Healing Hands (9 page)

August
The days passed slowly and after a week the Dr felt Sophie was strong enough to go home. Marcus
had been back in work but had dropped in to see her at every opportunity he brought her a kindle
and filled it with trashy novels; she had filled her hours with books and rediscovered her love of
reading. Charlotte had visited a few times, the first time she had sobbed all over her so distressed
that she had led Jasper to her, Sophie managed to convince her she was totally forgiven and not at
all accountable, and now the friendship was back to normal. Charlotte was hoping to move to the
farm to live with Sam her dreamy farmer she was very excited, Sophie was jealous of her
exuberance, she had been feeling empty ever since she bashed Jaspers skull in, she couldn't ever
imagine a normal existence after that it was the first thing she saw when she closed her eyes at
night, sleeping pills were the only thing that made it go away. Sophie felt drained she could go
home but couldn't bear the thought of returning to Marcus house, it was still too raw, she knew he
would be hurt though if she went back to her own little cottage, she still had a couple of weeks left
on the lease, she needed an alternative. She did a lot of thinking, her mum had come back from
London today as she had booked the weekend off to help settle Sophie back in at Marcus's, but
Sophie had other ideas and as soon as Diane sat next to her bed she told her what she wanted.
“mum I want to go to France for a while and stay in your villa, I know Marcus will hate the idea but
I need to think and to get over this on my own without sympathetic looks and overly concerned
housekeepers I won't be given a minutes peace to dwell on things, I know they will be trying to do
their best for me but that's exactly what I need to do I need to dwell on it and work out if I can
ever come back from this. Will you help sneak me away first thing tomorrow? Marcus will have
gone home for a sleep after his shift so we would have time”
“Sophie he loves you and you love him are you sure this is what you want? I can't imagine his pain
if you left him”
Sophie flinched imagining his face when he found her gone “it’s not forever mum just a week or so
I will write him a letter and phone him every day, please I need to do this, I can't go back to that
house so soon he will understand and he will know it’s for the best after what happened and at
this moment I cannot imagine after what I did he could still love me”
“honey try talking to him first please, he and I have gotten pretty close since last week and I think
you misjudge him, he definitely has dealt with what you did, in fact he is a little proud of you
darling, showing that much determination and strength has only made him love you more ” Sophie
shook her head disagreeing with her.
“Sophie you know he will be devastated I know what happened to his first wife, I don't think he
could survive losing you too, Barbee said he was like an empty shell until he met you, his family
love you too, you could be so happy with him”
“Mum stop! it’s not about him this is what I need, I can't be an object of pity and I can't be normal
or feel normal after smashing someone’s brains in”
Sophie started shaking and struggling for breath Diane grabbed her hand “OK OK I will arrange the
flights Sophie, I am going to the house later to fetch some clothes for you to wear for coming home
so I will grab extra and your toiletries too while I'm there, it’s fine don't get yourself worked up, I
will do this as long as I can spend the first couple of days with you so I can be sure you will take
care of yourself, I will organise the local cleaner to ready the house for us and stock the fridge,
leave it with me I will see you in the morning”
Diane had a feeling her daughter would regret leaving Marcus she never seemed to feel worthy of
anyone’s love and she thought this man deserved better than that, he loved her that was clear and
Sophie could be so happy maybe time away would help her realise this but knowing the low selfesteem her daughter had she wasn't so sure. Sophie watched her mum leave, the tears she had
been holding back began to fall as it sank in she would be leaving Marcus tomorrow and possibly
forever.
The next morning Marcus had popped in to see her when his shift ended, Sophie felt dreadful
when she took in his excited mood, he was thrilled to be having her back home, and in his eyes it
would be forever, she knew that this would hurt him and she knew she was a coward for not
talking to him now and telling him face to face, but she needed to do this to set him free so he
didn't feel obligated to look after her especially now he had seen all she was capable of.
He kissed her hesitantly but the kiss was full of love, Sophie felt the tears flow, Marcus mistook her
reaction for fear of his touch and he drew back “baby its fine please no more tears you will be
home soon”
Sophie held his face in her hands “Marcus these past few weeks have been the best of my life,
thank you for loving me and for making me feel alive, I wish I could be happy like that forever”
“Sophie you will be happy like that again I promise but please give yourself time your wounds are
healing but your soul is going to take longer to recover, stop expecting so much of yourself”
“Sorry Marcus sorry I love you so much I'm just...sorry”
He pulled her into a gentle hug and held her until she stopped crying then wiped her face, “Next
time I see you you will be smiling and at home safe, part of him felt a little uneasy she seemed
withdrawn and sad, he couldn't gage her mood at all, he thought she would be happier to be
coming back, he dismissed his anxieties,” your mum will be here in a couple of hours, when you get
home I will be still in bed so wake me up if you want when you get home”
Sophie smiled as he left then lay back and the tears came back with a vengeance. An hour later she
had written her note for Marcus and her mum walked in with a change of clothes and a warm
smile.
“up you get now are you totally certain this is the right thing to do Sophie it is a big thing to walk
away from the love of your life, believe me I know all about that when I walked away from your
father”
They never talked about Saul Ramsay he was her mums true love they had met as students he was
a budding author, they spent every minute together and moved into together after graduation very
happy for a few months but she had left him because he wanted to marry her and make her a
domestic goddess but she wanted a career, she spent a month working for a large newspaper in
London trying to get over him, then discovered she was carrying his child, she raced back to
Manchester to win him back but he had emigrated to Australia and she never saw or heard from
him again. The fact she kept the baby had always surprised Sophie considering her ambitions, but
with hard work and determination she was now owner of a television production company and sat
on the board of two major newspaper groups, she had also been a fantastic mother to her, she had
looked for Saul a few times since but with no joy, Diane had never married she always told Sophie
if you can't have “the one” then nobody else would do.

It was four in the afternoon when Marcus woke up, he stretched and then sat up, Sophie must
have decided not to wake him up, he jumped in the shower had a quick shave put his smartest
jeans on and raced down hoping to find her being fussed over by his mother who had arrived this
morning to spend time with them both, when he walked into the living room he stopped in his
tracks, his parents were alone and they were looking at him with a mixture of fear and sadness.
Barbee stood up “son we went to the hospital to find out why Sophie hadn't been discharged yet
and she was already gone”
Marcus looked at her shaking his head “gone what do you mean gone”
“she had left earlier with Diane, they left a note for you with Sally, here read it please the suspense
has been killing me”
she handed him the note, he just stared at it, why would she go, what would she do, she looked
fine earlier, then he remembered her sobbing words of apology was that her goodbye. Marcus sat
down stunned and opened the note, the last contact he may have with the love of his life.

Dear Marcus
Sophie is making a huge mistake, but I understand why she feels she needs to do this for you, I have
taken her with me to France and below is the address of my villa where we are staying, just give her
a few days then please come and save my daughter again. I know you love her she just doesn't
understand why you would, so come and convince she is worthy, I am staying with her until Tuesday,
then she is all yours, stay as long as you both need to sort out her feelings, I know you can make
her happy and I trust you with the most precious thing I have, see that you take care of her. Diane

on the back was an address in La Rochelle France. Marcus stood up and left his parents standing
there but he had to sort things out he phoned the hospital and took indefinite leave of absence,
given that they all knew about Sophie they were very understanding and were happy to keep his
job open as long as he needed. He booked a single flight for early hours of Tuesday morning then
when that was all sorted he went back to his shell shocked parents and explained the situation,
they were supportive and gave their blessing, Barbee had really taken to Sophie her maternal
instincts worked overdrive with her and she loved her dearly and was keen to keep her in the
family, Don too agreed with Diane he needed to go and she needed to be healed mentally before
they returned home, they also felt she may find coming back here traumatic for a while so Marcus
extended the lease on her little cottage and to keep himself busy he would make the cottage
homely for her return in case his renovations were not complete at the house, so that if she did
decide to come back she would feel safe. Next he contacted Duncan and asked him to come and
design a new structure to replace the boat house, 24 hrs later the two brothers and Duncan's new
girlfriend an Architect called Louise were designing a beautiful summer house to replace it, he was
also using an interior designer, Louise's brother to totally redecorate the house to give it a face lift,
a fresh start was what Sophie needed, he wanted to live here with her forever and he couldn't
even contemplate coming home from France without her. His parents returned to Cheshire,
Duncan was busy supervising the demolition job and Marcus was left to ponder how he would
convince his girl he was in it for keeps, he had an idea that may just work.

Chapter 18
Sophie was relaxing on a sun lounger reading her kindle, she had spent the last two days doing
exactly that and was enjoying the “Twilight” saga she had watched the films with Charlotte but
was enjoying the books much more. The sun was doing a wonderful job of healing her cuts and
despite the fact she was a redhead she did tan quite well and her skin was now a golden colour
which made her scars less noticeable, she was using the oil as instructed by Raj, her mum did her
back every morning and the difference was noticeable even after such a short time, her mum had
treated her to a manicure and a haircut, she loved her hair it was cut just to the middle of her back
and she had layers put in so the curls with softer around her face. Although Sophie was healing
outwardly her inner self was still a complete train wreck but the worst thing of all was the hole in
her that leaving Marcus had made, she was desperate to ring him and beg him to come to her but
she needed to do the right thing and let him move on, as sad as that made her she felt it was the
right thing to do. After dinner she went for a walk by the sea she missed Anglesey but it was
definitely warmer here and that was a fact! Her mum was going home in the morning and she was
feeling a little anxious about being on her own again, Diane had been amazing and they had sat
talking for hours in fact Diane had decided when she returned to London she was going to try and
track Saul down again, Sophie should know her dad they were both really excited about it, he was
a budding writer with a bright future when they had met at university, she knew he had always
wanted to be a novelist or scriptwriter so that would be where she would start her search.
Diane left for the airport shortly after their morning coffee on the decking, Sophie felt empty here
alone but she put on her bikini and went back to the sun lounger and picked up her kindle, the
silence was suddenly compounding her empty feeling and she was feeling just like Bella in the
book she was reading, she had to hold her arms around herself to hold herself together and
soothe the gaping hole in her chest, Sophie was feeling exactly the same way, Bella gets her happy
ending though, Sophie’s hole was just going to get bigger. Lunch times Sophie and her mum had
walked to the little bakery at the bottom of the hill to get a fresh baguette every day, they had a
stash of cheese in the fridge, Sophie hadn’t really eaten anything since the accident nausea hit her
frequently during the day and it made eating seem impossible, today she was peckish so decided
to try and eat. She slipped a sundress over her bikini it was floor length so covered her wounds and
she walked down to the Patisserie. As she was walking back up the hill carrying her petit pain she
noticed a man walking towards her she blinked and stopped in her tracks, she lifted her sun glasses
up and tried to focus her eyes, it couldn't be him surely, she must be hallucinating, that or wishful
thinking but as he got closer to her there was no mistaking that floppy brown hair gorgeous mouth
and broad shoulders, it was Marcus he had come for her, she couldn't believe that despite
everything, despite her letter, her horrific actions, he was here for her. Although Sophie’s head was
saying stop her heart exploded and she dropped bread and ran towards him ignoring the look of
shock on his face she threw herself straight into his arms and planted her mouth firmly on his he
hesitated for no more than a second before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back
relishing in each other’s warmth after being starved for so long.
Marcus had arrived at the villa and found it empty he had looked round the back and was about to
phone Diane when he saw a beautiful redhead floating up the hill, he had walked towards her with
trepidation thinking she would send him straight back, but instead her face lit up and she threw
herself into his arms, his heart soared as she kissed him passionately, he was overjoyed and maybe
then he hadn't lost her at all and that she was still his.
They drew apart and stared at each other eyes locked breathing ragged, “I thought you would send
me away once I got here, this was not what I expected”
“how did you find me, was it my mother?” he nodded shamefully Diane was a wonderful person
Sophie thought “Mum was right though, I have to admit she did tell me that all I needed a couple
of days to mend, she always believed I would still want you but I wasn't convinced until I saw you
just then, you walked towards me and I knew you were my life and I couldn’t live without you 3
days was hard enough”
He grinned at her “I've waited almost two weeks to hold you like this imagine how I feel, Diane told
me to come but to give you some time first I was to wait until she left, she has also offered us the
villa for as long as we need to get back to where we were before all this happened”
“but what about work?” Sophie asked, he smiled at her and lowered her to the ground
“They have given me an unlimited leave of absence so we have all the time we want”
She was so happy she forgot her bread and took his hand they walked together back to the villa
“I know we need to talk Marcus there are a lot of things to deal with but first things first I want to
show you the villa!”
Marcus loved the villa, it was all cream with white shutters on the windows, the downstairs was
open plan the windows were bi fold and opened the whole length of the living room opening on to
their own private beach and large deck area, he took his bags upstairs to the one and only
bedroom which was stunning, a large four poster with voile curtains, whitewashed walls, a real
fireplace and the en suite had a sunken jacuzzi bath. He unpacked his things and hung his clothes,
he was hot from the journey so he took a shower and changed into shorts and a t shirt. When he
went to look for Sophie she was settled on a sun lounger with her eyes closed she was smiling and
enjoying the sun he drank in the sight of her, Sophie in a bikini was a centrefold dream, she had
lost quite a bit of weight but still he felt a familiar twitch and hastily sat on the lounger next to her,
her hair looked glossy and the curls seemed softer somehow it looked a little shorter but so soft,
she looked like she was sleeping so he had chance to look closely at her wounds, they were
healing very quickly she was a beautiful colour, surprising for one so normally pale, the cuts on her
thighs were now just dark red lines the stitches had dissolved they looked weeks old rather than
days his friend had done a superb job of stitching her, the burn marks had faded into her tan and
were barely visible but his eyes were being dragged back to her chest her breasts sun tanned were
incredible he wanted nothing more than to touch them and kiss them but that would have to wait,
she caught him looking at her. Sophie smiled at him thrilled he still wanted her so much a quick
glance at his crotch showed her exactly how badly he wanted her, but he would have to wait a little
while longer, she pulled her sarong across herself sighed and sat up. “I still feel the same way
about you Marcus my desire and love has not altered but what has is my feelings towards myself”
she reached her hand to his and Marcus sank to his knees and rested his head on her lap “ I have
done a terrible thing taking someone’s life no matter how much he deserved it, the thing that
scares me is I don’t feel sad I enjoyed smashing his head in” she shuddered and Marcus looked up
at her anguished face “I don’t know if I can ever erase the memory but feeling sexy and desirable is
just so far from my thoughts, I can see how much you still want me and that makes me feel there is
hope for me, but you have seen the medical reports haven’t you?” Marcus nodded he knew her
internal damage was similar to childbirth and she would take at least another 5 weeks before she
healed but as for her mental scars he had no idea how much time they would take to heal if ever.
“Sophie you have as much time as you need I will not touch you that way again until you instigate
it all I want is to hold you and take care of you the rest can wait” Sophie stroked his hair then held
his face in her hands “if anyone can heal me Doc you can “ he sat back on his lounger and pulled
her into his lap they stayed that way until the sun went down.
Over the next couple of weeks the days were filled with walks along the beach and swimming in
the sea the salt water was great for Sophie’s wounds. Sophie was still not eating well but Marcus
took over the cooking and gradually her appetite was returning, the nights were hard for Marcus
he held Sophie every night but the night terrors were hideous for him to witness, he felt so
helpless holding back her hair while she vomited and then soothing her as she shook and cried
herself back to sleep, he wondered how she would have coped alone and was glad he had chosen
to ignore her wishes. Sophie herself was thrilled Marcus was with her, she could see how much he
was suffering but his love was so tangible it made her feel so safe and she knew if he hadn’t been
there she would have driven herself mad or gone back to him anyway, she felt selfish relying on
him so much but he seemed to be satisfied the way things were. The fact he had restrained himself
so far made her love him even more, she could see how much she affected him and although it
delighted her she wondered how long he could wait if she never felt able again.
The days ran together and they were both glowing with the effects of the sun and Sophie was
eating better and her night terrors had calmed enough that she was no longer being sick after, that
night she decided she wanted to thank Marcus in a special way, Sophie herself had never
pleasured a man and as she still felt sore intercourse was still a few weeks away instead she would
give him her mouth, she was a little scared as she had never done that to a man before but as it
was not linked to any trauma she felt this was a way back to normal without risking her freaking
out on him.
Marcus had gone for a jog and was in the shower so Sophie slipped into her silk neglige’ and
poured a couple of glasses of wine, she downed one quickly for Dutch courage then poured
another ready, she heard the shower door and sat on the bed to wait for him.
Marcus felt refreshed after his shower and was pondering what to make them for dinner, he
stopped short when he walked into the bedroom and saw her sitting on the bed her hair loose
draped around her shoulders wearing a very transparent bit of silk he gulped and didn’t know
what to do, she twitched her finger at him beckoning him over, he clung to his towel which was
struggling to disguise his sudden arousal and stepped just in front of her. Sophie put both hands on
his hips and looked up at him biting her lip and nervously pulled him closer so her nose was level
with his abdomen, when she kissed him there he practically convulsed, neither of them spoke a
word somehow Marcus knew she was taking control and it was something she needed to do so he
watched her with wonder. Her hands stroked his bottom then in one move she pulled away his
towel and instantly kissed the tip of his erection whilst looking up at him under her lashes, a deep
growl escaped him as she took him into her beautiful mouth, he closed his eyes and resisted
reaching for her hair and enjoyed the sensations she was giving him, her mouth took him in deeper
and as she slid him back she used the edge of her front teeth to catch his ridge and almost drove
him to explode, her right hand clasped his thickness and her other stroked his cheeks her nails
dragging as she pulled him closer to her, his eyes flew open as she took almost his entire length
and as she drew back out that was enough after a month of frustration he could restrain no longer
and he spurted down her throat he watched as she licked him clean and then lay her cheek on his
thigh. “Sophie you are fantastic baby that was wonderful thank you” she looked at him with tears
threatening, he pulled her upright and kissed her as if his life depended on it she returned the
passion equally, no more was said about it but they both knew that was a huge step towards her
recovery and they held hands and cuddled until sleep took them and for the first time since the
fatal night Sophie slept peacefully in his arms.