Hope for Your Heart: Finding Strength in Life's Storms (23 page)

God wants to utilize our talents and in so doing give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment. He wants us to have a properly directed, life-giving purpose. Still, many people I speak with feel like they are nothing special and therefore couldn’t be used by God in any great way. Scripture makes it clear that God uses ordinary, humble folks who are surrendered to Him.

A motif running through both the Old and New Testaments is that of God as the potter who shapes and molds the clay, us, to utilize as He deems best. As Isaiah said, “O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand” (Isa. 64:8 esv).

And Paul wrote to Timothy, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work” (2 Tim. 2:20–21).

If you are committed to being totally sold out to Christ and being fully utilized by Him, that’s the beginning of recognizing God’s plan for your life and rekindling hope in your heart. Collectively, we are all created:

• To be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
  “Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:24).
  
• To let God be the true King of our hearts
  . “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matt. 6:33).
  
• To be the image-bearer of God.
  “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27).
  
• To be conformed to the character of Christ.
  “Those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Rom. 8:29).
  
• To bring glory to God.
  “Everyone who is called by my name . . . I created for my glory . . . I formed and made” (Isa. 43:7).
  

We were also individually created with a specific plan for our lives. To understand the nature of God’s specialized work in your own personal life you need to do the following:

Realize that God has a personal and unique purpose for your life.
The mission He calls you to is tailor-made just for you, and He has gifted you with all you need to accomplish it. “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10 esv).

Realize God’s promise to reveal His purpose for you.
He doesn’t play games with us, and finding your way in life is not a matter of hide-and-seek. God wants you to reach your full potential, and He’s provided the means for you to discover how. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you” (Ps. 32:8).

Realize the power of prayer to reveal God’s purpose.
As we listen to the Spirit and humbly ask for direction, we will, in time, discern His calling. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6–7 esv).

Realize that God will faithfully use your spiritual gifts, yielded to Him, to
accomplish His purpose for you.
We all have different talents and abilities, and we need to make sure our ambitions align with our aptitude. “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully” (Rom. 12:6–8).

Realize the value of asking practical questions of godly counselors.
Tap into the wisdom and experience of those you trust. God has placed people in your life to serve as guides, advisers, and encouragers. “A wise man listens to advice” (Prov. 12:15 esv).

Once you’ve taken these foundational truths to heart, you can take the next step of identifying God’s specific calling. You can:

Discover God’s leading through your circumstances.
Carefully evaluate which situations in your life have brought you success and which have brought failure, excitement or boredom, fruitfulness or frustration. God uses all the experiences in your life—whether positive or negative—to steer you in the right direction. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand” (Prov. 19:21 esv).

Discover opportunity through obedience.
“If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land” (Isa. 1:19).

Discover how to wait for God’s timing.
All of us want to receive our marching orders and begin fulfilling them
right now
. But sometimes God is preparing us and grooming us for bigger and better things, so He tells us to be patient and to continue diligently serving Him where we currently are. “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Ps 27:14 esv).

Discover the essential goals for your life.
Define the goals that will help you achieve your purposes, goals that are specific and reachable, beneficial to but not dependent on others for success, in line with God’s will, and made with deadlines for completion.

Nearing the time of His crucifixion, Jesus was questioned by Pilate. In the course of that inquisition Jesus said, “For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world” (John 18:37 esv). Christ had the kind of single-minded focus and assurance of His calling that we should strive to attain.

If you are unclear about God’s specific purpose for your life, spend ample time in the upcoming weeks asking Him to reveal His plan for you. Think about your greatest source of delight and gladness, and consider how you could best serve the world by putting to full use your God-given talents, passions, and skills.

Ask God to prepare you, lead you, and open doors for you so that you can fulfill the mission to which He has called you. Your sense of hopefulness, fulfillment, and bright outlook on life are sure to soar as you, by faith, work to achieve the unique purpose God has set out for you.

And consider this: No one who has ever lived, is living now, or will ever live can accomplish
your
purpose. This is something only
you
can do . . . something only
God
can do through you.

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (1 Thess. 5:24)

In this age of abundant energy, it’s hard to believe that our ancestors once explored and colonized every corner of the world using nothing but
the power of the
wind
. With timber masts and canvas sails, they ventured across vast oceans, defying storms and reefs in the harshest climates. As long as a steady wind blew, there was no point on the compass where they couldn’t go.

Well, almost. There is one direction the best sailing ship can never ever go. From the beginning, every sailor at sea learns this simple fact:
You cannot sail straight into the wind!

To understand why, think about a flag flying on a windy day. If you hold a flag straight into the wind, it flaps and flutters as the wind blows by, but it cannot catch any of the wind like sails do on a sailboat. However, to get the wind to work for you, tightly hold the cloth steady in the wind
at an angle
.

Sailors have a unique vocabulary to describe the relative positions of a boat to the wind (called “points of sail”):

• In irons
  : A sailboat facing directly into the wind might as well be locked in irons . . . because it isn’t going anywhere. The sails will only flap in the wind.
  
• Close-hauled
  : A craft is close-hauled if the sails are trimmed tightly and moving as near upwind as possible without landing in irons. If the helmsman steers too close into the wind and the sails start “luffing,” the boat is said to be pinching.
  
• Close reach
  : Sometimes called fetching, a vessel in close reach means the sails are anywhere between close-hauled and at an angle of 45 degrees.
  
• Beam reach
  : This point of sail is when the mainsheet is placed at a 45-degree angle and the boat is moving at right angles to the wind.
  
• Broad reach
  : A sailboat is in broad reach when the wind blows from behind at various angles, but not from directly behind.
  
• Running
  : Boats are running when sails are angled at 90 degrees to catch wind blowing directly from the stern, from the rear. While you may think this point of sail is the fastest way to travel (with the wind pushing you from behind), experienced sailors also know this point of sail is the most dangerous, often referring to it as the “don’t go zone.” Your running sailboat is less stable, harder to steer, and more susceptible to jibingor capsizing. (A sail that jibes shifts suddenly and dangerously from one side to the other.)
  

Here’s the point: Sailing is the art of getting somewhere on an
indirect
course. Each leg of the journey is called a tack, and an experienced sailor strings them together, tacking in a zigzag pattern that methodically moves the sailboat toward the desired destination. To an uninformed observer, a particular tack often looks like it is tracking too far to the right and then to the left. But that is all part of a systematic strategy to safely arrive at a desired destination, harnessing the power of the wind.

Putting your hope in the Lord during your journey through life requires that same kind of strategic patience. You must keep your eyes firmly on God, trusting Him no matter how often the course of your life changes. Remember, your ultimate destination is accomplishing the purpose for which you were created.

When your hope is in the Lord’s plan and purpose for your life, letting Him determine the exact direction—the angle of each tack—your journey will be absolutely secure. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And when you fulfill God’s purpose for your life, you will arrive safely in the harbor . . . because He is at the helm.

Scott was the first to admit he wasn’t a perfect father. He’d often given far too much of himself to his work and far too little of himself to his son, Andrew. Looking back, he sorely wished he had scolded less and sympathized more . . . that he’d laughed more and worried less.

Yet for all that, Scott knew he wasn’t the worst father in the world either. He genuinely loved Andrew and worked hard to provide a safe and proper home for him. He agonized over every childhood illness and teenage crisis and always wanted the very best for his son. In spite of his flaws, he felt he’d done a pretty good job as a parent.

But when Scott called me one evening during a
Hope In The Night
broadcast, it had been five years since he’d spoken to Andrew. A bitter argument had turned into a nasty fight, and their stubborn anger had opened what seemed to be a colossal chasm of silence and pain between them. It was obvious from the emotional strain in Scott’s voice that the memory of that injurious encounter was as fresh in his mind as if it had happened yesterday.

After high school Andrew had gone to college in another city. Scott covered the costs but made it clear he expected Andrew to do his part by studying hard and doing well in his classes. It didn’t take long for evidence to start piling up that things weren’t going according to plan.

“First he began bouncing checks,” Scott told me. “Then he wrecked the car I’d bought for him, apparently during a street race that could have gotten him killed. By the time he came home at the end of his first semester, he was close to being expelled and lucky not to be in jail. To top it off, he looked like he’d had a hangover for four solid months.”

When Scott confronted his son, Andrew angrily told him he had no intention of living a life as “pointless and boring” as his father’s.

“He said he’d rather die in a gutter than be like me,” Scott recalled. “I told him I’d have been better off childless than to have a spoiled delinquent for a son. It was an awful thing to say, I know, but I’d had it.”

More venomous words were exchanged, dredging up old conflicts. Andrew left in silence the next morning before either of them could take back what he’d said. Andrew left a note saying he would be dropping out of college and joining the Army. Scott didn’t know if he was doing that to exert his independence, sow his wild oats, spite his father, or all of the above.

“I still feel dead inside, like I did that day watching him leave,” Scott told me bitterly. “All my hope in God’s blessing and protection went out the door with him.”

I know from experience that Scott’s heartbreaking words speak for thousands of hurting people who struggle to forgive others . . . and themselves. Although God commands us to forgive those who harmed us, just as we have been forgiven, many believers struggle to let go of their pain, their pride, or their intense desire for vindication.

Yet sooner or later it all comes down to a glaring moment of decision: Will we continue to choose slavery to anger, pride, and pain, or will we let God lead us to the freedom of forgiveness? Will we leave our stomachs and our relationships tied up in knots of unforgiveness or work to untangle them? Our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being as well as the healthiness of all of our relationships depends on our answer.

For Scott, such a moment had finally arrived. The morning of the day he called me, he had received an unexpected invitation to Andrew’s wedding in the mail. Tucked inside the printed card was a handwritten note that read, “I’d like you to be here . . . if you want.”

“That’s wonderful!” I told Scott. “You must feel like the father of the Prodigal Son who looks up and sees his boy coming over the horizon!”

But for Scott, like so many of us, it wasn’t that easy. He had no confidence that the pieces of their shattered relationship could ever be put back together again. Too much time had gone by, he thought, and too much damage had been done. The knots of unforgiveness seemed too tightly woven together to ever be untangled.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I can’t bear to open these wounds again. If I go, what assurance do I have that reconciliation is even possible?”

“That’s a legitimate question,” I told Scott, “and I wish I could give you that assurance. But reconciliation requires everyone involved doing their part, and there are no guarantees that will happen. The good thing is, Andrew has opened the door for that possibility, which gives you reason to believe it
can
happen and to have hope it
will
happen.”

The truth is, without the anchor of hope there is no way we can ever steady ourselves in a raging gale of anger, pride, and pain long enough to forgive someone who has offended us, much less find the strength to untie and heal the knotted relationship. We feel too vulnerable to more pain. We feel like forgiveness and reconciliation are impossible. But when our hope is in God, we know that He is willing and able to repair
any
damage done and to restore
anything
that was lost. Hope is the crucial ingredient that makes it all possible.

Interestingly, people who have read my book
How to Forgive . . .
When You Don’t Feel Like It
have made more comments about the section explaining the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation than about any other part of the book.

The same is true of our
Biblical Counseling Keys
on the topic of forgiveness. Many people do not understand that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.

Forgiveness focuses on the offense, whereas reconciliation focuses on the relationship. Forgiveness requires no relationship. However, reconciliation requires a relationship in which two people, in agreement, are walking together toward the same goal. The Bible says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3).

The truth is:

The bottom line is: Forgiveness is a choice that a person makes to not extract payment from someone who has committed an offense against him or her. In no way is it contingent on the offender. You can choose to forgive anyone at any time for anything. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a choice made by offenders and offended persons alike to do what it takes to lay a new foundation on which to build a new relationship.

It is a joint undertaking contingent on forgiveness being given and received and is dependent on all involved agreeing that reconciliation is God’s will. Sometimes it isn’t. But in Jonah’s story, it was. . . .