Guardian (The Guardian Trilogy) (19 page)

BAM! 
BAM!  BAM!

My
reading is interrupted by loud thumps on the back door.

BAM! 
BAM!  BAM!

I mark
the spot in my book; I still haven’t made it though
The Girl with the Dragon
Tattoo.
  I uncurl my legs and walk to the back door, steadying the heat
pack I have resting over my shoulder for my pinched nerve.  It takes a minute
for me to get out of the living room and into the kitchen.

BAM! 
BAM!  BAM!

Holy
impatient!  “Just a minute!” I yell.  Grasping the heat pack with one hand, I
yank open the door with the other, simultaneously snapping, “Yes?”  Blinking to
clear my eyes, I see Matt standing on the step.

“Hey,”
he says slowly.

“What
are you doing here?” falls out of my mouth.

“I came
to make sure you were okay.”

I stare
at him confused.  “How did you even know I was home?”

He
shrugs.  “Dane called me.  Told me you’re sick.”

Is my life
really that important to the two of them?

“So
what’s wrong with you?” he asks.

“I
pinched a nerve in my neck,” I nod toward the heat pack.  “It’s no big deal.”

“Hmmm,”
he says.

Matt
stands on the step as uncomfortable seconds pass.  He looks at his feet as I
wonder what his real motivation is for coming here.  It’s a sweet gesture to be
concerned about me, but a phone call would have sufficed.

“Um, do
you want to come in?” I ask, unsure of what more he could possibly want.

He
perks up.  “Can I?”

“Sure,”
I step back as I open the door wider, “Come on in.”

He
smiles and walks past me.  Shutting the door, we head to the living room.  I offer
him a seat on the couch.

“Did I
interrupt anything?” he asks as he sits.

I look
at my book as I take a seat.  “No, I was just reading.”

“Ah,
Stieg Larsson,” he recognizes the author.  “It’s too bad he passed away; I
really enjoyed that trilogy.”

I look
at him in surprise.  Matt is such a big, athletic-looking guy, I would never
have pegged him as a recreational reader.

“What?”
he laughs.  “I can read you know.”

“I’m
sorry,” I shake my head.  “Today has just been a weird day.”

He nods
like he understands.  The silence returns.  We both look around the room in
different directions.  This is ridiculous.  And strange.

“So,” I
pause.  “You stopped by because…?”

Matt
gives me a small smile and looks embarrassed.  He opens his mouth to speak,
then closes it again, as if he is reconsidering his response.  He looks down,
and I notice his face start to flush.

Oh no. 
A ball of nerves starts to form and settle in my belly.  What if James was
right about him?  I’ve always been a little slow when it comes to recognizing
these things. 
Please no.  Please don’t let this be what I think it is,
I
silently pray.

Matt
looks at me again.  “This is really hard for me to say…”

Aw man!

“…but I
need your advice.  About Shel.  I think I really like her.”

I let
out a heavy sigh and smile.  I wish James were around to hear this!  “Really?”
I ask enthusiastically, relieved.

He slumps
back on the couch and closes his eyes as if defeated.  “I can’t stop thinking
about her.”

“Really?”
I ask him again.

He
opens his eyes and smiles.  “Is that the only thing you can say?”

I
laugh.  “No, I’m just surprised.  I figured you two were into each other, but then
Shel told me you weren’t, so I didn’t question it.”

“What
did she say?” he warily asks.

“She
told me you two were okay with what happened at your house and chalked it up to
being drunk.  She said you talked about it and everything was sorted out.”

Matt
frowns.

“Except
it’s not?” I guess.

“I
thought it was,” he rubs his hand over his face.  “I mean, we’ve always been
friends; I didn’t expect what happened at the barbeque to happen.  But it did,
and that was the first time I thought maybe we could have something more.  But
when she told me it was a mistake, I agreed, because, well, I don’t want to
make things uncomfortable between us.”

“I can
understand that.  But what about the second time you two talked?  At the golf course?”

 Matt
chuckles.  “I wanted to tell her I thought it was more, but she kept saying she
was sorry and it was a mistake.  I couldn’t get a word in, really.  She’s
pretty persistent.”

“You
think?”  My eyes widen.  “She’s always had a way of getting what she wants.”

Matt’s
smile fades a little.  “Yeah, and I don’t think she wants me.”

I give
him a sympathetic look.  “I don’t know.  She was pretty upset by what happened
and was adamant about making sure you weren’t hurt.  She seemed wrecked over
the idea of ruining your friendship.  Knowing Shel the way I do, I think she
was trying to save herself the heartache of you possibly rejecting her.”

“You
think?”

“When’s
the last time you talked to her?”

“The
day she left for Arizona.  She called to ask me a favor.”

“What favor?”

Matt
looks at me uncomfortably.  Whoops.  Maybe that’s too personal for me to know. 
“Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No,
no.  It’s about you anyway.”

My
eyebrows shoot up.  “What about me?”

He
gives me a warning look.  “Don’t tell her I told you.  She’ll have my balls.”

“And
you want to date this girl why?” I ask him with a smile.

He
laughs.  “She called and asked me to keep an eye on you.  To fill in for her,
if you will.”

Of
course Shel didn’t believe me when I told her I would be fine.  “I take it you
agreed?” 

“Yes. 
Besides, my being around came in handy when you got that flat tire.”

“Were
you following me?”  The thought kind of creeps me out.

Matt
looks sheepish.  “Kinda.”

My
voice raises a few octaves.  “Have you
been
following me?”

Guilt
is written all over his face.

“Don’t
you have anything better to do?!”

“Shel
was very specific in her request.”

I shake
my head in disbelief.  “Lord, you have it bad for her.  Listen, I’m fine.  I
hereby relieve you of your stalker duties.”

He grimaces,
unsure.

“Honestly,
I’m good.  Things are much better than they were.  Plus, with Dane working at the
golf course now, you can – wait,” I stare at him accusingly.  “Dane’s working
at the course because of me, isn’t he?”

Matt
holds his hands up in surrender.  “Don’t be mad!  I can’t follow you around 24/7
so I recruited a little help.”

My
mouth falls open in shock as I think about the breakdown I had in front of Dane
a few days ago.  I’m sure that was reported as
‘Emma’s not doing so well. 
Increasing mission priority to Defcon 5.’
 
“Are you freaking kidding
me?”

“We
just want to make sure you’re all right.  We all care about you.  I meant what
I said the other day.  Anything for James’ girl.”

I look
down and close my eyes to process this information.  I know they mean well;
Shel’s just being controlling like always and Matt is doing her bidding because
he likes her.  Dane only agreed to work with me to help Matt out.  But do they
all see me as helpless?  Lost without James by my side?  Capable of nothing?

I open
my eyes and look directly into Matt’s.  “How do you see me?”

I
thought my question might throw him for a minute, but he responds immediately
and just as pointed.  “Strong.”

I give
him an exasperated look.  “Then what’s the point of all this?  Do I miss
James?  Yes!  Will I always miss him?  Yes!  Can I move on with my life?  Yes!”
 Well, he doesn’t need to know that moving on in life still involves James.

“The
point,” he sighs, “is that I miss James too.  Don’t forget he was a friend to
all of us.  Well, not Dane.  But you know what I mean.”  He pauses, looking at
his hands to gather his thoughts.  “I think…I see you as strong because you
were the closest to him.  No one was closer or could have been closer.  To see
you survive his loss gives the rest of us the strength to do the same.  This
has been hard on us, but we realize it has been the hardest on you.”  He looks
me in the eye.  “Being around you is kinda like having a piece of James still here
with us.  We don’t want to let that go.  We know he would want you to be taken
care of, so, here we are.”

I don’t
know what to say.  A realization hits me hard: I have amazing people in my life. 
And to know I can still interact with James and they can’t makes me sad.  I
wish I could share some of him with them.  I make up my mind immediately.  If
being around me makes Shel and Matt feel closer to James, if it makes them feel
better, who am I to deny them that?  We need each other.

Spontaneously,
I wrap my arms around Matt and hug him tightly.  The heat pack falls to the
ground, my neck and shoulder throb as I irritate my nerve, but I don’t care.

“Whoa!”
he responds as he hesitantly wraps his arms around me to pat my back.

“Thank
you,” I mumble into his shoulder.  “I never thought of things that way.”

“Well,
it’s true.  At least for me it is, and I’m pretty sure Shel feels the same. 
You’re her best friend.  James took care of you which made her happy.  Now, I
think she feels a responsibility to fill some of that void.  Don’t be too hard
on her.  Or me.”

I sit
back, releasing him.  “I won’t,” I promise.  “But can I ask you one favor?”

“What’s
that?”

“Please
stop following me around.  It’s creepy.”

Matt
laughs.  “Well, now that you know what’s up I won’t have to be so covert.”

I
smile.  “We should hang out more, now that I know what it means to you.”  And
now that James will understand you’re not a threat.

“Well…”
he looks down.  “That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?”

“James’
birthday is on Monday,” he pauses to see my reaction.

Yes,
I’ve realized this.  “Go on,” I encourage him.

“I was thinking
I should have a small get-together at my place this weekend to honor the day. 
I was going to invite some buddies of ours, some of our friends from school.  I
would really like it if you could be there.”

“That
is really thoughtful of you.”  I had hoped to spend the night with James as
usual but now that that can’t happen, why not?  “I’ll be there.”

He
gives me a genuine smile.  “Great.”

“Now,
back to you and Ms. Shel…”

He
looks embarrassed and rolls his eyes.  “Yes?”

“You
wanted advice,” I remind him.

“Well,
you are her best friend and the only person I know that’s been in the same
relationship for four years,” he teases, but then catches himself.  “Sorry.”

“It’s
okay.” 
I’m still in that relationship,
my mind chimes.  “I think you
should call her.  Sooner rather than later.”

“And
say what?”

“Let
her know how you feel.  Plant the seed.  It’s the only way to know if anything
can happen.  Shel is very direct.  Give it to her straight; don’t leave things
open to interpretation.”

“You
think?  What if I destroy our friendship?”

“If
Shel lets this destroy your friendship, she’s not worth having as a friend,” I
say with confidence.  “Besides, she’ll call me immediately after she talks with
you, so I may be able to work a little magic.”

Matt looks
uncertain.  “Okay, but this is really nerve-wracking.”

I’m
starting to think Shel may already have his balls.  “It’s better than sitting
around and doing nothing, right?”

“Right,”
he concedes and then his face twists in thought.  After a few moments, he turns
to me.  “Are you hungry?”

As a
matter of fact I am.  “Sure.”

“Let’s
go get some lunch.  My treat.”  He stands and holds out his hand to help me
up.  “Where to?”

We
ended up at the small, family-owned restaurant in town called Home Plate
.
 
We talked more about Shel and what he should say to her.  Honestly, I started
to feel like he should’ve been taking notes.  I’ve never seen someone so
nervous!  But then again, what do I really know about dating?  I’ve only dated
one person in my entire life.

Speaking
of whom, I wish he was able to watch me today.  My conversation with Matt has
lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I can’t wait to tell James that, for
a fact, neither Matt nor Dane has any feelings for me.  Knowing this makes me
excited to go to work tomorrow; excited to interact with people without the
fear of making James jealous.  Hopefully, he will be able to look in on me and
be able to remove some of the weight from his shoulders too.