Imaginary Grace (28 page)

“Tanner? Scott just asked if you wanted water.”

I snapped back to the present to find Grace staring at me. “Uh, yeah, sure,” I muttered, feeling like a pig. Lately, it was all I thought about, getting Grace naked then doing…
whatever
. I knew it sounded crude, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted her -
bad
- and knowing that I couldn’t…well
shouldn’t…
only made it that much worse.

“Well, folks,” Scott said, “I need to head out for a bit. I’ll see you guys later.”

When Grace came out of the kitchen carrying two waters I asked her if she wanted to stay for a while and watch TV. Wordlessly, she sat down on the couch, and after grabbing the remote I joined her, flipping through the stations until she stopped me on some weird zombie show. I put the remote down on the coffee table.

She reached over, put her hand on my thigh, and started moving her fingers around in little circles while she watched the show. I started thinking about all the things we could do to each other before Scott returned home.

“C’mere,” I said, pulling her onto my lap. She squirmed around until she was facing me with her knees on either side of me. Then, with her body pressed tight up against mine, she wrapped her arms around my neck and just…hugged me. We stayed like that for a minute or so, neither of us saying anything, and then she turned and slowly began kissing my neck.

I leaned my head back on the couch and shut my eyes. As she continued, my hands automatically slipped below her shirt and around her waist. My breaths came quicker as my hands began to roam, and my thoughts became consumed with what I wanted to do to her. I brought my hands down and grabbed her thighs roughly as I pulled her even closer.

I remembered that Scott was going to be back soon and pushed her back a bit. “Uh…do you want me to play some guitar for you?”

She looked puzzled at first, then she slowly returned my smile. “Yeah…sure…play your guitar for me.” She climbed off me and followed me into my bedroom.

This was a mistake. I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let it get too far.

Once inside my room, I closed the door, then pushed her back up against it as I started kissing her. I brought my arm around to her back and started slowly winding her braid around my hand. Then I pulled her head back, kissing her even harder. I started wondering if she had that sexy white cotton bra on again, and immediately I was consumed with finding out, so I let go of her braid, causing it to tumble down her back. Then I reached down and, grabbing the edges of her t-shirt, slowly pulled it up and over her head.

In the light of the fading afternoon sun I saw that it was a heather-gray cotton bra instead, which to my surprise I found even sexier than the white one. I stared down at her like I wanted to devour her, and she moved forward, slowly pushing me back the few feet to the edge of my bed where she gently pulled my shirt off.

I sat down on the bed and pulled her down next to me, where I continued kissing her even as I slowly pushed her back onto her back. I slid her bra off with ease and tossed it to the side.

I knelt over her and pulled her up so that she was leaning up on her elbows. Then I slowly undid her braid so that her hair hung in gentle waves over her shoulders. Seeing her like that, with no shirt on and her hair all loose, was probably the sexiest fucking thing I’d ever seen.

She reached up and undid the button on my jeans, then slowly, tentatively, pulled the zipper down as if she expected me to stop her again. I didn’t. Instead I reached down and grabbed the top of her pants with both hands and started slowly pulling them down until she was left with only the thin match to the heather gray bra.

I tossed her pants aside, then came down on my side next to her to drink in her absolute perfection. I couldn’t stop my hands from roaming her entire body as I felt her reach over and tug at my jeans. Without thinking I began to pull them off until I was left in just boxers, then I lay there on my side, waiting to see if she’d keep going.

She slowly brought her hand around so that it was running just along my waist.
Go lower.
I was dying for her to touch me, but I knew if she did there’d be no turning back.

“Grace,” I whispered, “…if you go any further…I…I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

“I…don’t want you to stop,” she whispered back breathlessly.

“Grace…please. You really need to be sure about this.”

“I’m sure,” was all she said. But I knew in that moment that once again I couldn’t do it, so I rolled over onto my back for the second time in as many days and closed my eyes, waiting for the moment to pass. The room was dark now and almost silent, except for the sound of her breathing.

After a while I turned back onto my side and took her in my arms, pulling her close, but as I did I felt her stiffen slightly. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t say anything for a long time. Then she whispered, “I don’t understand. You make me think there’s something wrong with me.”

“No,” I said quickly, “it’s not you.”
It’s me; it’s totally me.
“I just think we should wait, that’s all.” I reached over and laid my head on her stomach and noticed for the first time that her skin smelled so sweet and clean.

“How is it that you smell so damn good after being at the gym for nearly two hours?”

She giggled in the darkness and then said, “Well, if you must know, I took a quick shower there before we left. I didn’t want to be all sweaty just in case you tried to have your way with me.”

“Um, Grace, I don’t think I would have noticed if you
were
sweaty.”

“Well, anyway, on that note I should really get going.”

“Don’t go,” I said, holding her.

“No, I have to. I don’t want to risk being rejected again tonight.” It was the first time I’d heard her be sarcastic.

“Very funny, but you’ll thank me later for sparing you your honor. Believe me, it wasn’t easy,” I told her.

She started feeling around for her clothes, finding her bra first and putting it on. Then she found her shirt and pants. After getting dressed, she announced again that she had to go. I reluctantly got up, and let out an inaudible sigh.

“C’mon,” I said as I pulled on my own clothes, “I’ll drive you home.”

“Okay,” she said, and as we walked out, I told her I’d drive her to the train station Friday if she wanted, and pick her up there on Sunday afternoon, too. “Oh, that would be great. Then I won’t have to take a cab.”

Fifteen minutes later we were in front of her dorm. We sat in the car for a while before I finally said, without looking her in the eye, “Uh, I hope you’re not upset about before.”

“Nah,” was all she said, but I could tell she was. And then she added a zinger. “I’m getting used to it.” I wasn’t sure how to read her. “I should get going,” she said.

“Okay,” I said, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I leaned over and kissed her, then she climbed out of the car.

On Friday afternoon, I headed over to Grace’s to pick her up and bring her to the train station. I’d spoken to her several times since Tuesday night, but I hadn’t seen her. I parked my car, then got out and texted her that I was downstairs. A few minutes later, she was at the door, carrying a small overnight bag. She set it down, then threw her arms around me and kissed me. “I missed you,” she said happily. “It’s been nearly three whole days!”

I laughed, then reached down to pick up her bag.

“What do you have planned for the weekend?” she asked as we walked to my car.

“Nothing for tonight. Tomorrow is work, then tomorrow night the band I help out with is playing.” I opened the trunk and put her bag in. “Oh, and I’m stopping by my parents’ Sunday morning.” Until Grace asked, I’d forgotten all about going to see Mom.

“Sounds like you’ll be busy,” she said as she slid into the car.

“I guess,” I commented as I opened the car door for her. On the way to the train station she talked about her family, and I could tell that she was looking forward to seeing them. We got there with some time to kill, so I parked the car on the street and went in with her. Before I knew it, the train was pulling into the station and I pulled her toward me for a kiss. Then it was time for her to board.

After the train left, I walked back to my car, noting that nothing had been mentioned by either of us about the other night, and I thought to myself –
How many more times am I going to be able to do that? My guess? None. Translation – don’t put yourself in that situation again.

The rest of the weekend dragged. I didn’t go out Friday night and work totally sucked on Saturday. The only good thing was playing with the band on Saturday night. Before the show, Cole gave me the summer tour schedule, and it looked pretty full. He’d even managed to work in the outdoor concert, the one at the lake in Jersey, which was cool.

It was a full house, and we put on an awesome show. I hung out for a while afterward, drinking with the guys, but I definitely wasn’t trashed. As he’d predicted, Scott scored with Jen from the gym; I was predicting he’d spend the next several days crowing about it. On Sunday morning, I left for my parents’ house around eleven o’clock, but when I got there, no one was home. I made myself something to eat, and within a few minutes my mom arrived.

“Tanner, honey, I’m sorry I’m late. I just lost track of time,” she said apologetically.

“No problem, Ma; I made myself a sandwich and was just going to watch some TV.” I gave her a pointed look. “So, what’s up?”

“Oh, have a seat. “Watch a little TV and let me change. I’ll be right back,” she said, then disappeared into her room. I shrugged as I sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and waited for her to come back.

She returned a few minutes later with what looked to be a white envelop in her hand. She sat down right next to me on the couch, which was kind of strange, so I straightened up and glanced over at her. “What?”

“Oh, um, I wanted to talk to you about something...” she started.

“Yeah…go ahead.” She was starting to freak me out.

“Your father and I were thinking…and we decided to give you that money you asked for. You know, the money you wanted so you could travel with the band over the summer.”

I froze as she handed me the envelope. It was filled with cash.

“I know you said that if you went, you wanted to take Grace with you, so there’s a bit more than you asked for.”

I felt a sharp thrill of euphoria. It had worked!
All the planning, all the months of lying…of worrying that Grace would find out---
Grace. All the months of tricking Grace, leading her on, and then, somehow in the middle of that, falling for her…

“Oh, and Tanner, consider the money a gift. You don’t have to pay us back. You’ve just been doing so well at school and you seem to have really gotten yourself on the right track.”

Suddenly the money didn’t symbolize going on tour with the band; it symbolized things being over with Grace.

“Well? Say something, honey,” she said, looking at me curiously with her hands folded in her lap.

“I…I can’t take this, Ma…” I began.

“Nonsense, honey, you deserve it. Dad and I are so proud of the way you’ve straightened yourself out. We want you and Grace to have a fun time this summer, but promise me this. If you get a break in between shows you’ll bring Grace up to the lake house for a few days. We’d all have such a lovely time, don’t you think?”

I sat there, staring at her and feeling like a total shit. “Yeah, sure, Mom.”

“Oh, by the way, Michael’s bringing the boys over later,” she said, changing the subject. “Can you stay for dinner?”

“Uh, no. I actually have to get going. I’m picking Grace up at the train station later. She went home for the weekend.”

“Oh, that’s fine. We’ll do it another time,” she said as she stood up. I got up, and she walked me to the door.

Then I did something that I hadn’t done in a long time - I hugged her. “I’ll see you soon, Mom, and thanks,” I said, holding out the envelope.

“You’re welcome, honey. See you soon.”

When I got out to my car I threw the envelope into the glove compartment and slammed it shut. Now what? The charade was over, wasn’t it? The plan had actually worked. I should be flying high.

I pulled out of the driveway and was heading back to the apartment when my phone went off with a text from Grace. Her train was delayed and she’d let me know as soon as it left the station.

When I got back home I retrieved the envelope from the glove compartment and stuck it into my pocket. Scott was still home. When I walked in, he looked at me expectantly. “Well, what was the big meeting about?”

I shrugged. “Ehh, they just needed me to help them move some stuff.”

“Damn,” he said, “I didn’t want to get your hopes up but I really thought they might give you the cash. Sorry, man. What are you going to tell Cole?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“That sucks,” he said, then proceeded to fill me in again on the details of his latest sexual escapade. I listened intently, relieved that he had changed the subject.

When I went to my room I didn’t even open the envelope, just tossed it in my drawer so it was out of sight. As I lay down on my bed I reminded myself that at least I didn’t sleep with her—woulda been a whole lot worse if I had. A few minutes later Scott knocked on the door, asking if I wanted to do something, but I said was tired. Another lie. I just wanted to see Grace.

A while later, she texted me again, saying that her train would arrive by seven o’clock. I got to the train station early, checked the platform her train would pull up to, and sat down on a nearby bench. As I waited, I started thinking about next weekend-- the band was playing at a small club a few miles up the road from J.D.’s. Grace and Beth had plans to go to a party at a friend of Beth’s who lived a couple blocks over from me and Scott.

I’ll admit I wasn’t crazy about her going, but I kept my mouth shut when she told me about it. My biggest fear was that she’d be at a party without me and Gary would show up. Luckily, I knew there was little chance Gary would be at this one. I was pulled from my thoughts when finally, after what seemed like forever, I saw her coming down the stairs from the platform.