You’ve had to work hard to prove your worth among the males of this world. And even though you’re in the comfort of your own home, you’re still fighting to prove that. Perhaps for the few men that have been privileged enough to share this bed with you. Letting them know you were still in control in the middle of giving yourself to them was important to you.” She looks at me in shock.
Gosh, I’m good
.

I jump on her bed and then start bouncing up and down.

“What are you doing?” she demands.

“Testing your bed. It’s comfortable. Ah, it’s foam. Your body molds into this, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, I like to sleep comfortably, what’s your point?”

“Nope, you like comfort that’s different. You like the feel of a man holding you close at night. You’ve closed yourself off to that and that’s where old Bernie here comes in,” I say, patting her mattress with my palm. “Sorry, Bernie, she’s just using you, dude.”

She laughs.

“You’re ridiculous.” She doesn’t tell me I’m wrong. I head over to her closet and slide the door open. I look up and all of her belongings are split into two sections. The left side displays all of her business suits along with shoes and purses to match. The right has more colorful and flimsy items of clothing. “Aha, you’re like two people, the business woman and the fun-loving woman who likes to play around and live life on the edge. But which one is the real you, Neddie? I’m going to take a bet on the colorful side of your closet.”

“Are we almost done here?” she asks in frustration. Again, no denial.

“We’re just getting warmed up.” I chuckle.

“Great,” she grumbles.

“Ah, what do we have here?” I say, walking toward one of her nightstands.

“No,” she says as I walk past her. I ignore her. “Cole.” I ignore her again. “Do not open—”

I open the top drawer. My, my, my, what do we have here? It’s Ned’s underwear drawer. I turn toward her and smile. She scowls at me which only makes this ten times more fun. I pull out a few items. There are mostly reds and blacks with the odd blue, purple and fuchsia in there. I like this drawer,
a lot.
I pull out a few panties which make me have to take a deep breath.

“Now I know what’s under those yoga pants,” I tease while swinging a pair of her panties around my finger.

“You’re a jerk.”

“So I’ve been told.” I turn back to the drawer and drop the panty back inside. “What the hell is this?” I ask, picking up what can only be described as a few strings that have been glued together. I dangle the red string in the air so she can see it.

“Oh my gosh,” she says, covering her face with her hands. “Tell me that this boy is not holding my G-string in the air.”

“Your G what?”

“String, Cole!” she repeats in embarrassment.

“You have got to be kidding me. Someone actually created butt floss and you bought it? What’s their slogan, ‘reaching the cracks you can’t’?”

“You did not just say that.” Her face is red.

“And that lame name. Who came up with that? I feel like some guy was walking down the street one day, saw something on the ground and said ‘Oh, gee I found a string
,
’ stuck a few more pieces together and started selling it to the gullible women of the world. I feel cheated for you, Ned.”

“This is not happening,” she mumbles.

“Oh, it’s happening. I have a good mind to take these back and get you a refund. As your fake boyfriend, I feel it’s my responsibility to tell you that these are not going to do any good in the winter, Ned. I think you should put it on right now so I can assess how much of you it covers. I’ll need this information for when we go back for the refund.” I smirk.

“Ok, we’re done here,” she says as she marches toward me.

“This is serious, babe. The warmth of your butt cheeks is at risk here.” I’m smirking again. She drags her underwear out of my hand, throws it in the drawer and pushes me out of her room.

“I think today’s lesson is officially over.”

“Really? I didn’t even get to look at your bras.”

“And you’re not going to either!” she exclaims.

“But we have to check if they need taking back to the store, too.”

“I can assure you that I am happy with
all
of my underwear, thank you.”

“Well, if you’re ok with wearing panties that leave
both
of your cheeks hanging out then it’s all right with me, too.”

“I think it’s time for a break,” she says, shaking her head.

“Ok, where are we going?”

“Any place where you can’t get a hold of my underwear.”

“Aren’t you wearing any?” I ask in shock.

“Of course, I am,” she replies in confusion.

“Then babe, I can get a hold of them no matter where we go.” I chuckle.

“Get out of this penthouse before I’m tried for murder.”

I laugh and then we leave. Getting to know Ned has been more fun than I could have ever imagined.

“Ah, Miss Waters, how are you tonight?” Jameson asks as we step into the lobby.

“I’m great, thank you. Yourself?”

“Much better having seen you.” He winks. “Mr. Cole, it is nice to see you again.”

“You too, Jameson.”
Even though you let Jackson into the penthouse.
I notice that Jameson looks at Ned as if he is looking at his own daughter. It’s nice.

“So, where are you young people off to tonight?”

“I’m taking Cole to my favorite restaurant.”

“You are?” I ask.

“I am.”

“Sounds splendid, well don’t let me keep you. Enjoy your evening,” Jameson says.

“Thank you.” Ned smiles before dragging me toward the front door.

“Night,” I call over my shoulder. I hear Jameson chuckling behind me. “What’s this favorite restaurant of yours then?” I ask curiously.

“Paradiso, the food is beautiful.”

“Italian?” She nods. “Sounds good to me.”

“Trust me, it is.”

“I’m not sure that I should really trust a woman who doesn’t protect her butt cheeks.” She swats my arm and I laugh, loud.

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Great,” she says rolling her eyes.

“So how far is this place?”

“About a ten-minute walk, we can drive if you want but I always like to walk.”

“Then we’ll walk.” I wink. She smiles and something inside my stomach jumps. “So, when do I meet
the
family
?” I joke.

She laughs. “Soon, but I’ve got to make sure that you’re prepared.”

“I promise not to embarrass you by telling everyone that you wear floss for panties. It’ll be our little secret.”