Her Secrets (2 page)

YOU SEEM FINE

THREE

Willow spent the day with Emma. They went to the beach because Willow seemed to love listening to the birds and the rushing sound of the ocean waves coming onto the sand. Then they ate lunch at a restaurant that overlooked the beach—well, Willow ate clam chowder and Emma napped.

When they got back to their
cozy house her mother was there, her Rover parked in front. She got out and helped Willow get Emma out of the car.

“Did you forget your cell phone again?”

Willow shrugged, unsure about whether she had it or not.

Her
mother clucked her tongue. “What if something happened? What if there’d been an emergency?”

Willow was suddenly tense. She
knew it was her mom’s job to worry, but it was irritating. “Nothing happened. I’m fine. Emma is fine. We’re fine.”

Her
mom nodded, knowingly. “Yeah, you
seem
fine,” she said sarcastically.

Willow shrugged out of her coat and put her
purse on the table.

“Emmy. Jemmy. Whemmy.
Did you have fun with mommy?” Willow’s mom talked in her baby voice as she unbuckled Emma from her car seat. Willow watched Emma smile. Her daughter squirmed and lifted her coat-covered hand. Willow’s mom pulled it from the thick coat-sleeve and kissed it. “I bet you did. Yes I do. Did mommy take you to the beach? Mommy loves the beach, doesn’t she?”

Willow
couldn’t help but smile. “Emma needs a bottle. Do you want me to make it and then you can feed her?”

Her mom waved her
away. “Go take a shower. Emma and I have things under control.”

Willow
kissed Emma on the cheek and patted her mom’s arm. “Thanks.”

***

The heat from the shower warmed Willow but, even after fifteen minutes, her body wouldn’t stop shivering. It wasn’t because she was cold. It was because she was excited, scared, afraid, terrified, and… hopeful. She wanted to see Austin. Every part of her body, heart, and soul ached for him, for the way he talked with a slight accent, the way he made her feel… up until he left, she’d never been happier.

And for the life of her, she
couldn’t figure out why he’d left, what she’d done or hadn’t done to make him take off without saying good-bye or giving her a reason. That was the worst part, not knowing.

Finally
, after more than a year, she’d get the opportunity to see him again. To see his face. Just thinking about it, about him, made her pulse beat faster and her lower belly flutter with memories.

“Willow
.” Her mom knocked on the bathroom door. She’d been in the shower a long time. Obviously her mom couldn’t shut down her concern. Willow had put =her mom through a lot, especially in the past year. “Are you okay?”

Willow
sighed, pulling back the daisy shower curtain “Yes, mom. Thanks. I’m fine.” She shut off the water and took her towel off its hook. 

“No rush. Emma and I are going to bake some cookies.”

Willow smiled into the towel. “Sounds delicious. Her favorite kind of cookie is oatmeal, just in case you’re wondering.”

“Uh huh, just like her mom, I guess.”

Willow wrapped the towel around her and wiped the steam from the mirror. “Yep.” She heard her mom’s footsteps pad down the carpeted hallway back toward the kitchen.

Leaning against the sink, Willow stared at her
reflection, the brightness of her green eyes, the auburn tinge to her eyebrows and lashes. Her cheekbones were high and protruded. It was a side effect of the drugs she was on—lack of appetite. A month after she had Emma she’d started on them. Her doctor hoped they would slow the cancer so that she could have six months to recuperate after giving birth.

Weight loss had
n’t been the only negative consequence she’d suffered. Her reflection didn’t reveal the havoc making its way through her body. That would change when she started chemotherapy next month. Her doctor had advised her of the side effects. Nausea. Fatigue. Hair loss.

What will Austin think of you
then?

The thought made her
heart hurt. Why did he have to come back now? What could he possibly tell her that would make up for what he did?

She’d already resigned herself to living
the remainder of her life without him. Their eight weeks together had been amazing, the best experience of her life. And her daughter—she couldn’t have asked for a better gift than Emma. Austin was her great love. She knew she’d never feel for another person the way she felt for him, and she had been okay with that. No matter what happened, she’d experienced real, true love. She’d been given a child. She had a job and family who adored her.

Willow had
accepted life without him, even told herself that she and Emma were better off. Then Austin had to go and fuck everything up with an email. Her emotions were in an uproar. If such a thing as a good angel and a bad angel could sit on her shoulders, they’d be having a field day.

Don’t go see him. He’s an asshat. Sure, he acted kind and sweet those eight weeks and yes he’s most definitely hot, but whatever feelings he
share with you were lies.

The man knows how to treat a woman’s body. Do more than see him, seduce him. It’s been ages, and you need to get laid. 

Willow closed her eyes, resting her head against the mirror over the sink.

“What do you want?” Willow asked herself.

The last night Austin and she had been together preoccupied her thoughts. The tender way he undressed her. The way his eyes devoured her body. “I’m in love with your lips,” he’d said, kissing her. Then he’d pulled away and blazed a trail with his tongue down her body. “I’m in love with the curve of your hips.” He’d kissed each bone and then the slit of her most private part. He pushed open her legs so she was exposed to him.

Then he positioned himself and slid inside. “
I’m in love with you. Every inch.”

Willow had
shuddered, her body filled up with him, with the love on his lips and in his eyes.

“
I’m in love with you, too,” Willow finally admitted. It was the one and only time she’d ever said those words to another soul.

After they made love he tucked her body against his chest and they’
d fallen asleep.

When she
woke, she remembered a tender kiss, but he was gone. No note. No phone number. Nothing.

“
And now your back. Why?” She spoke aloud even though she knew no one would have the answer, least of all her. Willow scrunched the ends of her curly hair. From the medicine cabinet she took her favorite lotion,
Hello
by Harvey Prince and applied it. When she finished, she put the lotion back and took out her makeup case, carefully applying some brown eyeliner and mascara, a little blush, and some light pink gloss.

Then she went into her bedroom. Her sisters told her she
should wear a sexy dress and heels to show off her long legs, but there was no way she could walk in heels on the beach, especially not at midnight during winter. It wasn’t practical. Doing so would be stupid.

Instead
she dressed sensibly in jeans, a pair of knee-high boots, and an oversized sweater. It was always windy at the beach, so she put her hair up. She looked pretty and appeared as though she wasn’t trying too hard—which she wasn’t, of course.

When she came out of her room, her
mom rolled her eyes. “I didn’t think you should wear a dress and heels either, but really? He won’t be able to see your gorgeous figure.”

Her
mom was sitting on the floor next to Emma. She lay on a blanket staring up at a jungle gym of colors—a gift from Heather. Willow knelt down beside her mom and touched Emma’s hand. Her daughter wrapped her fingers around it and held tightly, her eyes finding Willow’s face.

“Hey baby-girl. You gonna be good while mommy’s gone?”

Emma smiled.

“Y
eah, you’re such a good girl.” Willow moved the gym and picked Emma up, snuggling her into her shoulder.

After a few seconds, her
mom took her. “You don’t want her to spit up on you.” Then she eyed Willow’s outfit again. “Or maybe you do.”

Willow
shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I wear. Austin and I are going to talk. Well, he better do some serious talking. I’m going to listen… at least until I get so pissed I start yelling.”

Her m
om chuckled. “If that’s how the night is going to go you’re in the perfect outfit.” She turned Emma in her arms and held her so their faces were close. “What do you think, Emmy Whemmy?”

“
Emmy Whemmy is on my side and yes, that’s probably pretty close to how the it’ll happen.” Willow walked into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator. “Is chicken okay for dinner?”

“What kind of chicken
?” she asked in a baby voice.

“Sautéed with mushrooms and onions with a salad and baked potato?”

“Mmmmm, that sounds goo-ooood, don’t you think so, baby-girl?”

Willow
turned just in time to catch Emma smiling big at her mom.

“Did you need me to cut
the onion or the mushrooms?” she asked.

“No, you holding Emma
is a huge help.”

***

Willow tried to eat when dinner was ready, but her stomach was in knots and she finally gave up.

Her m
om tidied up the kitchen after dinner and she held Emma. Her sisters came over and they had more secret eggnog, sang a few carols, and exchanged presents.

Liv got her
a red cashmere scarf. “I’m wearing it tonight. It’ll bring me luck,” she said, wrapping it around her neck. It was soft.

Heather opened the present Willow
got her and squealed. It was a sterling silver dolphin with diamonds encrusted on the fin. Willow had saved all year to get it. She knew how much Heather loved dolphins.

“You’re too much. This is gorgeou
s.” Tears made her eyes shiny. Willow hugged her. We all pitched in and got mom a cruise, and she was super excited about that.

Heather gave Sara a spa day and a promise to take care of her kids so she could go and enjoy herself.

Willow’s sisters and mom spoiled Emma with clothes, toys, and shoes. All Emma cared about was the paper, the noise it made when the wrapping ripped and crinkled.

The evening was amazing
. When her sisters went home around nine-thirty, she put Emma to bed. When she was finished, she walked into the living room. Her mom had the TV on and was watching Doctor Zhivago. Willow hated that show. It was long and the end wasn’t satisfying. Mom called it realistic. Willow sat down next to her mom. “Why do you put yourself through this? You know how it ends. She picks the wrong guy.”

Mom patted her
knee. “Maybe she picked the wrong guy for you, but she ended up with the guy she needed.”

Willow
snorted. “You’re so practical.”

“True.” Her mom faced her
. “How are you feeling? Need to talk?”

“Yes, if it’s about anything other than what I’m going to be doing in two hours.”

“Fine.” Mom turned back to the TV. “Let’s see how it ends.”

Willow crossed her
arms and snuggled next to her mom even though she knew how it ended. It was strange though because as the final scenes played out she still had hope the character would choose the right guy.

Of course, she didn’t.

As the credits rolled, her mom stood. “You’d better go.”

Willow felt like she might puke. Her body started trembling again.

Her mom seemed to sense it. “Be strong. He came looking for you. Let him share his reasons, listen, and then follow your heart.” She kissed Willow on the cheek. “When you get home, scoot me over. I’m taking your bed.” She winked. “Night.” Her mom picked up the baby monitor and walked down the hall. When she reached Willow’s bedroom, she turned back. “Merry Christmas, Willow. I love you.”

“Love you too,” Willow
responded.

She blew Willow a kiss, went into her
bedroom, and closed the door.

THE MERIT OF THE MAN

FOUR

Willow walked to the end of the lane where wooden stairs led down to the beach. The tide was out, which meant the caves would be damp but dry. As she descended, she tried not to think of the time she and Austin spent walking along this beach, holding hands, talking, and kissing in the moonlight. It’d been their favorite way to end a night out before he’d walk her home, kiss her goodnight, and then more often than not end up staying.

She clicked on her
phone and the time lit up. It was five minutes to midnight. Five more minutes and she would know the true merit of the man she’d fallen in love with those many months ago. The prospect terrified her. Several times she nearly turned around and scuttled back up the stairs, away from the inevitable. 

But she
wasn’t a coward. At least, not yet.

When she reached the last step she
paused. The wind was always strongest near the ocean. Her hair ripped from her bun and strands blew in her face. She brushed them aside as she searched the shoreline for him. Now that the time was so close, she was anxious. Her heart raced with anticipation.

Austin. Austin. Austin.

Her mind chanted his name.

He’d said their cave. She
knew exactly the one he meant. The light from the moon glistened off the water and lit up the night. Willow’s boots scrunched in the sand and she inhaled the salty smell of the ocean and the dried seaweed.

When she
came to the large rock that housed their cave she saw a light. Austin had made a fire. Willow stopped, leaning against the prickly surface.

This is it,
she thought.

She
rounded the corner and there he was. Austin Merrick, the most gorgeous man she’d ever met or would ever meet. He heard her enter the cave and turned.

As soon as their
eyes met, his face lit up.

“Willow.” He tossed the stick he’d been using to poke the firewood into
the flames and stood.

Willow
couldn’t move. He looked exactly the same: tall, bright hazel eyes, longer dark hair, and tanned skin. Well, except he had on a suit instead of the jeans and tee shirt she’d become used to seeing him in. He also wasn’t wearing his cowboy hat or boots. 

Damn, he looked good in a suit. But why was he wearing
a suit? And near a fire.

He mo
ved toward her, his hands out.

Willow’s
body started to tremble. “This is wrong,” she whispered, and ran.

He came after her
immediately. “Willow. Wait.”

She kept going until she
tripped on a damn rock and went down hands and face first into the wet sand.

Austin fell next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist
. “Are you alright?”

Willow spit out some sand and wiped her mouth. There was no doubt she
was a mess, but she wasn’t going to get another shot.

Her inner voice kept telling her
to keep calm—let Austin talk, let him explain—but her mouth wasn’t giving a fuck.

“No, I’m not okay, Austin. Do I look okay?”
She pushed herself over into a sitting position.

His serious expression turned light
and she noticed him fight not to laugh. His beautiful eyes crinkled at the sides. It made her want to cry. “You’ve got some…” he paused and brushed sand from her lip. The touch of his finger sent a jolt of need through her body. “Let me help you.” He stood and held out a hand.

Her ass was wet and she was shivering with cold, but she
didn’t want his goddamn help. “I don’t want your help. I don’t need you.” Willow spat the words angrily, fighting back the tears that threatened.

He sighed and kneeled. “It’s cold. At least come back to the fire.”

She turned away; watching the waves crash over each other and roll toward us, then pull back. The tide was coming in. A cloud covered the bright moon and the world went dark. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust. When they did she saw Austin still kneeled in front of her, his hands on his thighs, his face serious.

He moved closer so she could feel his breath on her mouth. It was minty fresh. She held her
breath, shocked. He wouldn’t dare. Then his mouth was on hers. Soft. Tender. Willow wanted to resist him, tell him to get the fuck away from her, but she couldn’t. She’d missed his lips. So, so much.

Slow
ly she kissed him back. His fingers gripped her sweater and he pulled her to him. She wrapped her fingers in his hair. He deepened the kiss, opening her mouth, and every feeling she’d pushed away over the past fifteen months came flooding back like he’d never been gone. Suddenly she couldn’t get close enough to him. She wanted him to make her feel, the way he’d always made her feel before. She needed it, even if it was just one more time.

Austin stood and pulled her
up with him, then lifted her in his arms. She lay against his chest, her hand near his heart. It beat rapidly. He carried her back to the cave and set her down next to the fire. Then he grabbed his suit coat and wrapped it around her.

It wa
sn’t the same as his arms, and she missed him, more than she cared to admit. But then again, she knew she’d been lying to keep herself from sinking into a pit of depression. Looking at him, seeing the way he looked at her, she knew he still cared. “Why did you leave?” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

He brought over a bottle of wine, two glasses
, and a blanket and sat down. Willow waited while he wrapped the blanket around the two of them, opened the wine, and poured them each a glass.

Willow
was still wet, but she was beginning to warm up.

Finally he spoke, a deep
timbre that warmed her even more. “I’m from Texas. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No, but you always wore that cowboy hat. I guessed either
Texas, Colorado, or Wyoming.” Willow took a large gulp of the red wine.

He smirked. “Yeah, my mom and dad are from Austin, but I live in Dallas.”

She nodded, forcing herself to stay quiet.

He cleared his throat and shifted in the blanket. “I was married,” he finally whispered.

Her mind screamed. No. No. No. No. No. Married? He said ‘was.’ Did that mean he wasn’t married any longer? “Was?” she asked, finishing off the wine, grabbing the bottle, and refilling her glass. She had a feeling she’d need it.

“Yes. We married right out of high school
, attended college together. Started our careers together.” He smiled and her heart shattered.

“What happened?”

He gulped down the rest of his drink. “She died,” he finally said.

That surprised her, tore at her heart. “I-I’m sorry, Austin.” She
took another drink. Is that why he left suddenly? Had he left her and she died? Was it her fault?

He stared into the fire, the flames dancing in his faraway eyes.
“She was the love of my life. I knew with absolute certainty there would never be another woman for me…” He trailed off.

Willow
stopped breathing.

What did that make her and their time together
? A booty call? Had he come back to try and forget her? That seemed like a lot of work. The man was extraordinarily handsome. Willow had no doubt droves of women wanted him. So maybe it was guilt. He came back to tell her he was sorry he’d left abruptly.

But she
didn’t want to hear that. She realized the only words she wanted to hear from Austin were words that meant they were supposed to be together.

His wife had been th
e love of his life, but Austin was the love of hers, regardless how little time she had left. 

God, it hurt.
The fucking knowing that she could be dead at this time next year.

And what if he did
love her, care for her enough to stay? Could she selfishly allow him to do that?

Of course not.
She was already leaving a daughter behind, parentless… Except, if she told him about Emma, then maybe he’d love her, take care of her, and she’d have a dad.

Austin scooted
closer and touched Willow’s face. She quivered with longing. She wanted him. She needed him. He leaned in and kissed— 

“No, wait.” She
needed to think. She scrambled out of the blanket. It didn’t matter anymore why he left those many months ago, only that he was back. Her mom and sisters were right. He needed to know about Emma.

“Austin, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Alright, but first I need to say something to you. It’s important.”

Willow
swallowed and nodded. “Okay. What?” Now that she’d decided to tell him about Emma, she just wanted to get it out, get it over with. He’d either be happy about knowing or he wouldn’t be, but she had to tell him.

Austin wrapped
his arms around her. “She died before I met you. I came to Bandon to get away, to forget, and I found you, but I was worried that my feelings for you weren’t real, that they were my way of dealing with my loss. I worried that I’d transferred my feelings for Laura onto you.” He reached out a hand and when she took it, he pulled her next to him, pressing his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and held her face between his hands. The grief on his face was palpable and she wanted to comfort him. Before she could he said, “I had to leave here—you—to make sure. I needed to get over her before I could truly gauge my feelings for you. And now I know. I love you, Willow. More than I could believe. And God I’ve missed you.”

Tears sprang into her eyes. She
was sad and happy at the same time.

“Will
? Willow. Don’t cry. I’m sorry I left. Can you ever forgive me?” He pressed his mouth on her hard, full of desire, and she responded in kind. God help her, she wanted him, all of him, for as long as possible.

She
didn’t want to think, didn’t want to debate the consequences. She just wanted to feel. His lips on hers, his naked body against hers. Him inside. She unbuttoned his wet shirt and pulled at his tie. He smiled against her lips.

“Let me help.” He
dragged his tie over his head and tossed it to the ground along with his shirt. She watched him, overwhelmed by how fucking hot he was, mesmerized by the muscles along his chest, abs, and arms. He smiled. “Take off that wet sweater, Will.”

She
sprung into action, unwrapping the red scarf and placing it carefully on a dry rock. Her sweater came off next, exposing her pink lace bra underneath. Her nipples immediately responded to the cold air. Austin’s eyes went dark with lust and the knowledge that he wanted her sent a wave of delicious longing through her.

After that it was a tangle of shoes, arms and legs. He
spread out the blanket and they lay down side by side. He rolled on top of her, his hard naked flesh pressed against mine. Their lips came together and he pressed her mouth open, tasting, flicking, and sending embers of longing and wetness into the most sensual parts of her. She spread her legs and he settled between them, sliding inside of her, filling her.

God, he was huge. She
’d forgotten. He started to move slowly, holding himself up on his elbows, rocking into her. She whimpered, wrapping her legs around his hips. He kissed her harder and moved faster. She felt his heart beating against her breasts.

“Willow. Willow. You feel so
damn good. I’ve missed you.” He spoke the words against her lips and she moaned, throwing her head back. He kissed her chin, her neck, and along her ear. “I want to make you feel so good. Come for me, Willow.” He moved faster and faster.

Her
orgasm built quickly. The tightening, the way the tip of him touched so deep inside. Deeper and deeper. She dug her nails into his shoulders and came undone beneath him, gasping for air.

He gave a f
inal thrust and exploded.