Her Secrets (3 page)

DAMN YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL

FIVE

Austin rested his forehead against her shoulder and pressed a kiss on her clavicle. “Let’s get you dressed.” He went to get up but she held him to her.

As soon as they
dressed and left the cave, it would be back to reality. She wasn’t ready. “Austin, wait.” He lifted his head and looked at her, and she saw the love. It was easy to see, and that made her sad because he’d come clean and explained. She even understood to an extent, although understanding didn’t take away the many months of pain she’d felt. He’d still hurt her, even if he had good intentions.

“
What is it, Will?” He nuzzled her with his nose. It was cold against her skin and her flesh puckered with goose bumps.

She grabbed his face between her
hands. “I—there’s some things I need to tell you.”

He gave her
a quick kiss and stood, then pulled her to her feet slowly. “Damn, you’re beautiful.” He handed Willow her undies, dangled them from his finger. She grabbed them and slid them on, along with her bra. He picked up her pants and her sweater. They were covered in sand. She took them and shimmied into them while he dressed. “I’m listening,” he said as he zipped his pants.

“It’s…” Ugh, how did she say it
? The words. How did she make him understand what an amazing child Emma was and do it without sounding like she wanted something from him? “It’s… I—
we
have a child,” she finally blurted.

He was in the process on
buttoning his shirt and froze. His brows crunched together and his lips tightened. “What do you mean?”

Willow
huffed, tugging on her sweater. “It isn’t that hard to grasp. We were together. Nine months later I gave birth to a baby girl.” Her insides softened as she thought about her daughter. “And she’s wonderful, the most amazing child. A sweet disposition with a full head of dark curly hair, blue eyes, and the cute—”

“A child?” He pulled his tie over his head and tugged on his shoes. “You and me?” He grabbed hold of the blanket and shook it angrily
, then folded it.

She
sighed, feeling the awkward tension. There weren’t a lot of men in the world who would be excited to hear such news, that a summer fling had given him a child. But he’d said he loved her just now. So why was he mad? “I-I just thought you’d like to know, but if you aren’t interested, I’m not asking for anything.” She picked up the wine bottle and the glasses and clung to them.

Austin set the blanket down and went to work putting out the fire. After it was
out and smoking, he turned to her, his eyes blazing. “I can’t fucking believe it. I never would’ve thought you were that kind of girl. I just told you I loved you. I just made love to you. Why would you lie? What’s the point? You had me.”

He kicked sand over the
smoldering wood, picked up the blanket and left the cave.

Willow stood frozen, unable to comprehend what happened. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. She
tried to shake off the feeling of dread in her stomach, wrapped the red scarf around her neck, and followed him out.

Water
had reached the entrance and her feet got wet. Dammit. He was walking quickly and had already reached the stairs. She jogged to catch up. When she reached him she put a hand on his lower back. “Austin. I’m not lying.”

He paused and turned,
his features even more angry. Willow noticed the way his jaws were clenched and the flash of rage in the way he was breathing. “Bullshit.” He went back to stomping up the stairs.

Willow
trailed after him, wrath building within. What the hell? She had no reason to lie.

Austin stopped. “I can’t have children, Willow. My wife and I tried for years. Years,” he shouted and started up the steps.

She was dumbfounded. She hadn’t been with another man, ever. He was it for her. “Well, I’m sorry, but it happened. She’s yours. She looks just like you.”

At my words he turned and c
ame down. Austin towered over her like a wild bull. He was breathing hard. His hair had fallen into his eyes.

“I swear she’s yours. I’ve never been—”

He growled and started back up the steps.

She
let him go. Just stood there and watched. “You’re a stupid, stupid man, Austin Merrick,” she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.

When he reach
ed the top, he turned back and paused. For the briefest second she thought he realized what an asshole he was being and would come back and apologize.

He didn’t.

He left her. Again.

***

Willow reached her front door and paused, not quite ready to go in and face her mom. The night had started out so well and ended…

“
Asshole.” Willow went in, quietly locked the door, and went to the freezer. At the back, behind the mint chip ice cream and the chocolate chip waffles, was a bottle of vodka. Her mom had brought it over the day she found out about her cancer. She’d been pregnant with Emma at the time so she hadn’t had any. Her mom had a shot for her and they’d cried. Willow put the rest in the freezer, telling her she would save it for a day like today. Twenty or not, she intended to get drunk—incredibly, stupidly drunk—and pass out on the couch. That was her Christmas present to herself. She’d earned it.

Willow
got a glass from the cupboard and carefully filled it with ice. From the refrigerator she took a lime, cut it in half, and squeezed the juices over the ice.  Then she filled the glass with vodka and sat at the table.

The first swallow burned and she
gasped, then took another. There was no more time for tears. She would drink and feel sorry for herself tonight—one night. Tomorrow she would push all the feelings she had for Austin away, lock them in a vault deep, deep down, and focus on Emma and getting better. Tomorrow.

About ha
lf way through the bottle she decided she wasn’t done with Austin Merrick. She’d email the motherfucker and attach pictures from the day Emma was born and up until two days ago, when she took a picture of Emma in an elf outfit. Her daughter—their daughter—was adorable. She wanted Austin to see her. Under each picture she typed comments about it. Like on the day Emma was born, she commented:
I named her Emma Austin after your sorry ass.

Wh
en Emma hit her one-month mark, she’d taken a picture of the two of them at the library. Underneath she typed:
Baby loves books
.
Austin is an idiot.
At two months, she’d taken Emma to the beach. Her mom took the picture of the two of them and a starfish she was holding out for Emma to see. Her comment after she attached it was:
Emma’s my little starfish
.
You’re a dick.
Month three was Halloween, and Willow dressed Emma in a peapod costume. She looked like one of those Anne Geddes pictures. Under that picture she typed:
She’s a sweet pea. You’re an ass
. At Thanksgiving Emma wore a turkey on her shirt. Willow’s mom was holding her and her sisters stood on either side. She typed:
My family and you’re missing out. Dick!
And finally Willow attached the elf pic and commented:
Merry Christmas. I’ve never lied to you. I don’t know how, but Emma is yours. If you can’t see that, then you’re the biggest asshole on the planet, you stupid fucking gorgeous man.

She
didn’t even think about it when she finished. She just hit send, closed her laptop, and went to the couch where she promptly fell asleep, feeling much better.

YOU WALKED AWAY

SIX

The next morning Willow woke with a splitting headache. People were whispering, but they could have been banging pots and pans the way it affected her head. She sat up and moaned. The talking stopped.

“She’s awake now. You might as well come in.
”

Willow forced her
eyes open and was shocked to see her mom standing next to Austin. He had on jeans and a white tee. The way she remembered him, rumpled and hotter than hell. For the briefest second she thought about running into his arms.

But l
ast night—the way he’d treated her, the things he said—came flooding back, and she was angry. “What are you doing here? You made your intentions and feelings for me quite clear. Get out.”

He didn’t leave.
He grimaced, obviously upset about last night. “Will?” He moved away from the door and kneeled in front of her. “I’m so sorry. Truly, deeply sorry.”

Willow
was still a little groggy from the alcohol and lack of sleep, but she noticed he looked haggard. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and his hair had that mussed, out of sorts look. He was disgustingly, deliciously worn out.

My Austin,
she thought.

His hair hung in his eyes and she
reached out to push it away, then thought better of it. “You’re sorry? Great. Good to know. That doesn’t change that fact that you think I’m a liar. That you walked away from me. Again.”

Austin squeezed her
hands. “I know. I was an asshole and an idiot. The truth is, if you hadn’t sent those pictures, I probably wouldn’t be here.” He closed his eyes. “Emma looks just like me.”

That caught her
attention. “How do you know her name? I never told your sorry jerky-jerk face her name.”

He gave her
a strange look. “Wasn’t it you who emailed me pictures last night? The comments underneath were… thought provoking.”

Willow
looked to her mom for help. She shrugged.

Almost ri
ght on cue, Emma began to cry. Willow tried to move around Austin. She needed to see to her child. But Austin held her fast.

“Wait. I want to talk,” he said.

“You two talk. I’ll get Emma up.” Her mom dashed from the room as though grateful she had an excuse to leave Willow alone with Austin.

“Look, I don’t remember sending you any photos, but nothing’s changed. I told you about your daughter, you called me a liar, and then
walked away. I have nothing more to say to you. Now get the fuck out of my house.” Willow crossed her arms. Stupid fucking tears formed at the idea of watching him go, but it was bound to happen. “And this time, don’t ever come back,” she added, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take it again.

Austin stood
, tucking his hands in the pockets in the front of he jeans. He glared.

Willow jumped up and pushed on his
way-too-sexy chest. He didn’t move, so she slammed a fist into his arm. She totally hit like a girl, but she didn’t care. Angry tears fell from her face. “You don’t get to be mad, you son-of-a-bitch. You don’t get to see your daughter and you don’t get to see me. You get to leave. So go.” She pushed at him again. “Go. Get out, damn you.”

Austin grabbed her hands and pulled her
into a hug. “I can’t. I won’t ever leave you again. I know I’m a prick, but I swear I’m here. I’m staying. I—”

“I have cancer, Austin. The doctor’s giving me a
fifty-fifty shot at survival.” She was doing the ugly cry, the kind where she didn’t care what she looked like and, even if she did, it wouldn’t have mattered. She wouldn’t have been able to stop. “So shut up and leave.” Willow was out of control, hitting him without force, but still hitting.

Austin froze. Willow
felt his body go stiff, and she momentarily felt bad. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked at him through her tears.

“What kind?” he whispered.

“It’s on my spine,” she returned sadly, sitting on the couch. She hadn’t wanted to tell him like that, but she was glad it was out. All the cards were on the proverbial table.

“What’s your treatment plan?” he asked
, so soft she almost didn’t hear him.

“I start chemo the middle of January. At the moment I’m on several different drugs to help slow it down. So far they haven’t helped
much.”

Austin sat beside her
and put his head in his hands. Now she really felt bad.

“You don’t have to stay.
You don’t have to go through this.” Willow shrugged. “If, you know, you could come and visit Emma sometimes, I’d really appreciate that, though.”

“You mean after you
’re dead?” he asked and looked up. His eyes were angry again.

Willow
nodded slowly. “If something were to happen, it’d be nice if she could see her dad.”

Austin grabbed Willow
by the shoulders. “Don’t you fucking talk like that.” He walked to the door. “I’m leaving, but I’m not leaving-leaving. I need to make a couple of phone calls, move around a few things, and cancel a couple of others. I will be back later today and I will meet my daughter. Got it?”

Willow nodded numbly;
afraid if she said anything he might change his mind.

When the door closed Willow’s
mom came out holding Emma. “That was intense.”

Willow
sniffled and smiled, her eyes immediately finding her daughter’s form and going to her. “Hi baby-girl.” She took Emma from her mom and snuggled her close. She’d given up a lot for her daughter, but she knew she’d do it again in a second if it meant spending more time with Emma.

“Do you believe him? You think he’s coming back?”

Willow shrugged. “His track record isn’t great.” She placed Emma in her bouncy chair, buckled her in, and busied herself making Emma a bottle.

Willow’s
mom poured two glasses of orange juice and flipped on the coffee pot. “Why don’t you let me feed her while you shower. You smell like you bathed in vodka.”

Willow
sipped the orange juice and brought the bottle over. “That reminds me, he said I sent him pictures.” She flipped open the laptop and scanned the emails in the sent folder. Sure enough, there was an email to Austin Merrick. “Holy shit.” She opened it. Her mom leaned in. Willow scanned the email and pictures in complete shock. She couldn’t believe she’d had the lady balls.

Willow’s
mom covered her mouth. “No wonder he showed up here this morning frantic. But you’re right, Emma looks just like him.”

“Yeah, she doe
s.” Willow smiled at her daughter, picked her up. “You sure you don’t mind feeding her?”

Her mom took Emma. “Not at all. Go shower.” Willow
walked out of the kitchen. “You just may get your miracle.”

Willow
turned back. “I don’t need a miracle. I have much more than most.” She walked over and kissed her mom on the cheek. “Thanks, mom.”