If My Heart Could See You (20 page)

Twenty-six

For a full se’nnight, Amiria had chosen to remain enclosed within her chamber, no doubt coming to grips with the death of her guardsman. She refused to admit Dristan, or anyone else for that matter, into her self-imposed sanctuary, nor did she descend below to the Great Hall to break her fast in his presence. ’Twas apparent she felt Devon’s death was his fault, although she, as much as anyone, should know that death is the price one must pay for the cost of war, securing of lands, and protecting one’s people.

His patience at an end, Dristan climbed the spiral stone stairs and made his way along the passageway towards her chamber. He was not surprised to see her captain standing guard at her door as if some harm might befall her whilst she resided inside her room. He glanced at Ian and felt a hint of jealousy rear its ugly head, causing a mighty scowl to appear on his brow. Aye, he had been told how Ian had held Amiria within his arms and Dristan’s irritation with that small measure of knowledge caused his temper to rise with each step he took.

Dristan strode to stand afore Ian, who looked him in the eye. Was that perchance a hint of anger or arrogance he saw mixed within the younger man’s hazel eyes?

“My lord,” Ian said with a slight bow.

“There is no need to stand guard whilst I am within my keep,” he voiced coolly. He slapped his gloves against his leg, trying not to let his anger get the best of him.

“’Tis a habit,” Ian replied, just as inhospitably with a shrug of his shoulder. “Besides
. . . there is always mischief afoot surrounding Amiria.”

“No harm will befall her as she has me to defend her now.”

Ian hesitated only momentarily afore he found his voice. “Do you mean to release me then from my vow to protect her?”

“Aye. She and the other children are now my concern and I will see to their welfare,” Dristan declared, almost daring Ian to challenge him.

Ian opened his mouth but no sound emitted and he shut his lips with a snap. “I see.”

Dristan watched a multitude of emotions rush across Ian’s features. ’Twas clear he felt more for the woman he guarded than just being her captain and suddenly it dawned on him just how much Ian cared for Amiria.

“Bloody hell,” Dristan grunted hoarsely, “you are in love with her!”

Ian’s crestfallen look spoke for itself. “What is there not to love, my lord?” he asked quietly with a strained smile.

“This poses somewhat of a difficulty. You have heard Amiria will be my wife, have you not?”

“’Tis hard not to hear the goings on of the castle gossip, my liege,” Ian answered glumly. “Her parents would not be pleased you have made her nothing more than your whore.”

“You dare speak to me thusly or are you just a fool, who speaks with no thought to your life?” Dristan roared.

“’Tis the truth is it not? I, at least, would have made her my lady wife already if only I were more than just a guardsman,” he said gruffly. “Without lands of my own or a title of merit and worth, she is far beyond my reach no matter the feelings I have for her.”

“You were charged to guard her Ian, not fall in love with her. You should have known nothing good would come from such a situation. Does she know of your feelings for her then?”

Ian pondered his answer as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, I suppose she does, but that is of no consequence at this point. What is more important is what you feel for her.”

“’That, Ian, is none of your concern,” Dristan huffed in annoyance.

“No disrespect intended, my lord, but who else would champion her cause if I do not do so myself? You have made it abundantly clear you care not what others think of her situation by not making her your wife. You may release me from my vow to protect her and my service to you for there is nothing I can do about such an occurrence. But I shall not rest ’til I am sure my lady has been properly wed, and you will care for her along with the other bairn’s,” Ian threatened.

“You dare much.”

“Aye, I dare much, my lord! I made a vow to her dying father and will not besmirch his memory by not keeping my word. It means all to me, for I have nothing left but my honor. ’Tis at stake if I do not make every effort to keep my oath made to a man who took his last breath at my feet. Surely you would not ask such of me, or would you?”

Dristan took in the younger man afore him and had to admire his determination to see Amiria settled and to uphold his honor. As a knight of the realm he understood. He shook his head that he could be so blind in the treatment of the woman he would take to wife.

“I hear your words, Ian, but tell me this
. . . do you plan to just stand aside and watch her wed another? Considering how you feel for her? To be honest, even I myself would find such a task most difficult.”

Ian sighed and relaxed his stance. “All I ask is that you do what is proper, my lord, and make her a whore no longer. Then, and only then, will I ask you to release me from my pledge of fealty,” he promised calmly. “I love her most deeply, wishing only her happiness, and yet I fear I must leave this place. I do not believe I could endure the torment of seeing her love another.”

Dristan was surprised at his words. “You believe she loves me then?”

“Open your eyes, my Lord Dristan, and see what is afore you,” he said. “All the world can see the love she has for you shining in those magnificent eyes of hers.”

Dristan nodded at Ian’s words as their meaning began to take root inside him and slowly sink in. He patted Ian on the back, cleared his throat, and stood afore Amiria’s door. He knocked for entry. He was not surprised when silence was his only answer.

“You might as well get used to your patience being tried at every turn, my lord. She is most stubborn or even persuasive when the need arises,” Ian drawled wryly. “I myself would not have her any other way.”

Dristan glared at the man, ’til Ian laughed smugly and made his way down the passageway, leaving his liege glaring at the solid wood portal. He stared at the loathsome door as if ’twas an enemy to be conquered.

He grabbed his sword and banged the obnoxious object afore him with its hilt. The sound echoed off the walls, and yet still it stood firmly shut afore him, barring his way from the woman within. ’Twas only the threat he gave her that he would break the wood down if he must that Amiria at last conceded and opened the door.

Her appearance gave him pause, for she was utterly disheveled. She slowly went to sit afore the fire lit in the hearth, and he swore to himself whilst watching her hands shake. Red puffy eyelids from her tears nearly rivaled the color of her hair. He was not surprised to see her in hose and tunic, although her garments would be beneficial to the outing he had originally had in mind for them this day.

Amiria began to run her fingers through her glorious mane of hair and quickly made fast work of threading her tresses into a fat braid. With a complete look of disinterest thrown in his direction, she turned back towards the fire, clearly indicating she planned to ignore him.

Dristan, on the other hand, only leaned upon the doorframe, crossed his arms, and took in the view of perfection that was afore him. Aye, perfect she was for him in every way, and, at last, he could admit that truth if only to himself. He was still unsure if he could trust her as yet with the tender care of his much guarded heart.

Only the crackling of the fire, as the wood snapped and hissed, broke the deafening silence of the chamber. When Amiria could at last stand it no more, she turned to face the one who had been tormenting her every waking hour. She would not even begin to give way to what agony her dreams gave her during her sleep. It only irritated her further to see a charming grin plastered on his handsome rugged face.

“Something amuses you?” she inquired sharply.

“Aye.”

Ach
, she thought; a simple, annoying answer that grated on her already stretched nerves. “I have no desire to have speech with you, or any other for that matter.”

“That means naught to me for we will have speech together, Amiria, among other things,” he declared knowingly.

“I think not, my lord. Besides . . . I am in mourning.”

“Aye, you are in mourning for the lad, and yet Devon would not wish you to grieve for him so,” he drawled grimly.

“You dare to tell me how I should mourn the loss of my guardsman? Devon died in front of me. I grew up with him. Are you so callous and heartless, Dristan, that you do not mourn him, as well, no matter that he only served you most recently?” she screamed at him.

“
Merde
! Amiria, we were ambushed. ’Twas nothing anyone could do,” he thundered. “You yourself were among those soldiers who helped to defend this castle. The price of war is high, Amiria. You know that! Sometimes that price is costly. By Saint Michael’s wings, woman, I should not have to explain this to you.”

“You could show some remorse, you heartless bastard!”

He pushed off the doorframe, threw his gloves in frustration upon the bed, and came to stand afore her. “My birthright is not in question here. Aye, I mourn the lad, but in my own way. If I showed such weakness afore my men, I would lose their respect, so I keep those feelings unto myself. You would do well to do the same.”

Amiria had no words of reply and only continued to stare off into the flames of the fire. ’Twas not ’til he thrust his hand in front of her that she glanced up into his
unwavering grey eyes.

“Come with me,” he commanded.

She gazed at the proffered limb and felt a weariness overcome her. Not having the energy to fight with him further this day, she could only stare at his hand as if seeing it for the first time.

“You are a most annoying man,” she proclaimed softly. “Will it always be thusly with us do you suppose?”

“Aye. I’m afraid ours will be a stormy relationship with a constant battle of wills waged between us,” he said gruffly. “Better that than the alternative of being bored,
ma petite
!”

“I will cower afore no man,” she said boldly. “You should know that by now.”

“As long as you know the same holds true for me, Amiria. I am lord here and no woman, you or any other, will ever lead me about by the nose,” Dristan said with a stern warning look. “But know you this . . . I would rather you stand beside me willingly and accept me as not only your lord but as your husband. I do not relish a lifetime of war between us, my lady.”

“Accepting you as husband may be easier said than done, my lord.”

“Perchance ’twill not be as difficult as you may think,” he said huskily as he once more extended out his hand for her to take. “Now, as I said, come with me. Such loveliness is not meant to be stifled between the walls of our keep, but instead should be outside where it may thrive in nature’s glory.”

His compliment took Amiria by surprise, especially when he referred to the keep as their home. She finally placed her hand within his, and he gently pulled her to her feet. She felt a tremor pass between them, leaving her slightly breathless and in awe of how she felt when she was with this man. From his startled expression, Amiria knew, without any doubt, he had felt it too. She saw the edges of his mouth lift in an ever so slight smile, and she returned it with one of her own.

Encouraged the day may yet be salvaged with the thought of being outdoors, Amiria willingly walked alongside Dristan. ’Twas not ’til he captured her hand, with a twinkle in his eyes, and placed it on his arm as they reached the Great Hall that she began to enjoy the sensation of being in his company. Perchance, if she but wished hard enough, there would be hope for their match after all!

Twenty-seven

Sabina’s moans, coming from the hayloft, echoed off the walls, ’til she realized they might be overheard. He was quite the lover, not that she had another to compare him to. Stifling a giggle, she looked down upon his head whilst he went about his business. A smile lit her face in excitement from his touch. Such a fine amorous knight was he and she was thrilled he was hers and hers alone.

Sabina suddenly gasped and flinched in jealousy. She pushed with all her might at the man who she had, but moments afore, clasped to her bosom. “What did you call me?” she screeched angrily.

“I know not what you speak of,” Hugh muffled as he went back to nuzzling her breasts.

“Get off me, you misbegotten cur! How dare you utter my sister’s name whilst you take me to your bed?”

Hugh raised a brow in irony as he scrutinized their surroundings. “You are mistaken and err mightily if you believe you would ever be worthy enough to enter my bed.”

“Ha! I at least was born a lady, expecting those to honor me since my birth, and did not have to bribe my king to earn his favor!”

Hugh’s smirk seeped with condescension. Rising, he began to adjust his hose. “No lady would be caught alive without her garments in a hayloft, my dear, especially without the benefit of wedlock.”

“But you will wed with me, Sir Hugh, of that there is no doubt,” Sabina said confidently.

A small laugh escaped his lips as he looked down upon her whilst she attempted to remove the hay tangled in her long straight hair. “I think not,” he replied and strapped his sword to his side. “You would be the last woman I would care to wake up to for the rest of my life.”

Sabina began to sputter her outrage. Quickly she began to claw her way out of the straw, which seemingly clung to her from every direction. The loud creaking of the opening stable door caused Hugh to reach down and place his hand none to gently over her mouth to further silence her protests.

“Bloody hell, Hugh! Are you not yet finished?” hissed his cousin.

“Aye, most assuredly,” he called from above.

“Then what is taking so long?” Gilbert said impatiently. “We must away and without further haste. I do not relish being caught within the bailey’s walls.”

“I’m coming,” he exclaimed without care for the hurt that crossed Sabina’s features. “I have no further business here.”

“But what if I am with child?” she whispered in dismay that he would not take her to wife.

“That, Sabina, is your problem and not mine,” Hugh drawled callously, giving her a final look of cold distain.

Sabina stood there motionless and horrified whilst Hugh’s words began to take form in her mind. She reached out for him only to have her hand slapped away as he took his leave without so much as a backwards glance.

She began to shake uncontrollably. The silence of the stables was deafening to her ears. The horses whinnied and snorted occasionally as horses were wont to do, but she did not hear their sounds. Nor did she see the dust molts as they danced and floated in the air from the sunlight penetrating the cracks in the ceiling. Nay
. . . she only stood there alone and frightened with her thoughts.

Her hands at last came to rest upon her belly for she knew that a child had indeed taken root within her womb.
What to do? What to do? What to do?
Her troubled thoughts repeated the same question over and over in her mind. No answer seemed to be forthcoming.
He must wed me
, her way of thinking demanded no matter how irrational those demands might be. Surely he would come to love her and the child she carried!

She adjusted her clothing and began to slowly climb down the ladder, ensuring her skirts did not trip her on her way down. She was just removing the last remnants of straw from her hair when two lads entered to grab bridles and tack.

She made it appear she had been tending one of the steeds housed there. A quick glance at the youths proved that mayhap Hugh had not been as careful as she assumed, for the young lads tossed her a knowing look. She glared at them for their gall, but they turned from her without so much as a by your leave. How dare the whelps treat her so as if she was not a lady at all? The slight burnt like a fever within her as she gathered her thoughts to give the boys a piece of her mind.

She collected her words to voice her displeasure but choked them back when they entered the stall where Dristan’s horse was kept. Thor seemed to be as displeased with the louts as much as she was. They approached the stallion cautiously and tried to not get beneath his massive hooves when he pranced in anticipation of his freedom. After some difficulty, they at last managed to have the steed saddled and led him from the stall to receive his rider.

’Twas not ’til Sabina heard her sister’s voice saying she would retrieve Caliana that a feeling of utter resentment consumed her. Her sanity snapped as easily as a dried twig beneath one’s foot. With her sister’s approach, Sabina knew only one thing for certain . . . she would die a thousand deaths afore Amiria would take the father of her child from her!

Amiria entered the stable with a smile set upon her face, ’til she espied her sister hovering in the shadows of the room. Sabina slowly came into the light and Amiria was startled by the somewhat crazed look upon her features. She began to reach out towards her sibling, to find out what had befallen her, when Sabina snarled at her.

“You willna have them both, you witch,” Sabina cried out in anger.

“Are you daft? Whatever do you speak of?” she questioned somberly, noticing Sabina did not look well. “You have no reason to turn your wrath upon me.”

“He is mine. You willna cast some spell upon him so his favors fall from me!” she bellowed, raising her fist. “You willna have him too. If you think to take him from me then I will kill you just to keep him unto myself!”

Amiria tried to comprehend exactly what Sabina was trying to tell her, since she made no sense. They had always argued amongst themselves but somehow hearing her sister threaten to slay her was more than just sibling rivalry. ’Twas when Sabina began to mutter to herself that Amiria truly did worry if her sister had gone mad.

She reached out her hands to console the troubled younger girl. “I know not what has caused you to hate me so, but you are my sister and I love you.”

“Love me? You do not love me but have always made my life miserable. You and Aiden were always the favorites in father’s eyes,” Sabina screeched. “I was never good enough, but I will show you, and everyone else, that I will have my way. You will not win this battle, Amiria.”

“What battle? Why are you so distraught and angry with me? Talk to me, Sabina.”

“You willna have them both,” she repeated with tears shimmering in her eyes. Crying out, Sabina burst into tears, gave Amiria a mighty shove, and ran from the stables. Amiria made to follow but was halted when Dristan joined her. Sabina’s cries continued to be heard by all as they echoed off the bailey walls.

“What the devil ails that woman?” Dristan asked sharply.

“I am not sure, but it cannot be anything good. I fear for her as I have never done afore,” she replied softly in concern for her sibling.

“I know she is your sister but she and her ways vex my nerves,” he said in annoyance.

Amiria smiled slightly whilst one of the lads brought out Caliana and began the task of saddling her. “I am afraid, my lord, that Sabina tends to irritate all within her path, usually on a daily basis.”

“Then she bears watching so she does not harm those around her, including herself,” Dristan answered sternly.

“I am most worried, Dristan,” she said in a hushed tone. “Perchance I should go and check on her.”

Dristan came to her and took her hand, placing a gentle kiss upon the inside of her wrist. Her surprised look at this small display of affection gave him pause and yet still caused a devilish grin to light his face. “She will be fine. Let us away Amiria and at least for a while enjoy a carefree day. We shall see how long it can last, which I am sure will not be for any prolonged amount of time.”

Her horse ready, Dristan waved off the lad and assisted her into the saddle himself. Once settled, he handed her the reins. She blushed when his fingers brushed her own and she could tell it took much on his part to leave her side.

Amiria admired Dristan’s handsomeness, as he effortlessly leapt into the saddle. With little effort, he easily controlled the massive stallion beneath him. She took one last worried look in the direction of the keep before she turned her mount and followed behind Dristan’s warhorse. Once past the outer walls and drawbridge, they took flight and raced as if trying to catch the wind. With the opportunity to enjoy a day free from the restraints of the castle, Amiria took Dristan’s words to heart and began to enjoy their day, praying for many more to follow.

The fading laughter of the departing couple seemed to hang in the air like a promise of good tidings to come from the heavens above. Those who had been lucky enough to have heard such happiness occurring from their mistress, now went about their duties, feeling light hearted that all would be well at Berwyck Castle.

For one, it only added to the distress on her frantic thoughts and already tortured mind. As she stood high upon the parapet, watching the dust disappear from the jovial couple, Sabina could only wonder if she would be missed, even in the slightest, if she flung herself off the wall to her demise.