Love and Skate (28 page)

             
Halfway through the summer the bookstore was doing so well that I decided to take the next semester off of school. 
I was going to go back in January but I wanted to take the rest of the year to really solidify the bookstore’s online store. 

~~~

             
Owen was scheduled to come back home in three days.  I’ve never been so nervous.  Amber threatened to spike my coffee with
Xanax
if I didn’t shut up about it. 

             
“Just shut up
Hellie
.  He’s going to come back and be all Crocodile Dundee looking and tell you he couldn’t quit thinking about you while he was on the boat and he’s a big oaf of an idiot and he wants you back.  The end. Happily Ever After. So shut it already.”

             
“How did you come up with Crocodile Dundee,” I asked.

             
“You know he’s studying crocodiles and stuff.  That’s how.”

             
“It’s alligators Am, alligators.”

             
She gave me the death stare.  “What—Ever.”

             
We ate for a few minutes before she started up again.

             
“And nice touch with the blue hair again.  He’s going to remember when he fell in love with
Smurfette
.”

             
“Shut up Amber.”

             
By the time the summer was over and Drew and I made our way back to the dock he was sick of me.  Even though it was a working internship we both talked about our families.  He talked about his wife and I talked about Nellie.  I talked about her a lot.  I talked about her so much
one day that Drew pushed me off of the moving boat
. 

             
I learned so much about marine research that summer.  We tagged animals and took blood and tissue samples.  And I spent more time in the water than I ever had in my life.  For once in my life I was excited to get back to school and complete my degree.  Drew said when I finished
with school
that there was a possibility that I could be his research partner.

             
I needed to figure out a plan to get Nellie back.  We belonged together and I was determined to do whatever I needed to prove that to her. 

             
I thought about her almost every minute.  I replayed the short span of our relationship over and over.  I p
inpointed where our flowers and happiness path turned hopeless and met its end.  I also realized how I had ruined it.  It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other, it wasn’t a trust issue—it was internal. 
My self
loathing attitude had ruined us. 
My constant comparison of our relationship to my relationship with Amy took precedence
over a lifetime with Nellie.  I was ashamed of allowing those things to occur.

             
I stepped off of the boat and onto the dock a few hours later. After helping Drew unload all of the equipment and helping him clean the boat, I got into my Bronco and headed home and towards Nellie.

             
While I was out at a local book festival I received a text.  I didn’t look at it for a long time because I knew exactly what it said but looking at it made it real.  Looking at that text was going to set things in motion.

             
During the last twenty four hours I had decided that even if I wasn’t in the wrong, even if it wasn’t me who took
what we had for granted, e
ven if I had to beg, I wanted him back and I wasn’t going to let my pride get in my way.
  I took a breath and
slid my finger across the screen to look at the message.

             
Sylvia: He just walked in the door.  He’s got a beard.

             
I wanted to give him a few days to get settled before I called him or went over to the house.  I didn’t have a specific plan other than to take a chance and hope he wanted me back as well. 

             
I left the book festival with some really good books and most of them were signed.  I went back into the bookstore through the back door and walked into the office.  I piled up all of the books on the counter.  It paid to be a bookstore owner.  I would be putting all of these in my personal collection.

             
I turned to go to my desk and c
heck my e-mail, distracting myself from running over to the Black house.

             
“I always did like the blue.” I froze in place and I closed my eyes at the sound of that deep, haunting voice.

             
“
Amber said you’d remember when you first saw me with the blue.” I barely croaked out.

             
“I never forgot.” He said.

             
I finally opened my eyes and stood in awe of the difference one summer could make.

             
He had a baseball hat on and out of the back, I could see that his hair had grown a lot.  He had a full beard and even though I always thought I hated beards, it suited him. 

             
“You look different.” I said.

             
He scratched at his beard, “Yeah, I just got in this morning.  I couldn’t think about anything other than getting to you.” He shrugged a little like it was no big deal.

             
“Why is that?” I asked.  My heart knew already, but my brain needed to hear the speech.

             
“Can I sit?” He said.

             
“Yeah, sit.” He took one of the chairs in front of my desk and I took the other one.

             
“You always looked better in person.  My brain can never get you quite right.”

             
He reached out and ran a finger down my
jawline
and I had to remind myself to breathe.

             
“I’m not a big fan of things ‘happening for a reason’ and all of that.  But in this case, I think it did.”

             
Oh God, he’s moved on.  He doesn’t want me.

             
“
I hate the way it happened but at the same time it gave me the time I needed to straighten myself out.  Remember what you said about
people needing time apart to straighten themselves out?”

             
I nodded.

             
“That’s what I needed.  I needed time to put the past behind me.  I needed to be alone to realize who I was and as stupid as it sounds, I needed time to forgive myself.”

             
This is it.  We’re done.

             
“I also missed you every single second.  The water reminded me of you.  The boat reminded me of you.  Every piece of clothing reminded me of a time when I was with you.  And when I went to the church…”

             
“Wait, when did you go to the church?” I leaned towards him in my chair.

             
“I went at the exact time we were supposed to be married.  So there was this man there and he told me that the great thing about mistakes was that if I was smart, I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake twice.”

             
Tears blurred my vision of him and I had to blink to let them out just so I could see him clearly.

             
“So, I’
m here—w
anting to start over or move forward.  I promise that I will never ever make the same mistakes I did before.  I will never compare you to my past again and I will never distrust the love I have for you and that you have or had for me.”

             
“Have.” I said.

             
“Have?” He questioned.

             
“Yes, have. 
It took this fight and separation to make you come back to me.  I never stopped loving you or waiting for you to come back. It was worth it.” 

             
He took a deep breath and I saw tears in his eyes for the first time in my life. 

             
“I thought I would have to explain for hours to convince you.  I thought it would take weeks or months of pleading.”  His hands reached out for me and then twitched and pulled back.

             
“Stop second guessing.  Stop hesitating.  I love you; that had never changed.  Do I have to beg?

             
He slumped to his knees in front of me and laid his head in my lap as if the whole thing had broken him.  But sometimes things must be broken and put back together again.

             
I pulled off his ball cap and I ran my fingers through his longer hair. 

             
“Did you remember the ring this time?” I joked.

             
“No, but Falcon reminded me in the driveway.” He laughed.

             
He pulled it out and before he put it on my finger, he proposed—again.

             
“The first time I proposed we were in your bed, the second time in front of my family and this time, it’s just me and you again.  I hurt you once, broke your heart.  I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. Will you marry me, take a chance on me again?”

             
There was no one in the church except those who mattered to us.  My parents, Amber, Dylan and Nellie’s roller derby team.  Her parents had opted out of the first wedding and not to our surprise, made excuses for this one too.

             
Turns out, the man who changed the way I thought was the retired pastor of the church and he showed up as well.

             
My dad walked Nellie down the aisle.  She had brown hair, just like the pictures her mom threw up on the walls when she thought Nellie was visiting.  She wore the dress that she never brought herself to return.  She held the silver roses that she always wanted. 
In all my life I had never seen her so incredibly beautiful as she was that day.

             
We listened and recited the vows and she cried through most of hers.  And as she said ‘I do’ everything else was washed away.  And as I took her lips for the first time as my wife there was nothing but her and us on my mind.

             
Instead of our planned honeymoon we opted to go back on the water in his parents’ houseboat for our honeymoon. 

             
Owen’s
smiles reached his eyes now.  His laughter deep and sincere.  He seemed free and I hadn’t seen him that way since we were at his parents’ cabin. 
We were both quiet on the way down to Grand Isle because we both had the same thing on our minds.

             
I waited again on the dock while he unpacked everything.  When he was done he picked me up and carried me aboard.  We sat together watching the sun set on the horizon of the lake. 

             
“Are you ready to go to bed Mrs. Black?” He whispered in my ear.

             
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.” I went to the bathroom and changed into what Amber helped me pick out for my wedding night.  It was more like nothing than something but I guess that wouldn’t matter soon.

             
He sat in the middl
e of the tall pile of blankets
that we always slept on and I sat in front of him.  With hands on either side of my waist he pulled me onto his lap and we sat there face to face in the dark.

             
“I love you.” He said as he pushed my hair behind my shoulder.

             
“And I love you.”  He moved in to kiss me and I stopped him with my hands on his shoulders.

             
“What?” He smiled.

             
“
There’s something I want to hear.” I said.

             
He looked confused and looked me dead in the eyes. “Anything.”

             
“I want to hear you beg.” And with those words I pressed myself closer to him.

             
He chuckled a little and before he took my lips under the full moon, he said “Gladly.”