Looking for Andrew McCarthy (34 page)

‘Hey, what’s the big deal?’ said the waitress coming past. ‘You’re just going to say hello, right? Take a photo, get him to sign an autograph. It’ll be fine.’

Ellie searched with panic for her camera and found it bumping away at the bottom of her bag along with the remains of at least fifteen assorted packets of chewing gum.

‘Will you take the picture?’ she said.

‘Sure.’ The waitress popped the camera into her belt.

‘What’s he like?’

The waitress shrugged. ‘Double espresso. Always tips. Nice, then.’

‘Huh. But you never spoke to him?’

‘To tell him what: beware of demented British girls? Nope. Guess I should have done, huh?’

Ellie stuck her tongue out at her.

‘See! You’re feeling better already.’

The detectives and the duty sergeant watched as the pretty blonde girl rushed over to the cell door.

‘Lox!’ she shrieked, scarcely able to breathe.

‘Julia!’ he said, and, suddenly, quite without realizing he was doing it, he burst into tears. ‘Oh, Julia, you don’t know … it’s all gone really, really wrong.’

‘What?’ she said, thinking instantly that he must have changed his mind about her. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

‘Oh God, it’s … I don’t know how to say this …’ he looked up. Julia’s heart was racing.

‘Where’s Ellie?’ he said.

By three-thirty the lunch crowd had left and the early evening crowd hadn’t yet descended. Ellie sat all by herself in the corner, her face a picture of misery. The owner had glanced at her once or twice, but the waitress had reassured him. She’d been here less than a week, but had a face like the first day of spring and a body like the fourth of July, so he wasn’t about to argue.

At twenty to four the door of the shop tinged.

The cops summoned them in right away.

‘Seems to me,’ said the detective, surveying them all, ‘that you people couldn’t stalk a turtle with three legs.’

‘No Sir,’ they shook their heads vigorously. Julia was welded to Loxy’s side, and could hear his anxious heart beating. Arthur and Colin were standing a little apart.

‘So all you wanted was an autograph?’

‘Yup,’ said Julia, crossing her fingers.

‘Why couldn’t you have sent from home for that?’

‘Well, it’s more of a holiday really.’

‘Uh huh. So what are these two boys doing here?’

Julia and Arthur looked up as expectantly as the policemen did.

‘Umm,’ said Loxy. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the floor.

‘The Hedgehog’s dad died,’ said Colin very clearly.

The room fell silent.

‘Oh … oh,’ said Julia. She sat down heavily on the table behind her.

‘Oh God, poor thing, poor thing.’

‘Hang on, who’s this Hedgehog now?’ said the cop.

‘Our friend we’re travelling with; her real name’s Ellie,’ said Julia, looking white and sick.

‘Wait a minute –
you’re
not Ellie?’

‘No, I’m Julia.’

The cop looked at his charge sheet.

‘Sheesh. Ellie Eversholt – that’s the name of the girl we’re looking for that’s following Andrew McCarthy – we just assumed that was you.’

Julia shook her head.

‘I don’t know where Hedge … where Ellie is. She went off on her own this morning.’

‘Christ,’ said the cop. He thrust the folder at the nearest uniformed policeman.

‘Bunch of fucking ass clowns this is going to make us look in front of Interpol.’

Julia looked at Loxy. ‘Oh my God – you came all this way to tell her!’

Loxy shrugged. ‘It was …’

‘It was my idea,’ said Colin. ‘I thought it would be better if we were here.’

‘God,’ said Julia, shaking her head. ‘You know, I’ve known him nearly as long as I’ve known my own dad.’

‘When do dads die?’ asked Colin.

‘When they’re old and they eat too many sausages.’

‘Oh. My dad’s forty. That’s pretty old.’

‘That is NOT,’ they all said.

The waitress was making ridiculous wobbling eyebrow motions at her, but Ellie couldn’t move. She sat there, petrified, shaking her head.

‘Hi there. Double espresso please.’

‘How you doing today?’

‘Oh, not too bad … been a bit strange.’

‘Yeah?’

She poured the coffee. Ellie covered her face with her hands. He was ten feet away from her and she couldn’t move.
Certainly
couldn’t talk. She desperately tried to swallow the lump in her throat but couldn’t.

‘Listen,’ the waitress said. ‘I hate to hassle you and everything, but there’s a friend of mine who’s come an awful long way to meet you.’

Andrew McCarthy picked up his coffee cup and glanced around the shop. His eyes lighted on Ellie, who whimpered. He half-smiled.

‘
Tell
me she’s not English,’ he said.

‘Well, yes she is,’ said the waitress. ‘But she’s not too weird, honestly.’

‘I’ve been told to be on the lookout for crazy English stalkers.’

He’d spoken loudly enough so that Ellie could hear.

‘But I reckon I could take her on now, don’t you?’

‘I hear she scratches,’ said the waitress.

‘I’ll be certain to watch out for that.’

He walked slowly towards Ellie, whose heart was stopping, pulled a chair out from the next table along and sat down on it back to front, facing her.

‘Well then. I guess … hello there.’

‘Okay, I think it’s about time to get this little circus on the road,’ said the detective. ‘I’m very sorry about your friend, but I don’t think I can really be bothered to charge any of you, huh?’

‘Thank you,’ said Loxy. He looked at Julia, who was hovering nervously next to the door, watching him with trepidation in her eyes.

‘Oh, and by the way, I think you’ll find …’ the cop opened the swing doors with a flourish.

As they stepped out they were confronted with three or four news cameras.

‘We’re
news
?’ said Loxy, holding up his hand instinctively.

‘Very, very local,’ assured the policeman. ‘Plus one or two sent along by the agency. They like it when stuff happens to their clients. When their clients don’t actually get hurt of course. Well, I
think
they prefer it when the client isn’t hurt. Not necessarily.’

Julia was staring around wide-eyed. ‘Oh God. I can’t believe this.’ She turned to Loxy. ‘And I can’t believe you’re here. And I can’t believe it about the poor Hedgehog.’

‘Uh huh,’ Loxy said carefully.

Colin couldn’t resist pouting a little and sticking out his tongue, until Arthur cuffed him down the steps.

‘Why were you stalking Andrew McCarthy?’ shouted a bossy New Yawk voice.

‘Um, well, it’s a long story,’ said Loxy, trying to look for a cab. ‘Really, we’re here …’

Julia silenced him, sent him to flag down a cab she’d spotted, then leaned over to the microphone.

‘Because he’s great,’ she said, solemnly. ‘But we promise not to do it any more.’

Then, with the journalists shouting more questions at them, they all piled into the cab as quickly as they could and drove away.

‘Eh, hi there.’ Ellie took a gulp from the glass of water the waitress had been kind enough to place at her side and willed herself to shift her eyes from the checked plastic tablecloth.

‘You look exactly the same,’ she whispered.

‘Well, so do you, I’m sure.’

She smiled for the first time.

‘My agent didn’t quite get this straight but … have you come all the way over from Britain to find me?’

Ellie nodded.

‘Well, that hasn’t happened in a while … though you’d be amazed at the loyalty of some of the Japanese women I run into.’

‘Uh huh,’ said Ellie grainily, not having anything
trenchant to add on the subject of being pursued by devoted Japanese ladies. Then she realized to herself that she was buggering this up and being ridiculous, and pinched herself hard on the thigh.

‘Andrew,’ she forced herself to say.

‘Yup? Can I get you another coffee by the way?’

‘No, I’m fine. Andrew.’

‘Still here.’

He flashed her his famous grin.

‘Umm … well I guess I’m just going to ask you straight out … Okay.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Look. Do you ever feel that things aren’t working out the way you wanted them to? That somehow stuff isn’t being part of the plan?’

He paused and took a long sip of his coffee.

‘Wow … are you sure you don’t just want to know what happened to the bra and panties from
Class
?’

Ellie shook her head.

‘No, of course you don’t. Well,’ he shrugged, ‘what makes you think there’s a plan to be a part of?’

‘Just your own plan. You know, your own idea of what something is going to be like.’

‘Hmm. Well, has anything in your life ever turned out the way
you
planned it?’

Ellie screwed up her eyes for a second.

‘Um. Well, I made a chocolate cake once.’

‘Uh huh.’

‘It was revolting.’

‘There you go. And do you beat yourself up about it?’

‘My father nearly did. There was a raw egg in it.’

‘Exactly my point. Don’t make plans. Just keep rolling on and accept that life isn’t ever going to be like it is in an
actual
movie, is it?’

Ellie grimaced a little in disappointment.

‘Is that absolutely definitely not going to be like it is in a movie thing really, really true?’

‘Yes, of course it is. I mean, God, it would be like … I mean, life isn’t like you’re walking down the street and by coincidence just bump into someone and it all turns out for the best.’

Ellie was quiet for a second.

‘No,’ she said. ‘I guess it isn’t.’

Julia, Arthur, Loxy and Colin raced into the hotel off Fifth Avenue.

‘Did Ellie Eversholt check back in?’ gasped Julia.

‘No,’ said the clerk, as they all looked upset. ‘But she left a message.’ He slowly handed them the piece of paper.

‘Quick,’ said Loxy, and they jumped straight back into another cab. Inside the taxi they found themselves all holding hands.

‘Do I still tell her?’ said Colin quietly.

‘No,’ said Julia, thinking all the way back to the
insouciant little girl poking her hard in the leg with a pencil in Year One. ‘No, Colin, I think I’d better tell her.’

The others nodded their agreement.

‘I wish Siobhan were here.’

Arthur looked at Loxy, who shook his head vigorously, and shot Arthur back a warning look.

‘There’s news about Siobhan,’ said Loxy. ‘But I think it’ll keep for now.’

The cab crawled through the traffic.

‘It’s impossible to make plans anyway. We understand about one per cent of what’s going on in our brains, and all the brains in the world understand about one billionth of what’s going on in the universe. It’s a logical impossibility to attempt to place order on something you have no chance of coming close to conceiving the nature of.’

‘Uh huh,’ said Ellie.

‘I mean, metaphysics already deals with the realms of the unknowable, and it looks like real world physics is going the same way.’

‘I knew you were the right person to choose,’ said Ellie quietly.

‘So, you know, I reckon the best thing you can do is try and trust your animal impulses and try not to do things that actively make you unhappy. Like,
look at me. I hated LA. I love it here. I hated being a movie star.’

‘Really? But you still are one.’

‘Yeah. Honestly. I mean it. After the first fifteen minutes it gets really boring. You know how stars always say the best part of being famous is getting tables in restaurants?’

‘Yup.’

‘That’s because the rest of it is so shitty. And your TV dinner at home on your own still tastes exactly the same. But I love being a movie actor and I love being a stage actor – I
really
love that – so that’s what I do. I, personally, don’t trust my brain to come up with anything much better.’

‘And you don’t feel disappointed?’

‘Disappointed about what – not having to take sixteen security guards with me everywhere I go? Only having the one house?’

‘You’re doing a lot better than me,’ said Ellie.

‘I’m sure that’s not true. You look like you’re doing all right.’

Ellie shrugged. ‘I just … I just tend to feel disappointed.’

‘Yeah? Hey! You’re in New York and it’s snowing!’

‘Oh, New York isn’t disappointing. New York is great.’

‘Follow those animal instincts.’ He cupped his chin in his palm and grinned at her.