It Matters To Me (The Wandering Hearts Book 2) (33 page)

“D
ID YOU GET IT?”
I ask impatiently, not bothering with a hello as soon as my father walks into the room.

“Do you have any idea how many boring stories I had to listen to from your Grandmother to pry this thing out of her hands?” Dad groans as he shoves a hand into his pocket and fishes out the small silver band.

My eyes light up as he reaches out, opening my hand for me. “Hurry, they could be back any second.”

“All right, all right, hold your horses.” He’s shaky as he drops it into my possession. Flipping it around, I gaze at the modest but handsome ring. A large opal dominates in the center. It was always the thing that caught my eye growing up. After Gramps died, the ring was supposed to go to my brother once he found a bride.

“Your Grams is pretty excited about the ring staying in the family like this,” my dad adds. I can feel his eyes locked on me. “Well, about that, and apparently that you’re not marrying a slut.”

I laugh. “I can hear her saying that.”

“I told her she shouldn’t make those sorts of assumptions and that maybe you’re marrying a slut.”

“Dad!” I exclaim, my fist wrapping tightly around the treasured piece of jewelry, clutching it tightly to my chest. “That’s your future daughter-in-law.”

He swipes a hand at me dismissively, moving over to the chair across from the hospital bed and flops down. “Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch, boy.”

“I love her.”

“I know you think you do—” he starts.

“Not you too?” I grumble. “Mom tried to give me the same speech that Kenzie may not be the one for me.”

“Son, we care about you.” My dad trying to act like he’s interested in my love life makes me uncomfortable.

“So does Kenzie!” I snap.

He huffs, “Damn it, boy. It’s like watching you pee on yourself.”

“What in the hell are you talking about old man?”

“You’re the only one getting that warm feeling,” he adds.

My face burns hot. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

My dad raises his hands defensively. “Look, I know Kenzie’s a sweetheart.”

“I’m a what?” Kenzie’s voice fills the room like a bird singing. I quickly drop my hand to my side, hiding the ring against my leg. My leg. The idea that I can’t get down on one knee to propose properly makes me sad. If anyone can motivate me to walk again, though, it’s Kenzie.

Dad hops to his feet and moves in close to her. “You’re the prettiest girl in all of the Southside.”

“You always were a sweet talker,” Kenzie chimes.

“I think he’s always wanted to secretly steal you away from me,” I joke with a slight grin, my heart now racing.

“You got me!” Dad shouts, clapping his hands together. “But whatever you do, don’t tell your mother.”

I furrow my brow, glancing over Kenzie’s shoulder. “Where is my mom?”

“Oh,” Kenzie’s voice cracks. “I saw her when I came back up. She’s standing at the end of the hallway, looking out the window.”

“That woman and her thousand yard stare,” Dad grumbles. “Well, I better make sure everything’s all right.

Dad could be a bit gristly on the outside, but when it came down to it, he was always there for my mom. He used to say
you can’t pick who you love, love picks you, and that’s the only way I ever had a chance with your mom.
He quit saying it after Afghanistan. We stopped doing a lot of stuff after my brother didn’t come home.

Dad presses his lips gently against Kenzie’s cheek and leaves the room.

“They’re pretty cute,” she says, smiling and moving over to the chair my dad had just been sitting in.

“You’re pretty cute,” I grin, lifting my eyebrows.

She laughs. I’ve missed that laugh so damn much. “And you’re pretty cheesy,” she says, preparing to sit down.

“Wait!” I exclaim. I don’t know why, but I don’t imagine me proposing to the woman I love being from a hospital bed as she sits across the room.

She spins around wildly. “Huh? What is it?”

“I’m sorry, I just thought you could come over here, and we could talk.”

She sucks in a breath, glancing at the door.

“I won’t bite,” I add. “Unless you ask me to.”

“Wow, you’re laying it on thick tonight, aren’t you?” she says, moving around the bed and standing next to me. I wonder if she can see the panic on my face. Does she have any clue what’s about to happen?

“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry,” I start.

“For getting crushed by a car?” she asks, confused.

I laugh. “Well, I’m pretty sorry that happened too, but no. I’m sorry for not understanding how important marriage was to you.”

She shakes her head. “Let’s not talk about that now.”

“I want to,” I insist.

“That’s all water under the bridge now.”

“Please Kenz, just humor me.”

She shrugs, shifting her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“This accident has put a lot of things into perspective for me. I realize I’ve been wasting my life.”

“I’m glad something positive has come out of it.”

I push the ring into the crease between my blanket-covered leg and the mattress in hopes if I move my hand she won’t see it, and reach out for her. She slips her small and delicate hand into mine as if it’s second nature.

“God, I wish more than anything I could get up from this bed right now and dance with you.” Her eyes glass over and I think she may cry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She lifts her free hand up to her mouth, and swallows hard, trying to regain her composure. For a moment, I think she might know what I am about to ask.

She sucks in a ragged breath, and a single tear manages to escape, sadness heavy in her eyes. “Ben, I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” I squeeze her hand and smile. Her eyes brighten a bit. My voice shakes for a moment. “We started dating in college and every single time I saw you, my stomach did flips. You surprised me all the time back then—”

“Please,” she breathes, her eyes sad again.

“You still surprise me,” I continue. “You inspire me. You got a job that you had no experience with, that took you to another country. There was no fear, no hesitation. I watch you, and all I can think is I want to leap like Kenzie does.”

“It was just a job, I didn’t cure cancer,” she dismisses.

“You showed me I don’t have to be a mechanic for the rest of my life.”

“What?”

“I’m going to take that apprenticeship my old professor told me about,” I explain.

Her sadness bleeds away, leaving a light shining inside her that I had forgotten existed. “Are you serious?” she asks leaning in.

I nod.

“I thought you didn’t want to take it because of money,” she says.

I shrug. “I guess I realized some things are more important. Plus, you have to start somewhere. I won’t be able to work in the shop while I’m in a chair, I might as well…” My voice trails off when I see the sadness disappear from her face.

A smile climbs across her face, perching itself from ear to ear. “That’s amazing news. I’m so excited for you.”

Now. Ask her now.
I release her hand and fumble for the ring tucked under my leg. She’s watching me closely.

“God, I’m so nervous I can barely think straight.” As the words slip out of my mouth, embarrassment flushes across my face.

Confusion stitches across her forehead. “Nervous about what?” she asks, her voice hesitant.

“I wish more than anything that I could get down on one knee right now,” I begin, wrapping my fingers around the ring and securing her fingertips with my other hand. “You deserve that, Kenz.”

Her chin drops, her mouth falling open. She confirms with her look that she, in fact, was not expecting this.

“I don’t want to regret losing you for the rest of my life,” I continue.

“Oh, please don’t say it, Ben,” she pleads with me.

“I have to say it. Afterward, you can tell me you hate me, that you never want to see me again, but I will die if I don’t tell you I love you. I love you to the point it hurts. This ring belongs to Grams.”

“Please.” Her voice cracks.

“I know me proposing from a hospital bed isn’t the most romantic way to do this, but I couldn’t wait. As soon as I woke up and saw you here, I knew. I’ve never known anything in my life as much as I now know that I want you to be my wife. Kenzie Crawford, will you marry me?”

I spit the words out as quickly as I can, for fear that if I don’t say them, they will grow hot inside me, and I might combust. I offer her the ring, but her fingertips slip from my hand, and she covers her mouth in shock with two open palms.

“Well?” I hear my dad’s voice bellow from the doorway.

Our eyes dart back to one another, and my stomach sinks when I see the horrified expression gazing back at me.

“I have to go,” she says and without any other explanation, she runs out of the room, pushing through the small gap between my parents.

“Oh son, I’m sure you just surprised her,” my mother assures me, crossing the room and standing at my side.

“She took off out of here faster than a speeding bullet, didn’t she?” Dad laughs.

“You’re not helping,” my mom corrects him sternly.

“How about she disappeared quicker than Little Debbie snacks at a Weight Watchers meeting? Is that better?”

“Seriously?” Mom gasps.

“Can you two just give me a little time alone?” I ask, my fist closing back around the ring. I wait for them to leave and pull it up to my chest.
She has to say yes. She has to.

I
STUMBLE DOWN A STREET
that I don’t know the name of. I lost my way hours ago … Honestly, I lost my way long before that. Pressing my back against the brick wall of a random building, I rotate one ankle and then another, wondering why we women torture ourselves with high heels. Then as my eyes glance over the deep red color on one of the soles, I remember it’s because they look hella sexy.

I close my eyes, lifting my chin to the sky and hold my breath for a moment before releasing a huge exhale.

“Marry me.” Ben’s eyes were so full of hope and promise as he said those words to me. What must he be thinking right now? I can’t believe I just ran out on him like I did.

My mind begins to race with thoughts. Perhaps he thinks I hate him. Do I? I love Aiden. I think I love Aiden. No … I have to love him. I can’t feel the way I do when I’m around him, or even apart from him, and it not be love. But Ben, when I got that call, when I saw him in that bed, I felt something then too. I can’t hate Ben, but can I love him if I love Aiden?

I push off the wall and continue walking. When I walk, the aching thoughts seem to slow. One foot in front of the other. I continue moving through the night. I turn down one street and then another. I should worry about my safety, but I don’t. I think about Aiden’s smile. Ben’s sad eyes. Aiden’s strong arms.

Mist begins to fall from above, mingling with the dampness already on my cheeks. I’m such a good liar, I think. I’ve even confused myself about how I feel.

I glance down the next street through squinted eyes. My breath catches in my throat when I recognize a light above a loading dock. In the night, through the darkness, my aimless wandering has brought me here.