Life on the Edge (32 page)

I picked up my pace. “Looks like you have a friend to occupy your time now, so you don’t have to bother me anymore.”

He glanced behind us and said quietly, “I’m going to keep bothering you until you talk to me.”

“Maybe I should have a chat with Leah. The last time I spoke to someone from your past, I learned quite a bit, and you two seem pretty friendly.”

“Forget about Leah. This is about you and me.”

I stopped and raised my eyes to his. “If there is still a you and me.”

I ducked into the restroom and inside a stall, and my hands flew to my head.
Why did you say that? Do you really believe it might be over?
I swallowed hard, pushing down an onslaught of tears. I’d never felt so confused.

Chapter Twenty-Six

I returned to the meeting room as the next session began. Sergei looked up at me, but I avoided eye contact. I opened my class binder and immediately saw the note written on the top of my agenda–
I know you didn’t mean what you said.

I bit my trembling lip and flipped the page. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sergei staring straight ahead, but I felt as though he was watching my reaction. Shielding my face with my hand, I turned to the section on skater nutrition and read along with the instructor’s lecture.

Leah appeared at our table again as soon as the session ended. She skirted past me and touched Sergei’s bicep. “So, how’s life on Cape Cod?”

“It’s great.” Sergei glanced at me as I stood up and gathered my purse and binder. During our lunch break, I wanted to re-read the materials since I’d zoned out a few times during class.

“I bet it is,” Leah said. “Everyone’s talking about all your success. You’re going to have kids lining up to work with you.”

Curiosity almost made me stay to listen to their conversation, but Leah’s flirty laughter turned my stomach. I shot out of the room while she had Sergei cornered.

After nibbling on a turkey sandwich in the mall’s food court, I went back to the hotel for the afternoon classes. The first thing I saw was Leah sitting comfortably in my chair next to Sergei’s empty one with her binder open, ready for the lectures. Rather than make a fuss, I searched for a vacant spot. Sergei returned just as the instructor stood behind the podium, and he shot me an apologetic look. As much as I wanted to put distance between us, I couldn’t deny the jealousy creeping across my skin.

I sat two rows behind Sergei and Leah and spent most of the afternoon watching the backs of their heads. Every time Leah leaned in close to Sergei to say something, my foot tapped harder against the floor. There had to be some history between them. She was way too comfortable invading his personal space. I noted Sergei stayed out of hers, keeping a polite distance.

When we were dismissed at the end of the day, Sergei caught up to me outside the elevators. Surprisingly, Leah wasn’t glued to his side.

“I’m sorry about Leah. She moved her stuff while I was out.”

I shrugged and made my voice sound as emotionless as possible. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“A few of us are having dinner later. I’d really like you to come.”

“I think I’m going to get room service. I’m not feeling very social.”

“It’s going to be low-key, I promise.”

A gathering of coaches might be low-key for him but not for me. I’d have to be “perfect skater Emily,” saying all the right things and answering questions about the upcoming Olympics, which I was leery of discussing. The closer the Games got, the more superstitious I became.

“I’d rather do my own thing. But you have fun,” I said with zero enthusiasm.

The already dim light in his eyes faded even more. “Maybe we can get together after dinner then. I can come to your room–”

One of our colleagues, an older man from Detroit, called down the corridor, “Seven o’clock for dinner?”

I jumped on the elevator while Sergei answered him. The doors closed, leaving Sergei’s disappointment behind.

“Come on, computer, connect.” I slapped the base of my laptop and cursed the hotel’s uncooperative network.

After two more unsuccessful attempts, I decided to try one of the computers available for guests downstairs. The sofas and chairs in the lobby were largely unoccupied, but the open-air bar to the right of the sitting area was hopping with after-dinner patrons. I recognized a number of coaches from the seminar, so I did a quick scan for one person in particular. It only took a few seconds for me to spot Sergei at one of the tall tables. He shared it with three other people, one of whom was Leah.

While I scrolled through my emails, I kept one eye on the bar. Leah’s hand found its way to Sergei’s arm more times than I could count, and her touchy-
feeliness
didn’t extend to the other two guys at the table. If I wasn’t under twenty-one, in a secret relationship, and currently not speaking to my boyfriend, I’d march into the bar and tell her to keep her claws to herself.

When Leah got up to leave, she whispered in Sergei’s ear and started to walk away, but he stopped her and whispered something in return. She smiled, said a few words, and left, not seeing me in the corner. I tried to analyze her smile, but she had been too far away for me to get a good read. Was it a seductive smile? A friendly one? While I mulled it over, Sergei stood and said his own goodbyes. No more than a minute had passed since Leah had departed. A chill of uneasiness caused me to shiver.

I logged off the machine and scrambled behind a large plant so Sergei wouldn’t see me. After he stepped into the elevator, I watched the numbers rise above the silver doors. I waited for them to stop on twelve, his floor, but they kept climbing. With each number, my heart sank further into a pit of fear.

The elevator finally stopped on eighteen, my floor but also Leah’s. I’d seen her leaving her room when I’d gone to get ice before dinner.

The pit of fear swallowed me whole.

My clammy hand punched the Up button. The ride seemed to last an hour. I slowly turned down the hallway to my room, hoping to see Sergei at my door.

The corridor was empty.

I clutched my stomach as I passed Leah’s room. Thoughts of what might be happening in there twisted my insides into knots of pain. I briefly considered knocking on the door but had no idea what I would say or do if I saw Sergei inside.

In my room, I crawled into bed fully clothed and pulled the blanket up to my chin. I felt feverish. My entire body shook, fighting off sobs of disgust, anger, and regret.
You pushed him away.

****

The sun came up in the morning, but I couldn’t see it through the dark cloud surrounding me. I packed my suitcase in an exhausted daze and examined myself in the mirror. Red streaks covered my face, and matching lines filled my bloodshot eyes. I slapped powder on my cheeks and squirted eye drops over my pupils. I needed to be presentable for the trip home.

I didn’t see Sergei in the lobby, so I hailed a taxi and called him as the driver sped toward the airport.

“Hey, I’m downstairs. Do you still need to checkout?” He sounded so casual, as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

“I was up early, so I’m on my way to the airport.”

“You didn’t wait for me?” His casualness changed to frustrated hurt.

I rolled down the window and inhaled a deep breath of fresh air. The mustiness of the cab mixed with the driver’s rapid acceleration was making me woozy.

“I was ready to go. I’ll see you at the gate.” I hung up without waiting for a response.

Once I passed through security, I strolled up and down the terminal, rolling my carry-on bag behind me. I stopped in a café for an extra-large cup of coffee, read magazines in the gift shop, and perused the newest novels on display. Anything to delay seeing Sergei.

When I finally arrived at the gate, there was no room to sit or stand. A crowd of anxious faces stared at the television on the far wall, so I crept closer to see what was drawing so much attention. Sergei leapt to his feet and navigated around piles of luggage and families camped on the floor.

“There you are. Did you hear what happened?” His wide eyes and rushed question unsettled me.

“No, I’ve been walking around.” I looked back at the TV and saw a news reporter with a grim expression.

“A plane hit the World Trade Center.”

I thought immediately of an inexperienced pilot losing control of his single-engine plane. “A small one?”

“No, a jet,” Sergei said gravely.

“How can that happen?” I moved toward the TV and mimicked the position of everyone around me–neck arched upward, mouth agape, eyes glued to the raw images on the screen.

As reports of a second crash surfaced, the shock and horror in the crowd intensified. Muffled cries, nervous chatter, and the persistent buzzing of cell phones dominated the area. Sergei and I didn’t speak as we stood shoulder to shoulder, staring at the smoking towers on the television. When the first plane was identified as a flight out of Boston’s Logan Airport, I shuddered. We had flown out of there two mornings ago.

My phone rang, and Dad didn’t give me a chance to say hello. “Are you at the airport?” he asked.

“Yes, we’re watching everything on TV.” I couldn’t tear my eyes from the screen.

“Do not get on that plane, Emily. We’ll find a way to get you home.”

The pictures on television seemed like a bad dream, but the fear in my father’s voice made them a terrible reality.

“I don’t even know if we’re taking off. They haven’t said anything yet.”

“Well, whatever they do, you’re not getting on the plane. I want you out of that airport as soon as possible.” He paused and took a heavy breath. “Is Sergei there? I want to talk to him.”

“Um, yeah, he’s right here. Hold on.” I passed the phone to Sergei. “My dad wants to talk to you.”

As Dad spoke, Sergei didn’t say anything except “I will” and “Yes, sir.”

Sergei returned the phone to me, and Dad continued his instructions. “You’re going to have to get a rental car. Call me as soon as you’re on the road. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Dad.”

I hung up and asked Sergei, “What did he say to you?”

“He told me to make sure you get home safe.”

The events of the prior night came rushing back, and I dropped my gaze to the phone. Dad had no idea he was asking a liar and a cheater to look after me. But now wasn’t the time to think about what Sergei had done.

I straightened my shoulders and grabbed my suitcase. “We should hurry to the rental car office before it gets too crowded.”

Everyone else in the airport had the same idea. I couldn’t see where one line ended and another began. Sergei and I didn’t talk during the wait, and neither did most of the people around us. We were all too dazed by what we’d seen on television to comprehend it or discuss it.

As the throng of people moved forward at a turtle’s pace, I wondered how I was going to survive a cross-country drive with Sergei. Just looking at him made me want to scream. He didn’t appear to harbor any guilt. How was I going to spend days locked in a car with him?

My phone rang again, and the name on my caller ID was one I hadn’t seen in months. I lifted the phone to my ear. “Mom?”

“Sweetie, oh thank God, I’m so glad to hear your voice.” High-pitched hysteria filled hers. “I was in class when I heard about the crashes, and I didn’t know if you were already in the air. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to talk to you, and if something happened to you . . .”

Tears overtook her, and I clamped my hand over my mouth as I began to cry, too. I turned away from Sergei and gripped the phone tighter.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I never should’ve let our stupid fight go on so long.”

“No, I shouldn’t have put you in that position. It wasn’t fair. I’m going to try to be more understanding.”