Looking for Love (26 page)

Unable to try another one, she
put away
The
Album
and
neatened her office, then dragged herself back inside the house to
finish packing. Somehow, the mess in her residence and the endless
job of putting all her belongings in boxes didn’t appeal to her
anymore. She stopped to make some supper and parked herself in
front of the TV, ignoring the clutter around her and the odd itch
that she couldn’t scratch inside. Something was wrong. What was it?
Had she broken an unspoken Album rule by putting her friend on the
pages? Nowhere had she seen that she wasn’t allowed to. Why
couldn’t she stop thinking of Ross and another woman together? And
why couldn’t she shake the churning in her gut at the
thought?

Dirk messaged
her on her cell phone at about eight-thirty. She typed up an answer
to him, wishing things could be different.

“
Dirk, we need to talk. I have
some news for you. Could you come over?
”

She hadn’t even told him she was
moving yet. They hadn’t seen each other for a
while
, the
two of them being one of those relationships you could pick up at
any time. Or so it seemed. Pity she had to go.

“
I know.
”

She waited for
more.

“
It’s over, isn’t
it?
” he
sent.

“
I’m moving to Durban. I didn’t
know how to tell you.
”

“
Maybe it’s a good thing. I was
starting to doubt our relationship. You didn’t seem to have the
drive. It always felt like your heart was somewhere or with someone
else.
”

“
I’m sorry, Dirk. I really liked
you.
”

“
But you love someone
else?
”

Did he think
she was moving to Durban to be with a guy?

“
No, I’m keen to live by my dad
again.
”

“
Ella, I hope you wake up and
come to terms with your feelings once and for all because until you
do, you’re going to be wafting around for centuries. Bye, then. Was
nice knowing you.
”

“
You too.
” She sent a sad face.

His harshness didn’t offend her.
Yeah, she deserved it. She’d really messed the guy around. They
hadn’t gone too far in their relationship, but he was worth more
than the way she’d treated him. What did he mean by coming to terms
with her feelings? He spoke so cryptically
, and tonight, she did not have the
energy to decode it.

Besides, wafting around was
exactly what she wanted. She’d let go
of the pursuit of romance and had taken up
the grand job of enjoying her single life, for once.

Standing
up, she let out a big breath and
opened up her arms in the warrior yoga pose. She went into the
prayer pose and visualized her relaxation and smiled. Yeah, it felt
good to be free of that continual need to search for the man of her
dreams. Finally now, she could live and put all her passion into
whatever Durban offered her.
The Album
had its purpose but she also needed to tell people
it was perfectly healthy to be single and to enjoy it.

The office was the only room in Ella’s
house that didn’t boast bare walls and floors and piles of boxes.
Her last appointment was due to arrive in half an hour.

Pauline and
Andrea sat on the client chairs drinking filtered coffee and eating
breadsticks they’d brought over from the local bakery. They were in
a surprisingly good mood considering the removal truck would arrive
in a couple of hours.

Ella didn’t feel quite the same. Her
new-found freedom in choosing singlehood somehow hadn’t given her
joy enough to sustain her through saying goodbye to her friends.
Ross would also be here any minute to see her off. She’d sent him
an email explaining about her relationship with her dad and her
need for something new at work. He should understand, but what if
he realised how much her move had initially been motivated by a
need to get away from him? Now, she wanted to go for many other
reasons.

“
So, you’ll send over my office stuff once you’ve closed
everything off?” she asked Pauline.

“
Yes, well, we have to inform all the customers you’re closing
business and I have to pack up your things. I’ll drive over with
Carol sometime when she’s not so busy with month end at work and
we’ll drop off your things so you don’t have to organise a removal
van for a small amount.”

“
Thank you.” She blew Pauline a kiss. “You’re superstars. I
hope you’re going to visit me like every second
weekend.”

“
In the beginning, probably, and
then it will all fizzle out and we’ll have to rely on emails and
text messages,” Andrea said with a hint of sarcasm.

“
Hey, I’ll come to you sometimes.”

“
You won’t want to. Durban’s much
more exciting than Richard’s Bay,” Andrea added.

“
So come live by me. Hey, that’s a good idea.”

“
You know it’s not possible when we all have solid jobs
here.”

“
I’m sorry. Am I doing the wrong thing?”

Andrea
shrugged and mouthed something to Pauline who rolled her eyes. Ella
didn’t have the energy to fight with them but did wish she knew
what they were muttering amongst themselves.

At that moment
Ross walked in and the look Andrea gave him made her nearly gasp.
What was that? Like he’d really upset them or something. Like he
should have stopped her from leaving. Poor Ross had only found out
about a week ago. She’d left it late as she couldn’t really face
the goodbye but had to now.

“
Hi.” Ross appeared out of breath and his face was unusually
pink. Had he just run a marathon here? “I see you’re all packed and
ready to go.”

His mouth formed a grim line and
the flush disappeared to reveal the real state of his face. Dark
lines under his eyes, more wrinkles than usual, days-old stubble.
Oh
, dear.
She’d really upset him. Her legs shook with the sudden need to run
out the room.

But it was for the best she
moved.

Her body found the seat very
fast and her head spun. Maybe breaking it off cleanly would have
hurt less. No, of course not. Gripping onto the edge of her desk,
she shuffled
The Album
around and stared at the book. For once, its magic couldn’t
help someone. That person was Ross. Or could it help him? There
must be someone for him. She’d leave it to Pauline. She could find
him someone—a woman better than her. Ross would survive without
her. He deserved better. She would be a useless partner. She’d
always known she’d mess it up for life just like her mom
did.

“
Hey, why’s everyone so glum?
We’ll see each other again,” Ross said, a fake smile on his
face.

“
Yes, we will. It’s not like I’m
flying off to the UK. I’m just a couple of hours’ drive
away.”

“
Where’s Carol,” he asked.

Strange.
What did it matter if Carol was here
or not?

“
She’s coming later.”

“
Before the removal van gets
here?” Pauline asked.

“
I hope so. I’ll wait for her.
It’s not like I’m a piece of furniture and I’m going into the van.
I’ll stay with Mom tonight.” Her friends sure acted strange.
Suppose sadness did those things to people. She should have stayed
back. Now, she’d made everyone miserable. All her fault.

“
Well, I can’t wait for her
then,” Ross said, still standing over Andrea and Pauline, looking
taller and more imposing than he usually did. “Here it
is.”

He handed her a flash
drive
, a
scowl darkening his face further.

“
What’s that?”

“
Put it in your computer and open
the slide show. Andrea, won’t you switch off the light? Wish there
were curtains to darken the room more.”

He spoke gruffly, a determined
stiffness to his chin. Andrea nodded submissively and
obeyed.
Huh?

Carol burst
into the room just as Ella sat down and slotted the rectangular
drive into her computer. “Sorry I’m late.”

Ella narrowed her eyes at
them.
What’s
going on?

She opened the
slide show and put it to full screen.

The Album
cover popped up—well, a very
good graphic imitation of it. “Wow, that’s beautiful. Ross, did you
organise this? You didn’t have to seeing the business is going on
hold for a while until I settle in Durban.”

“
Just watch it.” Pauline sounded impatient.

“
Come look, then. I can see
you’re all so curious of whatever this is.”

She called
them over to stand behind her and watch the screen. What had Ross
been up to? And why did it seem so important at this particular
moment?

She waited and
The Album
opened with neat and
fluid animation as though it were a cartoon movie. A hand brought a
picture onto the page—her picture. Then another picture was placed
on the opposite side. Ross.
What?

The animation was pretty
accurate in portraying the vibration, the misty, coloured light in
circles around the book and the pulling of the hands upon the page
like a magnetic force. Then the movements stopped and
The Album
went onto the next
page.

She watched a
supposed life of Ross and her together unfold and couldn’t help
smiling at things. Ross had orchestrated this because only he would
know what made them both happy. The wedding picture made her
gasp—the dress looked almost exactly the same as she’d dreamed of
having one day. They even had kids. The kids grew up and they
matured together. The animations were perfect, like a good-quality
children’s movie, yet the content way too mature for any kid, heck,
even for her to handle. The last picture was of them walking hand
in hand together as an elderly couple in a field.

“
You didn’t put the sound on,”
Ross said with a smile. “You’ll have to watch it again.”

Her hands surprisingly steady, seeing her
knees were knocking together and her heart seemed to be beating
against her throat, she pressed replay and turned up her
volume.

Ross’s special voice crackled
through the computer.
“When you dream of finding your true love, you
always think it’s going to start off like a fairy tale. You meet,
you have your first kiss, you fall in love, and then you get
married. Well, sometimes, life throws a curveball. Sometimes, you
wake up one day and realise that the woman you’ve been friends with
for years is actually that person and you’ve never had that first
kiss or dated or courted or anything, but now you want to spend
your life with them because they satisfy you in every way. Well,
if
The
Album
could
have brought us together, I’m sure it would have done a display
like this or even better. How could the lady I hired as a graphic
artist convey how deeply I feel for you, Ella? How many dreams I
have for us? How sure I am that I’m going to be there for you no
matter what. Even when we want to sink our teeth into one another
or strip the others’ happiness away for a long, torturous moment to
take revenge, although I can’t imagine ever wanting to do that to
you. I want to make you happy, Ella. Forever. I want to be that man
you dreamed about for years—that one to sweep you off your feet and
romance you and make you feel on top of the world. I want to be the
man who’ll promise to love you forever and ever.”

A lump the
size of Mars had formed in her throat. She tried to swallow, but it
just increased. His presence behind her felt like a beacon in the
room. The sweetness of his words penetrated her soul and stole her
breath. Hope bloomed—he wanted to romance her? He intended to
promise to love her forever? Ross, the best man in the world saying
those words to her in front of her best friends? He must mean
it.

“
Now, I know you’re scared
because it didn’t happen in the order or way you’d planned. I also
was surprised, but in fact, it happened in the best way for us. We
got to know and trust one another so well that now, we can open our
hearts to this love without reserve. So, what do you say, Ella?
Will you be my wife?”

She blinked
and refocused on the screen then glanced at Ross but couldn’t bear
to look at him. Could he play it again? Had she heard that
right?

Her friends
stared on with expectation on their faces and she knew she hadn’t
imagined it.

Ella turned to
look at Ross, tears in her eyes. “You want to marry me?”

He took hold
of her hands and squeezed, sending the tears down her cheeks. “Yes,
I’d love to.”

From a love
confession, to a couple of kisses, now a marriage proposal?

His eyes brimmed with love, his hands
oozed everything good that she’d felt from Ross’s touch over the
years. Yes, she loved him. Yes, they trusted one another
implicitly. But so sudden?

“
But you don’t even know if I love you.”

He looked at her friends and smiled.
“Well, they assured me you do, and the more I thought about it, the
more obvious it became. Not out of arrogance, but Ella, I do
believe you love me as much as I love you but you’re afraid.
Something holds you back. So, I’m offering you everything. I’m not
holding anything back. Do you know how hard it was for me to do
this? I’ve been putting it off for days. Why do you think your
friends are so annoyed with me? I left it to the last minute—” He
gave them a sideways glance. “—after you’d packed all your boxes.
I’m sorry. I didn’t think I could risk my heart one more time, but
then I thought, if I can’t take the risk, how can I be the forever
man you’ve longed for? So I did it. I came here with the slide show
and presented it.”