Guardian (The Guardian Trilogy) (21 page)

Dane
bumps his beer can against my water bottle, which I now realize I have crushed
between my hands.  He looks at me confused.

Unexpectedly,
Matt continues.  “And to Emma,” he says, zeroing in on me as he gestures with
his drink the same way.  “The love of James’ life.  Don’t forget that we love
you, too.”

My
toast gets another “Hear!  Hear!” from somewhere, but it sounds muffled to me. 
I need to get out of here; I need a few minutes alone.

I try
to smile at the well-wishers around me, but I know it looks insincere.  The
guests bump their drinks again.  Matt finishes, “That’s all.  Everyone can go
back to enjoying themselves.”

People return
to their own conversations and some leave the area.  I stand and Mystery Girl
grabs my arm.  I face her and she looks absolutely horrified.

“I
didn’t know…” she says.  “I’m…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s
not your fault,” I manage to say.

She
stands up and strips off James’ hoodie, revealing a tank top underneath.  “Here. 
Take this.”

“No,” I
shake my head.  “He obviously wanted you to have it.”

She
looks shocked by my response.

“I can
explain.”

James
speaks directly into my ear, like he’s standing over my shoulder.  I tense up. 
His voice sounds somber.

“I have
to go,” I tell Mystery Girl.  I turn to look at Dane and Shel who are suspiciously
eyeing the girl and me.  I repeat myself to them.  “I have to go.”

“Why?”
asks Shel.

There
is someone I have to deal with
, I think to myself. 
And
he’s lucky he’s already dead.

“Your
parents are still at the wedding,” James says quietly.

I
freeze in place, caught off guard by finding him in the kitchen.  I expected he
would be waiting in my room like usual.  I wasn’t prepared to run into him
here; I still haven’t sorted out what I want to say.

“You
know,” he continues, staring at the perfectly square ivory invitation that has
been left on the counter, “I expected our names to be on something like this
one day.”  He raises his head and looks directly into my eyes.

What is
he trying to do?  Distract me from what I’ve just discovered?  I shake my head
in disbelief and march past him into the living room, trying to buy some time
to determine what I want my first sentence to be.

I walk
to the fireplace and sit on the hearth.  Resting my elbows on my knees, I hold
my head in my hands and stare at the carpet.  My mind races to select one of
the million scathing thoughts that sear through my brain.

James’
feet appear in my line of vision.  “Tell me where to start.  I’ll tell you
anything you want to know.”

I
snap.  “Really?”  Sitting upright, I look at him and spit out heavy words. 
“It’s amazing how honest you’ve become all of a sudden.”

He
takes a deep breath.  “Em, don’t be like that.”

“Don’t
be like what?  Don’t be angry?  Or sad?  Or feel betrayed?  Which one?”

“You
have every right to be mad,” he says, crouching down in front of me.

“You
think?” I ask him incredulously.  “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I didn’t
tell you because it meant nothing.”

“To
who?  It means something to me!  And it certainly meant the world to
her.”

James
sighs and closes his eyes.  When he opens them he looks exhausted, defeated.  “What
I meant is that it means nothing compared to what we’re dealing with now.”

I eye
him suspiciously.  “So you never planned on telling me?”

He
looks down and says nothing.

“I take
it that’s a yes,” I scowl.

His
head snaps up.  “What was I supposed to tell you?  ‘Hi, I’m back from the
dead.  By the way, the last night of my life, I ran into this girl I knew at a
bar and ended up comforting her because she told me she’d considered suicide?’ 
Sorry, but I thought we had more pressing things to discuss.”

I cross
my arms and look him in the eye.  “Then I guess it’s a miracle that I ran into
her tonight.”

We sit
in silence for a few moments staring at each other.  It’s hard to put my
thoughts into words.

“Did
you like her?” I finally ask, not sure I want to know the answer.

“What
do you mean?”

“I
mean, did you
like
her?  Would you have seen her again?  Did you think
about cheat –?”

“Jesus,
Emma, no!” James shouts, cutting off my insecure thoughts.  “The thought of
cheating on you never crossed my mind!”  He reaches out, grabs on to the top of
my arms, and leans in to me.  “I would never…I have never cheated on you,” he
says solemnly.

I
believe him.  I do.

“I’m
sorry,” he continues.  “Honestly, it was like comforting a sister.  I couldn’t
just walk away from her, not after what she’d told me.  I had to do something
to help.”

In my
mind, I turn over what he is saying.  “Did you have to kiss her?” I press.  “Or
give her your clothes?”

James
looks pained.  “No,” he concedes quietly.

My
mouth falls open.

“I can
see how this looks to you,” he says.  “If the situation were reversed I know
how I would feel.  All I can do is give you my word.  I was only trying to help
her.”  He pauses.  “I love you with my whole being.  I always have and I always
will.”

My
stern expression falters.  I don’t doubt that he’s being sincere.

He
releases my arms and stands.  “Do you want me to leave?”

I sigh,
resigned to the fact that I’d never want him to go regardless of his actions. 
I stand and reach for his hand.  He places his in mine, and I pull him toward
the stairs.

“I get
to stay?” he asks as he follows me.

I turn
and give him a condescending look.  “Of course.  Don’t be stupid.”

As we
walk up the stairs, I hear my cell chime a message notification.  I pull my
phone out of my purse as soon as we make it to my room.

Are you
okay?
  It’s a text from Shel.

Everything
is fine,
I send back to her. 
At home.  Going to bed
.

I set
my phone on my dresser and mechanically go about getting ready for bed.  I
notice my window is wide open and walk over to shut it.  I don’t remember opening
it.  James watches me as I work my way around the room.  My phone chimes again.

Need me
to come over?

No
,
I
respond. 
Stay with Matt.  Have fun.  Talk to you tomorrow
.

I get
changed and crawl under the sheets.  I lean over, turn out the light, and wait
for James to join me.  A few seconds pass and I don’t feel him beside me.  “Are
you coming?” I ask into the darkness.

“Yes,”
I hear him say sadly from across the room.

A moment
later I feel the familiar cool feeling of him lying behind me, one arm draped
over my side.  Despite being upset with him, I have missed this so much.  I
scoot backward a little bit to press myself against him.

Minutes
pass as neither of us says anything.  I start to wonder if now he’s angry with
me.  “What’s wrong?”

“You’re
really mad at me,” he says.

“How do
you know?”

“You
turned off the light.”

“So?”

“Can’t
you bear to look at me?”

He’s
right.  I always leave the light on when he’s here.  I don’t know what I was
thinking.  I turn over and lean forward to turn the light back on.  He immediately
comes into focus as I lie back down.  “Sorry,” I apologize.

He
presses his forehead to mine.  “Please don’t be mad at me.  I’m sorry.  I
should have found a way to tell you.”

“She’s
pretty,” slips out of my mouth for some strange reason.

Without
hesitation he says, “You’re beautiful.”

“I’m
jealous,” I admit.

“Of
her?  Why?”

“She
got to spend the last night of your life with you.  I didn’t.”

He
raises his head to look at me.  “You have me for eternity.”

How can
I argue with that?  He stares at me intently and leans forward to kiss me.  I
respond eagerly; I have missed him so much.

“Will
you forgive me?” he asks.

Even
though I still have nagging feelings about what happened, I concede.  “Already
done.”

His
eyes widen with surprise.

“Don’t
think I won’t bring it up again,” I warn him.  “I’m sure I’ll have more
questions about little Miss….”

“Rebecca.”

Sarcastically,
I arch a brow. “Oh, she has a name?”

James
grimaces.  “Can we not talk about her anymore?”

“For
now.”

I can
see his arms move to pull me closer, so I shift toward him.  “I’ve missed you.”

“I
missed you, too,” he says as he kisses my hair.

“Are
you learning a lot?  Catching up?”

“It’s
been…intense.”

His
lips brush my neck, and a chill courses through me.  I tilt my head to give him
better access.  “Garrett’s happy?”

“I
think so.”

He
works his way along my jaw.  “Is this the first time you’ve been back?” I
breathe. 

“Um-hmm,”
he murmurs under my ear.

“So you
don’t know about Matt and Shel?  About Dane?”

James stops
kissing me and meets my eyes, curious.  “No.”

I can’t
help my smile.  This is going to be good.  “Matt stopped by the other day.  He
is madly in love with Shel.  Can you believe it?”

“Seriously?”

“He has
it
bad
for her,” I emphasize bad with a wiggle of my eyebrows.  “Shel
asked him to keep an eye on me while she’s in Arizona, and he agreed.  He recruited
Dane to help since he can’t be around me all day.  Dane only agreed to work at
the course to help Matt.  So, you can stop being jealous now Mr. Paranoid.”

James
laughs.

“What’s
so funny?”

“You.”

“What about
me?”

“Matt
may like Shel, but his friend doesn’t.”

“So?”

“So?  What’s
his obligation to help Matt land Shel?  What does he care?  The only thing he
cares about is you.”

I roll
my eyes.  “Whatever.  I don’t believe that.  He’s a good friend.”

“Em,
listen to me.  I’m a guy.  I’ve been friends with guys.  We don’t give up a
whole summer to help out a buddy with a girl unless there’s something in it for
us.”

Ugh! 
This is not how this conversation was supposed to go.  “Can’t you just be
relieved and feel better about our situation?”

“Sure,”
he shrugs.  “If that’s what you want.”

“That’s
what I want!”

“Well…then,
done,” he says.

I
narrow my eyes at him.  “Why don’t I believe you?”

“You’ll
see.  Dane can’t keep this friend thing up forever.  Trust me.”

“So
you’re going to drop it now just so that you can say ‘I told you so’ later?”

“You’re
so stubborn it’s worth it,” he smiles.

“You
suck,” I pout.  “I thought this would make you happy.”

“I
won’t lie; the Matt thing does make me happy, although I don’t get what he sees
in Shel.”

I scowl
at him. “I would hope not.”

James
kisses my cheek.  “I trust you.  Stop worrying.  A little jealousy is healthy
in a relationship.”

“Really? 
I don’t care for the feeling myself.”

“Let’s
make a deal,” he props himself up on his elbow to look down at me.  “I’ll try
very hard not to be jealous of Dane if you try very hard not to be jealous of
Rebecca.”

The
idea rolls around in my head.  Sounds easier said than done, but…  “I’m game.”

James
offers his free hand.  I place mine in his and we shake on our deal.  He
springs forward unexpectedly, passing through my fingers, and kissing me hard. 
The cool feeling of his hand wraps around the back of my neck and then splays
up into my hair.  He’s trying to distract me, and it works.  When his mouth
stops moving against mine, I open my eyes to see him staring down at me.

“How
long can you stay?” I ask him, breathless.

His
eyes cloud over and he shrugs, unable to answer.

I
glance at the time.  It’s 12:01.  I’m reminded of what day it is.  “Happy
Birthday,” I whisper.

“Thanks,”
he whispers back.

“I
didn’t get you a gift.”

“Your
forgiveness is enough for me.”

Running
my fingers through his hair, I say, “Make a wish.”

His
eyes close briefly and then he opens them again.

“What’d
you wish for?” I ask.

He
grins at me and his lips find mine.