Hawk's Way Grooms (27 page)

Her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. She was speechless, leaving a great deal of silence in which to absorb what he'd said.

Colt felt like he was going to throw up. He let her go, and she took a quick step back. “Jenny, I—”

“I don't understand. You were Huck's friend! Or you pretended to be.”

“That's unfair, and you know it. Let's sit down and discuss this. Please, Jenny.”

“I have an appointm—” She bit her lip. “I've got errands to run. This discussion will have to wait.”

She was backing away toward the bathroom, but he wasn't going to let her escape so easily. “Wait until when?” he demanded.

“Until later.”

He reached out and caught her chin with his hand, forcing her to look at him. “When, Jenny?”

“Later. Tonight,” she added when his grip tightened. “Let me go, Colt.”

He let her go, and an instant later she was gone.

 

C
OLT WAS STILL SCRAPING DOWN
the barn when Randy approached him after school. Colt was hot and tired and irritable, because he knew he had to decide whether to stay in the Air Force or stay here with Jenny, and an entire day of scraping paint hadn't done much to resolve his dilemma.

It was hard to imagine his life without flying jets. It was impossible to imagine it without Jenny. He wanted both. But it was becoming very clear that he couldn't have both.

“Where's Jenny?” Randy asked.

“She's still in town running errands.”

“Oh.”

Colt slapped at a fly that had landed on his nose, but it buzzed away unharmed. “What does that mean, ‘Oh'?”

“Nothing,” Randy said quickly. “You want some help?”

Colt had three-quarters of the barn scraped free of old paint. Maybe with Randy's help he could finish today. “Sure. Why not? There's another scraper on the tool rack in the barn.”

Randy slipped his book bag off his shoulder and dropped it on the ground. “I'll be right back,” he said.

Colt swatted at the fly again, which was now buzzing his ear. He'd already done all the work that needed to be done on a ladder, so he and Randy worked side by side scraping the lower half of the barn.

“When did you know what you wanted to do with your life?” Randy asked.

Colt shot him a sideways look. “From the time I was a kid. Why?”

“I thought I knew what I wanted, but lately I've been less certain of what I should do.”

“I see,” Colt said, neither encouraging nor discouraging further discussion of the subject.

“I planned to study business because I figured that's where the money is,” Randy said, keeping his eyes focused on the work he was doing. “But earning money doesn't appeal as much to me now as something else does.”

“What's changed your mind?” Colt asked.

“I met someone.”

Colt smiled. “A woman has a way of making you think twice about a lot of things.”

Randy stopped scraping and stared at him. “How'd you know it was a girl?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Anyway,” Randy continued, “ever since I started seeing this girl, Faith Butler, I've been thinking maybe I'd like to study something else entirely.”

Colt resisted the urge to ask what and said, “Mmmhmm.”

“Funny thing is, I don't even know what kind of courses I'd need to take to learn about it.”

Colt wanted to know what “it” was, but there was an unwritten code, going all the way back to the days when people came west to escape their checkered pasts, that said a man didn't ask for information that wasn't volunteered. Instead he said, “The university could probably tell you what you need to study.”

“I suppose. I guess I'd better find out whether Texas Tech teaches anything about orthotics. Maybe I'll need to go somewhere else.”

“I give up,” Colt said. “What's orthotics?”

Randy grinned. “Making mechanical limbs for people who need them. Faith says there's a new silicone hand that looks a lot more real than a latex one, but nothing works as well as an old-fashioned hook. I want to invent a mechanical hand that works like a real one—you know, like in the
Terminator
movies.”

Colt eyed him speculatively. “What does Faith have to say about all this?”

“We haven't discussed it.” Randy began to scrape vigorously on the barn wall. Colt figured that meant he didn't want to discuss the subject with him, either, so he let it drop.

A moment later Randy's hands dropped to his sides, his chin fell to his chest and he heaved a great sigh. “How do you know when you're in love?”

Colt stopped scraping and turned to face the teenager. His first instinct was to tell Randy he was too young to fall in love, that he had a lot of living to do before he settled on one woman, and the best thing to do was ignore the feeling and it would go away. But Randy was four years older than he'd been when he'd fallen for Jenny. And that love had lasted a lifetime.

“Have you asked your sister that question?” he hedged.

Randy's face was suddenly suffused with blood, which could have been the heat, but was more likely embarrassment. “I never needed to before now. And now…I couldn't talk to her now about being in love. I mean, not with Huck dying like that, and you guys getting married in some kind of business arrangement.”

“Is that what Jenny told you?” Colt said, his stomach clenching. “That our marriage is a business arrangement?”

“Well, it is, isn't it? I mean, you guys aren't in love or anything. And you're planning to leave and go back to flying jets, so what else could it be? Not that I blame Jenny for marrying you. I mean, how else can she get the money to keep the ranch?”

Colt spoke through his teeth because his jaw was clamped so tight. “Let's get one thing straight, Randy. Our marriage may have some financial benefits for your sister, but it's going to be real in every way.” Colt barely kept himself from shouting that he loved Jenny. That would require an explanation that he wanted to make to Jenny first.

Randy's flush heightened. “I'm not criticizing you and Jenny. I just…I always thought people got married because they loved each other and wanted to spend their lives together. I know how hard it was for Jenny all those years with Huck gone. I hate to think of her alone when you're gone, too.

“I'd offer to come back to the ranch after I finish college,” Randy said, “but I know that wouldn't really solve the problem. I think I've found the woman I'm going to marry someday, and having me and my wife living here at the Double D would just point out to Jenny how alone she is. I mean, I think I love Faith.”

Which brought them back to Randy's original question. “I don't know how to tell you whether this girl is the right one for you,” Colt said. “I can only tell you my own experience. When you love someone, your every thought begins and ends with her. What is she feeling? Is she happy? What can you do to make her life easier? And you want her physically. Fiercely, completely. That's part of it. Mostly, love is always considering her needs before your own. Is that how you feel?”

Colt could almost see the tension easing from Randy's shoulders. “Yeah,” he said. “That's
exactly
how I feel.”

Colt gave him a cuff on the shoulder. “Sounds like you're in love, pal.”

“Thanks for listening, Colt.”

Colt stood back and surveyed the work they'd done and realized the job was finished. “Why don't you go on in and get cleaned up? There's going to be a lot of demand for that shower if we're all going to get gussied up in time for your graduation ceremony tonight. I'll put away the tools.” He reached for Randy's scraper, and the boy handed it to him, then picked up his book bag and trotted toward the house.

Colt stared after Randy, realizing that in talking to the boy he'd found his own answers. His days as a jet pilot were numbered. But to his surprise, he didn't feel resigned or sad or desperate. Because when it came to a choice between having Jenny or living life without her—there really was no choice. If he truly loved Jenny, it meant putting her needs before his own. It meant staying here to be a husband to her instead of running off to fly jets.

And it meant finding a way to handle the pain, if she could never love him back.

“Y
OU LOOK SO GROWN-UP
,” J
ENNY SAID
as she straightened Randy's tie. She reached up to brush back the lock of golden hair that always fell onto his forehead, and he ducked away.

“Give me a break, Jenny,” he said, thrusting his hand into his hair, leaving it mussed. “It's just graduation.”

“Just graduation,” Jenny repeated past the painful lump in her throat. The tears came without warning.

“Aw, Jenny.” Randy's arms closed awkwardly around her, and she laid her head against his shoulder.

“I can't believe you're all grown-up,” she said, her voice cracking. She made herself step back, quickly wiped away the tears and once against straightened his tie, while he shifted impatiently from foot to foot.

“Can I leave now? I need to pick up Faith.”

“We'll meet you at Buck's Steakhouse. Drive carefully.”

He rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, “Yes, Mother.” He stopped abruptly, the screen door half open, and turned to face her. “Jenny, I'm sorry. It just slipped out.”

“Never mind. Go. You're going to be late.”

He disappeared, the screen door slamming behind him.

Jenny had been a mother to her brothers, but she'd warned them against labeling her that way. Because they knew it bothered her, they addressed her as “Mother” whenever they were angry or upset, knowing it would get a rise out of her.

Right now, she felt very much like a mother hen whose nest had just been emptied of its last chick. A huge hole gaped inside her that once had been filled up with the responsibility for her brothers. She didn't feel free. She felt empty. This didn't feel like the beginning of a new life. It felt like the end.

“Hey. Give me a break.”

Jenny turned to find Colt wearing a white button-down shirt, khaki slacks and a conservative regimental-striped tie. He leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, a navy suit coat slung over his shoulder, his hip cocked.

“I suppose you witnessed that scene,” she said.

“I did.”

“I'm going to miss him.”

“I know.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly rubbed it away. “I don't understand where all these tears are coming from,” she said with a shaky laugh.

“Don't you?” Colt asked, crossing toward her. He laid his suit coat across one of the ladder-back chairs at the kitchen table and opened his arms. “Come here, Jenny.”

She didn't resist his offer of comfort. She took the few steps that put her within his embrace, and his arms closed around her. “I've been waiting and wishing for this day for so long, but now that it's here, I just feel sad,” she admitted.

She felt his hand smooth across her hair. Felt his lips at her temple and on her closed eyes.

“I feel like my life is over,” she whispered.

“I promise you, Jenny, it's just beginning. Have you been thinking about what I said to you this morning?”

Jenny had thought of little else during the day besides Colt's confession.
I love you. I always have.
“I remember.”

“I've decided to resign from the Air Force, Jenny. I want to stay here and marry you and raise babies with you. If that's want you want, too.”

Jenny felt her heart squeeze with joy and with pain. “Oh, Colt.”

Tell him now, Jenny. If he really loves you, it won't matter.

She leaned back and looked up into his face, surprised at what she found. He was afraid, she realized. Of what? Suddenly Jenny knew. Afraid that she could never love him. That she would always—only—love Huck.

“I told you I've been thinking a lot today, and I have,” she said. “About me and Huck. About me and you.”

Colt cleared his throat, but he didn't speak. Which was a good thing, because if he'd interrupted her, she might not have been able to say what she knew had to be said.

“There was a time when I loved Huck body and soul. I wanted to make a life with him. I wanted to have his babies. I wanted to grow old with him.” Jenny sighed and looked away. “I'm not sure when the loving stopped.”

Colt inhaled a sharp breath of air.

She forced herself to look at him. “It wasn't until you said you loved me this morning that I made myself take a brutally honest look at my relationship with Huck. I realized that all these years I haven't been in love with Huck. I've been in love with a dream of what life could be like with him—if he ever settled down.”

She lowered her gaze to Colt's throat and watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard. Her voice was barely audible as she admitted, “The last couple of times Huck came home, we didn't even make love.”

“Jenny, I—”

She put her fingertips over his lips. “I'm not finished.” She looked at him and said, “I never suspected how you felt. How you feel,” she corrected when she felt his mouth open to protest. “I do know I've always been grateful for your friendship. You were there so many times when Huck wasn't.”

She felt his lips flatten under her hand and removed it. “I'll admit I'm tempted by what you seem to be offering. But I'm afraid of making the same mistake twice. Maybe we can never be more than friends. You've caught me at a vulnerable time and—”

“Can I get a word in here?”

She gave a jerky nod.

“All I'm asking is that you give us a chance, Jenny. Can you do that?”

“Colt, there are things you don't know. Things—”

He shook his head to cut her off. “The past is the past. We start fresh from here.”

Tell him, Jenny.

Jenny opened her mouth, but the words wouldn't come out. It could wait. Maybe there would be no need to tell him anything. Maybe they would mutually decide they didn't belong together any more than she and Huck had. If the buds of feeling she had for Colt began to blossom, that would be soon enough to confess her secret.

“What do you say, Jenny? Will you let me court you?”

“Court me?” she said, her lips curving. “Is that really necessary? I've already promised to marry you.”

He smiled for the first time since their discussion had begun. “It's the time-honored way a cowboy wins his lady's love. How about it?”

Jenny gave him a shy look from beneath lowered lashes. “If you insist.”

“I do. Are you ready to face the world as a couple?”

“As ready as I'll ever be,” Jenny said with a determined smile. “Let's go.”

“Do you realize this is our first date?” Colt said as he opened the passenger door to the classic red Ford Mustang convertible he'd been storing at his parents' ranch while he was overseas.

Jenny smiled up at him as she slid into the black leather bucket seat. “This is certainly the right car for it. How about putting the top down?”

“You wouldn't mind?”

“I'd love it,” Jenny said. And she did. The night was warm, and the sky was filled with a million stars. She found herself laughing as her hair whipped around her face, making it impossible to see. “I should have brought a scarf,” she said.

“Look in the glove compartment,” Colt said.

She opened the glove compartment and found a small turquoise silk scarf. “This is mine!”

He shot her a sheepish grin. “I found it in the car after Huck borrowed it.”

“I remember when I lost this,” she said as she tied back her hair at her nape. “Huck said it must have blown off. But I was sure I'd taken it off when we—” Jenny stopped herself.

“Yeah. That's what I figured, too,” Colt said. He shot her a quick look. “You have no idea how much agony I suffered thinking about the two of you in the back seat of this car.”

Jenny was grateful for the darkness that prevented Colt from seeing her blush. “Maybe I can make it up to you,” she said.

Colt turned to stare at her. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?” His eyes looked hungry, and she felt both frightened and exhilarated at the prospect of joining Colt in the back seat of his Mustang.

A blaring horn brought them both to their senses.

“Watch out!” she cried.

Colt yanked the wheel to avoid the car coming from the opposite direction, overcompensated and went off the road. He hit the brakes, and the Mustang skidded to a halt on the dirt and gravel shoulder.

“Are you all right?” Colt asked.

Jenny was trembling, the result of too much adrenaline. “That was close,” she said with a small laugh.

“Yeah. Too close. We could've been killed. And I would've missed getting to kiss you in the back seat of this car.” Colt opened his door, trotted around the front of the car, then opened her door. “Out,” he ordered.

“Colt, it's the middle of nowhere. What are you doing?”

“We're taking a little trip down memory lane.” Once she was out of the seat, he pushed it forward, making a space for her to slip into the back seat. “Get in.”

Jenny slid into the back seat and scooted over to make room for Colt, who stepped in behind her. Before she had a chance to think, Colt slid one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. With his eyes on hers, with their lips only an inch apart, he slowly tugged the scarf from her hair and sieved his fingers into her hair.

“I love you, Jenny. I want to hold you and kiss you and make love to you until I can't see straight.”

“Oh, Colt.”

Huck had never said such things, even though Jenny had always wished he would. Maybe it was because they'd become sweethearts at such a young age. Maybe it was because Huck hadn't known how much she needed to hear them said.

She couldn't honestly tell Colt she loved him, or even that she was ready yet to make love to him. But she returned the favor of asking out loud for what she wanted.

“I want to kiss you, too,” she said. She put her hand at his nape and urged his mouth down to hers, feeling the desire shoot through her as his mouth captured hers.

“I want to touch you,” he murmured against her lips.

She suddenly felt shy, like an innocent who'd never been touched. She reached for his hand and brought it to her breast. She moaned in her throat as his hand closed around her breast and his forefinger and thumb rolled her nipple. “Ohmigod,” she gasped.

How could she feel so much? How could she need so much? There was something more she wanted. “I want to touch you,” she murmured.

Colt made a guttural sound in his throat as his hand left her breast and reached for her hand, guiding it toward his mouth. He kissed her palm, then pressed it against his cheek.

His skin felt soft and smooth after his shave and smelled of piney woods. She found the scar on his chin with her fingertips first, then with her lips. Her hand slid down Colt's throat to his chest, where she felt his heart thudding under her hand.

He held his breath as her hand moved lower, past his belt until she reached the hardness and heat between his legs. He stilled as she tentatively touched, tracing the shape of him, learning the feel of him. He groaned, then grabbed her wrist to stop her exploration.

“I love the way you kiss and touch,” he said. “But the first time we make love, I want enough privacy to know we're not going to be disturbed for a good long while. We're already ten minutes late for supper at Buck's Steakhouse.”

Jenny managed a crooked smile. “At least I know I have a great deal to look forward to.”

Colt laughed. “Come on. Let me help you out of here.”

“Wait.”

Colt paused halfway out of the back seat. “What's the matter?”

She grinned. “You're going to have to help me find my scarf.”

Colt laughed, kissed her quickly on the mouth, then pulled the scarf from his jeans pocket and gave it back to her.

It took them only five minutes after they were on the road to reach Buck's Steakhouse. To Jenny's surprise, Colt curved his arm possessively around her waist as he led her inside. She knew he didn't give a damn what people thought. He never had. But she'd lived here for more than fifteen years as Huck's girl. She couldn't help feeling a little trepidation as they stepped inside the restaurant.

She hadn't overestimated the effect their appearance arm-in-arm would have on their friends and neighbors. Curious eyes focused on them as she and Colt followed the waitress to their table. Jenny shivered. It felt like a caterpillar was crawling on her skin.

“Ignore them,” Colt whispered in her ear. “They'll get used to it.”

Jenny wasn't so sure. They might get used to seeing her with Colt, but people in small Texas towns had very long memories. When she and Colt were old and gray, her name would still be linked with Huck's when it came up in conversation.