Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions (24 page)

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Authors: June Hunt

BOOK: Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions
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Get Clear About God’s Character
To get to the heart of Denise’s heartache, I knew my conversation with her would need to delve directly into the character of God. It is our thoughts about God’s character that influence everything we think and do.
June:
“Sometimes when we encounter trials, a voice down deep whispers: ‘Maybe God isn’t as trustworthy as He says. Surely if God loved me, He wouldn’t have let this happen.’ Have you ever heard that voice?”
Denise:
“There hasn’t been a day since Madeline died that I
don’t
hear that voice. I hate it…I try to ignore it…but it’s there.”
June:
“I understand, Denise. And, more important, God understands, too. In the Garden of Eden, the serpent said to Eve, ‘Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden?”’
4
Eve responded that God said she and Adam could eat from any tree except for the one in the middle of the garden. If they ate of that tree, they would die.
“But the serpent, who is Satan’s instrument, scoffed and said, ‘You will not surely die…For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’
5
Satan said, in essence, that God was lying; He was trying to trick you; He can’t be trusted. And the rest, as they say, is history.
“Could Satan be using this tragedy to drive a wedge between you and your heavenly Father?”
Denise:
“I see what you’re saying. It’s like Satan is whispering lies to harden my heart.”
June:
“Exactly! He is crafty enough to prey upon us when we’re most vulnerable. Even so, we can’t pin everything on Satan. Often our own doubts, fragile faith, and wounded emotions can cause us to wonder if Christianity is all it’s cracked up to be, or if God is really who He claims to be. That’s when we must remind ourselves of what the Bible says about God. We need to solidify what we know about His character. In fact, let’s take a moment and do that right now. Tell me, Denise: What are some aspects of God’s character that mean the most to you?”
Denise:
“Probably the most important thing to me is His love.”
June:
“Excellent! He is loving! Romans 8:38-39 says, ‘I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ What else do we know about God’s character?”
When we truly understand who God is…it will be impossible to stay angry at Him for long.
Denise:
“I know He doesn’t change. The summer before Madeline died, she and I memorized a scripture together: ‘Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.’ ”
6
June:
“That’s beautiful. Yes! God doesn’t change. His character is the same yesterday, today, and forever. What a comfort it is to know that, unlike us, God’s perfect character is perfectly constant.”
Denise and I continued recounting the virtues of God’s character—how, in addition to being loving and unchangeable, the Bible assures us He is also…
Eager to forgive—
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
7
Merciful—
“The LORD is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compassion.”
8
Sovereign—
“He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand.”
9
As we considered the wonderful attributes of God, I shared my conviction that when we truly understand who God is—and realize His impeccable character can never be compromised—it will be impossible to stay angry at Him for long.
Before hanging up the phone that night, I prayed with Denise, asking God to replace her anger with reassurance of God’s perfect love and plan for her life. I also sent her our resource titled
Evil and Suffering…Why?
I had no reason to believe I’d ever hear from Denise again, but I was wrong. The following year, I received this touching note:
Dear June,
While figuratively pounding my fists against my heavenly Father’s chest and becoming exhausted to the point of surrender, I discovered an incredible aspect of His unfailing love. Standing there emotionally spent and still—before Him—I became aware of His heart…and despite my misdirected anger toward Him, eventually I began to feel His gentle strength… and the security of His tender embrace.
Thank you, June, for helping me see, finally, that God was never to blame for Madeline’s death, and that, no matter what happens from here on in my life, His character is my assurance that I can always trust Him.
As for me, it was not hard to imagine the Father gently cleansing every last bit of ashen residue and preparing this special woman to share her newfound faith with other grieving mothers in the months and years to come.
Trust the Judge to Bring Justice
As we’ve seen, one of the biggest causes of anger can be summed up in a word: injustice. We want to know the wrongdoer will be punished, the criminal will be sent to prison, and the bully will get his comeuppance. So we cry out to God, “You’re not going to let him get away with that, are You?” We get mad at the Lord when our offender seems to get off scot-free.
I understand this struggle very well because a desire for justice seems to be hard-wired into my DNA. For many years of my Christian life, I preferred the Old Testament version of justice (“an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”) to the New Testament version, in which Jesus seemed to forgive sinners “too easily.” Where was the justice?
Then one day it was as if the Spirit spoke to me: “You too are living in the era of Jesus’ grace and mercy.” It dawned on me that I am the recipient of God’s compassion, and He has not dealt with me in the way I deserve. I wouldn’t want to incur His wrath and judgment, so was it right to wish that upon others?
But there’s more. God
is
just, and He has promised to mete out justice in His time, in His way. Here’s what He has told us:
• “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them” (Deuteronomy 32:35).
• “Will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly” (Luke 18:7-8).
Jesus provides an example that empowers us to trust God with matters of justice: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). It’s up to God, the divine Judge, to ensure justice—and He will. It’s up to us to trust Him to deliver on His promises.
Recognize Pain Has a Purpose
Anger and pain go hand in hand. Some pain is a mere twinge, some is like a sledgehammer to the skull. Some is short-lived, some seems to last forever.
Over the years, I have counseled many pain-filled people. Most of them have asked the same anguished question: “Why did God let this happen?” We still think pain is random and pointless. We beg God to take it away—
right now
. That’s okay. Most people are surprised and encouraged when I remind them Jesus did the very same thing.
Just after the Last Supper, the Lord went with His disciples to pray in the Garden of Gethsemane. Although His followers were still pretty clueless about what was coming, Jesus knew He would soon be arrested and put on trial. It didn’t matter that He was entirely blameless; it didn’t matter that He had been set up. He foresaw the pain, humiliation, and horrible death that awaited Him, and He was gripped with anguish.
Despite being the Son of God and having all the resources of heaven and earth available to Him, the prospect of His imminent crucifix-ion was almost more than even He could bear. He told Peter and the others, “ ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.’ And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him…‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me.’ ”
10
That sounds like something you and I might pray: “Make this problem go away; get rid of this illness; take these struggles off my shoulders.” Yet Jesus knew something that escapes most of us when we are crippled by pain and angry because of it: He understood His suffering had a purpose. As much as He wished to be spared, He saw the incomparable good God would bring out of the incomprehensible injustice of His death. So even though His sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood, He earnestly prayed, “Yet, not my will, but yours be done.”
11
If you are in pain, the right question to ask isn’t “Why?” but “How?” “How, Lord? How are You going to use this tough situation to shape my character and deepen my faith? How are You going to accomplish Your will through this ordeal?”
Then, follow in Jesus’ steps and pray for God’s will to be done, knowing that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
12
Did you catch that?
All
things.
Every Right to Be Angry
As she lay on an English hillside, Helen Roseveare pledged herself a living sacrifice to the work and call of God. It was 1947 and her spirit had been ignited by the moving testimonies of several missionaries—testimonies that fanned the flame within her to take the gospel to the farthest corners of the world.
For Helen, her heart’s desire was, as she put it, “single-eyed for His will and for His glory.”
13
Yet even in that monumental moment of surrender, she sensed her resolve might not always be so firm. She knew sacrifice to God’s will could be accompanied by great struggle.
“Please go on working in me until I really am transformed into the image of Your Son,” she pleaded with God. “Today I mean this, with every ounce of my being, but when You start doing it, and the stirring hurts, and I feel I can’t take anymore, maybe I’ll cry out to You to stop. Please when that happens, don’t listen to my cry to stop.”
14
Mission Field Turned Battlefield
Helen, a physician, heeded God’s call and became a medical missionary to the Congo. She and her team established a 250-bed hospital and a training school, with Helen’s responsibilities including construction oversight of the school, the development of curriculum, and the training of students. It was not uncommon for her to treat 100 patients a day. She herself contracted several serious illnesses, including malaria. Fatigue was a constant battle—the needs were overwhelming, the conditions so oppressive, and the hours so long.
During the 12-year period Helen served in the Congo, she leaned hard on the solid truth of her mission’s motto, claiming it amidst exhaustion, loneliness, divisions within the African church, and rifts among fellow missionaries: “If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him.”
15
But late in 1964, Helen’s commitment to those words was put to the ultimate test.
“Fear was in the very air we breathed,” Helen recalled, citing a civil uprising by Simba guerillas that reached a climax of tyranny and terror.
16

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