Love Me to Death (4 page)

She slides the contract toward me in silence before I scan my eyes over the document. I read each word slowly.

I get to the end of the document and then read it again because I need to know whether I have just gone crazy or if I really read what I think I read …

Contractual Agreement

Brennan Cole
, known as “First Party,” agrees to enter into this contract with 
Neddie Waters
, known as “Second Party” on
11/17/2015
.

Length of Contractual Agreement:

1. This agreement will expire on
11/16/2016.

2
.
Should Second Party still be living as of
11/16/2016
, renewal of the contract will be considered and renegotiated on
11/16/2016
and take immediate effect as of
11/17/2016.

1) This agreement is based on the following provisions:

1.1 First Party will, for the entirety of this contractual agreement, play the role of Second Party’s lover.

1.2 First Party will make himself available to Second Party at all times.

1.3 First Party will ensure that all text messages and phone calls from Second Party are answered immediately.

1.4 In the event that Second Party needs First Party to make himself available he WILL cancel all plans and accommodate her needs.

1.5 First Party must make himself available for ALL public and private gatherings/events where his role as Second Party’s lover is required.

1.6 First Party will agree to meet all relevant family members, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances of Second Party’s.

1.7 First Party must introduce Second Party to all relevant family members, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances of his.

1.8 First Party must be willing to spend the night at Second Party’s home when required and necessary to his role as “lover.”

1.9 First Party must attend any activities, sessions or meet ups that will enhance his knowledge of Second Party and inform his role as “lover.”

1.10 First Party must be willing to adjust hair, clothing, and overall appearance if required to do so for his role as “lover.”

1.11 First Party will use the name “Cole” during his role as “lover.”

2)
First Party must adhere to all points in section 1 of the contractual agreement except in the case of an emergency where First Party is physically unable to do so.

3) For the duration of the contractual agreement, First Party must NOT:

3.1 Disclose any part of this contractual agreement or his direct agreement with Second Party to any living human except Second Party.

3.2 Openly discuss or refer to any part of this contractual agreement with Second Party unless a private date, time, and location have been selected by Second Party to do so.

3.3 Break out of his role as “lover” at any time during the contractual agreement period unless it is stated as safe and necessary to do so by Second Party.

3.4 Use any form of audio/video recording equipment in the presence of Second Party unless required to do so for his role as “lover.”

3.5 Consume any form of alcohol or drug during his contractual agreement with Second Party. Failure to adhere to this may result in the accidental breach of point 3.1 and will void the entire contractual agreement.

3.6 Engage in any sexual contact/activity with Second Party.

3.7 Touch, kiss or grope Second Party unless required to do so in direct relation to his role as “lover.”

3.8 Date, text, call, touch, kiss, grope or engage in any sexual contact/activity with any potential lover. Failure to do this will directly affect the authenticity of his role as “lover.”

3.9 Harbor any feelings, affection or fall in love with Second Party.

4) If First Party fails to adhere to any of the points in section 3 in the contractual agreement:

4.1 The contract will be terminated with immediate effect.

4.2 Second Party will have the right to withhold all outstanding payments to First Party indefinitely.

4.3 All monies paid to First Party by Second Party will be refunded to Second Party with immediate effect.

5) If the terms of the contractual agreement are met then Second Party agrees to:

5.1 Pay an agreed total sum of $60,000 to First Party by
10/17/2016
.

5.2 Make a payment of $5000 on the
17
th
of every month to First Party’s chosen bank account until
10/17/2016
.

6)
If First Party meets all of the terms of the contractual agreement and Second Party fails to adhere to section 5 in the contract then in the event that:

6.1 Second Party makes a late payment she will pay an additional $10.00 for every day a payment is late to First Party.

6.2 Second Party makes no payments to First Party during the period of the contractual agreement then Second Party will pay a further $15,000 in addition to the $60,000 that she neglected to pay by
11/17/2016.

7) In the event of Second Party’s death during or after the period of the contractual agreement:

7.1 First Party will continue to be paid monthly installments to the total sum of $60,000 until
10/17/2016
.

8) In the event of Second Party’s death during or after the period of the contractual agreement First Party must:

8.1 Attend Second Party’s funeral.

8.2 Continue in his role as “lover” to all of Second Party’s family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances in the lead up to and during the funeral day.

8.3 Play an active role in Second Party’s funeral should her family request it.

8.4 Lose ALL contact with Second Party’s family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances two weeks after Second Party’s funeral.

8.5 Never disclose any information regarding this contractual agreement to any other living human being.

9) If First Party fails to adhere to any of the points in section 8 in the contractual agreement:

9.1 The contract will be terminated with immediate effect.

9.2 All payments to First Party will stop immediately.

10) If First Party fails to adhere to any of the points in the contractual agreement and Second Party is not willing to compromise then the contractual agreement will be terminated with immediate effect.

11) If both parties (First Party and Second Party) agree to every term of the contractual agreement and both sign this document:

11.1 The contract will take immediate effect.

11.2 A sum of $5000 will be made to First Party’s chosen bank account immediately.

We, the undersigned, agree to all the provisions listed above and sign this document of our own free will.

Signed:

Yup, I was right, I definitely just read what I thought I read. I look up at Ned in confusion. “What the hell is this?”

“A contract.”

“Yeah, I know but what kind of job is this? You want me to play the role of ‘lover’ … what does that even mean?”

“Have you never had a lover before?” The sarcasm in her voice is very evident.

“I think we both know the answer to that.” She gulps. “What I mean is how am I supposed to act like your lover? And why in the hell would you pay me sixty thousand dollars to do it?” Why would someone as hot as her need to pay for a “lover”?

“Look, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I am terminally ill. The doctors believe that I have a year at most to live — if I’m lucky. My mother seems to think I need to fall in love before that time comes to an end. I disagree, but I am not in the habit of disappointing my mother. So, I need to hire someone to play my “lover” and give her the dream she so desires — to believe her daughter fell in love before she died. Without any unnecessary hitches, and since real life doesn’t allow for that I am willing to pay for it.”

I am speechless. She said it with little emotion. I stare at her in disbelief but her stance doesn’t change.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and then she does something that I least expect. She laughs. And it’s a beautiful laugh; it’s just a highly inappropriate time to laugh. “Did I miss something?” I ask.

“Why do people always say that? If I had a dollar for every time someone said those words, I’d have at least ten of these penthouses.” She chuckles to herself.

I’m clearly missing something here. I stare at her dumbfounded.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“The whole ‘I’m sorry’ statement. What does it even mean? Really?”

I think for a minute. What does it mean? It’s just a way of showing that you acknowledge their pain.

“I don’t know, it’s just what you say,” I say honestly. “It shows that you sympathize with the person’s pain, I guess.”

“But I’m not in pain,” she states.

“
Emotional
pain.”

“I’m not in
emotional
pain either. What you’re doing is saying sorry because I’m dying.”

I think about it for a second and realize she’s right.

“Well, yeah I guess so. Death isn’t really fair,” I mumble thinking back to a darker time in my life.

“See, that’s where people are so incredibly wrong. Death is not what you should be mad at. Death is more honest than anyone on this earth.” I look at her perplexed. When she notices, she clears it up. “Think about it, one thing in life is absolutely guaranteed to happen … you’re going to die. One day, in some way, you’ll die. You might not know when, how or where, but one thing you know is that you’re going to die. So, death isn’t some manipulative person that deceives you, because you’ve always known about it. It’s been honest in letting you know that one day it’s coming for you. So, why should we be mad at it?”

“I have never thought about it that way.”

“No, most people don’t, and that’s why they apologize. It’s stupid. I don’t want people to apologize for my death; I want them to talk about how freaking awesome my life is and, believe me, it’s been awesome.” She smiles and so do I. “So, back to the contract, are you in?”

I take a moment to absorb everything she just said. I make a decision that I like this girl, and it’s not just because of her incredibly hot body and sexy face.

“I think there are a few points that need to be raised first,” I say, cupping my hands under my chin.

“Fire away,” she says with a smirk on her face. I like “smiling” Ned.

I look at the top of the document and try to figure out what I want to ask first.

“So, you’re going to pay me sixty thousand dollars to pretend to be your boyfriend for one whole year?” I clarify.

“Correct. You will receive a payment of five thousand dollars into your bank account, every month for the next year, starting today.”

“Sounds too good to be true,” I scoff.

“Then it probably is,” she says with a sexy smirk on her face. I stare at her lips for a moment before regaining some control over myself.

“Right, so if I’m canceling plans and making myself available at all times, when do I get to live my life?”

“The very fact that you’re here tells me you don’t have much of a life.” She’s brutally honest but she’s right. I move on to my next point.

“If I’m right, not only do you want me to meet the people in your life but I’m expected to introduce you to all of the people in my life too? Why?”