Left Behind (2 page)

“Are you
alright?”

‘
Yea
h , I just had another nightmare. For some reason it left me feeling drained .
’
I said.

“Ok
ay
, if you’re sure. Hey! I forgot to tell you. James called around 2 o’clock this morning saying that he’s moving back to Fort Mill.” He said getting all excited. “He said that he took the licensing exams for South Carolina online last week and passed. He’s gonna move back in here until he builds his own house. He wants to buy some of this land off you so he can be close to us. He is also bringing Shelby with him. They finally got engaged, so she’ll be moving down here and in with him once he get s the house built.”

‘
I’ll give him the land. It belongs to both of you just as much as it does to me.
And Shelby can move in here with us. She doesn’t have to wait if she do es n’t want to .
’
I kind of like d the fact that my whole family will be with me again.

“Dad left all this to you, and you deserve it. We were never mad about that, but we both just want to stay close to you. I missed you too much while I was in Georgia, and James feels the same way. I swear, I don’t know how he’s stayed away this long. Y’all were always more like twins, even being eleven months apart.
” He paused as he ate the last of his coffee.
“
That was one of Mom’s favorite things to tell people. She loved how close you two were and that you were even in the same grade ‘cause of your birthday and the school cut off dates. Remember all of the stories she used to tell us about when y’all were babies. She always referred to you as ‘the babies’, not Kayla and James.”

‘
Yea
h , I remember. I’ve missed him too. I love both of you very much. I don’t think I would have made it after everything happened if you hadn’t been here with me. And I know he tried his best to be here as much as possible. I’m just happy he’
ll finally be home for good.
I’ll be able to see both of you every day , even if he does stay in his own house.
At least he’s bringing me a new sister with him.
’

I got to thinking. My family would finally be here with me. If only Toby, Tory, and Troy would come home, everything would be perfect.

******************************************************

I was sitting on the bed in my room, on my laptop writing, when I heard the rattle of chains. My head whipped up, looking towards my door. I knew nothing in my house would make that sound. I didn’t like chains, and wouldn’t allow them on my property. They brought back too many p ainful memories. Maybe Jordan wa s home and he forgot? No, I knew he would never forget , either. Jordan knew why I hated chains and would never do that to me.

I slowly put the laptop down, got off the bed as quietly as possible, and grabbed the alu minum baseball bat I always had sitting beside the nightstand. I was barefoot, so I didn’t make a sound as I tiptoed to the bedroom door. I slowly went down the hall, looking in all the doors-which we keep open at all times due to my paranoia-and made my way to the great room. It is an open space that combines the living room, den, and dining room. What I saw made me let out a silent scream and break down into sobs. Chains were hanging from the ceiling. Some had handcuffs attached at the end, and some had hooks. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. A hand landed on my shoulder, and a voice said, “I’ve missed our games, Kayla. Time to play.”

**************************************************************

I shot up from the bed, dropping the laptop on the floor, and looked around the room franticly. I started crying, even though I knew it was just another nightmare. I was never going to be able to have a normal sleep again. All this time had passed and I still couldn’t close my eyes without those images coming back to haunt me.

My laptop had
broken
in half because it was open when it fell, so after I washed my face, I picked it up off the floor, taking it to Jordan’s office. I knew he would be able to fix it.

I looked at the clock and saw I had missed lunch, and it was getting to be time for dinner. Jordan would be home soon. I sent him a quick text message asking him to stock me up on my Red Bulls , caffeinated teabags, and No-Doze. I needed all the help I could to stay awake. I had drunk my iced tea, but I was out of Red Bulls, and look what happened. I could get by several days with just light dozing and not actually sleeping and reaching the REM cycle of my sleep where I dream, but I always end up crashing out for a day to catch up. The thing with that is, even the crash wouldn’t refresh me because of the nightmares.

I just didn
’t feel safe anymore, even with my big brother here. I tried t o hide it from him, but he knew. I could tell he felt bad that he couldn’t help me more, but he wa s amazing anyway . I couldn’t have ask ed for two better brothers than the ones I have. I was just too messed up in the head for them to be able to help me. I t wasn’t their fault.

I went into the kitchen to make supper, and for the next hour, lost myself in listening to my Bose stereo system and cooking my special home-made seafood jambalaya. I was doing the dishes I had used while cooking, when Jordan walked in with grocery bags hanging off his arms.

“Sis, I smelled your cookin’ from out in the driveway.” He said. “You are an angel from heaven. I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I am sooooo hungry.”

I went to help him put the bag
s down then turned and signed, ‘
You are not supposed to skip meals William Jordan .
’
I crossed my arms over my chest, and gave him my best ‘you know better’ look.

“Don’t look at me like that, Marti. I bet you didn’t eat either.” He looked pointedly at me. “You never stop to eat when you’re writing . Even when you’re not writing, you don’t take care of yourself so don’t lecture me. I was trying to hurry so I could get home to your cookin’
.
”

I started to tear up realizing how much of his freedom he’d given up to come home to watch out for me.

‘
I’m sorry J. I
know I don’t have room to talk .
’
I said He came and gave me a big bear hug. “Please don’t cry. I wasn’t fussin’. I just worry about you.
”

I pulled away fro
m him so I could sign to him.
‘
I know you worry. I worry about you, too. You used to go out. You used to have girlfri ends , but you stopped doing all of that . You gave everything up to come take care of me. I feel like I’ve messed things up for you.
’

“No, Marti. I wanted to come here. If I had been here…”

‘
No! That
happened because I was stupid!
’
I signed with rapid, jagged movements to emphasize I meant it.
‘
Don’t you dare play the ‘what if’ game. No one is to blame except for me and that phycho. I knew better than to…
’
I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t think about it anymore or I’d break down again, so I turned and started put ting the groceries up. Jordan helped me, knowing me well enough to drop it, and then he fixed drinks while I fixed us each a bowl.

“Did you make good progress on your book today?”

‘
No. I only got one chapter done and didn’t even get to the editing of that .
’
I usually edited as I went along since I was my own editor for this first book. I had decided to publish it as an e-book if I couldn’t get a publisher interested. That way I could establish myself as an author and it would be easier to gain the attention of the publishers if my name was already out there.

“What happened? You usually get more than that done. You had all day.”

‘
I fell asleep
.
’
I knew I didn’t have to explain beyond that. He knew about my nightmares and virtual fear of sleep because of it.

“Oh. Hey! Did James call you?”
He asked. I knew he was trying to change the subject and get my mind off the topic.

Just then the phone rang. “Get that. It must be him calling now.”

I have a phone with a keyboard attached so I could type what I wanted to say. I looked at the caller ID and sure enough it was James.

I picked it up and typed ‘
Hello ’.

“Hey Sissy! Has Jordan told you my good news yet?” His voice was deep, but it was as bubbly as ever. He always was hyped up and chipper. Not much could ever get him down.

‘
Yep. He told me at breakfast, so what took y ou so long to call and tell me ?’

He waited for me to type and
for the voice machine to talk. It was kind of a slow process to have a phone conversation, but he and Jordan never had a problem waiting. They were happy to have a way to talk to me when they weren’t there.

“Sorry, please don’t be mad, but I was just getting everything ready for the move. I even found rental space in Fort Mill to use as an office, AND I already have a job offer to design the new Town Hall there, SOOO I’ll be there tomorrow if that’s ok ay .” He said. I could tell how excited he was.

‘
Of course it’s ok
ay ! I can’t wait for you to get here. I’ve missed you so much .’ I typed. ‘
And you need to go ahead and bring Shelby, too. She can live here with you until you build your own house.’

“No. Shelby’s just going to visit on weekends. She still has one semester left before she can transfer here to do her internship at the hospital in Rock Hill.”

‘
I just want you to let her know that she is welcome here. Tell her I can’t wait until she is finally my sister.’

“I’ll tell her. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sissy. I love you.”

‘Love you, too. Bye.’

“Bye.” He said before he hung up.

Jordan had been opening the mail while I’d been talking to James. He turned to me with a letter in his hand.

“Guess who is coming home.” He said with a smile. “This is from Toby. They are finally bringing the troops home. He said once they get stateside , him and Troy will b e moving to reserve status. Tor y is being honorably discharged. He won’t have to serve anymore after all of his injuries.”

‘What injuries?’
I asked. I never opened the mail, so Jordan always read the letters from the trips first. I had never read one saying anything about one of them being hurt.

“Oh, daggumit! I wasn’t supposed to tell you. They knew you’d be upset.” He said. I could tell he was upset with himself for letting it slip. “Before you get mad at them, remember what you are keeping from them. Every time they have been able to call, I’ve covered for you. None of you can get mad at the others.”

‘
I know. You’re right.
’

I was feeling so many things at the moment. Ecstatic, impatient, sad, scared. Things had changed, but I still loved my boys. They were finally coming home to me, and even I didn’t know how I’d react. I was happy they were coming, but would I be able to be around them? For a year and a half I have panicked if anyone came near me other than my brothers. Would I be able to handle the trips?

I was looking at myself in the mirror, trying
to see myself as others saw me. My brothers had told me after everything happened, that I was still beautiful, but I had never been beautiful. I had always just been average. I have a good complexion , though I have a scar from my right ear to the right corner of my mouth that mars it . My skin color matches that of my brothers, a caramel color because of our mixed race. Daddy was black and Mommy was white. Our Mommy used to get complimented about her beautiful children wherever we would go.
Looking back into the mirror, I looked at my hazel eyes. They seemed dull to me. You used to be able to see the sparkle in my eyes, be able to tell how I was feeling. Maybe that was why they were dull. I just felt numb most of the time. I didn’t take time with my hair anymore . I would just put the moisturizer in it, and then put it in a pony tail. I was 5’6 and not fat, but not thin either. I was thick, with curves. At least that was the way I looked at it.

I wondered, no
t having seen the trips in two years, would they like the way I look now?
Nah, I had too many scars. Unless I wore a body suit with a mask, gloves, and shoes. But it was too hot right now to get by with that.

I got dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a purple tank top and slid on my purple flops. I was going to spend the day at the creek writing since Jordan had fixed my laptop last week.

I had spent the weekend with James catching up on all the happenings with him, but he was going to start working in his office today. I really wished he would turn one of the other rooms into an office for himself, but he said clients needed to be able to have easy access to him, and we lived kind of far out of town.

“Hey, Sissy! Will you please come with me today?” James said coming into the bathroom behind me. “I’ll even set you up with an office in the back so you won’t be out in the open when people come in.”