Harold Pinter Plays 2 (7 page)

ASTON.
Yes, and of course, you’d need a few brushes.

DAVIES.
You’d need implements … you see … you’d need a good few implements.…

ASTON
takes
a
white
overall
from
a
nail
over
his
bed,
and
shows
it
to
DAVIES
.

ASTON.
You could wear this, if you liked.

DAVIES.
Well … that’s nice, en’t?

ASTON.
It’d keep the dust off.

DAVIES
(putting
it
on).
Yes, this’d keep the dust off, all right.

Well off. Thanks very much, mister.

ASTON.
You see, what we could do, we could … I could fit a bell at the bottom, outside the front door, with “Caretaker” on it. And you could answer any queries.

DAVIES.
Oh, I don’t know about that.

ASTON.
Why not?

DAVIES.
Well, I mean, you don’t know who might come up them front steps, do you? I got to be a bit careful.

ASTON.
Why, someone after you?

DAVIES.
After me? Well, I could have that Scotch git coming looking after me, couldn’t I? All I’d do, I’d hear the bell, I’d go down there, open the door, who might be there, any Harry
might be there. I could be buggered as easy as that, man. They might be there after my card, I mean look at it, here I am, I only got four stamps, on this card, here it is, look, four stamps, that’s all I got, I ain’t got any more, that’s all I got, they ring the bell called Caretaker, they’d have me in, that’s what they’d do, I wouldn’t stand a chance. Of course I got plenty of other cards lying about, but they don’t know that, and I can’t tell them, can I, because then they’d find out I was going about under an assumed name. You see, the name I call myself now, that’s not my real name. My real name’s not the one I’m using, you see. It’s different. You see, the name I go under now ain’t my real one. It’s assumed.

Silence.
THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.
THEN UP TO DIM LIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW.
A
door
bangs.
Sound
of
a
key
in
the
door
of
the
room.
DAVIES
enters,
closes
the
door,
and
tries
the
light
switch,
on,
off,
on,
off.

DAVIES
(muttering).
What’s this?
(He
switches
on
and
off.)
What’s the matter with this damn light?
(He
switches
on
and
off.)
Aaah. Don’t tell me the damn light’s gone now.

Pause.

What’ll I do? Damn light’s gone now. Can’t see a thing.

Pause.

What’ll I do now?
(He
moves,
stumbles.)
Ah God, what’s that? Give me a light. Wait a minute.

He
feels
for
matches
in
his
pocket,
takes
out
a
box
and
lights
one.
The
match
goes
out.
The
box
falls.

Aah! Where is it?
(Stooping.)
Where’s the bloody box?

The
box
is
kicked.

What’s that? What? Who’s that? What’s that?

Pause.
He
moves.

Where’s my box? It was down here. Who’s this? Who’s moving it?

Silence.

Come on. Who’s this? Who’s this got my box?

Pause.

Who’s in here!

Pause.

I got a knife here. I’m ready. Come on then, who are you?

He
moves,
stumbles,
falls
and
cries
out.

Silence.

A
faint
whimper
from
DAVIES
.
He
gets
up.

All right!

He
stands.
Heavy
breathing.

Suddenly
the
electrolux
starts
to
hum.
A
figure
moves
with
it,
guiding
it.
The
nozzle
moves
along
the
floor
after
DAVIES
,
who
skips,
dives
away
from
it
and
falls,
breathlessly.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Get away-y-y-y-y!

The
electrolux
stops.
The
figure
jumps
on
ASTON
’
S
bed.

I’m ready for you! I’m … I’m … I’m here!

The
figure
takes
out
the
electrolux
plug
from
the
light
socket
and
fits
the
bulb.
The
light
goes
on.
DAVIES
flattens
himself
against
right
wall,
knife
in
hand.
MICK
stands
on
the
bed,
holding
the
plug.

MICK.
I was just doing some spring cleaning.
(He
gets
down.)
There used to be a wall plug for this electrolux. But it doesn’t work. I had to fit it in the light socket.
(He
puts
the
electrolux
under
ASTON’S
bed.)
How do you think the place is looking? I gave it a good going over.

Pause.

We take it in turns, once a fortnight, my brother and me, to give the place a thorough going over. I was working late tonight, I only just got here. But I thought I better get on with it, as it’s my turn.

Pause.

It’s not that I actually live here. I don’t. As a matter of fact I live somewhere else. But after all, I’m responsible for the upkeep of the premises, en’ I? Can’t help being houseproud.

He
moves
towards
DAVIES
and
indicates
the
knife.

What are you waving that about for?

DAVIES.
You come near me.…

MICK.
I’m sorry if I gave you a start. But I had you in mind too, you know. I mean, my brother’s guest. We got to think of your comfort, en’t we? Don’t want the dust to get up your nose. How long you thinking of staying here, by the way? As a matter of fact, I was going to suggest that we’d lower your rent, make it just a nominal sum, I mean until you get fixed up. Just nominal, that’s all.

Pause.

Still, if you’re going to be spiky, I’ll have to reconsider the whole proposition.

Pause.

Eh, you’re not thinking of doing any violence on me, are you? You’re not the violent sort, are you?

DAVIES
(vehemently).
I keep myself to myself, mate. But if anyone starts with me though, they know what they got coming.

MICK.
I can believe that.

DAVIES.
You do. I been all over, see? You understand my meaning? I don’t mind a bit of a joke now and then, but anyone’ll tell you … that no one starts anything with me.

MICK.
I get what you mean, yes.

DAVIES.
I can be pushed so far … but.…

MICK.
No further.

DAVIES.
That’s it.

MICK
sits
an
junk
dawn
right.

What you doing?

MICK.
No, I just want to say that … I’m very impressed by that.

DAVIES.
Eh?

MICK.
I’m very impressed by what you’ve just said.

Pause.

Yes, that’s impressive, that is.

Pause.

I’m impressed, anyway.

DAVIES.
You know what I’m talking about then?

MICK.
Yes, I know. I think we understand one another.

DAVIES.
Uh? Well … I’ll tell you … I’d … I’d like to think that. You been playing me about, you know. I don’t know why. I never done you no harm.

MICK.
No, you know what it was? We just got off on the wrong foot That’s all it was.

DAVIES.
Ay, we did.

DAVIES
joins
MICK
in
junk.

MICK.
Like a sandwich?

DAVIES.
What?

MICK
(taking
a
sandwich
from
his
pocket).
Have one of these.

DAVIES.
Don’t you pull anything.

MICK.
No, you’re still not understanding me. I can’t help being interested in any friend of my brother’s. I mean, you’re my brother’s friend, aren’t you?

DAVIES.
Well, I … I wouldn’t put it as far as that.

MICK.
Don’t you find him friendly, then?

DAVIES.
Well, I wouldn’t say we was all that friends. I mean, he done me no harm, but I wouldn’t say he was any particular friend of mine. What’s in that sandwich, then?

MICK.
Cheese.

DAVIES.
That’ll do me.

MICK.
Take one.

DAVIES.
Thank you, mister.

MICK.
I’m sorry to hear my brother’s not very friendly.

DAVIES.
He’s friendly, he’s friendly, I didn’t say he wasn’t.…

MICK
(taking
a
salt-cellar
from
his
pocket).
Salt?

DAVIES.
No thanks.
(He
munches
the
sandwich.)
I just can’t exactly … make him out.

MICK
(feeling
in
his
pocket).
I forgot the pepper.

DAVIES.
Just can’t get the hang of him, that’s all.

MICK.
I had a bit of beetroot somewhere. Must have mislaid it.

Pause.

DAVIES
chews
the
sandwich.
MICK
watches
him
eat.
He
then
rises
and
strolls
downstage.

Uuh … listen … can I ask your advice? I mean, you’re a man of the world. Can I ask your advice about something?

DAVIES.
You go right ahead.

MICK.
Well, what it is, you see, I’m … I’m a bit worried about my brother.

DAVIES.
Your brother?

MICK.
Yes … you see, his trouble is.…

DAVIES.
What?

MICK.
Well, it’s not a very nice thing to say.…

DAVIES
(rising,
coming
downstage).
Go on now, you say it.

MICK
looks
at
him.

MICK.
He doesn’t like work.

Pause.

DAVIES.
Go on!

MICK.
No, he just doesn’t like work, that’s his trouble.

DAVIES.
Is that a fact?

MICK.
It’s a terrible thing to have to say about your own brother.

DAVIES.
Ay.

MICK.
He’s just shy of it. Very shy of it.

DAVIES.
I know that sort.

MICK.
You know the type?

DAVIES.
I’ve met them.

MICK.
I mean, I want to get him going in the world.

DAVIES.
Stands to reason, man.

MICK.
If you got an older brother you want to push him on, you want to see him make his way. Can’t have him idle, he’s only doing himself harm. That’s what I say.

DAVIES.
Yes.

MICK.
But he won’t buckle down to the job.

DAVIES.
He don’t like work.

MICK.
Work shy.

DAVIES.
Sounds like it to me.

MICK.
You’ve met the type, have you?

DAVIES.
Me? I know that sort.

MICK.
Yes.

DAVIES.
I know that sort. I’ve met them.

MICK.
Causing me great anxiety. You see, I’m a working man: I’m a tradesman. I’ve got my own van.