Losing Myself in You (3 page)

"If I ask you a question," Kendall began, trying to avoid looking in the rearview mirror at her friend who had stumbled to the car with the help of Clive once she had regained consciousness.  If Clive hadn’t sent Kendall a distress call, she didn’t know where they’d be right now.  "Will you promise not to get mad?" She winced, focusing on her driving rather than the dry look Bridgette was attempting to shoot her through said mirror.

"I," Bridgette began slowly, trying to maintain her patience. "Promise."

She knew that Kendall was just worried about her, and the way Kendall dealt with stuff like this was to ask dumb questions.  It reassured her that everything was all right, even if it meant that it wasn't.

"Why are you still alive?"  She didn’t want to ask the question, Bridgette knew.  In fact, the red head was surprised she actually did.  Her knuckles were white thanks to the death grip on her steering wheel, her eyes focused intently on the black road ahead.  Bridgette had no idea how Kendall could see anything, what with protocol insisting that agents refrain from using headlights to ensure a stealthy getaway. 

The problem with dumb questions was that Bridgette never knew how to answer them, and as a result, frustrated her even further.

"I don't know," Bridgette said, articulating every word.

Her heart beat was still beating rapidly, and she was trying to calm it down
by placing a hand firmly over her erratic heart.  It wouldn’t stop the pace, she knew, but that small bit of pressure on her chest eased the pain a bit. Her mind was swimming, and she shook her head of such thoughts, refusing to think about anything right now. All she wanted was to be back into her room, under her covers her Egyptian cotton covers, drinking a homemade glass of hot chocolate topped with cinnamon and whip cream like the kind her mother made her after a rough day at school.  She wanted a fire burning in the fireplace, while reading a trashy romance novel.  All she wanted was to be safe.

"I mean," Kendall continued, gripping onto the steering wheel as she furrowed her brows. "I
saw
him tower over you. Clive said he bit you. I thought you were a goner, for sure. What do you think this means, Bridge? Do you think he's marking you for later? Do you think he looked at you and decided against it?"

Okay, so maybe Kendall could
n’t exactly take a hint. And usually, Bridgette found such a trait endearing, if she was being honest. She loved Kendall, she really did, but she was not in the mood to deal with a bunch of questions right now.  She didn't even know what the fuck had happened to her. She needed time. And space. And silence in order to process rationality.

"I saw him bite you," Clive agreed
in his rusty voice, craning his neck over his shoulder so he could capture Bridgette's form within his blue eyes.  Bridgette wasn’t surprised Clive made it out.  He was slippery and sneaky, and knew the terrain better than anyone at NDS.  He was an environment specialist, and was thoroughly informed of a location’s surroundings before setting foot there. "With his teeth.

"
I wanted to wait until later to tell you this after you recovered, Bridge, but since you seem like your usually delightful self, I’ll say this now: This is some serious shit. When a werewolf bites a human, it's injecting itself into the human, both literally and figuratively."

Bridgette furrowed her brow as Kendall finally made her way onto the highway
where it was safe to turn on the headlights.  She tugged at her bottom lip, trying to ignore those thoughts again.  Of course she knew that.  She was NDS, after all.  She just didn’t want to think how Sterling’s bite would affect her.  She just wanted to go home. At least they were on a paved road now. Now she didn't have to worry about any werewolves attacking the car. At night, they usually stayed away from civilization, tending to reside in the lush greenery that surrounded Somerset which camouflaged them from prying eyes and curious, naïve civilians. Bridgette let out a sigh she wasn't aware she had been holding in and rested her hot forehead on the cool surface of the window.

"What do you mean?" Kendall
asked Clive, looking at him from her rearview mirror

Bridgette curled her fingers into fists.  She didn’t want to hear this.  Not right now
. Bridgette didn’t want to confirm the nauseous feeling at the pit of her stomach, but she knew what the sensation was. Worry. In all of Bridgette’s eight year career with the NDS, this event was the single most frightful thing she had ever gone through. Even worse, what scared her the most was her inability to process what exactly the wolf had done… Was she going to suffer through transformation at the next full moon? Was the bite a warning?

"Okay, you've read the reports where humans are bitten b
y vampires, right?" he asked, and though he was answering Kendall, his gaze was fixed on her.  She refused to answer. "Right, so obviously some are turned, some are killed, but some are just bitten. They're still technically human, of course, but there's something slightly different about their genetic make-up. Like a hiccup."

"So what happens to them?" Bridgette asked, despite herself.
  Not much was known about werewolf bites.  In fact, besides a few cases, there weren’t any humans forcibly bitten by werewolves on record. "Are they treated any differently? Are they still really humans? I don't understand…" She caught herself when she heard the desperation in her voice, and then abruptly cut herself off.  Tears now brimmed her eyes and they threatened to spill if she didn’t refrain herself.

Get
a grip
, she thought harshly, blinking until the mist had all but disappeared.

"They're still human," Clive said, as assuring as an arrogant person could sound.  “
Don't worry about that. This means that you're still human."

"What about the whole DNA situation?" Bridgette asked. Her eyes were
promptly on Clive
.
"What do you mean, a genetic hiccup?  Has my DNA changed because I was bitten?"

"You'll have to get checked out
by our physician," he told her, his mouth setting into a firm line. "And you'll have to take a few blood tests, but from what I hear, if he did inject some of himself into you, then… I guess it's kind of like having a two-way radio built in your body. You're connected to each other. I don't think it means that he can read your mind or hear what you're saying – nothing crazy like that. But there will be some sort of connection to him.  When it comes to him, your senses are sharpened and you’re more aware of his presence.”

“How do you know all of this, Clive?” Kendall asked.  It was a question Bridgette wanted to ask as well.

“I read,” he commented flatly.  “The NDS requires us to attend an academy for a reason.  We’re supposed to be aware of any and all ways vampires and werewolves can affect the human race.  I specialized in terrain scouting, but I also researched biology as well.  Most cadets prefer the sexy lifestyle fieldwork offers that they barely scrape by their academic classes.  But I assure you, this was all in the text in our required reading.”

Bridgette rolled her eyes at his insinuation that she had no patience for bookwork.  That wasn’t exactly true.  She just focused more on physical training since she was petite.  Perhaps
she should have made more of an effort to actually retain the information she had memorized simply to pass her exams.

"I heard that if you have this connec
tion with someone and you say their name, they can hear you," Kendall said before her cheeks turned a pinkish color that her youthful face always seemed to pull off. "But I don't know if it's true," she added. "It was just a rumor.  Office gossip."

"
He’s the last person I’d ever want
that
sort of connection with," Bridgette said through gritted teeth.  She found Clive grinning at her and her jaw popped.  “God, Clive, do you really think now is the most appropriate time to add one of your asshole comments?”

“I’m just flattered I’m not last on your list anymore,” he said, settling back into the black, leather seats.

"Am I," Bridgette tried to ask, but her voice hitched and she was forced to stop. "Am I one of them? A werewolf?"

Kendall gasped at such a notion,
her eyes still fixed on the road, but Clive shook his head.

"I d
oubt it," he said, shrugging one of his broad shoulders. "For him to have changed you, it would have taken him a lot longer than that to have done so. Just a nip on the neck would establish a connection – for whatever reason, I can't exactly say. But if he wanted to change you, it would have taken him a minute, at least."

"But there's still some of him in me," Bridgette said, the corners of her lips sagging downwards into a frown.
  It was uncomfortable for her to be so vulnerable, especially in front of her peers, but she couldn’t control her worry.  Maybe she hadn’t exactly been killed, but Sterling had left her, violated her basic rights, the way her mother was violated.  It had always been her greatest fear, and now she was living through it, just as her mother had.  Right before she died. "Whatever the fraction, whatever his original intentions, he is a part of me."

"And you'r
e a part of him," Clive added.

It became quiet and silence hung in the air.

Why me?
A voice inside Bridgette's mind asked.
Why would he bite me and not –

"Clive?" Bridgette
pierced the silence with her abrupt question. Clive turned back around so he could face the her and quirked his brow, inquiring her to continue. "How did you survive?  I know you specialize in environment setting.  I know you probably know the place like the back of your hand.  But how did you escape when there were wolves chasing after us?  To the point where you could call Kendall and somehow, find me."

"What do you mean?" Clive asked, and if Bridgette was being honest, he sounded almost defensive.

"I mean, I'm glad you did," Bridgette clarified, backtracking a bit in order to make sure that Clive knew she didn't sound accusing. "Don't get me wrong, but if the guy – Sterling, or whatever his name is – didn't do anything else, I would have been mincemeat. Were you able to outrun them, or " -

"I wasn't bitten, if that's what you're wondering," Clive told her. "I outran them. I mean, they gave us a couple of minutes as a head start, and everyone knows that I'm the fastest person at NDS, in every department I might add."
  He crossed his arms over his chest.  “Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean I also don’t possess physical skill as well.”  He gave her one of his patented charm smiles.

Even though she didn't want to, Bridgette had to smile while rolling her eyes. The guy was a narcissistic bastard, so soon after having his life threatened.

It felt good to smile, if only slightly.

"And the others
?" she dared to ask.  “Were they… did they…?”

It was easy to tell by the pale color of Clive’s already-pale face that, as of yet, they weren’t heard from. 
Neither of them knew about the welfare of the two other partners. They didn't want to think about it, but the guilt that was coursing through the two field agents for surviving while it was a strong possibility that the other two did not was full and even painful. But now was not a time to dwell.

"If it's true that they…
" Clive tried to say but had to stop. He swallowed, closed his eyes, and tried once again. "If they are dead and there’s no hope for them, I swear an oath to their poor souls that I will do everything in my power to extract revenge upon those filthy dogs. Even if it means slaughtering every last one of them with my bare hands."

Bridgette had to blink at the intensity of Clive’s eyes.  It wasn’t common for him to get so passionate about violence, but every now and then, he had his moments where it would completely change him.  After a while, he would return back to the Clive they knew, but when he was in his dark mood, it was easy to feel the tension radiating off his body.

"Revenge isn't the answer, Clive," Kendall murmured quietly, not liking where the conversation was turning. "It never is."

"Revenge is always the answer," Clive muttered.
  His shoulders eased up, and Bridgette knew he was done with his tirade – at least for now.  It was odd how fast he went from one emotion to the next, especially since he was so laidback normally. "No one has the balls to do it, is all."

He glanced over at Bridgette, easily finding her eyes in the darkness. "Make sure you watch your thoughts, Bridge. If it's true and
if that wolf is inside of you, however small it may be, he may be able to feel what you're thinking, and if he's smart, he may be able to decipher what it is that's going on in your mind."

Bridgette nodded but couldn't muster the strength to verbalize her agreement. Instead, she thought of her big bed waiting for her
back at home.

S
he had no idea how she was supposed to sleep tonight.