Harold Pinter Plays 2 (5 page)

DAVIES.
I tell you what. I won’t bother about it.

ASTON.
No trouble.

DAVIES.
No, I don’t go in for them things much.

ASTON.
Should work.
(Turning).
Right.

DAVIES.
Eh, I was going to ask you, mister, what about this stove? I mean, do you think it’s going to be letting out any … what do you think?

ASTON.
It’s not connected.

DAVIES.
You see, the trouble is, it’s right on top of my bed, you see? What I got to watch is nudging … one of them gas taps with my elbow when I get up, you get my meaning?

He
goes
round
to
the
other
side
of
stove
and
examines
it.

ASTON.
There’s nothing to worry about.

DAVIES.
Now look here, don’t you worry about it. All I’ll do, I’ll keep an eye on these taps every now and again, like, you see. See they’re switched off. You leave it to me.

ASTON.
I don’t think.…

DAVIES
(coming
round).
Eh, mister, just one thing … eh .… you couldn’t slip me a couple of bob, for a cup of tea, just, you know?

ASTON.
I gave you a few bob last night.

DAVIES.
Eh, so you did. So you did. I forgot. Went clean out of my mind. That’s right. Thank you, mister. Listen. You’re sure now, you’re sure you don’t mind me staying here? I mean, I’m not the sort of man who wants to take any liberties.

ASTON.
No, that’s all right.

DAVIES.
I might get down to Wembley later on in the day.

ASTON.
Uh-uh.

DAVIES.
There’s a caff down there, you see, might be able to get fixed up there. I was there, see? I know they were a bit short-handed. They might be in the need of a bit of staff.

ASTON.
When was that?

DAVIES.
Eh? Oh, well, that was … near on … that’ll be … that’ll be a little while ago now. But of course what it is, they can’t find the right kind of people in these places. What they want to do, they’re trying to do away with these foreigners, you see, in catering. They want an Englishman to pour their tea, that’s what they want, that’s what they’re crying out for. It’s only common sense, en’t? Oh, I got all that under way … that’s … uh … that’s … what I’ll be doing.

Pause.

If only I could get down there.

ASTON.
Mmnn. (
ASTON
moves
to
the
door.)
Well, I’ll be seeing you then.

DAVIES.
Yes. Right.

ASTON
goes
out
and
closes
the
door.

DAVIES
stands
still
He
waits
a
few
seconds,
then
goes
to
the
door,
opens
it,
looks
out,
closes
it,
stands
with
his
back
to
it,
turns
swiftly,
opens
it,
looks
out,
comes
back,
closes
the
door,
finds
the
keys
in
his
pocket,
tries
one,
tries
the
other,
locks
the
door.
He
looks
about
the
room.
He
then
goes
quickly
to
ASTON’S
bed,
bends,
brings
out
the
pair
of
shoes
and
examines
them.

Not a bad pair of shoes. Bit pointed.

He
puts
them
back
under
the
bed.
He
examines
the
area
by
ASTON’S
bed,
picks
up
a
vase
and
looks
into
it,
then
picks
up
a
box
and
shakes
it.

Screws!

He
sees
paint
buckets
at
the
top
of
the
bed,
goes
to
them,
and
examines
them.

Paint. What’s he going to paint?

He
puts
the
bucket
down,
comes
to
the
centre
of
the
room,
looks
up
at
bucket,
and
grimaces.

I’ll have to find out about that.
(He
crosses
right,
and
picks
up
a
blow-lamp.)
He’s got some stuff in here.
(He
picks
up
the
Buddha
and
looks
at
it.)
Full of stuff. Look at all this.
(His
eye
falls
on
the
piles
of
papers.)
What’s he got all those papers for? Damn pile of papers.

He
goes
to
a
pile
and
touches
it.
The
pile
wobbles.
He
steadies
it.

Hold it, hold it!

He
holds
the
pile
and
pushes
the
papers
back
into
place.

The
door
opens.

MICK
comes
in,
puts
the
key
in
his
pocket,
and
closes
the
door
silently.
He
stands
at
the
door
and
watches
DAVIES.

What’s he got all these papers for? (
DAVIES
climbs
over
the
rolled
carpet
to
the
blue
case.
)
Had a sheet and pillow ready in here.
(He
opens
the
case.)
Nothing.
(He
shuts
the
case.)
Still, I had a sleep though. I don’t make no noises.
(He
looks
at
the
window.)
What’s this?

He
picks
up
another
case
and
tries
to
open
it.
MICK
moves
up
stage,
silently.

Locked.
(He
puts
it
down
and
moves
downstage.)
Must be something in it.
(He
picks
up
a
sideboard
drawer,
rummages
in
the
contents,
then
puts
it
down.)

MICK
slides
across
the
room.

DAVIES
half
turns,
MICK
seizes
his
arm
and
forces
it
up
his
back.
DAVIES
screams.

Uuuuuuuhhh! Uuuuuuuhhh! What! What! What! Uuuuuuuhhh!

MICK
swiftly
forces
him
to
the
floor,
with
DAVIES
struggling,
grimacing,
whimpering
and
staring.

MICK
holds
his
arm,
puts
his
other
hand
to
his
lips,
then
puts
his
hand
to
DAVIES
’
lips,
DAVIES
quietens.
MICK
lets
him
go.
DAVIES
writhes.
MICK
holds
out
a
warning
finger.
He
then
squats
down
to
regard
DAVIES
.
He
regards
him,
then
stands
looking
down
on
him.
DAVIES
massages
his
arm,
watching
MICK. MICK
turns
slowly
to
look
at
the
room.
He
goes
to
DAVIES
’
bed
and
uncovers
it.
He
turns,
goes
to
the
clothes
horse
and
picks
up
DAVIES
’
trousers,
DAVIES
starts
to
rise.
MICK
presses
him
down
with
his
foot
and
stands
over
him.
Finally
he
removes
his
foot.
He
examines
the
trousers
and
throws
them
back,
DAVIES
remains
on
the
floor,
crouched.
MICK
slowly
goes
to
the
chair,
sits,
and
watches
DAVIES
,
expressionless.
Silence.

MICK.
What’s the game?

Curtain.

MICK
is
seated,
DAVIES
on
the
floor,
half
seated,
crouched.
Silence.

MICK.
Well?

DAVIES.
Nothing, nothing. Nothing.

A
drip
sounds
in
the
bucket
overhead.
They
look
up.
MICK
looks
back
to
DAVIES.

MICK.
What’s your name?

DAVIES.
I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are.

Pause.

MICK.
Eh?

DAVIES.
Jenkins.

MICK.
Jenkins?

DAVIES.
Yes.

MICK.
Jen … kins.

Pause.

You sleep here last night?

DAVIES.
Yes.

MICK.
Sleep well?

DAVIES.
Yes.

MICK.
I’m awfully glad. It’s awfully nice to meet you.

Pause.

What did you say your name was?

DAVIES.
Jenkins.

MICK.
I beg your pardon?

DAVIES.
Jenkins!

Pause.

MICK.
Jen … kins.

A
drip
sounds
in
the
bucket.
DAVIES
looks
up.

You remind me of my uncle’s brother. He was always on the move, that man. Never without his passport. Had an eye for the girls. Very much your build. Bit of an athlete. Long-jump specialist. He had a habit of demonstrating different run-ups in the drawing-room round about Christmas time. Had a penchant for nuts. That’s what it was. Nothing else but a penchant. Couldn’t eat enough of them. Peanuts, walnuts, brazil nuts, monkey nuts, wouldn’t touch a piece of fruit cake. Had a marvellous stop-watch. Picked it up in Hong Kong. The day after they chucked him out of the Salvation Army. Used to go in number four for Beckenham Reserves. That was before he got his Gold Medal. Had a funny habit of carrying his fiddle on his back. Like a papoose. I think there was a bit of the Red Indian in him. To be honest, I’ve never made out how he came to be my uncle’s brother. I’ve often thought that maybe it was the other way round. I mean that my uncle was his brother and he was my uncle. But I never called him uncle. As a matter of fact I called him Sid. My mother called him Sid too. It was a funny business. Your spitting image he was. Married a Chinaman and went to Jamaica.

Pause.

I hope you slept well last night.

DAVIES.
Listen! I don’t know who you are!

MICK.
What bed you sleep in?

DAVIES.
Now look here—

MICK.
Eh?

DAVIES.
That one.

MICK.
Not the other one?

DAVIES.
No.  

MICK.
Choosy.

Pause.

How do you like my room?

DAVIES.
Your room?

MICK.
Yes.

DAVIES.
This ain’t your room. I don’t know who you are. I ain’t never seen you before.

MICK.
You know, believe it or not, you’ve got a funny kind of resemblance to a bloke I once knew in Shoreditch. Actually he lived in Aldgate. I was staying with a cousin in Camden Town. This chap, he used to have a pitch in Finsbury Park, just by the bus depot. When I got to know him I found out he was brought up in Putney. That didn’t make any difference to me. I know quite a few people who were born in Putney. Even if they weren’t born in Putney they were born in Fulham. The only trouble was, he wasn’t born in Putney, he was only brought up in Putney. It turned out he was born in the Caledonian Road, just before you get to the Nag’s Head. His old mum was still living at the Angel. All the buses passed right by the door. She could get a 38, 581, 30 or 38A, take her down the Essex Road to Dalston Junction in next to no time. Well, of course, if she got the 30 he’d take her up Upper Street way, round by High-bury Corner and down to St. Paul’s Church, but she’d get to Dalston Junction just the same in the end. I used to leave my bike in her garden on my way to work. Yes, it was a curious affair. Dead spit of you he was. Bit bigger round the nose but there was nothing in it.

Pause.

Did you sleep here last night?

DAVIES.
Yes.

MICK.
Sleep well?

DAVIES.
Yes!

MICK.
Did you have to get up in the night?

DAVIES.
No!

Pause.

MICK.
What’s your name?

DAVIES
(shifting,
about
to
rise).
Now look here!

MICK.
What?

DAVIES.
Jenkins!

MICK.
Jen … kins.

DAVIES
makes
a
sudden
move
to
rise.
A
violent
bellow
from
MICK
sends
him
back.

(A
shout.)
Sleep here last night?

DAVIES.
Yes.…

MICK
(continuing
at
great
pace).
How’d you sleep?

DAVIES.
I slept—

MICK.
Sleep well?

DAVIES.
Now look—

MICK.
What bed?

DAVIES.
That—

MICK.
Not the other?

DAVIES.
No!

MICK.
Choosy.

Pause.

(Quietly.)
Choosy.

Pause.

(Again
amiable.)
What sort of sleep did you have in that bed?

DAVIES
(banging
on
floor).
All right!

MICK.
You weren’t uncomfortable?

DAVIES
(groaning).
All right!

MICK
stands,
and
moves
to
him.

MICK.
You a foreigner?

DAVIES.
No.

MICK.
Born and bred in the British Isles?

DAVIES.
I was!

MICK.
What did they teach you?

Pause.

How did you like my bed?

Pause.

That’s my bed. You want to mind you don’t catch a draught.

DAVIES.
From the bed?

MICK.
No, now, up your arse.

DAVIES
stares
warily
at
MICK
,
who
turns.
DAVIES
scrambles
to
the clothes
horse
and
seizes
his
trousers.
MICK
turns
swiftly
and
grabs
them.
DAVIES
lunges
for
them.
MICK
holds
out
a
hand
warningty.

You intending to settle down here?

DAVIES.
Give me my trousers then.

MICK.
You settling down for a long stay?

DAVIES.
Give me my bloody trousers!

MICK.
Why, where you going?

DAVIES.
Give me and I’m going, I’m going to Sidcup!

MICK
flicks
the
trousers
in
DAVIES
’
face
several
times.

DAVIES
retreats.

Pause.

MICK.
You know, you remind me of a bloke I bumped into once, just the other side of the Guildford by-pass—

DAVIES.
I was brought here!

Pause.

MICK.
Pardon?

DAVIES.
I was brought here! I was brought here!

MICK.
Brought here? Who brought you here?

DAVIES.
Man who lives here … he.…

Pause.

MICK.
Fibber.

DAVIES.
I was brought here, last night … met him in a caff … I was working … I got the bullet … I was working there … bloke saved me from a punch up, brought me here, brought me right here.

Pause.

MICK.
I’m afraid you’re a born fibber, en’t you? You’re speaking to the owner. This is my room. You’re standing in my house.

DAVIES.
It’s his … he seen me all right … he.…

MICK
(pointing
to
DAVIES
’
bed).
That’s my bed.

DAVIES.
What about that, then?

MICK.
That’s my mother’s bed.

DAVIES.
Well she wasn’t in it last night!

MICK
(moving
to
him).
Now don’t get perky, son, don’t get perky. Keep your hands off my old mum.

DAVIES.
I ain’t … I haven’t.…

MICK.
Don’t get out of your depth, friend, don’t start taking liberties with my old mother, let’s have a bit of respect.

DAVIES.
I got respect, you won’t find anyone with more respect.

MICK.
Well, stop telling me all these fibs.

DAVIES.
Now listen to me, I never seen you before, have I?

MICK.
Never seen my mother before either, I suppose?

Pause.

I think I’m coming to the conclusion that you’re an old rogue. You’re nothing but an old scoundrel.

DAVIES.
Now Wait—

MICK.
Listen, son. Listen, sonny. You stink.

DAVIES.
You ain’t got no right to—

MICK.
You’re stinking the place out. You’re an old robber, there’s no getting away from it. You’re an old skate. You don’t belong in a nice place like this. You’re an old barbarian. Honest. You got no business wandering about in an unfurnished flat. I could charge seven quid a week for this if I wanted to. Get a taker tomorrow. Three hundred and fifty a year exclusive. No argument. I mean, if that sort of money’s in your range don’t be afraid to say so. Here you are. Furniture and fittings, I’ll take four hundred or the nearest offer. Rateable value ninety quid for the annum. You can reckon water, heating and lighting at close on fifty. That’ll cost you eight hundred and ninety if you’re all that keen. Say the word and I’ll have my solicitors draft you out a contract. Otherwise I’ve got the van outside, I can run you
to the police station in five minutes, have you in for tres passing, loitering with intent, daylight robbery, filching, thieving and stinking the place out. What do you say? Unless you’re really keen on a straightforward purchase. Of course, I’ll get my brother to decorate it up for you first. I’ve got a brother who’s a number one decorator. He’ll decorate it up for you. If you want more space, there’s four more rooms along the landing ready to go. Bathroom, living-room, bedroom and nursery. You can have this as your study. This brother I mentioned, he’s just about to start on the other rooms. Yes, just about to start. So what do you say? Eight hundred odd for this room or three thousand down for the whole upper storey. On the other hand, if you prefer to approach it in the long-term way I know an insurance firm in West Ham’ll be pleased to handle the deal for you. No strings attached, open and above board, untarnished record; twenty per cent interest, fifty per cent deposit; down payments, back payments, family allowances, bonus schemes, remission of term for good behaviour, six months lease, yearly examination of the relevant archives, tea laid on, disposal of shares, benefit extension, compensation on cessation, comprehensive indemnity against Riot, Civil Commotion, Labour Disturbances, Storm, Tempest, Thunderbolt, Larceny or Cattle all subject to a daily check and double check. Of course we’d need a signed declaration from your personal medical attendant as assurance that you possess the requisite fitness to carry the can, won’t we? Who do you bank with?

Pause.

Who do you bank with?

The
door
opens.
ASTON
comes
in.
MICK
turns
and
drops
the
trousers.
DAVIES
picks
them
up
and
puts
them
on.
ASTON
,
after
a
glance
at
the
other
two,
goes
to
his
bed,
places
a
bag
which
he
is
carrying
on
it,
sits
down
and
resumes
fixing
the
toaster.
DAVIES
retreats
to
his
corner.
MICK
sits
in
the
chair.